Blood and Loss (Cassandra Myles Witch Series) (4 page)

“I couldn’t use my powers to save my parents. I just stood there. Big powerful witch doing not
hing, I could have at least had the courage to try. I stood there, Lena, and watched that boy tear them apart. How could I do that?”

She
braided my hair, leaned in, and kissed my ear. A shiver ran through my body. “We aren’t taught to use our magic outside these walls. We are forbidden to use them outside the classroom until they know we can control it. It wouldn’t come naturally in an ordinary circumstance, let alone what happened that night.”

I let her push me back on the bed and she covered me up.
She gave me a kiss on the forehead like she was tucking in her little girl. I wanted her to hold me. “Will you sleep in my bed tonight? I don’t want to be alone. Please?”

She crawled in behind me
and snaked her tiny arm around my waist. “I am going to miss Bern. She was a hard ass, but she loved you like a mother should love a child. Tony was gaga over you. His eyes would brighten when you walked in the room. I know we never got along, but when you love someone, you tend to love the people who love them too.”

I turned to face her. I had been feeling so alone in the world, but that was my fault. I had people who loved me. I just had shoved them away. I kissed her forehead grateful for her intervention tonight. My
mom would have loved Lena too if she had seen what she had done for me tonight.

Her bow lips curved up into a tentative smile. Her lips barely brushed mine. “I love you
, Cassandra Myles. You’ll never be alone as long as I am alive. I am not going anywhere.”

I kissed her back. Her lips were soft. I had never kissed a woman before
; it felt strange and exciting. It felt comforting. My tongue searched for hers and they entwined. Lena was the first to break it off.

“Go to sleep
, Cass. I’ll still be here in the morning.” She stoked my hair until I finally drifted off.

She kept her word. For the whole weekend
, she took care of me. She brought me food and rented movies. She held me when I would break down and by Monday morning, I felt a little less overwhelmed. She had been there while I let a little bit of my grief go. Just a fraction, but it was enough to allow me to feel like someday in the very distant future, I would feel normal again.

Chapter 4

Lena was sleeping and I decided to get myself ready and head out to Morven’s office. I had taken her help, but I still needed to know I could do things on my own. She loved me and saved me from a terrible decision this weekend, but I still needed to be in control.

Lena would probably be mad, but she would forgive me when she saw I was al
l right and I had fixed everything on my own. She didn’t have to be by my side to help. Just knowing what she had done for me last night and how it made me feel was enough.

Standing in front of my advisor’s door
, I took a deep breath, and then knocked. “Come in, Ms. Myles.” Her voice almost sounded chipper, which was not the norm.

Morven was sitting behind her desk. Her long legs stretched out underneath. She was as tall as I
was, but I had a solid build. Morven was thin and willowy. She was striking except for the frown line in the middle of her forehead from years of disapproving looks she gave to her students. I felt a shiver run down my spine when she focused that look on me.

“I was wondering if we could talk about my exams.”

“Of course. I was going to try and find you later today to discuss that with you. In light of your circumstances and your pristine record at this school, I would like to make you a proposal.”

I just nodded, holding my breath and hoping this was good news.

“This proposal, I think, will make things easier for you to wrap things up here at school, so you can concentrate on other matters that I am sure are weighing on your mind.” She gave me a pleasant look that was even scarier than her stink eye.

“Okay.” This was not what I was expecting. The Ice Queen did have a heart.

She motioned for me to sit in the chair in front of her desk. “This afternoon, I have one final exam to administer, but after that I will gather the other assessors and we will administer one final test. I think your record speaks for itself, but rules are rules. So, if all goes well, you may be a graduate before tomorrow.”

My heart leapt in my chest. This was the
best-case scenario. This was going to be over and I would at least have my licence, then everything could fall apart.

“
That is very generous. I really am very grateful.”

“Don’t be grateful yet
, Ms. Myles. The exam will be to test your skills and your commitment to our rules. It will be hard, but necessary. If I made it easy, rumors might follow you that I let you pass because of sympathy. I know you don’t want that.”

“I won’t let you down, I promise.”
Could I have been wrong about her? Maybe she was tough to make us better and she really could have a soft side.

“See that you don’t.”

