Body of Ash (34 page)

“No, Dean did. After he seduced me, I thought we would run away together, that our love would be enough to get us through. I was so happy. I couldn’t see the
signs in front of me until it was
too late.” Sylvia’s eyes glazed over while caught in the memory.  “One night, I packed my bag and
snuck out to surprise Dean at his apartment. I knew he kept a spare key on the window sill. I slipped into his room to discover him in bed with another woman. When he saw me he just laughed. That’s when I realized he didn’t love me, that I was entertainment.”

“What did you do?” Angela questioned.

“Of course, I returned home to your father. Dad was a lot of things but he wasn’t a fool. He knew what I was up to. Yet, he didn’t turn me away. Within a couple of months, I learned I was pregnant for your brother. I didn’t know until he was born whether he was your father’s son or Dean’s. One look at Perry’s dark patch of fuzz on his head and we both knew. I think that is why your dad was always so much harder on Perry than you. Perry had to pay for my sin.”

Dad was harder on Perry than me? But, I’ve never been able to measure up.

“Why haven’t you ever told me this?” Angela asked, trying to understand.

“I hoped I would never have to. That I could take it to the grave,” her mother sighed. “But, you need direction and it’s all I have to offer for encouragement. Don’t make my mistakes.”

“That’s why you didn’t try stopping Perry from going? You didn’t want Daddy to think you were picking sides?” It all made sense now. Her mother feared showing Perry love, but it only intensified Sylvia’s favoritism for her oldest child. Once Perry died, both parents felt guilty for not demanding he stay, forever idealizing the boy he was.

“I had to tiptoe around your father. Any time I showed your brother any attention, your father would give me that icy stare of his. It broke my heart, but it was the price I had to pay for trusting Dean and believing in passion. Why I feared for you and how you loved Brian so blindly.” No longer did her mother sound forceful and self-righteous. There was a frailty about her Angela wasn’t used to seeing.

“For years, I’ve tried so hard to live up to your expectations. I stayed in this marriage because I’ve wanted to please you. I’ve never wanted to disappoint you, Mom.”

“Disappoint me? All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. That’s why I’m so hard on you. Why both your father and I didn’t trust Brian. Selfish men like that are a dime a dozen.”

“How did you know?” Angela asked. She wasn’t able to pick up on Brian’s faults until she was so deep in
misery,
they were all she could see.

“Because he never asked your father for permission to marry you.
When Ralph asked him to wait, to give you a little bit longer to get to know him first, Brian outright refused. There had to be a reason he was in such a hurry to tie the knot. He was hiding something, but you were so swept up with his smile and charm, you couldn’t see it.”

Angela stared at the highway ahead of her. With each exit ramp she passed, her mind struggled to accept her mother’s confession.

My mother had an affair. I can’t believe it.

What was it like for Ralph – knowing that his wife had an affair that resulted in the birth of a
child.
Not just any child – her brother, Perry. The one person Angela always felt compared to.
The golden child of the Bennett family – perfect, funny, gone.
  No wonder they were compared. How much guilt did Ralph carry? How much anger? Did Perry know?

Secrets had forged doubt and insecurities within their family. In keeping them, her mother and father ran one child off to the gulf while leaving the other in pain. Angela couldn’t do the same to Rachel. She couldn’t allow Brian’s sins to go unspoken for the sake of appearances.

“I don’t know what to do, but I have to do things differently,” Angela said.
“For Rachel, for me.”

“When I realized I wasn’t in love with your father, it was too late. Back then, women didn’t get divorces around here unless a man was abusive or run off. Times have changed and you have options I didn’t. Don’t let Rachel think it is okay to be in a loveless marriage. Don’t set her up with expectations she’ll struggle to fulfill.”

“I won’t,” Angela promised.

As she double checked the volume on her GPS, Angela knew it was time for change. Rachel would be off to college in less than a year. Unsure how long it would take to rebuild the strained relationship the two shared, Angela didn’t want to waste another minute. She couldn’t wait for Brian to man up and begin living a better life – transformation had to start with her.

48

BRIAN

Friday 9:00 PM

Stumbling through the front door of Marge’s cramped apartment, Brian dropped two paper bags containing bottled wine and tequila on Marge’s couch. After hopping in her car and driving across the state line to sit in a backwoods bar for the last two hours, Brian was agitated. When he hooked up with Marge back at his place, he wanted her to give him a quick fuck so he could get busy looking for his daughter. Instead, she dangled promises of a good screwing after he took her out for a while.

The last thing he needed was more booze, his drunk from earlier hadn’t worn off. But as Marge sat at the bar taking shots, he figured he might as well join her. A few men were eyeing her up, willing to party if he wasn’t. After witnessing a skinny jerk in
a John
Deer hat and cow manure slip her a white envelope, he wanted to leave. They were far enough out of town that he wouldn’t be recognized, but close enough to drive there on the back roads so they wouldn’t get pulled over.

