Black Butterfly (48 page)

Nolen walked into the penthouse to the mouth-watering smell of pot roast and baked potatoes.

What’s going on? he wondered. He hadn’t spoken to Claude about dinner for the night, and Claude never prepared homey meals. Pulling off his trench coat, he decided to start making the calls he needed to save valuable accounts. Sydney came around the corner wearing an apron over her denim skirt and white T-shirt. An apron?

“Hey,” she said, smiling.

“What are you doing here?”

Sydney looked into his eyes. “You ok?”

“What do you care?” he replied coldly.

“Nolen.”

“Why did you come here?” he demanded angrily, going to the bar to pour himself a drink. “I mean you can’t possibly have taken all the time you needed so desperately. Especially since I’m the mean old monster that just wants to manipulate you and get my way.”

“I came because I love you and you need me.”

“Oh, so you saw the news, huh? Now I get your pity?” He laughed softly.

“Don’t make this any harder than it already is. I’m sorry. That was never my intent.”

“You’re sorry? For what, Sydney? I’m still the man who lied to you and didn’t care enough to warn you that your friend was with the man that raped your other friend, right?”

“For once, can you just listen to me?” She walked closer to him.

“No! And here’s why,” he slammed the glass down on the bar. “There’s nothing, good or bad, that you could do to make me give up on you. The first sign of trouble, you ran from me. You knew how much it would hurt me not to have you at my side, but you ran anyway. Now I can only assume you came back because you felt sorry for me.”

“That’s not true!”

“The hell it isn’t! You betrayed me by treating my feelings as if they didn’t matter. I needed you with me, damn it! You left. End of story.”

“My God, I can’t even make up with you!” Sydney said, throwing up her hands in frustration.

“Get out!” he snapped, storming past her.

“No!” She grabbed his sleeve. “This time you’re going to listen to me. I love you; I love the man that you are, good and bad, damn it! I needed time to understand that. You want all of me, all of the time, Nolen, and that’s not fair. You have to allow me room to grow in our love. You have to stop trying to control my every emotion.”

“You left me.”

“I’m sorry. I was wrong to leave. Not because you did nothing wrong, Nolen. You were wrong to deceive me. But I should never have left, no matter what was going on. We have to figure it out together.”

“I can’t trust you,” he said, turning away.

“Stop it,” Sydney kissed him. “You know you can trust me, just as I know I can trust you to love me with all your heart.” She pushed her body against his and held him tighter, refusing to fight. He gripped her by the arms as if he would push her away. He kissed her back, giving in as he always did when she was near.

She broke the kiss and searched his face for reasoning. “Now, are you going to tell me why these people think you did something illegal?”

Nolen stared into her eyes and remained silent.

“You did it, didn’t you?” Sydney asked.

“Let’s not talk about it.”

“We talk about everything. I saw the good in you, and I feel it every time you touch me. I won’t run from the darkness. I just need to understand it.”

He stepped back. “I did it,” he admitted without remorse. “I made money the ways that I know how!” Sydney stared at him and he stared back, ready for her anger or shocked disbelief. Instead, she said, “If you’re home, that means that you’ve covered your tracks, right?” Nolen continued his silent stare, confirming what he couldn’t bring himself to say.

Sydney sighed and shook her head. “You hungry?” she asked, turning toward the kitchen.

Nolen snickered. “Am I hungry? Is that all you’re going to say?” She turned and looked back at him. “For now,” she said. “Over dinner you’ll explain to me what securities fraud is, and why you felt the need to risk your company and your future to do it. Then we’ll find a way to get you out of this mess. Right now, you need to eat, and I need to feel that I’m taking care of us.” She turned and left the room.

Nolen stared after her, rubbing his jaw. He was still angry that she’d left him, but he was grateful that she’d returned. In the kitchen he found her setting the small breakfast table with the dinner she’d prepared.

She looked up at him and smiled. “Sit down.”

He took a seat, thinking that this was the first time he’d actually eaten in this room. They usually ate in his large dining room or in front of the television.

Sydney put his plate on the table and kissed him. “You’re a naughty boy, aren’t you?” He pulled her into his lap. “You like bad boys?”

“Apparently so.”

