Blessed by Sapphires (A Dance with Destiny Book 2) (31 page)

“Why do you insist on calling me Ajená?”

I tried to say the word fluidly and slightly accented, the way he did. It sounded jerky, dry, and flat instead. He laughed.

“Because, Ah-zha-nah…” He sounded the word out for me. “…I like the name I’ve given you. It suits you.”

“Then perhaps I’ll continue to call you Kitty.”

“As you wish, Ajená.”

He laid flat on his back, arms behind his head, and looked to the glowing canopy. I mimicked him.

“This forest is breathtaking. It’s strange there aren’t any birds or other small animals scurrying about, but it’s beautiful nonetheless.”

“The forest is full of life, birds as well,” he said. “They just choose to remain silent, hidden.”

“Why?”

“Because…” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “…
Kitty
is here.”

I sat up on one elbow. “Kitty? You mean, you? They’re scared of
you
?”

“Of course they are, silly girl.”

“But why?”

“Because… they are
delicious
.”

The word rolled off his tongue in that same strange accented way of his. He smiled devilishly, revealing his sharp feline teeth. I got tickled and laughed.

“You are a strange one, Ajená.”

“Yes, I know.” I was still giggling a little. “I’ve heard
that
pretty much my whole life.”

I looked closer at his markings, running my finger down the long jagged one edging his ribcage.

“Have you never heard…
You should keep your hands to yourself
, or…
Do not touch without asking
?”

I jerked my hand back. “Yes, I’ve heard those many times as well,” I admitted.

“So… you are either stubborn, refuse to listen, or simply do not learn very well.”

I smiled. “Or perhaps, all of the above.”

“Yes, I can see that as well,” he purred.

“So? Can I touch them or not?”

Syadar let out an exasperated sigh. “Give me a moment to center myself.” He paused. “Very well, Ajená. You may touch me now. But be incredibly gentle, unless you wish to be pounced upon again.” His eyes flickered.

I
was
extremely careful… but way too curious. “They are beautiful, Syadar,” I whispered. “What do they mean?”

“They are the markings of my clan.”

“Your clan? So there are more like you?”

He laughed, but it sounded more like a rippling purr. “There are. This is Byzantha, Ajená. This is where we live.
You
are the stranger here.”

“Yes.” I sighed, continuing to trace his mesmerizing tattoos. “I’m the stranger everywhere I go, it seems. Even in my own home.”

My mind had been on my beautiful Alzeen, but it drifted back to Ashgard with my words. I didn’t notice how Syadar’s purrs had increased until it was too late. He grabbed my wrists, pushing me down. His eyes were more cat than man now. He pressed against me. Our noses were touching when next he spoke.

“I told you to take care what you did to me, Ajená. I allowed you to be commander of my body. Yet you tease me mercilessly, arousing me past the point of sanity.”

His chest was heaving and his breath now carried a sweetly sour scent. It made my body go weak, numbed my senses.

“I-I’m sorry, Syadar. Apologies.” My strained voice was barely above a whisper.

He pushed off me, collapsing back down beside me in the leaves. I didn’t move or speak until the rapid rise and fall of his chest had slowed and his breathing had returned to normal.

“Syadar… I truly am so dreadfully sorry.”

“Shhh, Ajená, little flower. I desire you still.”

I held my tongue and didn’t move until next he spoke.

“I could tell by the lost look in your eyes, you knew not what you were doing, Ajená. But tell me, little flower. Where did you learn how to trace me so precisely… if I am the first Byzanthian you’ve met?”

“I have a friend… his tattoos are much the same as yours. I meant no harm, forgive me. My mind was lost on him; I wasn’t paying proper attention. It’s all my fault, Syadar. I’m sorry.”

“There is nothing to forgive, Ajená. Only promise me now, when next you trace me your mind will be upon me, not your
friend
.” He held up a single finger. “And one thing more, promise you will choose me during our Month of Joining,” he purred.

“What’s a Month of Joining?”

He smiled. “I’ll tell you if you tell me what a tattoo is.”

“Oh, a tattoo is a mark placed on the skin to signify something important or memorable. Many races share in this practice.”

