Black Mischief (25 page)

They
rolled back the stone from the trap-door and descended into the silent hotel.
The sightseers had left their bedrooms. There was no one about on either floor.

‘I
wonder where they keep the Evian.’

They
went into the bar. Alcohol everywhere, but no water. In a corner of the kitchen
they found a dozen or so bottles bearing the labels of various mineral waters —
Evian, St Galmiet, Vichy, Malvern — all empty. It was Mr Youkoumian’s practice
to replenish them, when required, from the foetid well at the back of the
house.

‘I must
get something to drink or I shall die. I’m going out.’

‘Mildred.’

‘I
don’t care, I am.’

She
strode through the twilit vestibule into the street. The officer in charge of
the machine-gun section waved her back. She walked on, making pacific gestures.
He spoke to her rapidly and loudly, first in Sakuyu, then in Arabic. Dame
Mildred replied in English and French.

‘Taisez-vous,
officer. Je désire de l’eau. Où peut-on trouver ça, s’il vous plait.’

The
soldier showed her the hotel, then the machine-gun. ‘British subject. Me.
British subject. No savvy? Oh, don’t any of you speak a word Of English?’

The
soldiers grinned and nodded, pointing her back to the hotel.

‘It’s
no good. They won’t let us out. We must wait.’

‘Mildred,
I’m going to drink wine.’

‘Well,
let’s take it up to the roof — it seems the only safe place.’

Armed
with a bottle of Mr Youkoumian’s Koniak they strode back up the ladder.

‘Oh
dear, it’s very strong.’

‘I
think it may help my headache.’

The
afternoon wore on. The burning sun dipped towards the edge of the mountains.
The ladies sipped raw brandy on the iron roof.

At
length there was a fresh movement in the street. An officer on mule-back
galloped up, shouting an order to the picket. They dismantled their
machine-gun, hoisted it on to their shoulders, fell in, and marched away
towards the Palace. Other patrols tramped past the hotel. From their eminence
they could see bodies of troops converging from all sides on the Palace square.

‘They’re
calling in the guard. It must be all right now. But I feel too sleepy to move.’

Presently,
as the soldiers withdrew, little bodies of civilians emerged from hiding. A
marauding band of Christians swung confidently into view.

‘I
believe they’re coming here.’

Splintering
of glass and drunken, boastful laughter came from the bar below. Another party
broke in the shutters of the drapers opposite and decked themselves with
lengths of bright stuff. But oblivious of the excursions below them, worn out
by the heat and anxiety of the day, and slightly drugged by Mr Youkoumian’s
spirit, the two ladies slept.

It was
after seven when they awoke. The sun had set and there was a sharp chill in the
air. Miss Tin shivered and sneezed.

‘My
head’s splitting. I’m very hungry again, ‘ she said, ‘and thirstier than ever.’

The
windows were all dark. Blackness encircled them save for a line of light which
streamed across the street from the door of the bar and a dull red glow along
the rooftops of the South quarter, in which the Indian and Armenian merchants
had their warehouses.

‘That
can’t be sunset at this time. Sarah, I believe the town is on fire.’

‘What
are we to do? We can’t stay here all night.’

A sound
of tipsy singing rose from below and a small knot of Azanians came into sight,
swaying together with arms across each other’s shoulders; two or three of them carried
torches and lanterns. A party sallied out from the bar below; there was a
confused scuffling. One of the lamps was dropped in a burst of yellow flame. The
tussle broke up, leaving a little pool of burning oil in the centre of the
road.

‘We
can’t possibly go down.’

Two
hours dragged by; the red glow behind the rooftops died, revived and died
again; once there was a short outbreak of firing some distance away. The
beleaguered ladies sat and shuddered in the darkness. Then the lights of a car
appeared and stopped outside the hotel. A few topers emerged from the bar and
clustered round it. There were some words spoken in Sakuyu and then a clear
English drawl rose to them.

‘Well,
the old girls don’t seem to be here. These chaps say they haven’t seen anyone.’

And
another answered: ‘I dare say they’ve been raped.’

‘I hope
so. Let’s try the Mission.’

‘Stop,’
shrieked Dame Mildred. ‘Hi! Stop.’

The
motor-car door clicked to; the engine started up.

‘Stop,’
cried Miss Tin. ‘We’re up here.’

Then,
in a moment of inspiration, untaught in the Girl Guides, Dame Mildred threw
down the half-empty bottle of brandy. William’s head popped out of the car
window and shouted a few words of easily acquired abuse in Sakuyu; then a
pillow followed the bottle on to the roadway.’

‘I
believe there’s someone up there. Be an angel and go and see, Percy. I’ll stick
in here if there’s going to be any bottle-throwing.’

The
second secretary advanced with caution and had reached only the foot of the
stairs when the two ladies greeted him.

‘Thank
God you’ve come, ‘ said Miss Tin.

‘Well,’
he said, a little confused by this sudden cordiality; ‘jolly nice of you to put
it like that. All I mean is, we just dropped in to see that you were all right.
Minister said we’d better. Not scared or anything, I mean.’

‘All
right!
We’ve had the most terrible day of our
lives.’

‘Oh I
say, not as bad as that, I hope. We heard at the Legation that there’d been
some kind of a disturbance. Well, you’ll be right as rain now, you know. Everything
pretty quiet except for a few drunks. If there’s anything we can do, just let
us know.’

‘Young
man, do you intend leaving us here all night?’

‘Well …
I suppose it sounds inhospitable, but there’s nothing else for it. Full up at
the Legation, you know. The Bishop arrived unexpectedly and two or three of the
commercial fellows took fright and came over for some reason. Jolly awkward …
You see how it is, don’t you?’

‘Do you
realize that the town is on fire?’

