Book of Love (37 page)

“
That hardly seems fair.
You were so young, and you had no idea!” Jane’s head was full of
compassion, a thing I loved about her.

I took her hand as we walked toward the
house, Wes wandering ahead. “After that, there’s no real record of
exactly what happened because it was pure chaos. It had split the
two worlds forever, sending a ripple throughout the magickal world.
Still though, a small group of magickal beings remained in Glenwood
Springs, receding into the caves of the mountains where they formed
the Priory. We were left to protect the humans.”

“
So, are they still
there?”

I shrugged. It’d been a long while since I’d
been back. I’d previously severed my ties with the Priory, no
longer able to handle the duty and guilt it entailed.

Jane let go of my hand, satisfied with the
story I’d told her. She wandered into the yard. I stopped, gazing
back at the house, though my peripherals never left Jane.

When I’d found Jane, long ago, I knew I’d
found what it was my mother had with the alchemist. Until that
point, I’d always been confused by my mother’s dangerous game, but
it was then that I understood. The boundaries of magick did not
stop love—love really was universal.

I looked up, seeing Jane had stopped in
front of a stone. I walked up beside her. She was reading the words
carved into the stone—the names of my mother and father.

“
Is this…” Her voice was
soft, allowing her mind to finish the question.

“
Yes.” I pushed my hands in
my pockets. I felt my parents’ presence among us, wrapping me in a
cloud of comfort. They were here with me, but I couldn’t see them
because they’d crossed to a place I hadn’t. There was no denying
that being here was hard for me.

She continued to stare at the stone, her
breathing shallow. She felt surprisingly calm despite the
circumstances, but it was the death inside her that kept her that
way. She had seen death, felt it creep upon her. It was something
that fascinated her. It was what fascinated me about her.

“
Max? Do you ever get past
it? The death, I mean. Does it get easier to deal with?” Only her
lips moved.

I heard my mother breathe in my ear, trying
to whisper to me, but I couldn’t make out the words. “It does get
easier, but it’s also what makes you so unique.” I sensed a sudden
apprehension from Jane as she stared at my parent’s names. They had
been laid to rest beside each other, though their falsified love
did not extend to the afterlife.

“
Why did you want to save
me again?” she said bluntly.

I could sense her backtracking. Though I had
told her about her father’s wishes, and my connection, I knew it
still hadn’t been enough to justify her current situation. I
thought for a moment.

“
Jane, I’ve told you this…”
I’d tortured Wes enough already, and I sensed his tension. He
didn’t need to feel more pain.

Jane didn’t seem satisfied with my response
as she kicked at the dirt on the ground. “I don’t like that answer.
I want a real reason. It doesn’t seem to warrant why you risked so
much to save me.” She frowned. “I know what my father asked of you,
but you would have saved me anyway.”

She was right. I would have. I took my hands
out of my pockets, looking into my palms. They were so pale, and
yet they were the only thing I knew better than Jane’s face. “There
was something about you, like I said.” Wes was climbing up the
steps of the house. I watched him from the corner of my eye.

“
But what? What was so
different for you? It’s more than just a crush, isn’t it?” She was
being difficult. She wanted an even better answer—a personal
answer. “You don’t risk as much as you did over a
hunch.”

I’d hoped the kiss was enough to explain it,
enough so that she could see and feel what I’d meant by connection.
I knew she wasn’t ready to hear what I had to say, but the want in
her eyes was so great, I didn’t want to resist her wish.

“
Jane, I just—”

Her eyes narrowed, the want now becoming a
demand.

I swallowed.
“Love,
Jane. Because I
loved you.” The words were thick, and they choked in my throat. I’d
used the term fate, and connection, but not yet love. “The mad,
deep, and forever kind of love rushed over me in that instant,
Jane.” I was making it worse for myself, but the truth was all I
could say. “When I saw you, I saw what my mother had in the
alchemist. I couldn’t let that go. Even though you were so young at
the time, I knew the day would come.” I had let it pour.

