Book of Love (8 page)

I sighed. I liked Wes, and it pained me to
see Jane treat him the way she did when his thoughts were so full
of love for her. The truth was that I was angry. I was jealous that
she had people look upon her with adoration the way they did.
People respected Jane, but she seemed oblivious to their
affections, instead thinking that the whole world was against
her.

I crept away from the window and fished
through my coat pocket from earlier today, finding the bottle of
pills I’d gotten from yet another willing senior. I went back to
bed, climbing under the covers where I dug a book from beneath. I
opened to a page that was blank and stared at it. They were all
blank.

The book was old, a family heirloom I’d
found in the attic long ago. I wanted to use it as a journal, but
when a pen was placed on the page, it wouldn’t allow it to write.
The book was magick, I was convinced of that. How it got here was a
whole other question.

I hugged the book to my chest. I was afraid
of the things I saw when I fell asleep, this world of life,
destruction, and the creatures there. This book linked me to it
somehow, but I could never figure out why. I shut it, pushing it
back under my pillow. I knew I was different, but I was afraid no
one would believe me. They’d tell me I’m schizophrenic and put me
in a hospital, drug me as I’d already done on my own.

They wouldn’t understand.
To me, this was
real.

Sarah:

“
Jane!”

I heard thumping coming down the stairs.
“Mom, quit yelling. I got it.”

Jane approached the kitchen. Her face was
tired and drawn. “Jane, are you alright?”

She glanced at me. “Yeah, mom. I’m fine.”
She grabbed the garbage and opened the patio door, taking it
outside.

I heard more thumping as
Emily came down the stairs. She entered the kitchen, her face as
equally drawn. I furrowed my brow. Emily refused to look at me, she
never did.
Where had I gone wrong with
her?
Asking that made it obvious. All I’d
put them through, all they’d dealt with after John’s death was
enough to give me the answers I sought. Emily grabbed a glass of
juice from the fridge and sat on a stool.

“
Are you alright?” I
ventured carefully.

Emily said nothing as she took a sip,
placing the glass onto the counter lightly. “Fine,” she
mumbled.

I refrained from continuing the
conversation, sensing the twinge of hostility in her voice.

Jane came back in, taking one look at Emily
and looking away with disgust. I bit my tongue. What was happening
to us? Where had our family gone? Initially, after their father’s
death, we had become a tight unit, but as they grew out of the
sorrow and into themselves, it seemed that all we did was fight. I
had lost them, and I’d failed as a mother.

There was a knock on the door, and I looked
away from them in time to hide the tear that was forming in my eye.
I left the kitchen, taking a deep breath to calm myself. I shook
the frustration from my hands before grabbing the handle. I opened
the door, seeing Wes standing on the porch.

He smiled politely. “Hi,
Mrs. Taylor. I was just wondering if you wanted me to take the
girls to school today.” He had grown over the summer,
a lot.

I nodded, a little shocked by the monster of
a man I now saw, only a glimmer of the boy underneath. “Sure, Wes.
That would be very helpful.” I invited him in.

He removed his hat as he entered, nearly
finding the need to duck as he walked through the door. Jane and
Emily came in from the kitchen, Jane wearing a mask of shock when
she saw Wes’s massive size. Hadn’t she seen him plenty enough to
know?

Though I was confused by
Jane’s expression, other issues immediately grabbed my attention. I
took note of Emily’s outfit, now finally able to view it as she was
no longer hidden behind the counter. I let out a sharp exhale of
disapproval. I disliked the whole thing—bare midsection, black tube
top, tall plaid socks, and of course the short black skirt. I could
see she was going for a school girl look, but
not
the good Catholic kind. I looked
away, too exhausted to start a fight with her, especially in front
of Wes. I swallowed down my comments, feigning
ignorance.

Just let it go. It’s Friday.

Jane:

“
Hey, Wes.” I gave him a
small wave as I entered the hall. I’d heard him from the kitchen,
and knew he was here to take us to school.

