Bone Deep (18 page)

An icy cold swept through her as that reality sank in. On some level she’d known it was so... but she hadn’t wanted to admit it. The whole idea was too scary, too unbelievable.

“Do you believe my sister is in danger?” Her lips trembled on the words. If her actions had put her sister in danger Jill would never forgive herself.

“If that was the case, she’d be dead already. They could’ve tied up the entire case with one big bow at the homicide scene staged in your sister’s kitchen.”

Made sense. “I want to hear all of it,” she insisted. He was holding back, she sensed his reservations. “What’re your instincts telling you?”

That dark gaze settled on her. “That MedTech and LifeCycle took advantage of the situation thirty-two years ago. Paradise was devastated and needed help. LifeCycle offered a deal no one outside the powers that be here in Paradise ever had to know about.”

“A deal?” She mulled over the concept. “The kind of deal that gets you what you want and saves your pride. For a price?”

“A very high price.”

“All everyone had to do was overlook whatever illegal and immoral experimentation was conducted,” she suggested, her pulse pounding harder and harder at the scenario he painted.

“The residents might not
have
known the full ramifications of what they had agreed to.”

“But what about Benford? Who murdered him?”

“Someone or several someones from right here in Paradise. A vigilante killing is my guess.” He shrugged. “An eye for an eye.”

“Dear God.” It was too much. Jill shook her head in denial, then winced, groaning at the ache the move caused.

He was out of his chair and at her side in a heartbeat. “Do you need something else for that headache?”

She’d already taken a mild pain reliever. Anything else would put her in a fog and she needed her head clear for this. “I’m okay.”

He sat down in the chair adjacent to hers. “You need to be prepared for where this is going. When we find the truth, you may be outing people you knew, respected as a child, maybe even your own father. He may have had a hand in Benford’s murder.”

“You didn’t know my father,” she countered. The suggestion was ludicrous. “He wasn’t that kind of man.”

“I’m sure he wasn’t. But he knew about the chemicals. Knew about LifeCycle. He was too prominent a citizen at the time not to have been up to his eyeballs in the whole affair. And maybe he was desperate.”

She wasn’t sure she could accept that. The idea made her ache at the very core of her being. “As an attorney I understand that what you’re saying is logical. But, as a daughter, I can’t accept it.” Not until she had evidence. She just couldn’t.

“Do you think your mother will talk after what happened today? If I can produce evidence of tampering with the brakes?”

Jill sighed. “Maybe. She’s coming around, opening up more. We could try talking to her in the morning.”

“Keep in mind that we’re still putting the pieces together. We may discover that we’re off a little one way or the other. I could be wrong on some parts. I’ve been wrong before.”

She searched his eyes. “Tell me how you know things. How it comes to you.”

He didn’t answer right away. She waited, understanding that sharing something so deeply personal wouldn’t be easy.

“It’s always been this way,” he began quietly. He reached for his shirt pocket and the cigarettes there, but then apparently thought better of it. She hadn’t seen him smoke since that first day. “I feel things... sensations. Vague images and sounds.” He shrugged. “Nothing glamorous or dramatic. Not like in the movies. But those moments of perception eventually coalesce into conclusions and I’m usually right. When I want to be anyway.”

Silence stretched between them. Jill allowed it to linger... remained patient, not wanting to push him. Watching him was enough. He was so complicated and strong in a way she was only now coming to realize. Something fluttered deep inside her. This strong, tortured man had touched her in a place no one else had ever reached. She respected him the way she had her father…respected the man beneath all else. Her trust and respect for others was typically limited to their professional façade because she never allowed the relationship to go beyond that level. With Paul Phillips it was different. Did he realize, she wondered, how deeply he affected her?

“I feel it first,” he went on, “like a light in the back of my brain, a quickening in my gut. It slices through causing a kind of unbearable pressure. Then comes the darkness and the panic. The fear that it’ll consume me this time. Drag me into the darkness so deep that I can’t find my way back.”

He released a heavy breath. “The deeper I get into the darkness the more I feel. And then I know the answer but it’s in bits and pieces. Eventually it all falls into place…if I can deal with the cost of touching it long enough.”

