Blue (Darkness Falls #3) (17 page)

“We’ll be fine.” She had that distant look that she retreated to when she was thinking. “I’ve got the guys here as well. They’ll be able to do everything that I can’t. Cal, I don’t know that she’d fall for this. I think we maybe need to spend a couple of days setting it up.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Do you think that the
Doms guarding this place could spread the word that Blue and I are arguing a lot? I think it would go a long way towards disguising a trap if we can make her believe that he’s going back to the Manor because we’ve had a massive bust up, especially if we make that bust up very publicly visible. She’s watching our every move and she’s certainly got eyes and ears on the ground.”

“That’s actually really smart.” Cal tailed off and Noelle huffed.

“Don’t sound so surprised that I had a clever idea.”

“I wasn’t!” He protested. “I just…you’re winding me up, aren’t you?” She burst out laughing and then groaned with pain as the laughter shifted her damaged ribs. “Well that’ll teach you.” He sighed. “Go take some tramadol and let me get on this. Blue, why isn’t she in bed yet?”

“You’re the only one she takes orders from, boss.” Blue had the sense to be realistic.

“Then go to bed, Red. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”

“Yes, Sir.” Still wincing, she had to get James to help her to her feet. “I’m leaving now. Goodnight.”

Blue waited until she’d left and then scooped the phone up from the coffee table. “You still there?” He turned off the speakerphone and Cal chuckled.

“I’m still here. How’s she doing really?”

“She’s fine.” Blue couldn’t help glancing at the closed door. “She’s actually improving a lot faster than I thought she would. She’s fairly mobile now, although I know she’s not taking all the tablets that she’s supposed to. She’s got a real bee in her bonnet about not getting addicted.”

“Can’t say I blame her. And how are the girls? They still settling in okay?”

Blue sighed. “I don’t know. They’re bored and fractious right now and I don’t know how much of it is to do with being stuck in the house and how much of it is to do with everything changing around them.”

“It’ll get better when this is all over.” Cal promised him. “I’m amazed they’re adjusting as well as they are. We’ll need to look at getting them some sort of counselling. I’d do it myself but children are so delicate I’d rather put them in the hands of a trained child and adolescent psychologist. I’ll speak to my contacts.”

“
Thanks, Boss.” Blue stifled a yawn, glancing at his watch as he did so. “I’m going to have to crash. Being a dad is exhausting.”

“Tell me about it.” Cal was in a rare humour. “Looking after you and Storm is a full time job,
son
.”

“I’ll be sure to tell the kids their granddad called.”
Blue joked and Cal sighed.

“I deserved that. Goodnight, Blue.”

“Goodnight, Master.”

It wasn’t until he was halfway up the stairs that the gravity of that last statement settled on him.
He thought of Cal as his Master, his friend, his mentor and his family, but when he’d left Alexandra, he’d simply exchanged one Dominant for another. The thought was sobering. It had never bothered him that Cal was the dominant partner in their relationship. He was happy to live with that, so why did he feel such antagonism to the idea of Noelle having any control over him? That was at the very bottom of her refusal to accept his advances and he knew it. He didn’t know how to let her be an equal without provoking her. He could see his behaviour, the teasing and the demands, could see that it was typical alpha behaviour to a beta. He just wouldn’t take it in return and he didn’t know why. It was as easy as breathing with Cal. Why was it so hard with Noelle?

Did it bring back painful memories of his time with Alexandra? Was it just because she was a woman? Was it stubborn pride? He needed to figure it out and soon because if he didn’t, he would lose her when this was all over.

Noelle had some alone time with the girls the next morning to explain to them what was going to happen and the mood in the house soured drastically. Lisette was tearful and even Amelie was moody.
They hated the thought of Blue and Noelle arguing, even if it was make believe. Noelle had the boys help her bake a cake to try and brighten the atmosphere, but it was a half measure at best.

Cal came to visit to check her over, despite her insistence that it wasn’t necessary. He was anxious to start
the rehabilitation for her neck, but it was going to be excruciating for the first couple of weeks and they couldn’t risk her being out of the picture while Blue was out of the house. She had to be capable of dealing with anything the girls threw at her. Thomas was back to work and James was still healing from his own wounds. She needed to be as well as she could.