“
Hey, Jane.” He grinned.
“Emily.” He nodded toward her with respect, his eyes not bothering
to wander to her style choice. He was always a
gentleman.

I stared at him in shock
for a moment, noticing his suddenly massive size.
Had he always been that big?

Emily didn’t bother to acknowledge him as
she grabbed her plaid coat and bag off the floor and walked through
the door. She bounded down the front porch steps, standing in the
yard and waiting with a look of annoyance. I grabbed my bag and
followed her.

“’
Bye, girls. Have a good
day!” Mother yelled. She had one hand on the door frame as she
waved with the other. She was pretending that we were okay, though
I knew she knew better.

Wes shut the door behind us, waving
arbitrarily over his shoulder. We got into Wes’s car, Emily
squeezing in the back seat. She put her coat on and flipped the fur
hood up to shield her eyes. She rummaged in her pocket and found
her headphones, shoving them in her ears. Music began to play, so
loud, that it rippled toward the front seat.

“
Where have you been the
last few days, Wes? I haven’t seen you at school.” I buckled in,
tucking my bag between my legs.

Wes turned his music on
low—
Breaking Benjamin
. “Wasn’t feeling well.” His answer was short.

I sat in silence for a moment as we backed
out of the driveway. “Hey, Wes?”

“
Hmm.”

“
Are you
mad at me, for…
you
know
…” It was the first time I’d addressed
it. This summer was a mistake. At the time, my nightmares had taken
a turn for the worse. I thought that by being close with Wes, I
could forget about the horrors I saw. It didn’t work like that,
though. If anything, it had forced me further away from him out of
shame.

He looked at me, his eyes
watching mine.
“Um…”
He moved his hand across the wheel, shifting into gear. “No.
I’m not mad. I just—”

I cut him off. “I value
our friendship, Wes. I don’t want to harm that. I’m sorry for
leading you on. I…” I knew it was going to hurt him. “I want to go
back to the way it was—
before.
Can we just forget the whole thing?” I winced as
I said it, the words thick on my tongue.

His jaw clenched. “Sure,” he murmured,
answering rather fast.

There was nothing more I could say.

Wes’s face was solemn. “How are the dreams?”
He changed the subject.

My heart ached. I wanted to love Wes, but I
couldn’t. I took a deep breath as I looked back to be sure Emily
was still listening to her music. “I had more last night.” I
replied.

Wes nodded. “What do you think it
means?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure.
It’s something I’ve wondered for ten years now. I don’t know what
it is. I don’t know
where
it is that I go.” I wanted to tell him about Max,
and how he had been there, but considering our connection, it
didn’t seem right. Wes was the only soul I’d confided in over this,
and the only person I could talk to, but now that our friendship
had been compromised, it was difficult.

Wes’s grip on the wheel was tight. “Jane,
I…” He swallowed as though in pain. “The pain on Monday—I think
it’s getting worse. Every day this week I’ve felt it. That’s why I
haven’t been at school.”

I touched his arm, but he shied away. “Well,
maybe it’s time you see a doctor.”

He winced at the mention of doctors. “I’m
seeing one next week, though I’m not too excited about it.” He
grumbled, sounding angered.

I watched as the veins on his arms grew
thick, as though the anger was affecting him in a way it hadn’t
before. I narrowed my eyes and analyzed his foreseen death, seeing
he was lying in a hospital bed, attached to machines that had
flat-lined. There was no other visual explanation.

“
Do you
ever think that perhaps it’s—you know.
Cancer?”

I watched Wes swallow. “Of
course I worry it’s
that,
but how am I to know if I don’t have parents to
ask? Usually that stuff can be hereditary. Maybe that’s why I’m an
orphan.” His voice was understandably bitter.

“
Sorry,” I whispered. I
could sense the whole subject was sensitive. I shouldn’t have
brought it up.