She looked back down to her papers. I took that as my cue to leave.

Lena was sitting on her bed with her legs dangling over the side, swinging back and forth like a little girl. Her Mohawk was at its spikiest. She was worried about me, that was clear, but I saw no anger. Just relief when I walked through the door, then a big smile when she saw the extra-large coffees I had gotten us at Perks. Our campus had a small kiosk and it had a license to print money, being in such close proximity to hundreds of sleep-deprived students.

“I was worried when I woke up and you were gone. I guess you had to rush out and get me a coffee for being the best friend ever?”

“Of course, and I went to see Morven. She has scheduled my exam this afternoon after the last official exams. One test takes all. We will be able to graduate together.”

She flung herself in my arms. “That is great
, Cass.”

I expected a big smile on her face when she let go, but instead her cherub lips were pulled down in a frown. “I get a bad vibe from this. Can you postpone it?”

“Absolutely not. Morven is actually acting like a human being with compassion. What are the chances that will happen again? Plus this is not in the rule book; what are the chances she’ll break them twice?”

“Not great
, I admit, but I am worried this will be bad.”

“Failing bad?”

“No, more like dangerous.”

“I didn’t expect Morven to give me my diploma. She’ll make me work for it, but I’ll handle whatever she throws at me.”

“I know.” She didn’t look like she knew.

“Your predications always come true, but not always how you think. I have to do this.”

“Just be careful.” She turned to the room. “I have to go, but the second season of
Buffy
is in the dvd player. I made you a cup of tea and set your alarm for three. So rest and try to zone out and I will be waiting for you right after. Deal?”

She was perfect even when she was being a pain in the ass.
I hugged her to me as tight as I could.

“Cass
, as much as I love your boobs in my face, you are cutting off my air.”

“Sorry, just happy you’re in my life.”

She reached up on tiptoes and kissed my cheek. “Good luck.”

I s
nuggled in bed as soon she left and I was asleep before Buffy had a chance to kick any ass.

I walked slowly to the auditorium. Morven had texted the time and place of the exam and the time was now. I was excited about getting this over with, but I was nervous. Most graduates could rely on at least two or three exams to be averaged for each class. Magic not being science, it was needed in case something happened that was beyond the student’s control. There was no multiple choice on our exams. I was getting one shot and it was a lot of pressure. My hand shook as I opened the door to the large room.

My stomach dropped into my shoes and I had to stop myself from running away. Almost the whole faculty lined the walls of the room
. A teacher I had only seen a few times around the halls grabbed my wrist. Her boney fingers dug into my flesh, her eyes were wide, and her lips were thin. “You don’t have to go through with this, child.” Panic gave me the strength to yank myself from her grip.

Morven was in the center of the room
, holding her hand out to me. “Cassandra, you’re right on time.” She had a welcoming smile on her face. I wasn’t feeling it.

“What’s going on?” I could feel the tremor in my voice and despite everything I had done to get here, my brain was screaming
“run.”

“Well, the faculty and I are not in agreement on your final evaluation. Since it is my call as you
r advisor and not theirs, they have decided to be here to lend their moral support.” Morven gave them all a cutting look.

It took all my strength to keep myself from bolting and not looking back.
What was this woman going to do to me? “Okay,” I whispered.

“Don’t look so worried. I only want you to do what you have done a hundre
d times before.”

“Don’t belittle what you are asking of her
, Morven. This is shameful, even for you. ” I couldn’t tell who in the crowd had spoken.

Morven continued like no one had spoken.
“Before I tell you what it is, we all want you to know that it is your right to refuse. If you do, however, you will have to repeat the year.”

“No, I don’
t want that.”

Morven nodded, clearly getting the response she wanted. “We want you to reach a soul on the other side, pull them through
, and then return them after we ask a few questions.” She put a hand on my shoulder. “You must remember the rules, Cassandra. No spirits you were close with when they were alive and no newly dead.”

I swallowed hard and looked around the room for help. Everyone averted their eyes. Cowards!
How could she think this was okay? It was too soon. She was doing this on purpose so I would refuse. I knew it was too good to be true. I wasn’t going to let her get away with it.

“I know you can do this. You are strong and capable. You do this and there will be people beating down your door with offers.”