The Master told them the
Doms guarding the house were spreading rumours of disquiet in the camp and they decided that Blue would leave the next day. Thomas was off work so he and James were going to stay at home with the girls while Noelle and Blue went out somewhere for lunch. They would have a very public row and Blue would return to The Manor. The problem was going to be the camera crew. They were insisting on following her everywhere. Time was running short to get useful footage for the show – Alexandra injuring her couldn’t have happened at a worse possible time. The question was whether or not they were happy for the row to end up on film.

Red was more philosophical about it than Blue. She just shrugged it off, saying it was like everything else in the land of celebrity – it would last fifteen minutes and then be yesterday’s news and no-one would remember or care. It mattered to Blue, though. They were going to have to pick their argument carefully because he didn’t want either of them coming off as nasty in the public eye. Some things had a habit of following you around and both of them had been damaged enough by Alexandra. They didn’t need to be tainted by her in perpetuity.

They talked about it late into the night without really resolving anything, but Blue was so tired he just drifted off.

When he awoke, he knew Noelle had not had a good night.
Her skin was pale and clammy and the circles under her eyes were dark. She’d obviously not slept much and he tried to call the whole thing off but, when she was in this sort of mood, there was no telling her anything. She just wanted to get it over and done with. He watched, not sure what to do, as Thomas and James took her into the shower. The sight of it didn’t even get him hard, which spoke volumes about his concern for her.

She seemed to relax a bit as she was being waited on and the grim lines on her face lessened. He watched cautiously as they dried her off, careful not to press too hard anywhere that was bruised or had surgical scars. They meticulously went over her with
moisturiser and then dressed her in the clothes she selected. Blue waited until the last moment for any sign of weakness that he could use to force a cancellation, but she maintained her stoic silence until he had to get in the shower or risk missing breakfast.

The girls were still upset when he arrived in the kitchen. They didn’t want him to leave and they were scared he was going to get hurt. He joked around with them
, not telling Amelie off when she got clingy and wanted to sit in his lap to eat her pancakes. He would be glad of the rest while he was at The Manor, but he would miss them like crazy. They’d somehow filled the parts of his life he hadn’t known were empty and expanded over into the rest of it as well.

Lisette’s fears were more deep-seated. As they were getting their shoes on to go out, she leaned in the doorway of the living room and asked if they were going to kill Alexandra.

“No.” Blue replied, in a loud and clear statement, so that there was no way she could misinterpret it. “We’re going to hold her until the Police get there and then she’ll be sent to a facility that can deal with her psychiatric issues.”

“Okay.” Her lip trembled as she fought to hold back her tears. “How long are you going to be away?”

“No more than a couple of days, I hope.” He straightened and pulled her into a hug. “Red will be home in a few hours though. You’ll be in good hands.”

“I’m not sure about that.” Noelle grinned and if he didn’t know her so well, he’d have thought it was genuine. “I’m going to corrupt them in the worst way. We’re going to have a pamper night and eat cake for dinner and watch movies with hot guys in. Tomorrow we’re going to spend the whole day in our pyjamas and if it’s sunny, we’re going to have a popcorn fight in the garden.”

“A popcorn fight?” He was torn between laughter and sadness that he might not be here to see it.

“Yeah. And if we can be bothered, we’re going to take all the bedding from the guest rooms and build a tent to sleep in.
By tent I mean we’re going to be so destroyed from stuffing our faces with cake and chocolate that we’re going to hang sheets over the four poster and pretend it’s a tent.”

“Sounds like fun. Are you sure I can’t stay?” He teased and she broke the first genuine smile he’d seen all morning.

“You’d only get in the way, Sasquatch. I’d have to let Amelie put makeup on you and paint your nails.”

“I’m man enough to take it.”

“You’re man enough to take a lot of things.” Her grin was wicked and Lisette made a disgusted sound.

“If you’re going to be gross, I’m leaving.” She sniffed. “But be careful, okay
, Daddy?”

Daddy
…it pierced his heart. “I’ll be more careful than a careful thing on the most careful of Saint Careful’s holy days.” He promised, his face solemn. “And I can’t wait to come home to my family. You take good care of your future mama, okay?”

“I will.” She promised and fled before her tears could embarrass her again.

“You’ve got to stop telling them that.” Red frowned up at him.

“I’m just giving them time to get used to the idea.” He
looked down into her sweet face and felt heat stirring again. “Tell me again what you were saying about how I can take a lot of things?”

