Blinded by Grace: Book Five of the Cotillion Ball series (Crimson Romance) (18 page)

Grace took hold of one of his arms and stood in front of him. He placed his other hand on the mattress and shoved himself up out of the bed. Grace’s body buffeted him as he struggled for balance. He leaned into her and wrapped his arm around her.

Holding onto him at the waist, she was well aware of his hard shaft pressing against her middle. Embarrassed for both of them, she glanced up into his eyes. “Are you steady now?” Her heart was racing, and her reaction had nothing to do with his near fall.

He grinned down at her. “Since you entered my life, Grace, I haven’t been steady one day. At least I believe that to be the case. It certainly is right now. I’ve got my balance, if that’s what you’re asking, but the mere fact that I do doesn’t mean we can’t stand this way a bit longer.” He lowered his mouth and kissed her again. Her heartbeat kicked up a notch more as she leaned into him, her breasts pressing up against his muscled chest. Surely getting Halwyn out of bed and back on his feet was enough of a feat for one day. She’d tell him about their agreement and the marriage of convenience tomorrow. She sank into his kiss, her breasts on fire as they rubbed up against him, and her center pooled with dampness as her body came into contact with his manhood.

Halwyn was exhausted, but he’d never experienced such euphoria before. He’d gotten out of his bed, finally, and clumped around the upstairs floor of the house, getting used to walking with the aid of crutches. But his favorite part of the day was the actual standing up part, when Grace wiped his brow and he allowed himself a moment to fixate on her breasts, which were directly in front of him. She caught his glance and he noticed a little flare of excitement in her eyes before she got back to the business of helping him stand. He did teeter for a moment before he got his balance, and leaned into her soft suppleness. Even though he was well aware he should back off as soon as he was able, he took the opportunity to kiss her again. He was becoming fixated on her mouth and her breasts, something he’d never done before with any woman. He could have stayed locked in her embrace all day.

Or maybe his favorite part of the day had come when he had finished navigating the upstairs and tired himself out to the point Grace had to help him back into bed.

“Let me hold onto your arm while I remove the crutches, Halwyn,” she’d said as she grasped his arm tightly.

Once the crutches were removed, he lowered his weary frame onto the bed, reluctant to break the contact with her. Instead, he pulled her down with him.

“Not again,” she declared as she ended up in his lap. She giggled as she struggled to get up.

“Sorry, Grace. I lost my balance for a moment.” He held her fast and lowered his head to inhale her lilac scent. He sat for a moment, his nose buried in the indentation between her neck and her collarbone, before he loosened his hold on her.

She jumped up quickly, and aided him in swinging his broken leg up onto the bed again. “Your loss of balance seems to only happen when you’re near your bed, and you can pull me in with you.”

He placed his hand on his heart. “Ah, milady, you’ve caught on to my scheme.” He was relieved when her mouth twitched into a smile although she tried hard to hide her reaction to his playfulness.

“Your mother warned me you’d be a handful, and she was right. Lie back now and get some sleep. You’ve worn yourself out.”

Yes, it had been a good day. He vaguely wondered what was keeping his mother so busy that she only had time to visit the sick room in the mornings. His father stopped in every evening when he got home from the bank to fill him in on what had transpired during the day, but other than their morning and evening visits, his parents were non-existent. It was him and Grace, nestled in their cozy little cocoon. Not that he was complaining.

He closed his eyes and allowed himself to ponder his situation. He and Grace were shortly to be married, yet he remembered nothing about their courtship. He did recall spending a few minutes with her here and there over the years when she visited his sisters. When had their casual friendship blossomed into romance? He was tormented because he couldn’t remember. A man should commit those moments to memory for a lifetime, and he couldn’t remember what had happened just weeks, or months, ago … whenever their courtship had begun.