“Not here, dear one. These marks are my birthright. I was
born
with them. They signify my status within our clan. Each new cub bears the marks he will carry the whole of his life. But your friend, he had such marks as these
placed
upon his body?”

“I know not. He doesn’t remember.” I sighed. “It’s complicated.”

Syadar chuckled with his odd purring sort of laugh. “This
friend
of yours, did you trace him as you did me?”

My mind went back to that glorious day in the Valley of Trees. “Yes, I outlined every mark he—”

His strange laughter cut off my words. “And was his response likened unto mine?”

I blushed at the tantalizing memory. “Yes, it was.”

“Then his are not these
tattoos
you mentioned either, Ajená.” He turned to me and smiled. “Will he, this
friend
of yours, be your choice during the Month of Joining?”

“You still haven’t told me what that is. And, no. Alzeen isn’t from here, so he cannot possibly be part of your joined month.”

Syadar laughed. “Month of Joining, Ajená, not joined month. And your friend
is
from here… whether he remembers it or not. Tell me what he looks like.”

“Why do you call me Ajená? What does it mean?”

“Little flower. Tell me what he looks like.”

“So, you won’t answer
my
questions, yet you continue to press more upon me.”

“I did answer your question. Little flower—that’s what Ajená means. I named you thus because you look like a little flower,
my
little flower,” he purred. “My Ajená.”

“Oh. Wow… That’s actually quite beautiful. I think I like it.”

“You should, it’s an exceptionally high compliment. And rare…” He sort of smirked, sensually. “Coming from me.”

“Gratitude, my friend.” I smiled happily. “Now, what is this Month of Joining I’m to choose you for?”

“It’s the month wherein we will become mates, and you will bless me with an extraordinarily colorful cub,” he said, twirling a pink curl around his finger.

When he lightly touched my shoulder, I nearly jumped out of my skin. “You wish to sleep with me?”

“No, Ajená. I have no intention of
sleeping
,” he purred.

I jumped to my feet and began dusting off all the leaves and forest debris that was covering my beautiful dress, the one gifted me by the Oracle on Praetoria.

Syadar stood and gently took my hands in his. “Tell me what he looks like, Ajená, this man who stole your heart.”

“I never said he stole my—”

“You didn’t have to say the words, little flower. It is written clearly within your eyes.”

My mind went back to my Alzeen, keeper of my shattered heart. “He is glorious. His skin bears an olive tint and his hair flames like drying blood.” I felt the tears burning the backs of my eyes. “His lovely markings are a deep red and his eyes are much like mine, save his are green encircled with rust colored flames.”

“Would that I could be so blessed as to own a heart such as yours, Ajená. I would cherish it always and claim you as my own. No other cat could look upon you and every Month of Joining would be ours.” He tenderly kissed the back of my hand. “And every month in-between as well, my beautiful Ajená.”

I didn’t see the large black cat approaching. I was lost in Syadar’s mesmerizing chocolate eyes and sweetly sour scented words.

“Mmm. Tell me. Where did such a tasty little treat come from, Syadar? She smells divine. Were you planning on sharing her, or was it your intent to keep her hidden away behind your own personal scratching post?” His deep voice purred and cooed and hummed.

I wanted so badly to pet the black cat, stroke his ebony fur. But I’d just learned from Syadar, that wasn’t always such a good idea.

“I have no intention of sharing her, Lyndar. You know me better than that. Besides, she was just bidding me adieu. Were you not, Ajená?”

Syadar’s eyes were still warm, but they now held a warning for me alone to see.

“Yes, my dearest Syadar. I fear I must be on my way. I have tarried longer than was my intention. I will return to you as promised, during the Month of Joining.” I winked at him. “Until then.”

He squeezed my hands ferociously. I giggled inside.

“You are horrible,” he whispered.

He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me gently. That’s when I saw the enormous white cat approaching from behind.

“So, she has made her choice without even knowing all her options?” His purr was extremely deep, majestic even.

Syadar tensed in my arms. “Yes she has, Rindar. She chose me.” His embrace tightened, almost painfully so.

“We shall see,” Rindar purred.

Syadar whispered in my ear, “I saw you come from the clouds, Ajená. Make haste.” He squeezed me again. “Return from whence you came, my love.”

