Authors: Andrew Cope
Sophie grabbed the paper and read it aloud. â
Zillionaire Maximus Rich and his cat Shakespeare will be mixing in public for the first time in ten years
.'
âThat's me,' said Professor Cortex proudly, before mouthing the rest of the story that he'd written, word for word.
âThe recluse and his cat are inseparable. It will be a rare opportunity to view the Millennium Diamond, the world's largest gem, which is traditionally worn around the cat's neck.' Sophie was drawing everyone in with her wide-eyed excitement. âMaximus Rich declined to give an interview, but issued this statement: “The cruise leaves tomorrow and,
should anyone be interested, I will be in cabin eight.” '
âAnd Bob's your uncle,' sang the professor. âThat's a clear message to the diamond thieves. They know where I am, when I am, and they'll be unable to resist attempting to snatch the
precious stone. It's a genius plan â¦
wham, bingo
,
kazam
⦠caught red-handed. We have ourselves some evil villains.'
âAnd a way of finding the laser,' said Ben. âIt does sound rather exciting. And we do have the diamond,' he said, recalling one of Lara's previous adventures. âWe kind of kept it.'
âTwo questions,' began Mum, not wanting to pass up on the idea of a totally free holiday. âWhat's the danger level?'
âNil, Mrs Cook,' promised the professor. âA big fat zilcho. None of the other robberies have involved any violence. The pattern has been very predictable. The thief, or thieves, administers a sleeping potion.'
âAnd why the cat? I mean, Lara is your trusted companion. You and she have solved dozens of crimes. And now you've chosen Shakespeare.'
âIt's a decision that's been made for me,' explained the professor. âDogs just aren't allowed on-board. Simple as that. But we do need one of the spy team to take the strain. Just in case things do get a little hairy,' he smiled, loving the pun. âAnd, in the olden
days, there was always a ship's cat. It was useful on long voyages. The ship's cat caught rats and mice. So I've been able to persuade the captain that I can bring Agent CAT. It's the perfect way to advertise the diamond, hanging from the collar of the official “ship's cat”.'
Sophie clicked her fingers under the table, beckoning her beloved Shakespeare. The cat's mind was all over the place. He wanted to be an official spy. He was desperate to go on a mission.
But there's no way I can go aboard a boat
.
Lara watched Shakespeare's body language.
Crikey
, thought the Spy Dog.
He looks like a broken puss
.
The family dispersed in excitement. There were bags to be packed and then they had to be up early to drive to London for the trip of a lifetime.
The pups were desperately disappointed not to be going, but they wagged excitedly at Shakespeare. âYou're one lucky puss,' woofed Spud. âA luxury river cruise, with unlimited food.'
âOn the Thames,' barked Star. âIn the most
awesome city on the planet. And the chance to catch a diamond thief!'
Shakespeare tried to look positive, but it was beyond him. His desire to be a qualified spy was overwhelmed by his phobia of water.
His whiskers sagged. Tonight he would be running away from home.
Shakespeare was heartbroken.
I knew I shouldn't have got too close, too involved with a family
, he thought,
not after last time
.
He cast his mind back to waking up on the riverbank, soggy and half drowned. He lay there and mewed, hoping his mum or brothers and sisters would hear.
But, assuming they survived, his brothers and sisters were all on the other side of the river
. Shakespeare had been tiny and alone. And, even worse, unwanted. He forced himself to his feet.
I think I know what it means to be âweak as a kitten'
, he thought and stumbled towards the road. A car horn blared. He had walked as far as his tiny kitten feet would take him before he curled up, too weak to go any further.
The river. Water. Horrible, horrible wet stuff. I hate water! If the professor wants me to be a ship's cat, on a boat, he can think again. It's never going to happen. I've nearly drowned once and it's put the âscared' into âscaredy cat'
.
Shakespeare wasn't sure how it happened, but he assumed someone must have handed him in to a rescue shelter.
Then some nice humans nursed me back to health. And I was adopted by a family with a lovely little girl. She was small. I was small. We were a perfect match. Those were good months. But
, considered Shakespeare,
I must be the unluckiest cat in the world because there was a scuffle with the family dog, my claws caught one of the adults and that was it. I was abandoned again!
He looked at Sophie, fast asleep. He loved her long eyelashes and freckled cheeks. He looked at the indentation in the duvet.
Probably still warm
, thought the cat, forcing himself to be strong. Running away was tough. But spending time on a boat was tougher.
No more families for me. It always ends in heartbreak
.
Shakespeare took a pencil in his mouth and tapped a brief message for Sophie.
Will MISS u little girl. But I have to go it Alone. This cat isn't cut out to be a spY. Will love you 4ever. Please don't be SAd.
Shakespeare wiped a paw across his face. Cats can't cry, but they can feel very sad indeed. He held his paw on the âx' button until about fifty kisses had been added.