‘Yes,
rare old blaze. We passed quite near it. It looks awfully jolly from the
Legation.’

‘Young
man, Miss Tin and myself are coming with you now.’

‘Oh,
look here, I say, you know …’

‘Sarah,
get in the car. I will bring down a few things for the night.’

The
discussion had brought them to the street. William and Anstruther exchanged
glances of despair. Sir Samson’s instructions had been: ‘Just see that those
tiresome old women are safe, but on no account bring them back here. The place
is a bear garden already.’ (This with a scowl towards the Bishop who was very
quietly playing Peggity with Prudence in a corner of the drawing-room.)

Dame
Mildred, putting little trust in Miss Tin’s ability to restrain the diplomats
from starting without her, took few pains with the packing. In less than a
minute she was down again with an armful of night clothes and washing materials.
At last, with a squeeze and a grunt, she sank into the back seat.

‘Tell
me,’ asked William with some admiration, as he turned the car round. ‘Do you
always throw bottles at people when you want a lift?’

Chapter Seven

Sir Samson Courteney arose
next morning in a mood of high displeasure, which became the more intense as
with every minute of his leisurely toilet he recalled in detail the atrocious
disorders of the preceding evening.

‘Never
known anything like it,’ he reflected on the way to the bathroom. ‘These
wretched people don’t seem to realize that a Legation is a place of business.
How can I be expected to get through the day’s work, with my whole house overrun
with uninvited guests?’

First
there had been the Bishop, who arrived during tea with two breathless curates
and an absurd story about another revolution and shooting in the streets.
Well, why not? You couldn’t expect the calm of
Barchester Towers
in a
place like Azania. Missionary work was known to involve some physical work. Nincompoops.
Sir Samson lashed the bath water in his contempt and vexation. Then, when they
were half-way through dinner, who should turn up but the Bank Manager and a
scrubby little chap named Jagger. Never heard of him. More wild talk about
murder, loot and fire. Dinner started all over again, with the result that the’
duck was ruined. And then the most damnable treachery of all: his wife of all
people, infected with the general panic, had begun to ask about Dame Mildred
and Miss Tin. Had they gone down to the coast when the other English people
left? Should not something be done about them? The Minister pooh-poohed the
suggestion for some time, but at length so far yielded to popular appeal as to
allow William and Percy to take the car and go out, just to see that the old
women had come to no harm. That was the explicit limit of their instructions.
And what did they do but bring
them
along too? Here, in fact, was the
entire English population of Debra Dowa taking refuge under his roof. ‘They’ll
have to clear out today,’ decided the Minister as he lathered his chin, ‘every
man jack of them. It’s an intolerable imposition.’

Accommodation
in the compound had eventually been found for all the new-comers. The Bishop
slept in the Legation the curates with the Anstruthers who
,
in the most sporting
manner, moved the children into their own room for the night, Dame Mildred and
Miss Tin at the Legges and the Bank Manager and Mr Jagger alone in the bungalow
vacated by the Walshes. By the time Sir Samson came down to breakfast, however,
they were all together again, chattering uproariously on the croquet lawn.

‘… my
back quite sore … not really accustomed to riding.’

‘Poor
Mr Raith.’

‘The
Church party started it. The priests had been haranguing them for days against
birth-control. The police learned that an attempt would be made to break up the
procession so they arrested the Patriarch just before it was due to start …’

‘Troops
cleared the streets … fired over their heads … no damage done … a bullet
within a few inches, literally
inches
of my head …’

‘Seth
went back to the Palace as soon as it was clear the procession couldn’t take
place. My word, he looked angry …’

‘Young
Seal with him …’

‘… it
wasn’t so bad when the beast was going uphill. It was that terrible
sliding
feeling
…’

‘Poor
Mr Raith …
’

‘
Then the patrols were all withdrawn and concentrated in front of the
Palace. Jagger and I were quite close and saw the whole thing. They had the
whole army drawn up in the square and gradually when they realized the shooting
was over the crowd began to come back, little knots of sixes and sevens
creeping out from the side alleys and then creeping in round the soldiers. This
was about half-past five….., and not having proper breeches my knees got so
rubbed
…’

‘Poor
Mr Raith …’

‘Everyone
thought Seth was going to appear. The royal box was still there, shoddy sort of
affair, but it provided a platform. Everyone kept looking in that direction.
Suddenly who should climb up but the Patriarch, who had been released from
prison by the rioters, and after him Connolly and old Ngumo and one or two
others of the notables. Well, the crowd cheered like mad for the Patriarch and Ngumo
and the soldiers cheered for Connolly and started firing off their rifles again
into the air and for a quarter of an hour the place was in an uproar …’

‘…
and two bruises on the lower part of my shin where the stirrups came …’

‘Poor
Mr Raith …’

‘Then came
the big surprise of the day. The Patriarch made a speech, don’t suppose half
the people heard it. Announced that Seth had abdicated and that Achon, Amurath’s
son who’s supposed to have been dead for fifty years, was still alive and would
be crowned Emperor today. The fellows near started cheering and the others took
it up —they didn’t know why — and soon they had a regular party going.
Meanwhile the Christians had been making hay in the Indian and Jewish quarters,
breaking up the shops and setting half the place on fire. That’s when Jagger
and I made our get-away …’

‘…
very stiff and chafed …’

‘… poor,
poor Mr Raith’.

‘All
talking shop as usual, ‘ said Sir Samson, as these voices floated in to him
through the dining-room windows. ‘And eating me out of house and home,’ he
added sourly as he noted that there was a shortage of kedgeree that morning.

‘But
what about Basil Seal?’ Prudence asked.

‘He
went off with Seth, I believe,’ said the Bank Manager, ‘wherever that may be.’.