“I will never forget you, Syadar. I promise we will meet again someday. We’ll play in this magical, musical forest together once more. I swear it.”

He lightly kissed my cheek. “I hope with all my heart you will keep that promise, little flower. Now, let me give you a gift.” His cool nose touched my ear. “When next you see this
Alzeen
friend of yours…”

He whispered a secret about how I was to trace my beloved in a way he could never resist. I giggled.

When he finally released me, I looked to the majestic cats standing around us. “I claim Syadar as mine own. All of my Months of Joining shall be his and his alone.”

I donned my mask and watched as their eyes widened slightly when they beheld Vashti. Syadar grabbed my hand. His purr seemed almost like a growl. He pulled me against him. I knew what he was going to do, and… I was evil enough to allow it. His lips were as warm and soft as his fur had been.

“I will never forget you, my Ajená.”

His sweetly sour whisper tingled over my skin. I shivered.

“Then we are of like-mind, my Syadar.”

I smiled… and disappeared into the clouds.

Chapter 41

Jenevier

(ZHEN-ah-veer)

I hate that infernal nausea.

I looked around. Well, I
tried
to look around. There was nothing but blackness. It was dense and suffocating. I couldn’t even see the cloud bank from which I’d just emerged. It was terrifying… true darkness always is.

I heard labored breathing and then a distant hiss. I smelled something old, something foul. Straining my ears, I searched with my extended wings. They tingled so rapidly they were humming. Faith may have brought me here, but fear ruled my racing heart. I turned back, flying as fast as my wings would carry me. I knew I’d found the clouds only when they spat me out into the bright sky of another realm.

Why didn’t I feel sick that time? And from what hell did I just flee?

“You have returned to my visions, child.”

Vareen’s angelic voice greeted me just as my feet touched down.

“I was wondering why those accursed clouds cast me out into a city which holds more pain than not for me.” I stood my ground, barely inside the crystal gate. “I determined to go on faith and be winged where needed.” I looked back to the betraying cloudbank. “I believe I’ve changed my mind.”

“Please, do not be cross. Now is the time for your destiny to be revealed. I beheld your joyous homecoming and the great love they still hold for you in Ashgard.” Her smile radiated warmth and kindness. “You would be forgiven any transgression by the people of your homeland. They stand in awe of you. They always have.” She slowly approached me. “Why then did you choose to leave?”

“If you were snooping around watching me, you should know the answer to that most painful of questions. Why would you bring me grief with the retelling?”

“Have I wronged you, child?” Vareen placed her hand elegantly upon her chest, seemingly shocked.

“No. All the wrongs have been my own doing.” I narrowed my blurring glare. “I only wish now to go where I don’t have to look upon the people I’ve hurt during my trials. I want a new start, Vareen. I want to go somewhere I can just live a normal life.”

“How is that possible? You aren’t
normal.
You never have been. Wherever you go, Jenevier, there you will be. Your presence removes the
normal
, child. It’s a gift.”

“And a curse.”

“Yes, that too. Remember your lessons.”

“Every curse has a blessing and every blessing has a curse, I know, I know.” I rolled my eyes. Childish? Yes. But I did it anyway. “Perhaps if my purpose was clear, if my path were open before me, perhaps then I would have a goal set in mind and this ridiculous thrashing about within my chest would cease.”

Vareen smiled knowingly. “And that’s exactly why those accursed clouds dumped you out upon
my
doorstep, child. Come with me. I have much to tell you.”

I didn’t move. “Something tells me I’m not going to like this.”

Vareen laughed softly. “Why are you always in such a hurry?” She tossed her words back over her shoulder. “Thousands of years from now, you will look back to this moment and ask yourself that same question.”

I rolled my eyes and followed her graceful movements, movements which only proved to exemplify how graceful mine were
not
.

“Why didn’t you take the good King up on his offer?” she casually asked.

Somehow, Vareen seemed to be getting farther away. I couldn’t catch up to her. “What? I can’t hear you anymore.”

The elegant woman stopped and turned to face me, repeating her question.

