Blind (15 page)

So why did Natasha save it, and why did she hide it in her little stash?

Maybe she had saved it because she was spying for Loki, but even if that were true, there didn't seem to be much in the letter worth saving. No secret information there.

The next letter in the stack had a smudged postmark from Istanbul and was written on stationery from the Grand Atatürk Hotel. Gaia unfolded the single sheet and put it down on top of the first letter.

Dear Natasha,

Your letter eventually reached me, though not as quickly as I would have liked.

It's been a long time since we were together. Too long. Hopefully, if everything works out, that will soon change.

I think your suggestion on how to handle the
situation with Gaia is a good one. In fact, I'm thrilled at the idea. You have no idea how much time I have spent worrying about this situation. Or perhaps you do, since you have a daughter of your own.

In any case, having Gaia close to someone I trust will be a great comfort. As soon as I return from this engagement, we'll get together and work out the details.

Looking forward to seeing you again,

Tom

This second letter was a bit more disturbing to Gaia. In the first place it seemed a lot more, well,
friendly.

It had clearly been written after the first. How long after, Gaia couldn't tell. Natasha might have still been in Moscow when the letter was written, but it was clear she was already in a New York state of mind. Of course, no one had ever consulted Gaia on where she wanted to live and whom she wanted to live with. Why should they bother with that? And she was sure that her father never thought for a second about Gaia moving in with him. No way. Completely inconvenient. That was out of the question.

She grabbed the next letter out of the stack. Plain old business envelope this time, with no return address.
Inside was another single-sheet letter. Tom was nothing if not brief.

Dear Natasha,

This is a very difficult letter for me to write. Not because I have bad news, but because I've become so unfamiliar with good news, I don't know how to react to it. The time we spent in New York was wonderful. And I think the only possible reason for this is that you are wonderful. When I'm with you, all the things that have so weighed down the last few years seem to float away.

Gaia stopped reading at that point and closed her eyes. There was a tightness in her throat and a bitter, sour taste at the back of her mouth. When had this letter been written? Had Gaia still been at George and Ella's? Maybe even when she'd been laid up in the hospital. Whenever it had been written, it was clear that her father—her father who never had time to talk to her—had plenty of time to talk to Natasha. While Gaia was going through one horror after another, her father had time to run around New York with his gun-toting girlfriend. Had they gone shopping together? They'd probably taken in a Broadway show and had a nice dinner at some place where the waiter handed over the wine cork.

Not only had her father ignored Gaia, it seemed like he had completely forgotten about her mother.

In my dreams, we are never separated. We can live together somewhere where it's peaceful, where it's safe, where neither of us has to face the difficulties we now live with every day.

The paper started to crunch in Gaia's hand. Difficulties that they faced every day. Yeah, her father went traipsing around the world with his girlfriend and then whined because they couldn't shack up together. Natasha had this great place in New York and probably a palace back in Russia. In the meantime Gaia had nothing.
Oh, yeah, I feel so sorry for you two.

Most of all, I dream of a place where Gaia and Tatiana can worry about their grades and their boyfriends and what they're going to wear to the prom. I want to deal with helping them through tough calculus exams and picking out universities and teach the girls to drive. I want to throw a party for my daughter's eighteenth birthday, not worry about whether she'll live to see nineteen. I want to see her walk down the aisle at her high school graduation, at her college graduation, at her wedding.

More than anything, I want to tell her about
her mother, about me, and about why we made the choices we did. I want to tell her just how proud she has made me every day.

And because I want these things, I know that I can't be close to her. Or to you. Every time I talk to Gaia, every time I'm close to her, only increases the risk. Until this situation is finally and completely resolved, all the things I want—we want—will remain no more than dreams.

A drop of water hit the letter. Gaia wiped it away with her thumb and tried to read the next sentence, but another drop followed the first. It wasn't until the ink was blurred by a third drop that Gaia realized the water was coming from her eyes. She put the letter down and rubbed at her face.

He cares. He remembers me.

Gaia's throat went tight, and she squeezed her eyes shut. How long had it been since she'd dared to think that her father cared about her? How long had it been since she'd thought he might actually love her?

She opened her eyes, rubbed away the latest tears, and started to read the next part of the letter. Suddenly that didn't seem like such a good idea. Reading letters that were about spying was one thing. Reading her father's love letters to Natasha … That was just wrong in so many ways.

Working as quickly as she could, Gaia shoved the letters back in their envelopes and put them all back in the box. Then the box went back into the table, the crap from the floor went back in the drawer, and the drawer slid in over the box. With careful placement Gaia even managed to put the two novels back inside the drawer before she closed it. Finally she turned off the lights and stepped out of Natasha's bedroom.

Gaia stood at the top of the hallway and tried to think of her next step. Her head was swimming. She felt a faint shadow of that weird feeling from the fear serum tingling down in her guts. Everything had changed, only not really. The goals were still the same: Stop Loki, get a life. Except now, more than any time since her mother's death, the idea of a life that was, okay, maybe not normal, but
close,
seemed just out of reach.

Her planning was interrupted when the door opened and Tatiana came in, grinning from ear to ear. A grin that was no doubt Ed induced.

Tatiana started to take off her coat. When Gaia entered her field of vision, that smile turned instantly into a frown. “What are you doing?”

“Thinking,” said Gaia.

“Humph.” Tatiana finished taking off her coat and put it into the closet “Thinking … I never saw you do that. Yelling, yes. Fighting—sometimes. But not thinking”

So much for our little truce,
Gaia thought. Whatever post—butt-kicking afterglow Tatianna had been basking in the other night after their fight with Gen and her drug dealer boyfriend had now faded.

