Blaze (The Firefighters of Darling Bay Book 1) (17 page)

 Grace wanted to say
No.
She wanted to say,
You can’t. I won’t let you.
But instead she said, “Of course. How’s he doing?” 

Samantha reached forward and threaded her arm through Grace’s. “He’s doing well.” There was a pause, and the women walked toward the corner, the wagon making a clunking sound behind them. 

“Good.” Grace meant it. Her sister got to make her own decisions. All of them. 

“We’re not dating.” 

Grace kept her eyes on the stop sign in front of them. “You’re not?” 

“He’s my sponsor. In AA.” 

“Oh.” The breath left Grace’s lungs. She squeezed her sister’s arm in hers. “Why didn’t you
tell
me that?” 

“Because you assumed. I get so tired of you assuming you know everything.” 

“I’m sorry.” Her heart ached. The wagon rattled. A girl on a bike sped past, shouting something over her shoulder at the slower, smaller girl riding behind her. 

“Thank you for that.” 

“It would be okay if you dated him,” said Grace.

Samantha just looked at her and smiled. “I know. I don’t want to. But I do know that. And you know what?” 

“What?”

“I’m glad you do, too.” 

In front of them, the sun was setting over the water. Twilight was dropping over Darling Bay like a crisp sheet. Fog rolled in swiftly. Another cool summer at the shore. And Grace was with her sister, on her way to Tox. There was no way her heart could hold more hope than it did now, at this exact moment.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

It was nice having a dog to sit on his feet while he played cards with his friends, Tox thought. Everything might suck, and boy, did it ever, but poker and a dog did make things a little bit easier. 

Of course, Lexie cheated at cards, and for one long second Tox thought about calling her on it. This was his man-cave, after all. His garage. No one cheated at cards at his favorite card table but him. 

“What?” Lexie folded her legs underneath her on the orange chair. She was framed in front of the open garage door, and behind her, the sunset was scarlet streaks over palest blue. 

“Yeah, what?” said Coin. 

Tox narrowed his eyes. Hank said nothing and just raised. He usually raised.

“I don’t trust you, woman,” said Tox. “That’s what.” 

Lexie laughed. Her lipstick was shining, and so were her eyes. Tox thought for a second about how Grace barely wore lip gloss. They were both beautiful women, but all Tox could think about was Grace. 

He had to stop. 

Grace.

“Queen’s high.” Coin won the hand. 

Lexie blew a
pfft
sound from between her teeth. “See? Tox is right not to trust women. Dang Queen when I have the Jack…” 

Coin leaned forward to collect his cash. “I trust women.” He made an odd face in Lexie’s direction. He almost looked as if he was trying to flirt with her. Or something. 

Lexie didn’t seem to notice. 

Tox looked around the table in confusion.
Was
Coin trying to flirt with Lexie? Lexie from dispatch? That couldn’t be right, could it? They were all friends here. They’d played poker off and on for more than five years now. Coin had a
kid
for Pete’s sake. 

“That’s your problem,” said Lexie. “Yours and Tox’s. You trust women, and then they stomp on your heart. Although I need to point out to Tox that Grace is
my
friend, and therefore, I get to keep her and you can’t be mad at me for her doing any stomping. Besides, I think you stomped each other.” 

Mad at Lexie for staying friends with Grace? Never. Tox looked down at his new hand of cards and realized he couldn’t make heads or tails of it. He didn’t know what was high or what was low. He couldn’t tell what was red or what was black. 

All he could see were Grace’s amber eyes in front of him. Looking at him like he was something special. Looking at him like…almost like she loved him. 

Oh, god. Did he love her, too? 

His heart pounded so hard he wondered if they could hear it. His hands went numb, and the cards shook a little. 

Love. Tox loved Grace. Suddenly, sitting with his friends in his garage, he knew that, more deeply than he’d ever known anything else. 

That was his whole problem, right there. He
loved
her. All of her, from that hair she barely fixed to those little ears that curled back so perfectly. From the adorable blush she got when he teased her to the heated flush she got when she was in his arms. From the way she stuttered slightly when she was mad to the way she thought she could fix the whole dang world. 