She ached for what he must suffer with each case he accepted... or turned away. She squeezed back the tears. It had to be a nightmare. “I’m sorry.” And she was. “I appreciate your help more than you can possibly imagine. I couldn’t do this alone.”

Reaching out she took his hand in hers and studied the dark texture of his skin in contrast to hers. “It scares the hell out of me that you might be right about all this.” If he was even half right, what they were about to uncover would hurt so many. “It’ll be the fall of Camelot for a lot of people, including me. Nothing in Paradise will ever be the same.”

“If I’m right,” he said somberly, “change would be a good thing.” He laced his fingers with hers. “I don’t know yet how Karl’s murder ties in, unless your sister discovered something he was up to. Even then there were other ways to handle it.”

Jill stared at their joined hands. “She tried to get me to come home two months ago and I couldn’t. I was too busy. I always had some sort of excuse. Maybe that’s when she discovered the Lynchburg child.” Another kind of regret settled heavily on her shoulders. “That could be when it all began to surface. The lies…the deception.”

“I can’t help wondering why she didn’t just take her son and go to you.”

“You had to know Karl.” Jill had never liked that about her sister’s husband. Too controlling. Too domineering. “He arranged every move she made. She was the perfect, obedient wife. She did exactly as he told her, just like she’d always done with our parents.” Jill had spent a lifetime pretending that was just her sister’s way. What if she’d been wrong? “Like a
Stepford Wife
.” Another of those shivers danced up her spine. She kept coming back to that analogy.

“The two of you fought about that,” Paul deduced.

Jill made a dry sound that hardly met the definition of a laugh. “Numerous times. I wanted her to be her own person, but she just wanted to be whatever the people she loved wanted her to be.”

“You were the trouble maker... the rebel.”

“You do read minds.” She laughed again, the real thing this time.

“From time to time.” He leaned closer to her, held her hand tightly in his. “Right now I’m glad you can’t read mine.” He kissed her lips, just a tender brushing of mouths.

Her heart leapt. Desire swirled deep in her belly. “Actually, I think I can.”

He kissed her again. It was deeper, longer this time. The kind of kiss that promised so much more. And she wanted more.

The telephone rang. Jill jumped.

He drew back slowly. “You should get that.”

She nodded, struggled to regain her composure. It could be the hospital calling. She stood and reached across her father’s desk. “Hello.” She squeezed her eyes shut, wished her voice didn’t sound so husky. How had nothing more than a kiss turned her so inside out?

“Jill?”

“Richard!” Relief washed over her. She was glad to hear his voice and to have the intensity of the moment interrupted. Somehow she had to get her head screwed on straight. Nothing, not even her own needs, could get in the way of finding the truth.

“I’m glad I finally caught you.”

“Have you been trying to call?” She didn’t remember seeing any messages on the machine. She certainly hadn’t gotten a call on her cell.

“A couple of times just to check on you. I didn’t leave a message. How’s your sister?”

“Not well I’m afraid.”

Richard made a disappointed sound. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. Things are getting pretty complicated around here.” She opted not to tell him about the car crash. She knew Richard too well. He would be suggesting she head back to Jackson pronto.

“Is Paul there with you? He’s helping with the case?”

“Oh, yes, Dr. Phillips is here.” Her gaze lit on the man in question and she was taken aback by the intensity in his eyes. Not the hot, sensual kind. Anger or something along those lines.

“Would you like to speak with him?” she asked, unsettled.

There was a moment of silence before Richard replied. “Just give him my best.”

“I will.” Jill felt really uneasy now. She’d thought he and Richard were friends but there was nothing friendly about the way Paul Phillips looked right now.

More of that silence strummed for a moment or two. “I’m worried about you, Jill. I wish you’d keep me posted as this situation moves forward. I feel completely out of the loop.”

Richard’s concern touched her. “I’m okay, really. We’re being very careful.” There was no point in making her old friend worry.

“You’ll keep me up to speed then?”

“I will. I apologize for not having called already.” She had called him for help, then dropped the ball when it came to keeping him apprised of the evolving events. But, giving herself grace, she’d been a little distracted. She stole a glance at Phillips but he looked away before she could read his face. What was she missing?

