Blitz (Emerald City/Black Family Saga Book 1) (26 page)

“That wasn’t your decision to make.”

“Of course it was.” She wipes her face. “I was her caregiver. It was my choice to make. What was I supposed to discuss it with you?”

“Did you talk to Dad?”

She opens her mouth to respond but I cut in.

“Think, Aunt Sheila. Before you speak. Before you tell another lie. Because all it will take is one phone call.”

She gasps. “Ray, I don’t think—”

“I don’t think you should try defending yourself on this one. You sent my sister away. The closest family I have. You sent her to a strange city and when she left the home, you didn’t even bother looking for her.”

“She was eighteen. I asked her to come back, Ray. I begged her. But she was so angry with me for sending her away in the first place she just shut me out.”

“And all these years, you pretended. Put on a charade. For what?”

“For you. You were away from home. Not doing as well as you let on. Reese told me how hard it was for you. How you were depressed and—”

“Wait, what? Reese? Miss Clarke.”

“I…yes.”

“You’ve spoken with her about me? You know her?”

“She introduced herself a few years back. Said she met you at UDub and promised to keep an eye out. I didn’t want you to know about your sister’s latest arrest. I didn’t want you to have a reason to come home and give up on your dream. So I didn’t tell you we’d sent her to Elgin. And when she signed herself out and disappeared, I didn’t know what else to say.”

“So you lied.”

“Yes. But we did look for her, Ray. I swear. Dad found her. But she wouldn’t come home. She hated me, didn’t want anything to do with me. She was so angry.”

“What did she do? Why did you send her away?”

“Ray…”

“You promised. The truth.”

“She broke into Dad’s office. Into the safe and stole over five thousand dollars worth of crystal and silver.”

“She stole from the church?”

“That’s why I didn’t tell him. I knew it would break his heart. The worst part is that it was part of a stupid dare. She’d started hanging out with this girl she’d been locked up with. I just wanted her to distance herself from that life, to take on better influences. But she shut out every effort. It was the last straw. I’m the one who called the police. I thought it would give her a good scare. I didn’t know they’d charge her. Elgin was the alternative to jail. So I took it.”

I scoff. “You think she was angry before? I’m not sure she’ll ever come back from this.”

Her nose flares and her chest rises and falls, her hands shaking in front of her.
 

I take them in mine and manage a smile that doesn’t feel quite right. “I guess I understand what you’ve done. But I’m starting to wonder what it is about this family and lies. We say we’re protecting one and other. But I don’t know, it seems like all we’re doing is making things worse.” I get up from the table. “She’s back,” I say. “For good I hope. She’s staying in my room tonight. But you should probably give her some space. She’s had a rough couple of days.”

“Do you think she’ll forgive me?”

I shrug. “She’s angry, but still just as sweet as she’s always been. She apologized to me for the way she came in here the other day. If you ask me, I think she’s trying to find her way back to her family, but I don’t think it’ll be easy. I think we’ll all have to start showing her just how much we care. Together.”

I get up from the table and head back toward the front door.

“Where are you going?”

“Out,” I say. “To face another truth and hopefully get a little forgiveness of my own.”

This is the first day of the rest of my life, I think as I slip into my gym shoes. They pinch my baby toes and I can’t help but laugh at myself. My cheesy mantra and fresh resolution won’t last more than one hour. I’ve had these sneakers for an entire year and they look brand new.

The last time I vowed to change my habits, I allowed Reese to drag me to her gym. I was exhausted before we even got there and, after the first five squats, ready crash on my futon with a can of root beer and perfectly powdered doughnut.
 

But this time I need the change. I need the distraction. It’s been a stressful few weeks and relieving my woes with alcohol—especially cheap beer, isn’t doing me any favors. My job is safe now. In a few months, money will be good. And I need to be in top form. So I can peruse my real dreams.
 

 
I’m good at what I do. It’s why I do it. That and I love it. I’m not cut out for this cutthroat bargaining crap. I need stability. I need a job that depends on nothing more than my own skills.

I swing the door open and step forward smacking straight into what feels like a wall. Then I look up to meet Ray’s gaze.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” I say.

“Where are you going?”

