Black Knight 02 - Back in Black (13 page)

"The Unseelie are sometimes considered the Dark Fae. They are cousins to the fairies you know, but their magic is practiced not to create, but to destroy. They use their martial abilities to enslave, not to protect. They do not typically discuss, preferring to destroy. In short, they are the antithesis of everything we strive to be. They keep trolls as bodyguards and servants, while we destroy the loathsome creatures on sight. If there are trolls making their way into the mundane realms, no doubt the Unseelie will know about it." Milandra explained, looking all the while like she'd eaten something sour. Apparently the Unseelie were a bit of an unpleasant topic among the Armelion Fae.
 

"As usual, human, you prove your ignorance with every syllable." An oily voice came from behind me, and I whirled to see a seven-foot tall fairy standing far too close for comfort. Clad all in black, his white hair made a sharp contrast to his ensemble, and his dark eyes scanned the room for threats like a tiger in a cage. He carried two long swords with hilts showing signs of use, and a dagger protruded from the top of each knee-high boot. I thought I saw a couple of small blades tucked into his gloves as well, but I couldn't be sure. What I could be sure of was that this dude was bad news, and that he'd somehow gotten close enough to stab me in the back without me ever hearing him enter the room. I pretty much hated him on sight, and by the look he gave me I'd say the feeling was mutual.
 

"Count Darkoni, you are welcome to my hall and my lands. I pledge you and yours safe passage and lodging as long as you reside here and maintain the peace with my people and other guests." Milandra stood stiffly in front of her throne; hand on the hilt of a sword I'd never seen before. The pommel was plain steel, the first iron I'd seen since coming to FairyLand, and the scabbard showed signs of plenty of use.
 

"Fear not, little queen. We shall behave ourselves while we are here. And if we do not, I have no doubt you will enjoy feeding us to your husband. But do tell me this, my dear, do his scales scratch? In bed, I mean." The tall fairy smiled a slimy smile, and I couldn't resist. I reached out and grabbed the top of one pointy ear, twisting it until he brought his head down to my eye level.
 

"Apologize." I said through gritted teeth.
 

"What?" said the astonished fairy, while batting at my hand ineffectually.
 

"Apologize to the Queen or I will rip your ear off. You see, I'm not from here, and I don't play by your rules. So apologize for being a douche, and I'll let you go."
 

"I will not forget this, vampire." He hissed, eyes filling with tears as I continued to twist. The pointy ears gave me so much more cartilage to work with than normal, it made for a great piece of leverage. "I apologize for my impertinence, Your Majesty."
 

I looked up at Milandra, who looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh. "Apology accepted, Count Darkoni. James, please release the count." I let go of the rude fairy's ear, and he stood up, backing out of arm's reach quickly. He backed up right into Sabrina, who had just entered the hall munching on a piece of fruit. She gave the black-clad giant a thoughtless shove, and his momentum carried him all the way to the floor.
 

"Sorry," mumbled Sabrina around a mouthful of fruit. "Didn't see you there." The count clambered up from the floor in a creak of armor and a rattle of hidden blades, glowering around the room as everyone very carefully did not laugh at his discomfort.
 

"Now, Your Majesty, why have you beckoned me here? Do you tire of your lizard king already? My offer still stands, even if you are now used goods." He started to say something else, but before he got another word out, Greg and I were beside him, our hands on his sword hilts. We might have been a little hung over, but we were still fast.

"Look, count. Let me explain something to you very clearly. I don't care who you are, or what you are, but you will be polite to the Queen while I am here. If you are not, I will drink every drop of fairy blood that runs through your veins, and not even give you the courtesy of a belch. Now am I understood?"
 

Darkoni looked down at me, a slight smile playing across his lips. "I understand that you will make every effort to avenge the honor of the queen. I also understand that if you so much as twitch, your head will be crushed by my bodyguard, Thorgun."
 