He released her and they ate together in silence for a moment. Then she summoned the courage to question him about his problems. She listened, asking him to explain some of the laws that he’d broken and what they meant. She chuckled when he told her how Annemarie had handled the agent, and Nolen said that Annemarie was a little barracuda, his secret weapon.

“So these indictments hinge upon the testimony of this Harris man?”

“There’s some messy matters within my company as well. Annemarie won’t let the government near assets, and the ones they can access are squeaky clean. The CEO of Delstar is the only one who can sink my battleship.”

“You think he won’t?”

“He can be convinced otherwise.”

“And if he does, what’s your plan?”

“I don’t want to discuss that.”

“Nolen.”

“Sydney, come on. How much of this can you digest and still love me?” She reached for his now-empty plate. “What you did in the past doesn’t concern me anymore. It’s what you do now that matters, Nolen.”

Nolen watched her clearing the dishes. “So you want me to reform and become some redeemed version of your father?”

Sydney froze. “I’ll admit that I compared you to him, and maybe I shouldn’t have. But there’s nothing wrong with being like my father—on his good days. He’s a flawed man too. Stubborn, and even a bully, like you.”

“I’m not a bully.”

“Do you enjoy all of this danger and corruption around you? What about our babies and their future?”

“So we’re still having babies?”

She laughed. “Still makes you uncomfortable? The thought of children.”

“You’re testing me.”

“Of course. Need to know who and what you are.”

“And what about you. Who is Sydney Allen?”

She turned and leaned against the sink, crossing her ankles. “A dancer. A daughter. A friend to some.

And for you, I’m your woman. Simple as that.”

“I like simple.”

“And I like you without all the drama. You can be great and powerful, Nolen, without being corrupt.

You know that, and I think you want it.”

“It’s business, Sydney.”

“It’s more than that. It’s your father. You’re still thinking somehow he’s out there. Not dead. And you’re doing these things because of him. Looks like I’m not the only one with daddy issues.” Nolen stared at her, not wanting to see it through her eyes. “Sydney.”

“You’re better than this, Nolen, and we can fight dirty to get you out of it, but, someday, your daughter will look at you in the same way that I looked at my father. What do you want her to feel? Ask yourself that.”

“I need to apologize, Sydney, for all of it. It’s on me, not you. Don’t think you have to stay with me out of some sense of obligation.” he said.

She smiled. “I won’t.”

Nolen walked over to her, pressing her into the counter. “Is there anything else I should do since we’re talking?”

“Yes. Open up Xenia’s show. What on earth were you thinking?” She mumbled softly.

He kissed her neck. “Just trying to get your attention, that’s all.” She shook her head and let him hold her from behind. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Love me. And I’ll love you. That’s all I need.”

“That’s easy to do,” she said, kissing him. “Thanks for letting me come home.” Sydney rode in the limo and stared out of the tinted glass, her mind processed several things at once.

Last night had been tender, special, and long overdue, yet his predicament troubled her, as did Trish’s. Before sleep claimed her, Todd called to give them an update on Trish and ask for Nolen’s help. Afterward, she had lain in his arms, listening to him talk about how he would deal with Marshall Ellison, and it frightened her. She had argued that he shouldn’t get pulled into more drama with the indictment hanging over his head, but he had assured her that he would handle it. How she could help the people she loved from self-destructing kept her tossing all through the night.

The limo pulled up to the apartment building she’d shared with her best friends. She felt completely disconnected from the life that she’d led behind those walls, partly because of her disillusionment with Portia, and partly because of her disappointment in Ricky. Two people that she’d cared for deeply were now complete strangers.

Pushing the intercom button, she spoke softly to the driver. “Charles, wait here. We’ll be heading to Rochester when I return.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Sydney stepped out into the morning air and pulled her jacket tightly around her. On the sidewalk she met one of her neighbors heading to work. The young woman gaped at her, and Sydney blushed.

“Good morning,” Sydney said.

The woman gave her a disapproving look. “Morning,” she said snidely and walked away.

Sydney ignored the snub and headed into the building, stopping at the mailbox to retrieve her mail.

From the far left of the long corridor, Ricky stepped off the elevator and stopped at the sight of her.

“Sydney?”

She saw him standing in his black leather jacket, his left eye swollen with a bluish-black bruise. “Are you ok?” she asked.