She stood for a few more moments, perfectly
still. Her heart had not changed but her mind felt confused.
“Oh.”

I blinked rapidly,
desperately wanting to hear her thoughts, but they were suddenly
shut away. I hadn’t necessarily expected that type of response,
though I feared it. I’d expressed my intentions to her all day, but
not like that. I’d foolishly let myself be exposed. I was suddenly
so confused. All this was still so abrupt, and here I was, forcing
love upon her when she wasn’t ready. I should have waited to say
that phrase.
I was such an
idiot.

I heard my parents leave me then, the warmth
they’d surrounded me with now filling the air with chill. Jane
shivered slightly, feeling what I had. I took my attention off Wes,
now seeing Jane move her hand and lift it before her. Her fingers
toyed with the ring on her hand. She turned and walked away from
me, leaving the sound of crunching leaves drumming in my head.

My eyes traced the names of my parents on
the stone, and then I shut them. I drew in a heavy breath, my mind
racing. I tried hard to read Jane’s thoughts one more time, but
they were still clouded.

I was a selfish fool for doing what I did,
and I was an idiot for saying that I loved her.

Jane:

I needed my space.
What was happening?

Love
—it felt like a word I’d seldom thought of, but why was that
feeling so strong inside myself? I had been comfortable with the
idea of a crush, but hearing him say those words had sent a spark
of electricity through me. Was that a good thing, or Bad? What made
it happen? Was it the story of Max’s mother and the alchemist? Or
was it the fact that I longed to have someone to share my every
secret, someone who could protect me the way Max could? I felt like
I didn’t have a choice, but did I need one?

I walked toward the house, not knowing where
else to go and drawn by the murderous aura that surrounded it. Wes
turned on the porch, watching me approach with a smile on his
face—a smile I’d come to find as comfort, especially in a time like
this. I refused to look him in the eye, instead looking at the
ring. I twisted it over and over, until my finger burned from its
heat.

Was I afraid to
love?

I’d loved my father, and I’d lost him. It
was the same feeling I felt around Max, but I barely knew him the
way I’d known my father. What if Max died? What would I do then?
What if he decided that he needed to fly away? I would never hold
him back; I couldn’t. He belonged with his family, but had stayed
behind for what?

For me? For love? For my father’s dying
wish?

And what will happen when I turn eighteen,
nineteen, and even twenty? I couldn’t help but compare it to the
teen vampire books that Emily had grown obsessed with. Eternal
love—it was so clichéd! But here I was, face to face with some
helpless heroine’s same dilemma.

Would he promise me eternal love?

Would I jump in head first before I’d even
known him longer than a few weeks?

I shook my head. Perhaps I had it all wrong.
Perhaps he had no plan at all. I wasn’t prepared to live forever,
not with death so close at mind, tickling me to come join in. Max
believed there was a destiny for me in this life, and so did my
father, but what?

I reached the porch, placing my foot on the
first step and hoisting myself up with a heavy mind.

Wes smiled. “Hey, Kid.”

I smiled back. His words were full of
reassurance, as though he knew the exact frustration I felt.

“
Hey,” I murmured, in no
mood to be cheery.

It’d felt like decades since I’d talked to
Wes this way—like friends. Even after what had happened this
summer, I knew the friendship we once had was never going to be the
same. I hoped we could get past that, especially now.

Wes wrapped an arm around my shoulder in a
platonic way—or at least that’s what I tried to assume. “Pretty
wild, huh?” He was looking at the house.

I nodded, distracted by my thoughts. “Wes,
why didn’t you tell me you were… you know…” I referenced his body
and the fact that he could be any animal he wanted.

He smirked. “I didn’t think you cared.”

I gave him a playful punch in the stomach.
He pretended it hurt, though it seemed it hurt me more. “You know
you can tell me anything, Wes.” I rubbed my hand. “You’re… my best
friend.” I was afraid to say it, but that’s what he was to me.