Tox had to get over it. Over her. He wasn’t good enough for her, proven by the way he had
one
job to do—to save people—and he continually failed to do it
.
And she knew he wasn’t good enough for her. She’d proven that by trying to fix him, and by the four aces in the deck in front of him, he wouldn’t be fixed. 

Tox wasn’t good enough to warrant the tune-up. 

Hank finally asked the question the other two hadn’t dared to. “When you coming back to work, buddy?” 

Tox shrugged. “You know.” 

Hank’s mouth slid to the right, the way it did when he was thinking. Tox hated that face sometimes. “Nah. I don’t know. How’s your neck?” 

“Good.” Hurt like a son of a biscuit right now, actually, but Tox wasn’t going to say that. 

“How’s your back?” asked Coin. 

“Fine.” It also hurt, but it was better.

“How’s your head?” Lexie leaned backward to grab a handful of chips from the card table behind her. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Chief said you had to get a psych.” 

Tox half-stood, knocking against the table so that everyone lurched for their beers. “HIPAA? No one’s heard of that? Confidentiality?” 

Lexie flapped a hand. “Oh, sue him, then. Make a pile of money and retire on medical.” 

Tox knew his jaw was hanging open. 

“I’m
kidding
,” said Lexie. “Jeesh. Besides, he said you took it on Friday and you passed.” 

Tox thumped back down into his seat. “Holy shit.” 

Lexie lifted her shoulders and let them drop. “Dispatch knows everything.” 

Coin stopped staring at Lexie long enough to say, “Hey, are we expecting company?” 

Up the driveway, through the open garage door, Tox saw Grace. 

Pulling a wagon. 

He felt like rubbing his eyes, but he knew what he saw. 

It was the ice cream she was pulling behind her he didn’t quite believe.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

“Ice cream party!” 

Grace announced in as loud a voice as she could, which wasn’t actually all that loud, given that she was staring at more people than she’d expected. And Tox. 

Larger than life Tox. 

He stood, and for one second, the sheer breadth of him reminded her of a comic book hero. She could almost see his cape. 

“What?” he said, bringing Grace back down to earth. 

She stuttered a little. “I-ice cream eating party. Who can eat the most?” 

Tox’s eyebrows flew upward. At the card table, Lexie barked a laugh and took a handful of chips. Behind Grace, Samantha started to giggle. 

“Excuse me?” Tox’s voice boomed. 

“Are you up for the challenge?” 

Tox took a step toward her and Grace longed, with all her heart, to close the gap between, to press her body against his, to let him know what was inside her heart. 

Instead, she lamely held up an ice cream scooper and waggled it. 

Her sister laughed harder. Oh, no. If Samantha was headed down the hysterical laughter trail… 

“Bowl.” Tox’s face was perfectly still. Unreadable. 

Grace handed him one and took one for herself. She opened the top of the caramel swirl with shaking fingers. This was such a
stupid
idea. Why had she thought it would be a cute way to apologize? She’d even thought it would be amusing to him, idiot that she was. 

There was no smile cracking the sides of Tox’s mouth. 

“Hey!” said one of the other guys, the one with the deep black hair. “What about us?” 

“Shut up, Coin.” Tox squatted so he could reach into the wagon. 

“No! You can all have as much as you want. Help yourself.” Grace had never felt more awkward in her life, hosting an impromptu dessert party in the middle of Tox’s driveway. 

Uninvited. 

Unwanted. 

She thought—again—about what she wanted to show Tox. That she didn’t need to fix everything. As Tox put five scoops of ice cream, all different flavors, in his bowl, she realized this wasn’t the way. This was just her trying to fix everything again. 

Grace wanted to run. 

Instead, she bent at the waist and kept adding flavors so that her number of scoops matched his. Six, then seven. Then she made sure her bowl held the same river of chocolate sauce, the same mighty peaks of whipped cream. 

They stood straight. The sheer weight of ice cream in her bowl was making her arms heavy. She’d never be able to eat all this. Ever. 

Coin reached between them for a bowl. “Lexie, what do you want?” 

Lexie had been staring raptly as Tox and Grace battled for the maraschino cherries. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll get some in a bit.” 

“No, let me. Chocolate and vanilla, right?” 