Her chuckle was more resigned than amused, but he thought it was sincere. “Oh I don’t know…” She traced a finger across his stomach. “I’m fairly sure you could take twelve inches if I strapped you down and prepped you right.”

“I fucking love it when you’re such a wanton little harlot.” He dropped to his knees to be closer to her height and dragged her in for a kiss. “Remember me while I’m gone, Scarlet. I’ll be remembering every inch of you and wishing I was buried up to the balls in it.”

“You say the sweetest things.” She smirked, ruffling his hair. “You be careful, okay? Don’t take any risks and don’t let her get under your skin.”

He wasn’t going to make a promise he couldn’t keep, so he deflected it instead. “Cal will be there.” He reminded her. “Storm is around somewhere too. Between us we’ll be fine.”

“I know. I just know that she has some kind of hold over you that scares me. I’ve never seen you frightened before
. I don’t like it.”

He pressed his forehead to hers. “I’m only scared because I have so much to lose now.”

“We’ll be right here waiting for you to come home.” She replied, her voice soft, and whatever it was that Lisette had broken in him cracked a little more.

“I can’t wait.”

There was a loud knock at the door and they both jumped. “That’ll be the camera crew.” She sighed. “We should let them in.”

“Are you ready for this?” He gave her one last chance to back out but she just nodded. “Then know this, Red. You are the love of my life and nothing that I say out there, nothing, is true. However mean or nasty it gets, it’s all for show. I will always love you.”

“I love you too, Sasquatch.” It wasn’t enough and it wasn’t in the same way that he meant it, but it was heartfelt and he’d take it.

“Then let’s roll.”

Blue let the camera crew in and they all managed to get out of the door after a brief ten minute delay to sort out cameras and vehicles. The moment Blue and Noelle climbed into the car, things grew strained between them. Neither was looking forward to what was coming, the argument nor the time spent apart. Unwilling to let it start right away, Blue reached across the gap between them and took her hand.

“Don’t.” She already sounded close to tears as she snatched her hand away and Blue felt stung, unsure if she was acting or if she didn’t want to make the impending argument worse. Behind him he could see the camera crew sharing puzzled and concerned glances.

“Let me hold your hand.” He caught it and laced his fingers with hers before she could drag it back.

“Blue!” Her outburst was a mix of frustration and exasperation, but she didn’t pull back this time.

“So where are we going?” The cameraman asked from the back in an effort, Blue presumed, to try and ease some of the tension.

“I’ve commissioned some new clothes and I need to be measured for them.” Noelle shifted in her seat so she could look
into the camera, pain flitting back and forth across her face with each movement. Blue restrained the urge to sigh. He bet she hadn’t taken her painkillers that morning. He was going to have to ask Cal to speak to her. She wouldn’t dare disobey a direct order from Master Henway. “The guy we’re going to see makes or commissions the vast majority of our fetish wear. He’s one of the foremost leatherwork artists in the world.”

“And what are you having made?” The cameraman seemed fascinated and Blue hid a smile. Vanillas always seemed a little awestruck by the shop when they set foot in it for the first time.

“My favourite corset was destroyed in the crash.” She grimaced and Blue sympathised. It had cost a pretty penny and the EMTs had apparently cut it right up the middle. “So I figured, since I was getting a new one, I’d commission one of the leather ones I’ve had my eye on for a long time as well. It makes sense to get measured for both at once. I’ve also got a couple of events to go to over the next few months and one of his genre designers is in the store today, so I have an appointment with her.”

“What’s a genre designer?” Was the obvious question and Noelle answered with unruffled patience.

“Fetish is as varied as any other spectrum. When we go to the club, you’ll see that people wear everything from vanilla club wear to full on cosplay style outfits. The woman we’re seeing today is visiting from Wales and she’s probably the most famous steampunk clothing wear designer in the country, if not the world. You’re going to see some really talented people today.”

“After that we’re going to go for lunch.” Blue added
, trying to head off the next obvious question before she got fed up with answering them. “The girls are great, but it’s been a lot for Noelle to deal with since the crash. I figured she needed some time out of the house.”

“They’re not a burden.” She
sounded shocked and he glanced across at her.

“That’s not what I meant.
I just think you need some down time. It’s been nothing but high octane since they arrived.”

