Blood Wedding (13 page)

Leila:
Your life sounds just like a novel.

Paula:
It was a different world; you can’t imagine how things have changed. Where was I?

Leila:
You were telling me about your family.

Paula: Sí.
Well . . . my two elder brothers went to university, Antonio to study Law, and Carlos, Literature. Odd, it turned out to be Antonio who went on to become a writer. Antonio met Lorca at the Faculty of Law. They became good friends; part of what Lorca called ‘the magic circle’. I wish I had been older. Everything was so exciting.

Leila:
Did you know much about Antonio’s political involvement?

Paula:
At the time, not much – I was very young. But I’ve read a lot since then. I think neither Lorca nor Antonio was really political – always talking about the noble peasant and the honest worker. In real politics they were babes. But Carlos joined the Communist Party at university, and lived and breathed politics; demonstrations, propaganda. I think he even received some military training. I don’t know what he was in the Communist Party , but I understand he was quite senior .

Leila:
Do you know why he joined?

Paula:
Not really. It seemed like a religious conversion: it changed him. He started off as idealistic as Antonio, but then he became much tougher. I was too young at the time to know what was going on. But I’ve read some books on the Civil War – the best are the French and British ones. Max gets them for me when they come out in Spanish. I just cannot believe how all the Republican groups fought each other, even with Franco’s troops on their doorstep.

Leila:
Can you tell me a bit more about Antonio and Lorca?

Paula:
Well, as I said, Antonio became part of the Lorca circle. He had a fine singing voice, you know, and Lorca would often accompany him at the piano. He helped out with Lorca’s theatre group, and even went on one tour with them. Like everyone, he was bewitched by Lorca. It was Lorca who encouraged him to write. Some of Antonio’s poems were really good, but . . . but he took his notebook with him when he left us, and told us to burn anything of his in the house. So it’s all lost. Lost. Oh dear.

Leila:
It’s all right Paula. Have another tissue. Can I get you a drink or something?

Paula:
No, no. I just worshipped my brothers. But once Carlos got involved in politics, he didn’t have time any more for his silly little sister. Though Antonio would always tell me things.

Leila:
If you want to stop now, we can always continue another time.

Paula:
No, it’s good for me to talk about the past. It makes me even more determined to find out what happened to Antonio. You will help me, won’t you?

Leila:
Yes, of course I will. But don’t overdo it just now.

Paula:
I haven’t much time left.

Leila:
No,
Doña Paula,
don’t say that. You’ve got years ahead of you.

Paula:
I’m eighty-three . . . I know I haven’t got much time.

Leila:
I’ll do everything I can.

Paula:
Thanks. You are very sweet.

Leila:
It’s funny you haven’t asked Max to help – he’s in the police.

Paula:
I’ve talked to Max a lot. He likes Lorca’s poetry and plays. So he knows all about how I met Lorca. But I’ve never really talked about such family matters. He’s a good boy; so he might help us.

Leila:
Why didn’t you talk to him?

Paula:
Nobody wanted to talk about the Civil War when Franco was alive, even within families – too frightened. You never knew who might learn something. And after Franco died . . . well, there was this understanding that people would still keep quiet about the Civil War when we moved to a democracy. So many bad memories. Older people just wanted to forget and get on with life . . . and younger people were so fascinated by this new world of sex and money that they didn’t want to dig up what had happened to their grandparents. It’s only now that we are beginning to discover the truth. People are beginning to open up the mass graves. They’re all over Spain. There’s one here, you know – down by El Fugón. Oh, I do so want Antonio to have a proper burial. After all these years, he must be dead . . . but no one knows where he is. I’m not very Catholic, but I want him laid to rest in a Christian grave.

Leila:
We’ll find him, Paula. I promise you. I think we should stop now. You’re looking tired.

Leila:
Can you tell me about the last time you saw Antonio?