“For a run.” It sounds even more stupid than in my head.

“Oh,” Ray’s thumbs hang in his belt loops. “I didn’t realize you were…”

“Athletic?” I laugh. “I’m not. But…I don’t know, maybe the run will turn into a walk. Probably. I just needed to clear my head.”

“Everything okay?”

All I can do is chuckle.

“Kind of late for a run isn’t it?”

I shrug. “It’s better than lying in bed and staring at the ceiling all night.”

“I could lie with you.”

My cheeks grow hot.

“I mean,” Ray smirks. “We could talk. It’ll be better than counting sheep.”

“You’re that boring huh?”

“You mind if I come in?” he gestures inside and I step back.
 

“Sure.” After I close the door, I gratefully remove my Nikes and lead the way to the futon. “So, what brings you all the way out here? I figured you’d have some things to take care of.”

“I did. I’m done,” he says as he leans back on his palms, regarding me with those sapphire eyes.
 

He still hasn’t shaved. And I like it. He was cute as a fresh-faced college boy, but scruffy-faced he looks good enough to eat. God, he’s sexy. Less than a week ago, I would have said he isn’t my type. But today, he’s all I want.

I clear my throat and pull my legs up on the mattress, crossing them in front of me. “What does that mean, exactly?” I ask, willing my southern region to stop aching.
 

“I dealt with it,” he says, not a flicker of emotion evident in his voice. “Mariah is staying.”

“And you left her alone in that house with your aunt? Aren’t you afraid of walking in on a brutal murder?”

At this, he cracks a smile. “I think she’ll behave. She got what she wanted, for me to know the truth. Thanks to you.”

I duck my head. “It was my pleasure.”

“So here’s the thing,” he says, leaning forward, drawing a little closer to me. “I think we got off to bad start, on the wrong foot.”

“Did we?”

He nods. “If I’d met you, say, at the bar, or at the doughnut shop,” he laughs lightly. “I think maybe things would have started differently.” He reaches a hand forward and traces my hairline. “And I get the feeling they wouldn’t have ended at all.”

“How do you know?” I ask.

“Have you met you?” He slides closer. “You’re funny, witty, incredibly smart, and,” he sucks in a breath. “Have you seen you? Ever since the day you walked into that restaurant, I knew there was something about you. And the day it hit me just how incredible you are, it hit hard. And I can’t shake it, Sydney. Even when I thought you’d betrayed me, I couldn’t shake it.”

I’m sure my face is beet red now. Inside, I am melting. My resolve is crumbling and any second I will straddle this man and make him love me the way I’ve been dreaming of almost every single night since the first time he touched me.

“How did this happen?” I murmur.
 

“I don’t know.” His breath hits my cheek. “But I’m glad it did? Are you?”

I nod, a lump lodged in my throat.

“Good. I want you to know that whatever happens, from here on in, I’m on your side. You don’t have to convince me of anything. It’s more than obvious you’re the one for me. I don’t need to see your roster, I don’t care about references and I sure as hell don’t care if you’re an amateur.”

She giggles. “Cute.”

“I thought so.”

“I’m sorry about what Marx did. He’s an idiot and I feel stupid for trusting him.”

“It’s okay. Everything happens for a reason. My sister’s home, I’ve gotten to know my mom a lot better and we’ve managed to work things out. Right?”

“Right.”

He leans in a little closer and his gaze falls to my lips. I swallow hard.
 

“What about your bio-dad?”

“Hmmm?”
 

“Are you planning on getting to know him?”

Ray glances up at me and shakes his head.

“Why not?”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “No…I mean, that’s not a ‘no’. I just…I wouldn’t even know where to start? I know it’s only been a couple of days since everything came out, but I kind of figured he’d care. You know?”

“What do you mean?”

“He hasn’t tried to contact us. He didn’t show up at the house with excuses. He didn’t call. Send a card.”

“Maybe he hasn’t read the article. Maybe he doesn’t know you know.”

Ray lies back on the bed and I join him. “My mom said he wanted us, at one point. But he gave us up anyway. He gave up on us and no matter what the reasons it’s kind of hard to forgive that kind of betrayal.”