He glared at me. “Let’s just drop it,
okay?”

I slunk down in my seat. I’d managed to turn
every attempt at conversation into something sour.

“
Why are you guys so
serious?” Emily’s voice erupted from the back seat. She pulled the
headphones from her ears and stuffed them into the front pocket of
her pink JanSport bag. She leaned forward with a sly look on her
face. “Wes, when are you going to take me out?”

A sharp exhale passed my lips. “Em, quit
that.”

Wes smirked.

I rolled my eyes. At least something could
make him smile, even if it was my screw-up of a sister.

Emily laughed. “He knows I’m only joking,
Jane. Chill out.”

Yeah sure,
I thought.
I’ll just
chill out.
Like that’s
possible…

Emily:

I wasn’t joking when I asked Wes to take me
out, but he laughed and that’s all that mattered. I heard
whispering in his head as I sat back in my seat. I frowned; the
pills were wearing off faster than normal.

I saw the school up ahead as I tugged on my
socks and sat up. We pulled into the lot, parking near the front.
Jane got out of the car without saying a word to Wes or me. Clearly
she was still angry with me, and for whatever reason, angry with
Wes as well. The lingering drugs and loud music had blocked out
their conversation. I didn’t really care that I’d missed it, but a
part of me sometimes liked hearing about their demise. I brought my
hands to my head and rubbed my temples. I had a hangover at this
point, and I needed another fix of something strong.

I climbed out as Wes held
the door for me. The whispers increased in volume when I stood
close to him. I listened in, surprised when I learned he was
thinking of me. My stomach fluttered. That had never happened
before. I smoothed my skirt around my thighs in a suggestive
manner, knowing that he noticed. At times I couldn’t control my
actions, and sure, yeah, I did it for attention. So what? For the
first time in my life, he was thinking of
me!

Wes shut his door and
trailed after Jane like a lost puppy, his thoughts of me quickly
forgotten. I rolled my eyes, thinking about how fickle the mind of
a boy was. Who was I kidding? He was never going to love
me.
I walked toward the
school alone, a hard expression on my face as some boys gawked at
me—
thought
about
me. It felt good to be noticed by someone, even if it wasn’t the
person I wanted.

“
Hello.”

I halted, feeling a chill fill my heart at
the voice that erupted from behind me. The undeniable screams
followed, rippling down my spine and rendering me speechless. My
feet froze to the ground, my head the only thing I could move. I
twisted my gaze to meet his green one. His dark figure walked
around me, taking a place in my path. My brow creased as I worked
to stifle the pain, but my efforts were futile. The brother with
the green eyes stared down on me.

I glanced over his
shoulder at Jane and Wes, hoping they could help, but they had
disappeared into the courtyard. I turned my attention back to the
boy, trying as hard as I could to feign composure. I wanted to
speak—
to scream
—but my lips felt like they had been sewn shut.

“
I’m Greg.” He didn’t
bother to offer me his hand, keeping them tucked in the pockets of
his black leather coat. “Hear you’re looking for a fix.” He rattled
something in his pocket.

I exhaled hard, the sound
of it like velvet in my ringing ears. I no longer cared about the
screams, or the sinister green glow of his eyes—I just wanted the
drugs. I just wanted it all to
stop.

Greg watched me with a stony stare.

“
Are you alright, Emily?”
He smirked, as though he knew what he was doing to me.

I blinked a few times, the
sound of my name on his tongue sending chills down my spine. I felt
the invisible strings holding my mouth shut begin to unravel. I
licked my lips. “Yeah…
fine.”
My voice was raspy. “
H
—How much?” The words were a
struggle.

A half smile crept across
his face. “You’re really
pretty,
you know that?”

I slowly shook my head. My
thoughts were teeming. It was hard to understand his words,
impossible to decode the screams that were cascading through his
mind. I brought my hand to my forehead. “
O
—Okay…
yeah.”
I didn’t care about what he
was saying; it hurt too much.