Paula:
It’s as if it was yesterday. It was when Antonio escaped from Granada, and hid with us for a few days. That was about a year after Lorca was executed. And about two years after my father died. So Antonio was head of the family. The Falange were rounding up Republicans, and taking them off to be shot. My mother was frantic, both for Antonio and for Carlos. We got word that Carlos had joined the Communist militia, and had managed to escape north after the fall of Granada. But we had heard nothing from Antonio for nearly a year.

Leila:
Why was that? He was only in Granada.

Paula:
In those days it was too dangerous for him to contact us. The army was in control of the city. Travel was very difficult, and you couldn’t trust anybody . . . not the telephone operator, not the nice young man who delivered the post. Civil war’s like that.

Leila:
I just can’t imagine it.

Paula:
You are lucky to have been born in Britain.

Leila:
Yes, I suppose so. You were telling me about Antonio.

Paula:
I remember my mother saying Antonio was so naive he had probably handed himself in. People just disappeared. Then one night, at three in the morning, we were woken by the dogs barking. It was Antonio. He had walked for three nights from Granada over the mountains. You can imagine how dangerous that was. He was half dead from exhaustion. We hid him in our cellar to recover, and hoped no one had heard the dogs. There were always bad neighbours who would denounce you to buy your land dirt-cheap. Civil war’s like that. You can’t trust anybody. Mother and I talked until morning trying to work out what to do. Carlos had already got out of Granada, and gone north to join the battle around Toledo.

Leila:
Couldn’t Antonio go and join him?

Paula:
No. Carlos had the Communists to support him. They had safe houses along the route north. But Antonio didn’t have connections. In the end we agreed Antonio should stay with us as long as possible to rest and recover. And then set off again walking at night along the Sierra Contraviesa, down into Almeria, which was still in government hands. And from there he could take a boat to Morocco or somewhere. It would be dangerous. But he couldn’t stay for long in Diva. Already houses were being searched . . . I think I will take that drink now, Leila, if you don’t mind.

Leila:
Sure, here. My goodnes, I hadn’t realized how much danger you had lived through.

Paula:
Danger? Yes. But you learnt to survive.

Leila:
What did you do?

Paula:
I had a young admirer at the time, Pablo. He was on the fringes of Lorca’s circle. He was right wing, but Lorca was more interested in people’s talents than their politics.

Leila:
Yes – I read that after the fall of Granada Lorca actually hid in the house of Falangist supporters, and it was from that house he was taken to be shot.

Paula:
Yes, that’s true.

Leila:
But back to Pablo.

Paula:
Well, Pablo was a Franco supporter, and had relatives high up in Acción Popular, a small fascist group. Antonio had introduced me to Pablo well before all the trouble started. He used to visit the house a lot. He was a good-looking young man, from a respectable family, and my mother took a real liking to him. I suppose there was an understanding between our families that Pablo and I would naturally become engaged when I was old enough. Then for some reason, just after Lorca’s death, Antonio wrote to say that Pablo was no longer welcome in our house, and I should break off any contact with him.

Leila:
My goodness. Do you know why?

Paula:
No. Antonio never explained.

Leila:
How did you feel about that?

Paula:
I was upset, but not devastated. I was young, and not too sure I wanted to get married, settle down and have babies. I wanted to see more of the world. There was so much I wanted to do.

Leila:
I know just how you felt. To be honest I still feel that way.

Paula:
But for you it’s so much easier. You can get jobs, can travel on your own . . . that would have been my dream.

Leila:
But why did you think Antonio had fallen out so badly with Pablo?

Paula:
I don’t know. I spoke later to Pablo about it. He said he didn’t know either.

Leila:
Any ideas?

Paula:
If it had been Carlos, it would have been because he considered Pablo a fascist. But Antonio had many rightwing friends. And he had once said Pablo wasn’t really political – he just had fascist family connections.

Leila:
What happened to Carlos?

Paula:
He was lucky . . . ended up in Chile. Married a nice young woman, and had four children. He visited me after Franco died. It was lovely. Max has been out to see his cousins too.

Leila:
So what happened to Antonio?

