Blood of Cupids (6 page)

Of course I wanted him to stay. Of course I wanted to give
him my number. I wanted to see him today, tomorrow, and everyday thereafter.
Something changed within me as we became one. I have never let myself be that
vulnerable, but I will never be the same. I truly do thank him for that.

But I care for him, and because I care for him, I can never
get that close. As soon as my father was to find out there was a man in my
life, that I had given myself to him, I could not protect him anymore. Patrick
Brennan was grooming men within his club to be a husband for me. He didn’t
think I knew that, but I wasn’t blind. I see everything he does, and I know
what he would do to Ryan. No amount of possible love could be worth the pain
Patrick “Bowie” Brennan could cause.

No. Our night of passion would have to be it. I could live
with that, and I knew the likelihood of running into him was next to nothing. I
wasn’t lying. I couldn’t be seen in Southwest Philly. I had never met one of
The
Blood of Cupids,
but I couldn’t take the chance of one of them recognizing
me. If they were to see me in their territory, all hell would break loose
between the two clubs. At least in Old City, I was tucked away with the upper
middle class everyday folk. Here, I’m indistinguishable in the crowd. There,
I’d be a walking target.

Those would have to be the last words I would say to Ryan.
Ryan. I repeated his name over and over again, until I drifted to sleep. Ryan.

* * *

She was calling my name, but I was staring at myself in
the mirror. I liked pink. And yellow. Yellow was a great bright color. I loved
my yellow backpack and my pink jacket. I looked cool, and I was ready to go.

“Coming Mom!”

I got to the top of the stairs, sat down, and slid the
rest of the way on my bottom. It was bouncy. And it was fun. She met me at the
bottom of the stairs. My Mom was really pretty. She was wearing a flower dress.
I would wear flower dresses when I grew up.

“Are you ready to go?” She asked.

“Yes I am. Where is Daddy?”

“Daddy’s not coming this time, Baby. This is just going
to be you and me.”

“Okay.” I nodded. Daddy went away a lot, so I wasn’t
surprised he wouldn’t be coming with us.

“I am just waiting for a friend. Why don’t you go in your
playroom, and I’ll come get you when I’m ready.”

“Sounds good, Mom!”

She laughed as I rounded into the kitchen and disappeared
into my playroom. It was time for dolls.

I heard a car pull up into the driveway. It must have
been Mommy’s friend. I was nosy, so I listened really hard.

“Thanks for coming.” I hear my mother say.

“You know I can’t be seen here.” I hear a man’s voice.

“I know, but this is the last time.”

“So you guys are finally ending this?”

“I’m taking Gracie and getting out of here. It’s all in
this note. Can you just make sure he gets it?”

“And what is he supposed to do after he reads it?”

“It’s all in there.”

“You fucking cunt, you want him to run away with you.”

“How dare you speak to me that way?”

“And you expect me to be okay with this? I stuck my neck
out for him. The only reason he joined the fucking club was for you. Do you
know what will happen when they find out he’s leaving? They’re going to kill
him, and me for that matter.”

“We won’t let that happen.”

The man sounded very angry. He started yelling.

“The hell you won’t! You rewrite this letter, and say
that you will never see him again.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Yes you can. You are ending this.”

“I love him.”

“I don’t give a shit. Rewrite the letter.”

“No.”

I heard a slap, and my mom screamed. I wanted to run out,
but I was scared.

“Or do you need some incentive?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Where’s your little daughter? How about I take her
upstairs and teach her a lesson her mom should’ve learned a long time ago.”

“No. Stop. Please stop.” She sounded worried. Was she
crying?

“You want to take him? Well I’ll take her. Get out of my
way.”

“She’s only four!” They sounded closer now. I think they
were in the kitchen.

“Even better.”

I heard another loud bang, and my mom rushed into the
room.

“Baby, listen to me.” She pushed a plant out of the way
and opened a small door behind it that I had never seen before. “You have to
stay in here, and you have to be very quiet. Okay?”

“Why Mommy?”

“It’s a game, okay? I’ll explain it to you later. Please,
just do as Mommy says.”

