Blindsided (21 page)

“Something tells me she always is.”

“Pretty much.” He chuckled, grateful Emma didn’t seem too upset.

“I remember the two of you. You were the power couple on the U-Dub campus,” she said quietly; maybe he was wrong about the upset part. Women were a mystery, and he didn’t know one man who could attest to having them figured out.

“It was never going anywhere. It was just sex. Nothing else. Of course, for a randy twenty-year-old, that was more than enough.” He shot a quick glance her way. She looked ready to cry.
Well, damn
.

“Nothing like what you and I have,” he added with absolute sincerity.

“What do we have?” Emma blinked at him several times as if startled. At least, he’d distracted her from crying.

Her pointed question gave him pause. Tanner was a good-time guy, not one to analyze his feelings or why things were, and he didn’t want to do so now. “We have fun together. We’re friends, and the sex is fucking fantastic.”

“Oh,” Emma almost whispered, not sounding convinced. “She’s very beautiful.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Tanner snorted. In his world, gorgeous women were a dime a dozen. “But she wanted to be a model and planned to head for New York or LA after graduation. I didn’t know where I’d be going, and I didn’t see a future with her. Hell, I didn’t even like her as a person.” He reached for Emma’s hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing her knuckles, while still keeping his eyes on the road. He released her hand and navigated the truck off the four-lane highway and onto the country road which would take them home.

Emma put her hand on his thigh by his knee and rubbed it. He sighed with contentment.

“I was just worried,” she admitted.

“Emmie, I don’t want her. I don’t know what’s going on between her and Braedon, but it’s not good, and I want no part of it. What I do want is you and me naked in the hot tub with the jets on high while I slide in and out of your tight warm body.”

His words earned him a smile. “Oh, okay, I can live with that.”

“So can I, honey, so can I.”

Truer words were never spoken, and he feared he’d ventured into his personal no-man’s land and allowed himself to get attached to a woman. For both their sakes, he needed to pull back, keep the relationship more physical and less emotional.

When this ended—and it would end—he didn’t want any regrets, and he also didn’t want to lose her as a friend.

Dream on, dumb shit, dream on.

* * * *

Tanner’s second preseason game was played in Kansas City. Emma watched it at Izzy and Cooper’s house. At halftime she helped Izzy assemble some snacks in the kitchen.

After the dinner with the guys a week ago, they’d had incredible sex in the hot tub, on the chaise lounge, and, of course, in bed. Despite the mind-blowing sex every night of the week, something changed that night, something she couldn’t put her finger on. Maybe she was imagining trouble considering her precarious future with Tanner, but she was certain that wasn’t it.

Tanner distanced himself slightly, not in his enthusiasm for sex, but in the closeness they’d been developing. He’d backed off in subtle ways, not sharing as much about his day, not asking her opinions on important matters, not coming home early just to surprise her.

“How do you deal with this?” Emma asked Izzy as she mixed some dip and poured it into a serving dish.

“With what?” Izzy stopped chopping vegetables and turned to her.

“Being with an athlete. I’ve only dealt with one game, and I’m exhausted, emotionally drained, and already worried about what comes next.”

“You’ll learn,” Izzy insisted in her usual no-nonsense, take charge manner.

“He’s so worried he won’t be the starter. He’s practically living at the practice facility, and the team’s rookie QB has been impressive so far.”

“Once Tanner’s position with the team is solidified, you won’t have that worry. Not that it ever gets easier, but you’ll get better at dealing with it.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out to deal with this. With him.”

“A little late to be wondering that now. Wait until the team turns it around, and suddenly Tanner is recognized everywhere you go, and you don’t get a moment’s peace.”

“I know.” Emma sighed and grabbed a chip from the bowl. She could feel Izzy’s gaze on her and finally met her concerned eyes. “I can feel him drawing back, isolating himself, giving all his attention to the game.”

Izzy nodded as if she completely understood. “When you’re with a pro athlete, he’s never really yours. His heart and soul belong to the game as much as he belongs to you. It’s not easy to accept, but that’s part of the deal. You love him, don’t you?” Izzy asked in typical fashion, point-blank range and right between the eyes.