He was drifting in the wonderful zone between awareness and sleep when a scene crashed through his brain, of Grace sitting in his office at the bank, plucking at a handkerchief with a worried expression on her face. The breath whooshed out of him as he came to full awareness once again. What had just happened? He ran his hand over his face and pondered the scene which had just raced through his mind. Had the setting been a snippet of his missing weeks? Was his short-term memory beginning to come back to him? And, if the little tidbit he had just experienced was part of his life since April and the Cotillion Ball, what was its meaning? Why had Grace been in his office at the bank? He groaned as he furrowed his brow in concentration, trying to grasp for more, but finding none. Too many questions ran through his mind, with no answers.

For now, until those answers came, should he keep the little knowledge he did have from Grace? If, in fact, the scene was actual knowledge and not his mind playing tricks on him. She was a lovely woman and he greatly enjoyed spending time with her, and kissing her until she lost her train of thought. He certainly didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize their fragile relationship. Perhaps he’d keep his thoughts to himself and concentrate on ways to get Grace to spend more time in his arms. And into his bed. No, maybe the way to gain more access to her softness was to tell her what he remembered.

• • •

Grace awakened when the shafts of sunlight slid silently across the room and landed on her face. Immediately dread overtook her since she had given herself a stern talking-to the previous evening. One long week had passed since Halwyn’s frightening spill on the horse. Grace was so conflicted about the situation in which she found herself. On the one hand, she still needed Halwyn to marry her in order to get her trust money without incident, but she was determined not to put anyone else’s life in danger simply to thwart Simon’s plans. But on the other hand, he was operating under the belief the two of them were a couple—lovers, at least in spirit—and he was treating her as a man would treat his betrothed, not as a partner in a business venture. Which was what she truly was; despite the fact that each tender moment with him made her love for him grow even more.

There had been no romantic notions on which to build their relationship. At least there hadn’t been, until Halwyn lost his memory. She should confess the truth about their relationship, but doing so would mean giving up his touch, his kisses, to never again feel his arms encircling her. He might even think poorly of her for having duped him this week, and his gaze would turn from adoration to scorn. From catching glimpses of her breasts when he thought she wasn’t looking to having him turn away in disgust as she dealt with his sickbed needs. He’d withdraw his offer to assist her in any way. If he reacted as she assumed he would, she would surely curl up into a ball and die. She had to at least let him know the true nature of their relationship before his memory returned. Then he’d have to applaud her for telling him the truth, wouldn’t he?

Her mother and Simon hadn’t bothered to check on her, once Charlotte visited with the decree that Grace’s medical training would be needed to keep Halwyn quiet so he could heal. Maybe their guilt caused the pair to lie low. She only hoped Halwyn’s body and his splendid mind would repair themselves soon.

But, risking scorn or not, she had to tell him soon the real state of their relationship. Tell him they were to be wed in name only. That she didn’t deserve his kisses. There was no use putting things off any longer. She would tell him today. This happy, giddy euphoria she had been experiencing was false. As false as the rest of their courtship had been, and she’d best not prolong things. Telling him the truth and seeing the scorn and distaste in his eyes would be bad enough now. If she were to perpetuate this bedside relationship any longer, he would not be the only one to hate her. She would hate herself.

She glanced in the mirror on the vanity table and pinched her cheeks. She shouldn’t need to worry about adding color to her cheeks. Her total humiliation when she revealed to Halwyn the duplicity of their relationship would be enough to redden her face quite naturally. She smoothed the stray lock of hair back into her bun, took a deep breath, and rose to go to Halwyn’s bedside. For so long, she’d dreamed of being able to join Halwyn in his bed, but now those very words filled her with dread. Yes, she could no longer dupe him, or continue to put his life in danger. Today was the day.

She knocked briefly before she opened the door, carrying in a tray of breakfast food that had arrived from the kitchen for him.

“Good morning, Halwyn. You slept well last night, since I didn’t hear you once.”

He struggled to sit up. She helped him, and held his arm while she straightened out the pillows behind his head. His hand shot out before she could move away and he pulled her down. She gasped in surprise as she plopped beside him.

“Much better.” He leaned in for a kiss. “Good morning, love.” He wrapped his arms around her and drew her toward him. “Have I told you lately how much I enjoy kissing you?”

Grace squirmed out of his grasp and stood. “Your breakfast is getting cold. Enough of your silliness.”