“Okay. It will be fun.”

“Yes it will, Baby.” She started to cry. She definitely
didn’t think this game was fun.

I crawled into the wall and curled up. Mommy closed the
little door and pushed the plant back in front of it. It was very dark, but
there was a tiny hole I could see through.

I heard Mommy dial the phone, but then she stopped. The
man was back.

“Did you just try to knock me out with a frying pan?”

“Please. Please don’t. Listen. Okay. Okay. I’ll rewrite
the letter.”

“Too late, bitch.”

I saw Mommy fall to the floor and the man crawled on top
of her. I couldn’t see what he looked like, but he seemed scary. Mommy started
screaming, but he put his hand over her mouth.

“Is she watching? Tell me where she is, and she won’t
have to see this.”

“Never!” She tried to talk under his hand.

“You asked for this.”

He pulled her dress up, and she was screaming and
kicking. Was this part of the game? I didn’t like this game at all. Then he
took his shirt off and unbuckled his belt. Mommy kept screaming. Was I really
supposed to stay in the wall?

“Where the fuck is she, Emily?”

Now they were both yelling, and he was jumping up and
down on top of her. He reached over and grabbed something. He put it against my
Mommy’s head.

“Tell me where she is!”

Mommy kept yelling. She just kept yelling, and I didn’t
know what to do.

“You can keep your letter.”

Then there was the loudest bang of them all. Mommy
stopped screaming. The man kept bouncing on her. He laid flat on top of her,
still jumping up and down. I squinted really hard and saw that there was
something on the man’s side. It was a funny drawing. There were big angel
wings, and a pointy thing sticking through them.

* * *

I shot up out of my dream, cringing at the reliving of that
memory. I collected my thoughts, my realizations, praying that I was making something
up. Could it really be true? It wasn’t just a dream; I had seen the tattoo
before: the wings and the arrow. I had seen the tattoo on the man who killed my
mother, and Ryan had the same wings and the same arrow in the exact same place.

Ryan was a member of
The Blood of Cupids MC.
What the
hell did I just do?

E,

You couldn’t really believe that I would allow this
letter to be the final act in our story. I’m not the type of man who gives up
on what he wants, and I will never give up on you. Have your family hunt us
down—it will still be a superior life to the one I live without you. And know
that the awareness of your unborn child cannot conquer the love I have for you.
You could bear a thousand children from a thousand different men, and my
feelings would not waver.

Leave him. You do not need the company you have been
forced into. For once in your life, do something for yourself. I will keep you
safe. If it’s the last thing I do, I will keep you safe today, tomorrow, and
past the light.

Not living without you,

J

Ten miles. Who walks ten miles? Who has enough shit going on
in their head that it takes a three-hour walk to sort it all out? And did I
actually sort through anything? Fucking Grace. Why was I letting her get to me?

I know why. She said she was done with me. No woman is ever
done with me. I choose when I want things to be over. Who the hell does she
think she is?

Shit.

I kicked my bike over. This girl was making me lose control.

I wanted to leave it there. I was so upset that I would
allow the one constant in my life to spend the night buckled on its side. I
tried to walk past, but my eyes were drawn down, and I noticed I had cracked my
intake manifold. Really? One more thing added to the list of shit that was
pissing me off. On top of that, I left my epoxy at the clubhouse. Hell, it
wasn’t like I’d be falling asleep anytime soon, and the clubhouse was only
three blocks away. Maybe a little work on my bike would do me better than a
ten-mile walk.

I looked up as I approached our meeting place and saw the
lights were left on. That wasn’t uncommon for three in the morning in our club,
but I didn’t see the usual swarm of bikes out front. My hand reached for the
knob as I heard my Pops raise his voice.

“Absolutely not. I’m not going to rage a full on war with
The
Shadows
just because you have a hunch.”

“It’s not a hunch.” It was my Uncle Sean. “The kid overheard
Brennan. They’re coming here.”

“And you sent our prospect into Alexandria without even
consulting me—and with no one to back him up? That’s not the way we do things
around here, Sean.”

“But it worked. No one knew who he was. And the kid proved
himself to us. You’re too cautious.”