And I mean every single one of them
, he thought.
He checked himself in the mirror. His translating collar was flashing.
That's my passport to a successful future
, he thought.
No more falling in love with kind children. No more being stroked. No more attachment
. He made for the bedroom door and glanced back at the sleeping little girl. His heart was heavy, but his mind made up.
I hope her heart doesn't hurt as much as mine
.
It was as he looked back that Lara made her move. She was a highly trained superspy, a lethal weapon. Her paw came down on Shakespeare's head with just the right amount of force and the cat slumped to the floor.
Shakespeare woke, his vision blurred and his head heavy. The room seemed to be moving. He shook himself awake and looked around,
his vision righting itself. He was lying on a bed, in a small room, unlike any room he'd ever been in. He tried to piece the clues together, but they made no sense.
Why on earth has the room got round windows? How odd
.
Shakespeare got to his feet and shook himself to full alertness. He jumped off the bed.
Woah, still swaying
, he thought.
I'm still a groggy moggy. But where am I? And why are my legs so wobbly?
The Spy Cat jumped silently on to the desk and stretched his neck to peer out of the round window.
Blue sky and blue water
! All of a sudden the clues fitted together.
My legs aren't wobbly. The boat is wobbly. Someone's clonked me on the head and smuggled me on to a ship!
He strained his neck even higher.
River! Water! I'm surrounded by water!
Shakespeare struggled with his emotions. Anger was high on the list. Along with fear and betrayal. Who on earth had smuggled him on to this boat? His cat's eyes scanned for more clues. The professor's laptop was on the desk with a yellow Post-it note. âPlay me,' read Shakespeare, his translating collar working extra hard to decipher the spidery pen-in-the-mouth writing. The cat pressed the Return key and a home-made video sparked into life. Shakespeare nearly fell off the desk in surprise. It was Lara.
âHello, Shakespeare, or should I say Agent CAT,' woofed the dog. âApologies that you're having to hear this message from the boat's cabin, but I feared that you would never be persuaded aboard â¦'
Too right
, thought the cat.
âIn fact, I was worried that your fears might even drive you from the home â and people â you love.'
Shakespeare calmed a little. He felt a bit ashamed of his plan to run away from home.
And Sophie in particular
.
âBecause, Agent CAT, what has become clear is that, in the short time you've been with us, we've grown very fond of you. Sophie in particular. As the family guardian, I don't want you breaking her heart.'
Or her mine
, thought the cat, swishing his tail in regret.
âAnd,' continued the video, âwe must all learn to confront our deepest fears. In fact,' woofed Lara, gazing seriously into the wobbly camera, âit is when we confront our deepest fears that we find out who we truly are. So, Agent CAT, I had no choice but to force you aboard. You will find the professor and the Cook family having fun on board the
TriTanic
. But, before you join them, you must wear the collar that you will find in the professor's briefcase. The diamond will put you in peril. We believe the diamond thief is on board and will attempt to steal the gem. Your mission, and
you have no choice but to accept it, is to help Professor Cortex to catch the criminal.' Lara left a dramatic pause. âOr
criminals
. We are very much hoping that we might also be able to stop any more satellites being shot down.'
Shakespeare had gone from terrified to excited.
It does sound kind of cool
, he thought.
I love the idea of keeping an eye on the passengers and working out who the baddie is
.
Lara's woof lowered to an even more serious level and her sticky-up ear rose to full alert. âBut, Agent CAT, you have a more important task. You must keep the children from danger. We call it “rule number one” and it's really all that matters.'
Shakespeare felt a shiver run down his spine.
âSo, Agent CAT, we are relying on you, your skills and your bravery. A chance to prove yourself on a double mission â solve the crime AND keep the children safe. Over and out.'
Lara saluted the wobbly camera and Shakespeare heard Star woofing, âNice one, Mum, it's in the can,' before Spud's face leered at the screen and he pulled a silly doggy grin as the video cut to black.
Shakespeare sat tall and proud. He tried to
think logical thoughts.
It's a two-day river cruise. And yes, I'm surrounded by water, but the boat's not going to sink
. Shakespeare knew the vessel was carrying 150 passengers. âOne of them is an evil baddie,' he purred. âWatch out â here I come.'
The cabin door opened and Ben walked in. âHi there, puss,' he said. âGood to see you're awake. I'm assuming you've seen Lara's vid? In which case you'll know the mission. And you'll be needing some help to slip into this.' He pulled the diamond necklace from the professor's bag.
Shakespeare gulped.
That's a whopper!
He stretched his neck as Ben clipped it in place.
âRemember,' said the boy, âyou belong to the reclusive Maximus Rich. The professor's already made himself known. He's quite enjoying himself, playing the eccentric multi-zillionaire. It gives him a chance to be even more bonkers than normal. Come on, puss, let's go bag ourselves a diamond thief.'