I didn’t trust my words to agree; my brain was still dead set against it. I just nodded and took my place seated in the middle of the room. I had done this task hundreds of times. Lena had precognition as a specialty and I had contacting the dead. Most powerful witches had a specialty. So I had been required to practice it as much as possible. I could do this. I lit the beeswax candle that had been set out for me. It had to be an unscented candle with no artificial ingredients. I don’t know why, but that was the only one that worked. The lights were turned off and that was my cue to begin.

It took me longer than usual to start. You had to be completely calm for it to work.
Taking a deep cleansing breath, I focused on the small flame before me. As my concentration deepened, the light became fuzzy and the wall I needed to see appeared before me.

The wall was infinite,
stretching out in all directions, but I only had to worry about one small part. It was not made of bricks or stone, but of billions of threads. Some thought it was the Fates tapestry, some the last bit of physical material a soul leaves behind when they cross over. Whoever was responsible for its construction, the wall was responsible for keeping the living and the dead separate. When contacting a soul on the other side, you had to open a small hole in the wall and open it large enough to allow a soul through. The bigger the hole, the more psychic energy it took to keep it open, because the threads became denser the farther they are pushed apart.

I blocked out everything from the rest of the room. Starting directly in front of me
, I made a pinprick hole, gently making it big enough to send a piece of my soul through to call forth one from the other side. I pictured my hand sliding through the hole, my fingers beckoning for a soul to grab on so I could pull them through.

It felt like forever before I felt the familiar tug. Relief didn’t have a chance to take hold before I realized
I knew this soul. His hold was strong and desperate. Tears spilled down my cheeks and panic was taking hold. “Morven, please help me. It’s my Dad; he won’t let go.”

Morven’s voice was stern and unmoved
. “You must do this alone.”

“Can’t I bring him through? Please
?” I hated the desperation in my voice.

“No
. the rules are in place for a reason and this one may be the most important of them all.”

The grip of fear and panic released me
, and a feeling of warmth and love wrapped around me. He was trying to heal me. I stood by doing nothing as he was slaughtered and he still wanted me to be happy. The intense feeling of love and acceptance undid the bonds I had wrapped around my emotions. Every protection I had put in place fell away and I felt raw and exposed.

I didn’t care about the rules. I needed this. My
father was there, pleading with me to bring him over and I didn’t have the will to say “no.” I pushed the threads to make the hole larger.

“Cassandra, you know this isn’t right. Stop or you will fail.” Morven tried to push against me to close the hole. She was taking my father from me. I felt her push again and Dad started to slip from my fingers.

The scream in my mind pushed its way out until I was gasping for air. I was frantic to reconnect with him. All the energy in the room swirled around me. I gave one final hard push with everything I had. The hole remerged, growing bigger until the threads started to snap. The power I sent into the wall was more than I could control. The hole went from the size of a pea to the size of a door and was rapidly growing.

A
rush of souls flew at me in a shower of tiny sparks, burning my skin with each hit. The power I had sent forth made me feel drained. There was screaming in the dark all around me. Someone knocked me over in the mass panic, and then I was kicked as I struggled to right myself. Morven called for calm. Before I could get away, someone kicked me one more time. This time it was in the head and it was the last thing I remember.

The sound of crying brought me back. My head was throbbing and it took a few minutes to figure out where I was. Lena was curled up beside me, sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to talk, but it came out as a scratchy whisper. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh,
sweetie, they took it all. I tried to stop them. I begged and pleaded, but they did it anyway. I hate them, Cass.”

I was about to ask what she was talking about, but somewhere inside I knew. They had done it when I was asleep. They were cowards. I needed to hear for sure. “Tell me what they did to me
, Lena.”

“By the time I got there, they had put back the wall. It took every witch there to contain
the spirits and repair the damage. Everyone was yelling all at once. It was chaos. No one was even paying any attention to you. You were so still. I ran to make sure you were still alive.” Lena wiped her nose on her sleeve.

“Morven
started screaming for me to get away from you. They had you in a stasis spell so you couldn’t wake up. They were terrified of you. I think it was the only reason she got them all to agree.”

“Jus
t tell me what they did, please,” I pleaded.