Even after getting buzzed at the bar, Marge insisted they stop at the package store for more alcohol. She claimed the night was special and one they would never forget. He didn’t know if she thought it was their anniversary or what, but if she put any more liquor in him, he wasn’t going to remember a damn thing.

Closing the door behind her, Marge began undressing in front of him. “I know you wanted me to go down on you in the car, but there is a reason I made you wait.” Her long blond hair danced around her shoulders as she reached behind and unfastened her bra. “Well, what are you waiting for? Take off your clothes.”

“What about Katie?” He glanced around the small apartment. Although it was kept relatively clean, the place was cluttered. The damn thermostat never worked right in her place. It had to be at least 80 degrees, causing the air to smell stale.

Sidling up to him, Marge unfastened his belt and opened his fly. Reaching in, she fondled his testicles and whispered, “She’s out for the night and we have the place to ourselves.”

Glancing at the time on the cable box, Brian couldn’t believe it was so late.

Rachel’s been gone for a full day.

As Marge finished undressing him, his thoughts were conflicted. One part of him knew that Angie would find the girl, especially if she had Sylvia directing her on where to look. The other part wondered what Marge had in mind for the evening’s activity. Maybe he should call his wife and see if she had any leads. Surely she would have told him if Rachel was found and brought home. As Marge untied his shoes, she tossed them across the floor, all the while licking her lips and staring up at him like he was a god.

Swallowing any hesitations, Brian reached into one of the bags and popped the top off a bottle of wine. Taking a swig, he offered it to her. Accepting it gleefully, she tipped the bottle to her lips and drank deeply. Marge liked the cheap stuff and it suited him fine. The quicker she got drunk, the less time it took for him to get off. Once she passed out beneath him, he didn’t have to work at foreplay and could orgasm without having to wait for her.

Striding down the hall to Marge’s bedroom, he could hear her behind him, kicking her shoes off as she went. With nothing on but her panties and stockings, she didn’t look as glamorous as she did earlier, but he didn’t care. As long as she didn’t play any more games and hold him off, he would be feeling good in no time.

After we’re done, I’ll be sober enough to find Rachel and bring her home. Maybe then, Angie will calm the fuck down.

Once in Marge’s room, Brian stretched out on her bed. Too many blankets covered the top, making it lumpy and uneven under his back. Her room wasn’t much bigger than a closet, but it was quiet, which made it good enough for him. His head was swimming a little from the booze, but it wasn’t enough to fall asleep. Even if they did give him indigestion – he was thankful for the stuffed peppers he ate earlier. Without the sustenance in his belly, he figured he would’ve passed out or been sick by now. 

Marge stood at her dresser, rummaging through drawers. A tall woman, she bobbed from side to side, dancing to whatever song played in her head. Finally locating what she was trying to find, Marge pulled off her stockings and panties before slipping on a leopard print negligee. 

What the hell is she doing? It’s just coming off again anyway.

Sighing, Brian watched as she picked two empty glasses off her bureau and poured them each a glass of wine. Taking the envelope the farmer from the bar gave her, she removed two little blue pills. Turning, she crossed the room to him, a smile played at her lips.

“I have a special treat for us tonight,” she chirped. “To help us celebrate.” Popping one pill into her mouth, she swallowed it down quickly with a sip of wine. Motioning to his mouth, she held the tablet to his lips, “Be a big boy and open up.”

“I don’t take pills. Are we going to do this or what?” His annoyance was back. Despite trying to keep it in check, it oozed through his tone.

Narrowing her eyes, Marge waited. Holding out the pill, she refused to relent.

Shit – I’ve got to get this show on the road.

With a huff, Brian grabbed the pill and popped it in his mouth. Already buzzed enough, he didn’t need any more chemicals juicing up his head. Reaching for the glass of wine cradled in Marge’s arm, he accidently splashed some of the fluids across her, causing her to squirm.

“What’s your hurry anyway? Your wife knows about us – it’s not like she won’t know where you are if you spend the night,” Marge snapped, her face redder than usual.  Brushing at the wet stain that splattered her lingerie, she was obviously bothered. Giving up, she hoisted it over her head. Her large breasts were finally before him. He considered reaching for them, but held back.

“I’m not spending the night,” Brian said, but didn’t think he could go anywhere at the moment. His head was definitely buzzing and now that he had stretched out flat on the bed, the booze was hitting him hard.

“If you say so,” her voice rushed, “But I don’t believe it. You know I can make you feel things she never could.” Straddling him, Marge reached for his chest hairs and pulled lightly. “Once she’s gone, you can have me forever.”

Brian rubbed at his eyes, his sockets felt dry.
His mouth, too.
Even Marge’s voice sounded louder than usual – racing through the room, cascading over him. Instead of a sexy little siren, she was a foghorn, blasting through his skull.

Damn that pill is messing me up.

Moving over him, he tried to ask Marge to go slower, but couldn’t form his words. She looked odd to him, older, and bloated. Her white pasty skin stuck to him, creating an unpleasant friction. The nausea he experienced earlier was returning. Queasiness floated from his sternum to his intestines, the sensation was sickening.