Gaia put her hands on the railing at the top of the stairs and squeezed. One thing was sure: If she could get rid of Loki and have something that looked like a normal life, that life was going to have Ed in it. It didn't matter what was going on between Ed and Tatiana. Gaia was going to have him back. She stomped down the stairs and headed for the front door.

“Where are you going?” asked Tatiana.

“Out.”

“It's nearly midnight. You shouldn't go out now.”

“You were out,” said Gaia. “Natasha is still out.”

“My mother's at work.” Tatiana reached out, as if she were going to take Gaia's arm, then she changed her mind and let her hands drop to her sides. “What are you doing?”

“I've got work. I've got very important work to do.” Gaia stepped outside and slammed the door behind her.

HOW
many times have I wished for it? A normal life. Sounds like a pretty sucky wish, doesn't it? I mean, why not wish for a million dollars? But what I really want is time with my father, a chance to be with Ed without worrying about getting him killed, a chance to breathe.

I've always had this problem trying to understand why my father stayed away from me. Now I know. Ed.

I don't mean my father stays away from me because of Ed. No, but the thing with Ed and me is a great example. The reason I stay away from Ed is because I'm afraid to let the slime-balls who are watching me know that I care about him. I've even let Ed think I didn't like him. Let him hate me, maybe. But only because I have to. Only to keep him safe.

And that's the way it is for my dad. He stays away from me
because that's what he thinks it will take to keep me away from Loki. I think he's wrong. If he would only come to me, we'd be stronger. We could plan together. Work together.

I don't know. Maybe Ed thinks the same thing about me.

It doesn't matter now. The only thing that's important is to end all this. Stop Loki. Stop all the killing. Rescue not just my dreams, but also my father's. He can be with Natasha—I wouldn't mind first finding out what the loaded gun is for, but he can be with her. He can be with me. Maybe we'll all get a nice little house and a golden retriever and a white picket fence.

Okay, so I don't even want that stuff. But we can get what we do want. Act the way we want with the people we want without worrying about psycho gunmen and cloned killers.

If my father marries Natasha, this new life will mean having
Tatiana for a sister, and I can live with that. I think.

But if sis thinks she's going to get Ed without a fight, she's got a big surprise coming.

GEORGE STRUGGLED TO TIE THE BELT on his robe as he made his way down the stairs. The pounding at the door came again.

“Hold on,” he said. “I—m coming.”

He removed the first chain on the door, then stopped to look through the peephole. What he saw made him scramble to open the other locks. He flung open the door and stared out on the small porch. “Gaia,” he said. “My God. What are you doing here?”

Gaia Moore smiled at him from a face that was nearly hidden behind a tangle of thick blond hair. Her blue eyes were so bright, they seemed to glow. “I had to talk to you. I wanted to see if you had worked out how we could trap Loki.”

George looked around quickly, then he took Gaia's arm and pulled her into the brownstone. “You shouldn't have come here. You have to get out of sight.”

As soon as Gaia was through the door, George slammed it shut and looked again through the peephole. The early morning street appeared empty, but George wasn't fooled. They were out there somewhere. Watching. He turned his attention back to Gaia.

The girl was rarely what George would have
considered well-groomed, but usually she was at least passable. Now she looked as though she had been sleeping under the platform at Grand Central. Then he had another thought. “Have you slept at all?”

Gaia shook her head. She shrugged back the curtain of blond waves. “I was busy working on some ideas”

She looked thinner than she had when she'd lived in the brownstone. The fine angles and high cheekbones of her face seemed more exposed. She seemed more vulnerable. Fragile. George knew well enough that much of that appearance was an illusion. This girl possessed strength and abilities that were beyond those of most full-grown men. Still, it was obvious that Gaia needed rest.

“Look,” he said. “Your old bedroom is still just as you left it. Why don't you go upstairs and sleep for a few hours? Then we can talk.”

Gaia shook her head. “We have to catch Loki.”

“Of course” said George. “And we will.” He took his hand away from her arm and gave what he hoped was a comforting smile. “Actually, maybe it's a good thing you came. I have more information, and I think it would be a good idea if you stayed here from now on.”

“Can't” Gaia paced around in a restless circle. “Look, I just came over to … to … I don't know. But
things are different.” She took a deep breath. “We have to stop Loki now so my dad can get together with Natasha.”

“Natasha?”

Gaia nodded, still walking around and around the living room. “I know you don't like her, but I found out that my father and Natasha are in love. My dad can still have a life. I can still have a life. We just have to stop Loki so they can get together.”

George leaned against the back of a padded armchair. Suddenly he felt very old and very tired. “Gaia. That's not going to happen.”

“Why not?” she demanded.

“It's much more complicated than that.”

Gaia stopped and turned to him. There was a painful mixture of hope and exhaustion on her face.
How long has it been since she really rested?
George wondered.
Not just slept, but rested.
Gaia was only seventeen, but there was a century of exhaustion on her young face. “Gaia, I have information that links Natasha to Loki.”

“That's what you said before, but it can't be right because—”

“It is. I was contacted this evening. Natasha and Loki were seen together last night. They may still be together.”

“That's a lie,” she wailed.

“I'm afraid it's not,” George said with a sigh. Natasha
is probably with Loki right now, plotting against your father. Natasha has betrayed him.”

Gaia stood in front of him. Her breath came so hard that her shoulders heaved. “No.”

“Yes, I have the conclusive—”

Before George could finish his sentence, Gaia spun and headed for the door. George climbed to his feet and hurried after her.

“Gaia! Stay here! If you go back to that house, you'll only be giving them a chance to use you against your father!” There was no reply, and when George made it to the front door, there was no one in the street.