Paula:
I don’t know. One day Pablo turned up at our house, wearing the Falange uniform. We were frightened. The Civil War did such strange things to people. Friends were denouncing friends, neighbours denouncing neighbours. Even families were divided. I was very nervous, as we still had Antonio hidden in the cellar. But mother welcomed him into the house as if nothing had happened. Thank God for that. Pablo had come to warn us that our house was on a list to be raided. It was obvious Pablo was still keen on me, and we desperately needed a protector. So I let Pablo know I was still interested in him. Of course we didn’t tell him about Antonio. That night we helped Antonio leave for a little shepherd’s hut up in the hills above Banjaron, which we owned. He could hide and rest there for a few days, and then make his way to Almeria.

Leila:
And did he?

Paula:
We don’t know. He just disappeared. We don’t know whether he got to the coast . . . whether he was shot, and dumped in a ravine in the hills . . . we simply don’t know.

Leila:
Oh, how awful. I can’t imagine it.

Paula:
It’s not just losing him, it’s not knowing what happened that’s so bad. Mother never got over it. She died soon after I got married. I remember her as always being such a busy, happy woman. I still lie awake at night, just wondering.

Leila:
But what happened to you?

Paula:
Well, Pablo was right. We were raided late the next night. It was dreadful. Pablo was with them. They dragged mother and me out of our beds, and made us stand in our nightdresses in the middle of the dining room. I noticed the young lad guarding us kept eyeing me up and down. I was so frightened that I peed on the floor. They searched the house from the attic to the cellar. Fortunately we’d removed any sign that Antonio had been there. They found nothing. Even though I was standing in a pool of pee, this young lad kept eyeing me. El Capitán and Pablo came back up, and el Capitán started questioning us: when had we last seen Antonio and Carlos, had they been in touch, had any Republican scum been in touch? Fortunately my mother was a good liar. I was just too nervous – if he’d concentrated on me I’m sure I would have blurted out something. El Capitán finally decided we knew nothing. I remember vividly every word that was said at the end.

Leila:
Oh, my goodness, this is so dramatic.

Paula:
El Capitán said, ‘Okay let’s go. They know nothing. But ladies, we’ll be back. If you hear anything let us know, if you know what’s good for you.’

Leila:
What a threat!

Paula:
Then the young boy guarding us, piped up: ‘Capitán, how about a bit of fun? The young one looks like she could do with a tumble.’

Leila:
What? I don’t believe this.

Paula:
And the boy stepped forward, and yanked my nightdress at the shoulder. It tore, and one of my breasts became uncovered.
‘Virgen santo,’
he said. ‘Look at that! Let’s see what else you’re hiding.’ El Capitán just laughed. But Pablo stepped forward, knocked the lad to the ground, and said, ‘Touch her again, and I’ll kill you.’

Leila:
Gosh. That was brave of him.

Paula:
Yes. But el Capitán just put his arm around Pablo’s shoulders, and said, ‘Come on, Pablo. The lad here meant no harm, just a bit of fun. Surprised you’re defending the sister of a fucking Red.’ He saluted, and they all left. I was so terrified I peed myself again.

Leila:
Oh, Paula. That’s terrible.

Paula:
After that, I became Pablo’s
novia,
and after the Civil War we married.

Leila:
So that’s how you married Pablo.

Paula:
Mother and I were pretty much on our own, and it looked like the new government might confiscate the family’s property because of Carlos and Antonio, so it was the only sensible thing I could do.

Leila:
Were you happy?

Paula:
Yes. Pablo wasn’t a bad husband. And he was a really good grandfather to Max and Juan. They loved it here when they were young. But Pablo had terrible, black days. When we were first married, I kept asking him to find out what had happened to Antonio, but he would just get angry. Once he got drunk, and hit me hard and ordered me never to mention Antonio’s name again.

Leila:
Why do you think he did that?

Paula:
Terrible things happened in the Civil War. He said it was best to forget, and not keep harping back, and that with no news for so long Antonio would certainly be dead. He kept saying nothing would be gained by digging up the past.