Ricky blushed. “Oh, well your boyfriend paid me a visit. I was glad to hear that you left him, and apparently he didn’t take my reaction too well.”

“Nolen did that?”

“Yeah, and my ribs are pretty sore too.”

“He goes too far, too damn far. I’m sorry Ricky,” she said.

Ricky smiled. “So you’re back?”

“Back?” she asked.

“Yes. He said you left him. Both Portia and I have tried to reach you.” He stepped toward her.

Sydney stepped back. “Ricky, I’m with Nolen. I’m not back.”

Ricky stared at her. “I don’t understand. Do you see what he did to me? The man is out of control!”

“I’m so sorry he hurt you, and it’s really my fault. We had a fight and—”

“Wait! Don’t apologize to me for him!” Ricky snapped. “Are you seriously going to stay with him? Didn’t I see on the news that he was arrested?”

“It’s complicated.” She tried to walk around him, but Ricky blocked her way, touching her shearling lined jacket and shaking his head disapprovingly. “Sydney, look at you. What have you become, love?” Sydney put her hand to her forehead and shut her eyes. “You know what? I’m sick and tired of you—and Portia, of all people—judging my love for this man!”

Ricky let go of her arm. “I love you. I’ve loved you for the past two years. You know that.”

“That’s right! You love me enough to sleep with my best friend barely a week after our breakup. Did you do it in my apartment? Wait, knowing her hate and jealousy of me, she probably did it with you in my bed.”

“I'm sorry, Sydney.”

“I didn’t want to go there, Ricky, but since you insist, let me make something clear to you. Am I happy that Nolen resorted to violence and attacked you? No. Will it change the way that I feel about him? No. Yes, he’s complicated. That worries me, I won’t deny it, but I’ve accepted it. I don’t owe you any other explanation.”

“You’ve changed, makes me sad.”

“If you mean that I’ve grown up, then, yes, I’ve changed. He’s my choice, Ricky. I’m sorry.”

“So am I,” Ricky said.

Sydney watched him leave, scarcely believing that after all these months, it had come to this. Heading to the elevator, she shook off any lingering doubt and set about what she had come to do.

Inside her apartment Portia sat on the sofa, drinking cocoa and watching the morning news. Her long ringlets were pulled into a ponytail on top of her head. She looked surprised to see Sydney but greeted her with silence.

Sydney tossed the mail onto the table near the door, and removed her jacket, dropping it on the old recliner that they’d both referred to as Trish’s chair since their friend could eat, sleep, and sketch all in that one spot. Seeing it empty made her stomach tighten. “We need to talk,” she said.

“Ok,” Portia answered, putting her mug on the table.

“It’s time to clear the air. This friendship we started as girls, it’s not the same. I feel—” Portia stood up, wiping her hands over her denim shorts. “Sydney, I’m sorry.”

“Portia, please let me finish.”

“Wait!” Portia said, putting up her hand.

Sydney blew out a breath in frustration.

“Listen to me, please,” Portia said. “Hear me out, especially if you’ve come to end a seventeen-year friendship.” Portia smiled weakly. “I’ve been jealous of you since my parents split and I had to leave Carolina for New York.”

“What?”

“It’s true. You had your family together. I lost everything. You’ve always had the ability to walk into a room and captivate everyone. Even in that small town, you commanded everyone’s attention. Don’t get me wrong. I love you with all my heart, but I’ve envied it.”

Sydney shook her head. “Portia, you’re beautiful. You know you are.”

“No. I’m pretty on the outside, but on the inside, I don’t believe it. Funny as it sounds, I’m a lot like Trish, except that, instead of being molested, I was ignored. Ignored by my mother right here in New York whenever a new boyfriend was on the scene, and ignored by my dad, with his attention focused on his new wife and their baby. I guess that’s why I chose modeling. I just wanted to be noticed.” Sydney stared at her. “I know things were tough for you when we were kids, Portia.”

“No, Sydney, you have no idea how tough it was. You were never invisible like I was. I guess it’s why I clung to you so quickly. I was wrong to use my body for gigs, and I was wrong to blame you for my unhappiness. I was wrong to sleep with Ricky, just as I was wrong to attack you for following your heart. Oh, God, Sydney, I was wrong for so many things I can’t keep track.”