I was shocked by her words, and the superior look upon her regal face only served to ignite my temper. “How can you ask me this? He wished to remove my… my reward. The only thing I have to show for all my sacrifices, all my pain, all my bitter tears. Why would I ever willingly relinquish it?”

“You told him as you just told me… you wish to be normal. The only thing holding you back from the normality you seek is your mask, your markings,
your reward
.”

I had no answer. I was torn by her words and what my new soul was screaming within me. How is it I remain so ignorant of only the most obvious of things? I dance around my life, dance around my destiny, completely
oblivious
to its presence.

“I am a fool,” I whispered.

Her voice softened. “Do you truly want to be normal?”

“No, I was mistaken. Normal was the wrong word. I do not wish for normality. I wish for… for… happiness.”

Vareen closed her eyes, nodding her head gently. “Ahh, happiness. That’s a much better way of expressing the pain your solitude and loneliness has placed within your heart.” She looked back to me with moistening eyes. “If happiness is what you seek, why do you run from Varick? No creature alive wishes you more happiness than does my only son. Do you no longer hold him as treasure?”

With just the mention of his name, I was immediately filled with a suffocating guilt. “Of course I do. It’s just… just… I cannot forgive myself for betraying him, for betraying his love.” My voice lowered. I could barely speak at all. “Even if he could profess to the whole of creation that he bears not one mark against me, even then… I could never forgive myself.”

“Then there is nothing my son can do to fix your heart. You have
chosen
to remain broken inside. Not even God will force you to heal. This you must decide for yourself.” A fierce determination grew in her angelic eyes. “For the love you once held for Varick, for the esteem he still holds you in… let him go.”

Her words were a knife through my soul. “Wha-what are you saying, Vareen? I bind him not. I have placed no claim upon him.”

“Upon his heart, you have.” Sorrow now racked her voice. “If he ever held worth to you, let him go,” she whispered pleadingly.

I could feel my heart slipping around inside my chest. What she said was true, I could never deny that. But my selfish heart wanted to chain him to me, fiercely cleave to the man I would always love. Yes, I am horrible and evil and jealous.

“But… but… I know not how.” I choked out the bitter lie.

“Then you must find a way for him to let
you
go. If you cannot convince him to quit loving you, he will suffer for eternity. Break the tie that binds you. Release his tethered heart. Do not leave my son in mourning for you, ever again.” Her warning was laced with a bit of fire. “I don’t expect you to understand, not now. When you choose to become a mother,
then
you will know.”

Vareen continued on toward her home. But my feet were frozen, my legs refused to obey.

How can I force Varick to stop loving me? Did I even want to? No, of course I didn’t want that. What would my life be like if I was no longer the keeper of his heart? How could I possibly go on without my Alzeen? Why am I so damn selfish? Choose to be a mother? How’s that even possible anymore? Why was I brought back here? What new hell awaits me within this heavenly city? Was I returned to her fair visions only so she could see me suffer? Is this my penance? Can this ancient race not just pick a given day and spend it taking turns ripping chunks from my flesh? That would be far less painful.

I tried to will my wings to open. I wanted to reach the clouds before Vareen even realized I was gone. I tried to think upon the clouds so I could just transport to them. I could do nothing. I was anchored to the ground, completely helpless. I could see she had stopped walking and was looking at me, but my tongue lay dormant behind my clenched teeth.

Oh, how I hated this place. How had I ever mistaken this city for heaven?

My mind continued to race as my body remained frozen.
Yes, well, you mistook the pits of hell for heaven as well, did you not? I’m such an idiot! Just go on and piss Varick off and be done with this place. I never belonged here to start with. I’m no longer cursed. Jezreel is no longer cursed. My tiresome journey has finally met its end. Just fly back to Ashgard, beg Merodach to erase Vanahirdem from your mind. I am Jenevier Olesia Embarr, and my place in this world is to be a healer. Yes… that’s it, then.

With my mind made up, I began centering my nerves, slowly regaining my faculties. Then I heard the odd voice, perhaps in my head. I wasn’t sure.