“I take care of my family. I wish the same would go for
you.”

“I am taking care of us. We’d be sitting ducks if the kid
hadn’t heard that.”

“We don’t even know if it’s true.”

“Fuck, just trust me this one goddam time.”

“I don’t want to get involved with them.”

“You never do. But here I am, giving you the opportunity to
finally stand face to face with Brennan. Isn’t that why you begged to join this
club? Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted? To finish him off once and for
all?”

Pops was quiet. I knew there was bad blood between the two
clubs, but no one could ever give me a real reason why. What could Pops have
against Patrick Brennan? And what was about to go down?

I was the Vice President now; I had every right to know what
was going on in my club. I swung open the door and welcomed Sean’s fist to my
blocking forearm.

“Necessary?” I sneered.

“You surprised me.” Sean shot back.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing, Son.” Pop chimed in.

“Ryan, just let the big boys handle it. You don’t need to be
here.” Sean was all too happy not to include me in any of the club business.

“I believe my brand new patch says otherwise.”

I could see his face redden. I was right. My new patch
entitled me to know more than he did, if necessary. He hated that.

“The kid overheard Brennan saying
The Walking Shadows
were planning a trip to our territory.”

“And the kid just happened to stumble into
their
territory to hear that?” I had overheard their conversation, but I wanted to
make sure Sean knew I didn’t agree with his tactics.

“It was a misunderstanding.” Pops was too tolerant of his
brother’s transgressions.

“So what are we doing about it? Did you call the group
together?”

“Not yet. This all just came to light.”

“Do we know when they’re coming?” I was calm. I was having a
calculated conversation about the business, and it was bugging the shit out of
Sean. He wanted me to fail.

“They’ll be riding in next Friday.” Sean stood taller,
letting me know that he still had the upper hand in the conversation.

“And we have a match next Friday.” I said.

Pops eyed me, questioning. “What are you thinking, Ryan?”

“They’re not going to stage a surprise attack on us if there
are civilians around. If they show up Friday, we’ll be able to find out the
reason for their visit without pulling out the guns.”

Sean shook his head. “You don’t know what these guys are
capable of.”

Pops took a deep breath. What weren’t they telling me?

“So maybe I don’t. If that’s the case, they’ll think they’re
catching us off guard, but we’ll be ready. And we’ll make sure to pad the
audience with our allies. I want to know every single person in that room; that
way, we can be sure they’re on our side.”

“It’s not a bad idea.” Pops seemed concerned, but there was
hope. “Who is fighting?”

“I am.”

“No. You need to have a gun on you.” Pops said.

“If I’m not fighting, they might know something’s up. This
is the game we run. No changes.”

He was angered by my reasoning, but knew I was right. “Fine.
You and Sean, tomorrow, ride up to the Bronx. Talk to the allies. I’m going to
bed.”

He was trying to shake something off. I wanted to talk to
him, figure out what was eating at him, but if I were running up to New York,
I’d need to do a quick repair on my bike. He gave me a swift pat on the
shoulder before leaving.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? Those guys can be
brutal.”

“So can we.”

He chuckled. “I’m proud of you, Son.”

“Thanks Pops.”

Sean stayed behind, piercing me with his eyes, as I searched
for the epoxy.

“What can I do for you, Sean?” I refused eye contact.

“You know you didn’t deserve that patch, right?”

I wasn’t in the mood.

“Deserve it or not, you still voted me in.”

“I’m just playing the cards I was dealt. You’ll screw this
up. Then I’ll have what I want.”

“And I’ll throw you a parade when you do.” I couldn’t help
my sarcasm.

“Don’t give me shit, Ryan.”

“Go home, Sean.”

He tossed the sarcasm right back. “Well of course, Mr. Vice
President.”

He mockingly gave me a bow and slammed the door on the way
out. Did I know what I was doing? I had just calmly offered a plan for a war
with our enemies, and I knew nothing about them. We hadn’t come face to face
with
The Walking Shadows MC
since I was too young to remember. What if
they were coming for blood? What if next Friday would be my last fight?

What if I never saw Grace again?