She set the breakfast tray over his legs as he gazed up at her. “You think my kisses are silly?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Not at all.” She turned away from him, and tried to get her riotous emotions under control.

He ate in silence for a few minutes and she stole a glimpse of him from the corner of her eye as she set about straightening the room.

“Grace, may I ask a question?”

She turned in surprise. “Of course.”

“Take the tray away, if you would, and then come and sit by me. I have something to discuss.”

Butterflies were taking nose-dives off the corners of her stomach as she complied with his request. She sat primly on the edge of the bed and faced him. He took hold of her hands.

“What do you want to talk about, Halwyn?”

“I had a flash last night, right before I went to sleep. You were sitting in my office at the bank, and shredding a handkerchief. The scene seemed so vivid, as if it were a part of my missing memories. Did you come to my bank sometime in the past several weeks? Did the scene actually take place?”

Grace’s hands began to tremble in his grasp. Now he was going to hate her. His memory was returning and she was certain he’d quickly move past scorn to hatred the minute he put all the pieces together. She had hesitated too long.

Grace shifted on the bed, removed one hand from Halwyn’s grasp, and held it to her throat, hoping he couldn’t see her gulp. “Perhaps your memory is returning, just as the doctor said, in bits and pieces. We did, indeed, have a meeting in your office at the bank, several weeks before your accident.”

“What did we discuss?” He ran his hands through his hair as he thought. “Seems so odd, that, of all the moments we must have had together, the one at the bank is the first one I’m able to retrieve.”

“No, not really.” Her words came out soft as a whisper, and her eyes filled with tears. “Halwyn, I’m going to explain to you what happened, and why you don’t have the memories of our courtship. All I ask is not to judge me too harshly.”

He brought his free hand up to capture her face and leaned in for a gentle kiss. “How could I possibly find anything to judge you harshly on? You’re the one I chose to wed.”

Grace jumped up off the bed and moved to the opposite corner of the room, putting as much distance between them as she could. “No. You didn’t.” She turned to face him. “Don’t you see? That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I asked you for the first dance, not the other way around. I literally begged you to marry me. The reason you have no memories of our moments together is because there are none. And if our arranged marriage, arranged by me, not you, no less, wasn’t enough, I’m also the reason you were injured. This is all my fault, and I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down her face now, and she didn’t even try to check their fall. “I’ve been living a lie for the past week, and it’s weighed so heavily on my mind.” She sunk to her knees on the opposite side of the room as her tears overwhelmed her.

She sensed Halwyn struggling to get his broken leg and the rest of his body out of bed, but didn’t jump up and assist as he grabbed the crutches. She couldn’t move. His footsteps were heavy as he crossed the room to where she was crouched on the floor with her skirts puddled around her. He reached out a hand to her.

“Please, Grace, don’t cry. My heart breaks to see you so sad.”

She finally rose with Halwyn’s help, but released his hand and took a step back as soon as possible. She didn’t dare let herself fall into his embrace, which was what her wayward body wanted to do. Her hands moved to her face, where she angrily scrubbed the tears away.

“I don’t deserve your compassion, Halwyn, believe me. You’re much too nice.”

“Grace, whatever has happened between us, or hasn’t happened, is in the past. Let’s start over. Why don’t you tell me why you came to see me at the bank? Whatever the reason, it must have been important—pivotal, even—for you to risk your reputation by meeting me alone.”

“It was of upmost importance, and still is.” Her voice hiccupped as she attempted to calm her spiraling emotions.

“Well, why don’t we call for a new pot of tea and you can sit with me and tell me everything. I keep seeing glimpses of things, isolated incidents that make no sense, but before I can unscramble it, the image is gone. I need you to fill in the blanks.”

Grace helped him into a chair and then rang the bell for service. The two sat in silence until the upstairs maid arrived and took the request for a fresh pot of tea to the kitchen.

Halwyn took Grace’s hand again and began massaging little circles around each knuckle. “Whatever you have to tell me, Grace, can’t be so bad as you’re letting yourself believe.”