“And you need to get used to that. You can’t just take a time out whenever they get on your nerves.”

“Stop putting words in my mouth.” He squeezed her hand in reproof. “And give me a break. Even if I did feel like I needed to get away, I didn’t even know I had kids two weeks ago. There’s going to be an adjustment period. This isn’t about us. It’s about you getting better and relaxing.”

“I’m sorry.” She slumped back into her seat. “I know I’m being a bitch. I’m just in pain.”

“You didn’t take the tablets I left out for you this morning, did you?”

“I took half of them!” She protested.

“Red, do you have a degree in medicine? Have you been a practising doctor?” When she didn’t answer, he shook his head. “I didn’t think so. Stop trying to do your own thing, like you know better than your doctors do, and start trusting them to know what they’re doing.”

“You don’t have to be an arse about it.” There was a stubborn set to her jaw that warned of impending fireworks.

“Maybe I do. You haven’t listened when I’ve asked nicely or when the boys have tried to make you take them. Would you rather I asked Cal to take you in hand?”

“This is none of Cal’s business.” Now she was angry and he was glad. It would make the argument easier.

“He’s your doctor, Noelle. You were released into his care and if you don’t do what you’re told and end up hurting yourself, it’ll be his responsibility if you have to go back to hospital. In fact,” he rummaged in his pocket, steering with one hand, and dialled Cal’s speed dial. When the older master answered, Blue put it on speakerphone. “Boss, it’s me. You’re on speakerphone. Noelle hasn’t taken her painkillers again this morning and now she’s in a state. It doesn’t seem to matter what I tell her, she thinks she’s doing the right thing.”

“Noelle.” Cal’s voice rippled into the car like arctic satin. “Is this true?”

Shooting Blue a furious glare, she took the phone from his hand. “I don’t want to get addicted.” She tried to make an excuse.

“Do you think I would let that happen?” There was no mistaking the cold anger in his voice. “Noelle, you should know better. I’m coming over tonight and you and I will have words.”

“That’s not necessary.” She’d retreated into sullen defiance. “I’ll take the damn pills.”

“I wasn’t asking your opinion, young lady. While you are in my care, you will follow my orders to the letter. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Master Henway.” She swallowed.

“I’ll be there before the girls go to bed.” He hung up and Noelle’s fingers tightened around the phone until her knuckles had gone white.

“I can’t believe you did that!” She snarled at him. “You’re such an arse!”

“I did it because I love you.” He took the phone back before she could break it. “I can’t bear to watch you hurting and you won’t listen to sense.” She turned away and looked out of the window, refusing to speak until they arrived at the store.

She went off with the owner and the designer to be measured and go over clothing designs, so Blue spent an hour or so showing the camera crew around and explaining the purpose of several items. When it looked like she was still deep in conversation, the crew persuaded him to model some of the fetish wear and he did so, albeit grudgingly. He didn’t mind clowning around for the cameras, but he could see that Noelle was getting paler and paler. They needed to get food into her so she could take her tablets, have the row and then get home and rest.

She’d been on her feet for more than two hours and when he saw her leaning against the counter, he decided enough was enough. “You’re not looking too good.” He broke into the conversation. “Either you need to take this somewhere you can sit down, or you need to wrap it up.”

“I’m fine!” She protested, but the woman she was speaking to shook her head.

“No
, you’re not. Your man is right and I’ve got just about everything I need. I’ll call you next week.” She gathered up her sketches and leaned across the counter to kiss Noelle’s cheek. “I’m so excited to be working with you.”

“Likewise.” Noelle’s return smile was genuine. “And I’m serious about the photo shoot. As soon as my ribs are healed up, I’ll definitely come down for an extended session.”

“Perhaps we can tie it in with fittings?” The designer suggested and Noelle nodded, wincing as it hurt her neck.

“Definitely. Thank you so much for your time today. And yours.” She kissed the shop owner’s cheek. “Can’t wait to see what you come up with.”

“It’ll be my finest work.” He promised her. “Go and get some rest. You look like you’re about to fall over.”

“I’m fine!” She lied again, but her goodbyes were done as far as Blue was concerned and he steered her out of the shop.

“Come on, let’s get you fed.” He held the car door open for her and she glared at him as she got into the passenger seat.

“You’ve got to stop treating me like a child!” She snapped when he got into the driver’s seat.