Emma didn’t hesitate for a moment. “I’ve always loved him.”

“No,” Izzy corrected her in her annoying big sister manner. “You had a crush. I asked if you love-
loved
him.”

Emma did. From the bottom of her heart to the depths of her soul through all her tomorrows to the end of her days on this earth and into eternity.

Izzy nodded, reading her expression. “And him?”

“He loves me,” Emma lied and poorly, sticking with their story.

“You forget I’ve been close friends with Tanner for over a year. He wasn’t secretly seeing you for months like he claimed.”

Emma shrugged. “You can believe what you want.”

“Not that it matters. I’ve seen how he looks at you now, and that’s the only answer I really need, Emms.”

“How does he look at me?” Emma asked, knowing she sounded desperate and hopeful.

“Like Cooper looks at me—a man who would give up his very life for his woman.” Izzy smiled at her and patted her on the arm in a rare display of affection. “Don’t sweat the small stuff, little sister. The man loves you, and how the two of you got to this point doesn’t matter.”

“But he’s drawing away.”

“He doesn’t come across as a guy who trusts easily. If he’s worried he’ll get too attached, he’s probably going to back off. Give him time. Men like him are tough to crack, but my money’s on you. Once he gives in to love, he’ll be yours forever.”

“Do you know anything about his past, other than what he puts out there in the media?”

Izzy shook her head sadly. “I don’t, but there’s some definite dysfunction between him and his brothers. Have you asked Isaac or Avery?”

“Avery says it’s for Tanner to tell me, not her.”

“She’s right, you know.”

“But I’d understand him better.”

“We all battle with our pasts and our present. Coop had some pretty ugly things in his own past. Until the ugly stuff was out on the table, we couldn’t move on. How are you and Bella getting along?” Izzy switched tracks.

“She barely speaks to me. She’s not happy about this.”

“Bella doesn’t get a vote in your life, Emms.” Izzy sighed. “And neither do I, even if you pursue your music, and I don’t like it any more than I liked Avery pursuing a career with horses. I still love you, and I’ll support whatever decision you make. But remember, it’s a long, hard road, and I can’t see Tanner travelling down that one with you.”

Emma didn’t have the guts to tell her sister part of the deal with Tanner included setting her up for success in Nashville. Assuming his agent’s wife played along and Emma proved she had the talent and stage presence. Lately, Emma wondered if singing really was her dream anymore or if her dream might be less flashy but just as important. She’d have the final classes for her teaching degree finished by the end of the year. She’d done her student teaching last spring. Substitute teaching would be an option the rest of the school year until full-time jobs opened next summer.

“I don’t know anymore. I’m not sure I want to leave Seattle.”

Izzy laughed. “That’s understandable since your circumstances have changed. I imagine you could have a career singing in local venues, and you can always continue to sing at the party crasher events.”

Emma nodded, as uncertain as ever about her future.

Maybe she didn’t need the big stage. She’d never been one to crave the limelight, not like Bella. At least, not until she’d started doing karaoke and discovered a side of herself she’d never known existed. What was she willing to give up to achieve her tantalizing dream? Would she give up the man she’d been waiting for all of her life? Or would she even be given that choice?

After training camp the following Monday, Tanner skipped the film room and dragged his tired ass to his car, so very ready to go home and wrap his arms around his wife and forget about everything but losing himself inside her.

He was still sore from the previous game in which he’d played almost two quarters, been sacked once, no interceptions, and thrown for two touchdowns, one to Cam and one to Hunter. It was all good.

He was playing to his potential. Meyer still shouted at him, lacing his rants with colorful obscenities, but Tanner took the criticism in stride. Regardless of Meyer’s not so subtle coaching methods, Tanner was improving, and he had Meyer to thank for his better play. And Emma. Of course, Emma. Her quiet support meant more than twenty national news articles about what a star he was—not that anyone was writing those articles—yet.

Tonight he’d join Emma for a home-cooked dinner and sit on the porch and watch the sun set. He looked forward to seeing her more than he could ever recall looking forward to another person. Too bad their relationship could only be temporary. He couldn’t see it any other way. He’d be in Seattle, and she’d be chasing her dream in LA, Nashville, or New York, depending on how she broke into the business.