Lexie looked surprised. Grace wondered for the first time if Lexie had ever thought about having a romance at work. She’d have to ask her that the next time she saw her. 

Now, though, it was time to eat. 

Grace followed Tox onto the grass. They sat, cross-legged. Methyl leaned against Tox and tried to take licks out of his bowl. Sunset had settled now, and street lights were popping on with audible snaps. The sky to the west was still dark violet, and the air was heavy and damp with salt. 

Grace normally loved this time of night. 

It was too bad she was about to pass out from nerves. And from annoyance at Samantha still laughing in the middle of the driveway. Hank stood next to her sister, a wide grin on his face. 

“Glad we have an audience,” said Grace around the first spoonful. 

“Can’t take the pressure?” Tox had already polished off what must have been a whole scoop.

“Oh, I can.” Grace took another bite, ignoring the brain-freeze. “I’m just concerned about you.” 

Tox’s spoon slowed. 

Deep green eyes met hers in the dim light. They said so much, in a language Grace was afraid she didn’t speak well enough. Her breath caught. 

Tox said quietly, only for her ears, “What are you trying to prove?” 

Grace ate two more bites before she said, “That I don’t have to fix you.” 

“You’re saying I can eat ice cream whenever I want.” 

Grace felt despair flood through her like ice water. “It’s dumb. It’s so stupid. I can’t believe I’m doing this.” 

Tox’s eyes got even darker. “I like it.” 

“You do?” 

“It’s just that this can’t work.” 

Grace’s head dropped. “I know.” She couldn’t prove herself with cream and sugar. 

“I’ll never be the person you need me to be.” 

Her head lifted. “What?” 

“I hurt people.” 

Dropping the bowl on the grass, heedless of the chocolate sauce soaking into his lawn, Grace pushed herself forward so that they sat, knee to knee. “You hurt my feelings, that’s all.” 

“I’m sorry. Self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe. Damn it.” 

“But look at me. Still alive.” 

“It’s all I’ve ever done. The Angel of Death. I bring destruction wherever I go, and I’m not doing that to you, too.” 

“No, no.” She touched his forearm lightly. He tensed under her hand, as if she’d hit him. “You have that all wrong.” 

“You obviously haven’t been paying attention, then. Did you know I don’t even have a job right now?” He set his bowl on the grass and leaned backward, looking up through the acacia branches. “Not really. I’m on leave. If my back doesn’t get right, I’m out for good. I’ve failed at the only thing worth doing. And I’ve failed the only woman worth…” 

Grace held her breath. He had to finish the sentence. He had to. 

But he said nothing more. She watched the pulse under his chin where the dark stubble was thick. 

Behind her, Samantha had finally stopped laughing, her hiccups fading away to nothing. Grace heard a muffled whisper and then shuffling. Then the garage closed with an old motor’s whine. 

They were alone on the grass, under the stars. Grace looked up, too, and saw one wink at her. Methyl licked her hand. The lick and the wink were the signs she needed. 

They didn’t help with her nerves at all, though. Her voice shook. “What woman? How did you fail her?” 

Tox brought his gaze back to hers. “You know exactly what I mean.” 

“You didn’t fail me.” 

“I did. I do. Everyday.” 

“You have your inhaler on you?”

“What? Yeah. Of course.” He scrabbled at his pocket. “Do you need it?” 

“No. But you could save my life if I needed you to. But you know what?” 

“What?” His voice was strained. 

“I don’t need you to. I have a good life. And you do, too. Let me be near you.” 

“What if I fail? I do that so often—I can’t fail
you.
” 

Grace shrugged. “It’s love. You take your chances.” 

“What about that matchbook of yours?” 

“The one in my
nicho
?” 

Tox touched her wrist lightly, as if he thought she might disappear. “Yeah. You were scared of being burned.” 

“I thought that, yeah. But I just realized something.” 

“What?” 

Grace said carefully, “That’s where I keep my hopes.” 

“Yeah?”

“Guess I was hoping for a firestarter.” 

Tox made a sound somewhere between a choke and a laugh. “I have a can of lighter fluid on the back porch if you need help with that.” 

Grace opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“And it’s Clement.” 

“What?” 

“My first name is Clement.”