“But you said it yourself, he had his reasons.” I turn my head to look at him. “Were they good ones at least?”

“I guess.”

“You know what I think?”

He smiles. “What do you think, Sydney Bucco?”

“I think if I had one more day with my dad, I’d take it in a heart beat. No matter what the complications. Your father pretty much came back from the dead, Ray. That’s big. And it doesn’t happen to everyone. But I bet you there was a day in your life, even if it was a long time ago, that you wished he would. Now he has. What are you going to do about it?”

“More days than I can count.” His voice breaks on the last syllable and turns onto his side. Reaching for me, he brushes his thumb over my lips.

 
I close my eyes. Any second now. Not long until I taste him again.
 

“Incredibly smart,” he whispers. “Just like I said.”

I can feel his breath on my forehead and I take a deep one of my own, deeply inhaling his scent.
 

“Sydney?” he asks.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you again?”

My eyes flutter open and he’s millimeters from me. I close the space between us quickly, tangling my fingers in his hair. His arms encircle my waist, as our bodies meet.
 

He tastes even better than I remember and every kiss hits me in just the right place.

“Ray,” I whisper between kisses.

“Hmm, hmm.”
 

“You can kiss me anytime you want. You don’t always have to be so nice about it.” I push him backwards, climb on top and kiss him like I’d drown if I ever came up for air.

“Wait.” He pushes me away and my heart sinks.
 

“Ray,” I whisper, sinking back into the bed, slightly out of breath. “You can’t keep doing this to me. You’re either into me or you’re not. Make up your damn mind.”

“As I recall, it was you who shut things down last time.”

“And you who was gone when I woke up.”

He leans over and kisses my forehead and my body goes limp. “I am…definitely into you. I just don’t want to mess this up.”

“What?” I roll off him. “Our friendship?”

Ray pulls me back to him. “No, not that. I think we’ve already crossed that bridge. Besides, I’m not afraid of that. I just, I’ve never done this before and I want to get it right.”

I frown. “Done what?”

“Well…” he gestures between the two of us. “This.”

“You’re a virgin!” I don’t mean to scream like I do, but I’m just so surprised. No flabbergasted is a better word. “H—how?”
 

Ray laughs. “That’s not what I meant either. Well, not really. Obviously, you know how I grew up. A preacher grandpa. A preacher dad. A mom that still refuses to cut the strings. They didn’t even let me start dating until I was sixteen and even then she had to be approved.”

“Kristen.”

Ray nods. “She was nice. Pretty. But, I mean, she wasn’t the real thing. We weren’t all that intimate. Other than holding hands and a few kisses. Then I went to college.”

Now this, I’m not sure I want to hear. “It’s okay,” I say quickly. “I get it.”

Ray’s lips brush my cheek and he breaths in deeply. “No you don’t,” he murmurs. “You don’t get it at all. College was fun. The girls were everywhere. Nothing like Kristen. Ready and willing to do anything. And when you’re a jock, on the football team, at that, it’s almost like it comes with the territory.”

“So you’re telling me that you’ve slept with a lot of girls?” My stomach goes a little queasy and I fight the urge to pull away.
 

Don’t be immature, Sydney. This isn’t a big deal.

“I’m telling you I slept with one. And it was better than what I expected, but in some ways, worse. I didn’t feel connected and I could tell she wasn’t. It was over faster than it began. It was weird because the whole time I was with Kristen, it’s all I could think about. But I knew she’d never go for it. Not unless we were married or engaged even.
 
Here I had it practically handed to me on a silver platter and I was actually disappointed. So I decided, right then and there, that if I did it again, my heart would have to be in it too.”

“Is your heart in it now? Because you’re kind of killing the mood.”

Ray laughs. “Sorry. I just want you to understand where I’m coming from. You’re not just a hookup, Sydney. The other night…I’m so sorry about the other night. I was drunk and stupid. But most of the time when I’m with you I’m thinking about touching you, about kissing you. It’s odd. I barely know you and…I just want more.”

I lick my lips and peer up at him. “More what?”

“I want to be closer to you, Sydney. And I know people do this kind of stuff all the time, but I want you to know it’s not what you think. I’m not that kind of guy.”