Wes was acting bashful now. “I know.” He
reached for my hand, trying to hold it.

I snorted, ducking out
from under his large arm and avoiding his grasp. “Something still
tells me you don’t.” I walked up to the front door, placing my hand
on the old handle and tracing it. “Wes, you understand how I feel,
right? When I say friends, I really mean
friends.”

He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets,
which meant he was shutting down on me.

I looked at him and smiled wearily, dropping
the subject. I looked back at the old door, dotted with bits of
iron. “Suppose I should just go in?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Don’t see why not.”

I looked back at Max. He was walking toward
us with his head down. He looked so hurt, but I had to be selfish.
I had to take the time I needed.

I twisted the handle, pressing my weight
against the door as it gave slightly. The sound of small fluttering
wings echoed behind the door. There was a slight breeze that blew
across my face through the crack in the jam. I heard Max trot up
the steps, approaching fast as he pushed against the door and it
swung open and out of my hand. The door thumped against the
interior wall. Clearly there was no need to be careful.

I looked at Wes, furrowing my brow. There
was a definite sense of frustration in Max’s actions, and I could
see why. My response to his declaration had been less than
acceptable. I just hoped it was okay to invite myself in.

Wes shrugged. “Shall we?”

I peeked my head around the door, watching
as Max walked leisurely down the hall toward the back of the house.
Birds flew out from around him, fluttering upward as my gaze
followed them. I saw Max shudder, the birds triggering some sort of
emotion. There was a large stone staircase that spiraled to the
second floor. I stepped in, and Wes followed in my footsteps.

“
Max?” He’d disappeared
into the house.

A moment passed.

“
Yeah?” I saw his head look
around the corner at the end of the long hall. “Come on,” he urged.
“There’s nothing to be scared of.”

“
I was
just trying to be polite,”
I
whispered under my breath.

Wes chuckled, and I couldn’t resist a
chuckle myself.

I walked into the front hall, my eyes
sweeping the room. It was just like my dream, but far more real.
The colors were grey, leaves piled into the corners as light
flooded from the vaulted ceiling above where the roof had caved.
There were paintings on the walls that depicted scenes of a world I
didn’t recognize—a world that no longer existed in the present
tense.

I made my way toward the back of the house
where the whole room opened up. Pillars lined the back wall, large
glass doors between each, though most were broken. I envisioned
what it must have once been like—the grand view of the yard beyond
and lavish aristocratic parties where Max’s mother would be found
flirting with the magickal alchemist, just under the nose of his
knowing father.

I approached the back doors. The stone floor
flooded out onto a large patio that bled down into the forest.
There was a large circular fountain in the middle of the yard, and
stone figurines—each staring blankly ahead, frozen beautifully in
time. At the end of the yard sat a grand barn, drooping with age
yet still intact.

I turned, finding Max as he stood between
two large corbels that formed the pillars of a tall fireplace. I
knew the room we were in must have acted as the main ballroom. I
spun slowly. I could almost hear the music play, and see the
guests, dressed in the fine clothing I’d seen in the paintings on
my way in, and in my dream.

I heard Wes’s heavy footsteps echoing. “Do
we just wait?” Wes broke the silence.

Max turned to us. “Yes.”

Wes exhaled. “This is
going to be the longest day of my
life,”
he mumbled. “I’m going to
check out upstairs,” he added, hooking his thumb over his shoulder
to point.

I didn’t object. I was anxious to get him
out of the room so I could talk to Max alone. I heard Wes bound up
the stairs. If they weren’t made of solid stone, I was certain he
would have shaken the whole house down.

I eyed Max from the corner of my eye as he
stood by the fireplace. I was tapping my fingernails together,
looking at the ground and hoping he would say something to break
the awkward silence. There was a sudden flash of light, followed by
a roar, and then a crackle. I jumped, looking at the fireplace that
now brimmed with flames.

“
How did you do that?” I
gasped.