“Tell me, fragile little Princess. Why would you settle yourself to being nothing more than a common healer? What do you fear? Nothing, that’s what. You are fierce, ferocious, beloved of hell. Never settle, little one, never. Think about it. You stood face to face with the mighty soul-eater, the only one of his kind, and swore to kill him. Do you have any idea who he is or what he’s capable of? I know, and even I tremble with that knowledge. If I were asked, I’d have to say you’re the first. Well, you’re the first who defied him… and lived. You taught the mighty Ahriman what regret felt like. And I dare say, it was the bitterest pill he has ever had to swallow. I will admit this only to you. I chuckled a bit when I heard that. Don’t fault me. Never has anyone been able to withstand his temptation, ever. He is the master of his game, mercilessly so. Yet your blatant dismissal of hell’s Hand has already become legend, as has his growing obsession with you, Princess. He desires you so badly he goes about in secret, defying your husband and his Prince. You lit a fire within that fallen amethyst Angel that even fear for his own hide cannot quench. Yes, you are deliciously ferocious. A tiny, colorful, naïve baby Angel who strolled right into the heart of the Underworld, accidentally caused the Prince of Hell more pain than the Father ever could, and then struck the terrifying soul-eater across his perfect alabaster face. You are a Queen, Milady—a fearless celestial ruler, not a paltry little village healer.”

I returned Vareen’s unreadable gaze and realized she was not the one speaking. She wasn’t even focusing on me at all. Her hardening glare was locked on something or someone behind me.

Are we not alone?
I thought.

Once my concentration had been broken… that strange frozen feeling returned. Confused, I began my centering process over again.

“There’s really no use in all that straining and fussing. Be still now, let me have you. No other creature outside the realm of the Underworld can appreciate your glory as well as I can. There are secrets buried within you, Princess, dark secrets. I will show them to you, empower you. Relinquish your futile control, Milady. I only wish to help you. Help you achieve what it is you are meant to be.”

My gaze shot back to Vareen. Tears were pouring down her cheeks. She slowly shook her head back and forth, her mouth forming the word
“No.”
But I couldn’t be certain. Everything was playing out in extreme slow motion.

Varick suddenly appeared in her doorway, immediately assessing this strange scene. He moved as a blur. In the next instant, a wall of angelic force slammed against me, lifting me into the air.

*****

My screams of panic were still emanating from my lungs when the slow motion sensation faded.

I found myself in Vareen’s parlor. Clamping my hands over my unyielding mouth, I fell to my trembling knees and tried desperately to cease my wretched cries, choke off my screams.

“Are you okay? Look at me, Jenevier. Look at me. Focus on my voice. You are safe now. Don’t worry, child. He cannot enter here. You were still too close to the gate.”

“The gate?” I mumbled.

“Yes, child, that’s it. Can you hear me now? Varick, what’s taking so long?” Vareen yelled back over her shoulder.

“I was too close to the gate?”

My words sounded so far away. Varick’s response to his mother’s question echoed from an even greater distance.

I called out to him. “Varick… Varick… Where are you? I need to talk to you.” Darkness was encompassing my vision; I could only see through a tiny dot in front of my eyes.

“I’m here, my love.” He grabbed my reaching hands. “Speak to me. Crush my swelling fears.”

“You must go on without me. I cannot bear the guilt of owning your heart. I am not worthy the blessed honor. I don’t want you to love me anymore. I will never be able to be your Anicee.”

My words were slurred, out of focus. The room wouldn’t cease its spinning. I could feel Varick’s hands upon my shoulders but I couldn’t see his face, only Vareen’s came within my narrowing vision.

“That can wait, child. Here, drink this,” she was saying.

I turned my head, spitting the bitter fluid upon the ground. A firm hand gripped my chin, holding me still, squeezing and pulling until I opened my mouth once more.

“But you told me to tell Vari—”

My words were choked off by the vile drink being poured into my open mouth. The hand gripping my chin forced my jaw shut, tilting my head back. The horrible concoction ran down my throat as I struggled for freedom.

“Mother, why would she say such a thing?”

Again my mouth was pried open, and again, I was force-fed by Vareen. The vise-like hand finally relaxed its hold. I pulled free from my captors, crawled upon my hands and knees, coughing and gasping for air before I collapsed onto my side, drawing in each ragged breath with great concentration. I barely noticed the strong arms lifting me up, laying me upon the bed.