Enjoy what you have while you have it, don’t get too attached, and don’t look back when the inevitable end comes
.

And it would come. He’d started to prepare for it by shoring up his defenses, making sure he kept a safe distance as much for her sake as his. Everyone he’d ever truly loved in his life had left him. Why should Emma be any different?

He’d promised her a shot at stardom. He had connections, and the connections he didn’t have, his agent had. In fact, Beed’s wife, Steph, handled quite a few high-profile performers. Yet, he kept putting off talking to Steph and prolonging his time with Emma. Following his typical head-in-the-sand MO, he refused to take out those reasons and examine the root cause.

No, things were better this way. Stick with the deal they’d made.

Once the season ended, he’d help her out. She could use his name and his fame, along with Stephanie Beedle, to get her big break. Her parents being former rock stars wouldn’t exactly hinder her either. Americans loved a good story, and they’d fall in love with Emma.

Who wouldn’t?

Tanner froze, the key in his hand about to turn the ignition.

Love?

Who the fuck said anything about love?

He adored Emma, loved talking to her, hanging out with her, and definitely sleeping with her. She cooked a mean pot roast and anything else he could imagine. She made their big, rambling, old house a home, and for the very first time in his life, he enjoyed coming home.

Which reminded him—

Tanner picked up his cell to text Emma and let her know he was on his way home early. His stomach rumbled as he wondered what culinary delight she’d prepared tonight.

As he thumbed through his extensive text messages, he paused at one, and all the good feelings seeped out of him.

“Crap,” he said aloud.

His father.

Tanner, I’ll be flying out next week to watch your last preseason game
.

Tanner didn’t want his father to insinuate himself into Tanner’s picture-perfect world. The man would mess it up somehow, just like he always did. Nor did he want to explain his dysfunctional childhood to Emma. He’d made his past a fantasy, sticking with the same story about how he was raised by a single father who worked two jobs, blah, blah, blah. All true, he just left out the abuse and his suspicions about his mother’s death.

Dad, not a good time.
Tanner texted back. He didn’t wait more than a few seconds for a response.

Bullshit. I have to protect my investment. Maybe even see your worthless big brother. Then again, you’re all worthless, ungrateful brats.

Thanks, Dad. You’re the best, too.
Oh, God, Tanner tried so hard to maintain a relationship with this man because when it came down to it, John Wolfe was the only family Tanner had left. Tanner hadn’t wanted anything to do with Isaac, and little brother Zeke pretended his family didn’t exist. For Tanner, Dad was all he had. John Wolfe might be the world’s crappiest father, but he was blood, and Tanner couldn’t cut him off, despite the damage the man did every time Tanner saw him.

The phone rang, and Tanner took a deep breath and steeled himself for a conversation that always started out bad and degenerated into a belittling confrontation and cruel guilt trips every damn time.

“Hi, Dad.”

“You sorry son of a bitch, you’re finally learning to play football.” His father’s statement spoke volumes. Tanner was starting to look like the winning quarterback he’d been in college so, of course, John Wolfe would insinuate himself into the limelight as Tanner’s loving father. Thinking about the man’s fake persona made Tanner sick, but then Tanner perpetuated his own fake persona.

Like father, like son
? He shuddered at the thought.

“It’s just a preseason game,” he hedged, and the defining game of his career, but to mention his beliefs would only encourage his father. He’d had a good preseason, thanks in part to excellent coaching and thanks to Emma for building his confidence. He didn’t need his father to destroy all the good things.

“I’m coming out.” The man was drunk and arguing with him in this state was futile.

“Okay, Dad, tell me when, and I’ll arrange something. I won’t be able to see much of you. The team stays in a downtown hotel the night before the game. I’ll be busy.”

“Yeah, right. Sure you will. Can’t even spare a few hours for the man who gave you life?”

Tanner hated the guilt as much as he hated the verbal abuse. “Sure, yeah, I can. I’ll talk to you later. I need to get home.”