“Then stop behaving like one.” He snapped back, half for the cameras and half out of genuine frustration that she didn’t seem to know how to take care of herself. “It’s almost like you’re deliberately trying to delay your recovery.”

“Why would I do that?” With a disgusted huff, she turned and looked out of the window and Blue sighed. He hated this. They drove to the restaurant he’d booked in tense silence and he dropped her off at the door with a terse instruction to take her damn tablets while he parked the car. He was glad to see that she had at least done that when he arrived at the table.

The restaurant was full for the lunch period and his heart lurched as he sat opposite Noelle, the cameras trying to be unobtrusive around them and failing miserably. He didn’t want to do this. Whatever they said was going to hurt, even though it wasn’t true.

They sat in near silence
through the first part of the meal and then Noelle set down her knife and fork. “Blue, we need to talk.”

“Nothing good ever comes after that opening.” He sighed. “I know I’ve been hard on you, but-…”

“It’s not about me.” She paused. “Well it is and it isn’t. We need to talk about the girls.”

“Are they okay?” Panic sliced through his chest and he couldn’t have been more relieved when she nodded.

“They’re fine. Blue, you have to stop telling them I’m going to be their mum. Amelie calls me mama all the time now and it’s not fair to either of us. She’s going to be so confused.”

“Noelle, I want you. The girls want you. We love you. You’re the central part of our family. The only person that can’t seem to see that is you.”

“Bullying me into it isn’t going to make it happen.” She snapped. “You don’t get to just decide how things are and then pretend that’s the way it is until I give up. Don’t I get a say in this?”

“Aren’t we good together?” He demanded.

“It’s not that-…” She started, but he cut her off.

“It was a simple question, Red. Are we or aren’t we really fucking
good together?” She didn’t answer and he sighed, ruffling his hair. “We make a great team in everything. We laugh, we have the same values, we’re dynamite in the sack…you can’t deny that.”

“I wasn’t trying to.” She retorted. “I know all of those things are good, but it doesn’t change what we are and it doesn’t stop you constantly trying to be the dominant person in our relationship. I won’t let you be that, Blue.”

“I told you I would try to cool it!” He protested and she sat back.

“Well it’s not exactly working out for you so far, is it?” She snapped. “You’ve done nothing but tell me what to do and try to control me all day. You don’t get to make those decisions in my life. I sure as hell don’t make them in yours.”

He was about to argue and then realised that she was right, so he changed tack. “I said I would try.” He reminded her. “It’s not something that’s going to happen instantly. You’re not the only one that has scars.”

“No, but sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that’s dealt with them.”

Her words were like a slap to the face. He knew she was trying to be mean for the sake of appearances, but that statement had a ring of truth to it. “Do you really think that?” He felt sick.

“Blue, I know why I won’t let you control me.” There were tears in her eyes. “I won’t ever let another person do to me what Gabriel did and I know that’s my strength. I get to choose what happens to me. Anything else is like sliding back into the nightmare.
I choose not to let you control me because I know that it’s a dangerous precedent to set. A play room isn’t just four walls, Blue. You should know that better than most. It’s a concept, an imaginary construct that we play out our fantasies in. Can’t you understand that until you let go of your past and accept why you need to control, you’re never going to be the person I need you to be?”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“You’re treating your whole goddamn life like a playroom, always the top dog, always the one in charge! Until you let go of whatever hurt you’ve got going on inside there, we’re not going anywhere, you and I.”

“How is what I do any different to what you do?” This sounded a whole lot more serious than something she was making up and she was losing him.

“Because I don’t have to be in control all the time.” She took a deep breath, trying to hold it together. “There are times when you’ve needed me to be that person who can take whatever you’ve got to give and I’ve taken it willingly because you’re my friend, you’re more than family. I love you. I love you, but I won’t be that person forever, Blue. Until you can learn the lesson that it’s okay to let it go, we can’t happen.”

“So what, now you’re going to sing me fucking Disney songs?” He snapped before he could stop himself and her eyes widened.

“Fuck you, Blue.” Shoving her chair back from the table, she got up and walked out. He knew this had to happen, but fuck him if it didn’t hurt like a bitch. His eyes were actually stinging. He wanted to chase her and tell her that she was wrong, but that wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

“Are you okay, man?” The camera crew had chased Red out the door and it was a waiter that broke his funk.