I felt the presence of something very large behind me, and a hand very gently covered my head. My whole head, from crown to jaw, fit inside the huge, smelly troll hand that descended from above me. Thorgun didn't speak or even put any pressure on my scalp, he just rested his hand on my head, holding it like I could hold a baseball.
 

"Now, why don't we all sit down and behave like civilized beings. Even those of us who obviously are not." Darkoni said, and the hand disappeared from my head. I turned around and looked up, way up and his troll bodyguard. He had nothing on Tivernius' dragon size, but at nine and a half feet tall with fingers as big around as my wrists, I didn't want to arm-wrestle him anytime soon.
 

"What a lovely idea, Count Darkoni." Milandra said, as though no insults or threats had been exchanged. She waved her hands and a table appeared with chairs sized for all the occupants, even Thorgun and his twin bodyguard, who flanked Darkoni. The Unseelie count had brought a retinue of about half a dozen fairies with him, but the trolls were the real muscle. Both of them made the one we fought outside the bar look like a half-grown kid, and they both had hammers hanging over their shoulders with heads bigger than a dishwasher. We took our seats, our team on one side, the Unseelie entourage on the other side, and Milandra got right down to business.
 

"Count Darkoni, we have called you here to inquire why there have been troll attacks on changelings in the mundane world. Would you care to enlighten us?" The Fairy Queen asked, and when I glanced back at her I saw that she had magically transformed into her robes of state and crown. Tivernius was decked out, too, and a golden circlet rested on his head to match the silver one on Milandra's brow.
 

"I would love to, Your Majesty, if I had any inkling of what you are talking about." The Unseelie count had transformed his wardrobe as well, now garbing himself in robes of deepest black velvet with black fur trim. A black circlet capped his brow, with a large red stone in the center. The stone pulsed rhythmically, almost as if it were in time to a heartbeat somewhere. I looked down to see if my clothes were any different, but it was the same armor I'd put on when I fell out of bed in the morning. Oh well, can't have everything.
 

"Please, Your Excellence, do not play ignorant with us. Your tribe has long held enmity for the changelings, and you have much truck with the trolls. If you are not behind these attacks, then who?" Milandra seemed almost to be enjoying the jousting with the snotty fairy, but I wasn't sure she was going to get anywhere.
 

"Of course we loathe the changelings, but it is you humans that we would exterminate, not the innocent Fae that you cast out like so much unwanted livestock! We are the rightful lords of this realm, and bringing humans here to rule over us is an affront to all we hold dear. So my dear queen, if we wanted to attack anyone, it would be you." Darkoni smiled and leaned back in his chair. "I suppose if that is all you have to ask, then we will accept our payment and leave." He reached for a small bag lying on the table beside Milandra's hand, and she clasped her hand over his wrist before he could withdraw.
 

The Unseelie stood and drew a knife, pointing the tip at Milandra's wrist. "I suggest you release my arm, before you lose your own, Your Majesty."
 

I whispered from behind him "I don't think that's a good idea, Excellence." He turned his head slightly and saw the point of my sword hovering right beside his eye. Otto and Greg had the trolls covered, and Armelion knights surrounded the rest of Darkoni's entourage.
 

"This is an outrage, Milandra!" Darkoni shouted, veins bulging in his neck. "We have come here in good faith, answered your questions, and now I want to take my payment and leave. You stretch the boundaries of hospitality to the breaking point, little lizard-slut!"
 

"That's it, I'm drinking him." I grabbed his collar and pulled the count's neck around toward my mouth, only to have him twist in my grasp and stab me in the chest with the dagger he'd threatened Milandra with only seconds before. I looked down at the hilt sticking out of my chest, and then I got really mad.
 

"I really, really liked this shirt, you prick." I said, just before I grabbed him by the neck and one wrist and flung Darkoni across the great hall. He crashed into the far wall and slid down like the coyote in a Saturday morning cartoon. I pulled the dagger out of my chest, looked over at Milandra, and said, "Sorry about the whole truce thing, but he was a real asshole."