Paul struggled with keeping his resentment contained. Whatever had been or still was between Jill and Lawton was none of his business. He’d been a fool to kiss her the way he had just now. Just went to show that his control was slipping way too fast.

He pushed to his feet, fought the urge for a drink. He should focus on the investigation.

Jill ended the call and dropped the receiver back into its cradle. In spite of his best efforts, his mouth got the better of him. “How is our old friend?” Not such an unexpected question but his tone hit just a degree shy of sarcastic.

She frowned, clearly confused by his reaction to the call. “He’s fine. He just wanted to check on me—us.”

Me
was the answer. Richard wanted to know if she was okay. Paul could be six feet under for all the bastard cared. There was a time when he and Richard had been close... as close as father and son. But after the breakdown, Richard had pushed Paul to get back to his work at the Bureau... to carry on.
Be strong, not weak
. When Paul refused, the relationship ended. Or more accurately, he ended it.

“What’s the story with you and Lawton?” The question startled him almost as much as it did her. But it was out now, he might as well have the answer.

“He was one of my law professors at Ole Miss,” she said, avoiding his gaze.

Her statement was true, but at its heart it was a lie. He could feel the weight of omission. She didn’t want to tell him and he had no right to question her about it.

“Were you lovers?” Dammit. Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? He gritted his teeth.
Idiot
.

She looked him straight in the eye. “Yes. We were. Briefly.” Her words were stiff, laced with a resentment of her own. “My father had just died and I needed someone. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

He’d gone too far. He’d been wrong. Normally he worked out his anger on a punching bag in his garage, but he wasn’t in Memphis right now. He had no way to work off the layers of tension that had accumulated since meeting Jillian Ellington. Dredging up the past with Lawton only made bad matters worse for her and for hm.

He needed a walk to clear his head. Cool off. And then apologize. “I need some air.”

She stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Don’t go.”

Her touch made him yearn for things he knew he could never hang onto. The need in her voice and the plea in her eyes gave her away as surely as if she’d said the words.

“Are you sure I’m what you want?” That’s what she was asking. She didn’t have to say the words. “I come with a lot of baggage, Jill. I go for days without sleeping. Sometimes I drink myself into oblivion. Maybe more than sometimes. Anything to avoid that mental darkness that stalks me. Even then, sometimes it catches up. No matter how you see me at this moment, I’m not a hero. I’m just a guy who’s more screwed up than most.”

Despite his warning she stared at him with a kind of awe and hunger that made him weak…made him wish he was more of the hero she thought he was and less of a coward.

“I want you.” Her words were barely a whisper but the fire in her eyes was a roar.

“I won’t hold it against you if you change your mind,” he offered.

She leaned into him. Looked him straight in the eyes. “I’m not changing my mind so stop trying to change it for me.”

“You seem pretty determined for a woman who still calls me Dr. Phillips.” He had her there. At least he hoped. He was way too close to giving in to keep playing this game.

“Stop trying to distract me.” She stared at his mouth a moment before lifting her gaze back to his. “I want you. Is that a problem?”

“No problem at all.”

He whisked her into his arms. She gasped. He mounted the stairs, kissing her thoroughly as he climbed. Damn but he wanted this woman. By the time they reached her bedroom door, he was ready to rip her clothes off and toss her across the bed.

Instead, he settled her onto her feet and leaned in close, one arm braced against the doorjamb on either side of her. “You listen to me, pretty lady,” he murmured, “you get back to me in a day or two if you still feel the same way. Then I’ll be happy to give you all you want of me.”

He backed off. Walked away.

Her door slammed hard enough to wake the dead.

Maybe he’d have that drink after all.

Chapter 12

Saturday, July 16

It was just past seven when Paul woke. With D.C. an hour ahead, he’d have time to shower and have a cup of coffee before Cuddahy got to his office. At one time he’d had the guy’s personal cell phone number but he’d buried all that along with the man he used to be. Touching base with his old friend this morning might be a bit premature since until he knew more about MedTech and LifeCycle, where to go from here was unclear. One thing was certain, he had to protect Jill. If he’d had any doubts that she was in danger, yesterday had cleared those up.