"He's also not dead, bro." Greg said from right beside me. I followed his gaze and saw a very angry Unseelie count heading my way with a sword in one hand and a wicked barbed dagger in the other.
 

"Crap. Sabrina, cover the queen!" I yelled as I reached across the table and grabbed Milandra's sword. "Sorry, Majesty, but you need to not be here for this part. Greg, you with me?"
 

"Right here." My partner, being the smart one of the pair, had not left his sword in his bedroom this morning. Me, being the good-looking one, would be using a sword borrowed from the Fairy Queen in tonight's entertainment. Then with a howl of rage from Darkoni, the great hall erupted in mayhem and bloodshed.
 

Chapter 20

Greg and I hopped onto the table to get a better view of things, and I ended up eye-to-eye with Thorgun, who was bringing his giant hammer around for a swing at Otto. I waited until he got the hammer up to the top of his swing, and slid my sword into the unprotected space under his arm. A great gout of greenish-black blood spurted from the wound, and the troll's eyes rolled back in his head. He started to topple forward, right onto Greg and me. "Split!" I yelled as he fell forward, and the gigantic body came crashing down, tearing the sword from my grasp and splitting the heavy wooden table into splinters. Greg and I dove in opposite directions, him landing on the back of an Unseelie man-at-arms with an unpleasant crunching sound, as I went headfirst onto the floor.
 

I'd love to say I rolled to my feet in a smooth motion and came up with a knife in each hand, but the reality of it is that I sprawled on the marble floor like a skinny fish out of water and lay there for a minute cursing about how bad my knee hurt. After a couple seconds' worth of creative profanity, I stood up and looked around for an abandoned weapon. Thorgun's hammer was laying on the ground, but even with my vamp-strength I couldn't swing that behemoth effectively. I snatched up a shattered board and brought it up just in time to block a sword blow from a very angry Count Darkoni, who smiled as he circled me with his sword and dagger.
 

"I will enjoy bathing in your blood, vampire." He sneered as I tried to parry all his thrusts.
 

"Well, since I borrow it, you won't technically be bathing in
my
blood." I said as I took a swing at his head. He ducked easily and I got a slash across the ribs that my armor turned aside. At least I'd remembered my breastplate.
 

"No matter, bloodsucker, it won't be inside you any longer, that's all that matters to me." He lunged with the sword and I batted it aside easily. Unfortunately I forgot about the knife in his other hand. At least, I forgot about it until he buried it in my thigh. The barbed blade ripped all sorts of useful things when he jerked it out of me, and I screamed as I fell to one knee. "Now die, fool!" I looked up as he raised his sword for one final thrust, and did the only thing I could think of, I bit him on the inside of the thigh.
 

A lot of people disregard the leg as a source of blood, but it's important for a vampire to be familiar with anatomy. The femoral artery runs down the inside of each thigh, and I was counting on fairy physiology being close enough to human for me to drain Darkoni before he could sever my head or find a piece of wood to shove through my heart. Frankly, I still don't know if it has to be wood or if anything piercing my heart will do, I've never experimented. But I clamped down on his leg just above his thigh guard and drank as fast as I could. That put the back of my head way closer to his crotch than I wanted to be, but we all make sacrifices in order to stay alive.
 

Darkoni threw his head back and screamed, then stabbed downward with his sword. My armor deflected the worst of the blow, and he dropped the knife to try a second time with both hands. That cost him valuable seconds, though, and as he raised his blade for another thrust I drained more of his lifeblood with every heartbeat. He summoned up all his remaining strength for another downward cut, and I reached out with my left hand and broke his kneecap, knocking him backwards and dislodging me from his leg. Arterial blood spurted high into the air, and I crawled up the count's twitching body to get to his throat.
 

I stopped right before I bit into him again, looked him in the eyes and said, "Now who's sending the trolls?"