Bitter Taffy (22 page)

“It’s like nobody talks about it,” Mari said, waving her hands in frustration. “I mean, everyone who’s allied with the LGBTQ community expects people to either be awful
or
expects them to be on our side. Nobody ever accounts for the learning curve. She needed someone to explain how both Rico and Adam could be gay—that it’s DNA. She needed someone to explain that just because they were gay didn’t mean they didn’t have the same morals as everyone else.” Mari shuddered. “I actually had to
say
that just because I grew up in the house with my brothers, that didn’t mean I was going to have sex with them. Ugh. Now I have to live with that in my brain. You people owe me.”

Rico laughed kindly. “Well, I for one appreciate it. She… she was really ready to understand, I think, when she came out. Let’s hear it for jailhouse education.”

“Let’s hear it for family worth fighting for,” Mari said back, and then she hugged Finn, who had just rounded the corner with a tray full of sandwiches.

Finn made a show of “get off me!” but once he’d unloaded his tray, he kissed his sister on the cheek. “Yeah, yeah—now I’ve got to think of something nice to do back. Thanks a lot.”

Mari and her mother laughed, but Rico thought his mom had been right. Finn’s family really
was
that tight, and yeah. There was a lot you could learn from just being around them.

Fortunately for Rico, Finn and Adam weren’t going anywhere. Also fortunately, Derek’s family was pretty supportive too. Rico had already learned the hard way that a love could stand or fall when it leaned on the wrong load-bearing walls.

I
T
WAS
a good thing Rico had arrived at that conclusion, because Derek’s meeting with his brother-in-law had unforeseen consequences of the familial variety.

A few weeks after Rico’s mom got out of jail (and he wasn’t ever going to get tired of thinking of it like that), Rico had a family dinner to attend, and once again, he was dependent on Finn for a good impression.

“A tie?” Finn asked, scandalized. “To a meeting with his friend and his sister?”

“We’re going out to dinner!” Rico objected. “It’s supposed to be a really nice—”

“Does it
require
a tie?” Finn asked straight up, hands on hips. That kid had
really
long arms, and the effect was more frightening than comic. If Finn ever started using his Finn-power for evil, he could probably beat the crap out of people without a lot of effort.

“His parents are going to be there!” Rico told him.

Finn waved his hand as if that meant nothing. “You’ve already met them. They’re like sitcom parents—real parents are not possibly that adorable.”

Rico stared at him openmouthed. “You mean like
your entire family
? You know, your freaky womenfolk who sweet-talked my
mami
out of jail?” His mother had called him twice since that week: once to tell him she’d made it home safely, and once to tell him she’d moved out and was in her own apartment now. He’d tried to awkwardly offer his sympathies, but her response had been pure Lydia Gonzalves-Macias.

“It is not for you to worry about, Ricardo. Your father chose his side, I chose mine, and that is all.”

But his father had obviously not chosen
Rico
, and Rico was a little relieved. Cowardly? Maybe. But he didn’t feel the loss of his father in his life like he would have felt the loss of his mother. Perhaps that was what his father got for not being there when Rico
wasn’t
out, but Rico wasn’t going to try to change that now.

No,
now
Rico had to worry about a semiformal family dinner, and his new best gayfriend didn’t think he was going to pass muster.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Finn said blankly. “My family is what?”

Rico shook his head. “Nothing. They’re awesome. For one thing, they’d never drag Adam anyplace he’d have to wear a tie.”

Finn laughed evilly. “That’s what you think. I’m gonna marry that man someday, and I expect him to wear a suit.”

Rico stared at him. “Uhm. Okay. Awesome. Adam’s wearing a suit to his wedding, and I’m wearing
my underwear
to meet my in-laws!”

“Cool your jets and keep your boxers on,” Finn muttered, rifling through the drawers under the television. The kid knew his clothes better than Rico at this point. “You know what I don’t understand?”

“That your family is like fairy-elf angels sent straight from heaven to make all gay people happy?” Rico
still
couldn’t believe Finn thought that was normal.

Finn shot him an annoyed look over his shoulder as he pulled out Rico’s casual shirts in a clump. “Are you high? I mean, I didn’t think Derek did drugs, but—”

“
No
!” Rico snapped. “Get to the point?”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, what I don’t understand is how Adam, who hates 90 percent of all people on general principle and is awkward in most social situations, knows what to wear during all those social situations, even if he can’t afford to buy clothes.”

Rico narrowed his eyes. “He. Is. An.
Artist
!”

“Yeah, I know! And you’re a professional! Shouldn’t you know wardrobe rules?”

“It didn’t come with the gay,” Rico said sullenly. “Do we have anything yet? I’m supposed to be there in forty-five minutes.”

“Yeah, but it’s in Old Sac, so you got time. You’re going home with Derek, right?”

“Yeah, I told you that.”

“But I’m making sure, because I want to pick Adam up, and I don’t want to feel like we’re deserting you.”

“Didn’t Adam take the bus for
months
—”

Finn’s glance raked him from top to toe. “You’re not a bus-taking guy, Rico. And you’re picking a fight with me why?”

He held a khaki green shirt made of a nice silky blend, with button-down pockets, and a pair of khaki shorts. “See? It’s July, but this says semiformal, ‘I want to impress my in-laws, but I’m not stupid enough to show up in a tie and slacks when it’s 106 today.’”

Rico squinted, puzzled. “I didn’t even know I had that shirt.”

“You’re hopeless. I mean, all your
suits
are top rate, but your, you know, living for you clothes? Dude. I hope Derek takes you shopping or something. You’re driving
me
bugshit.”

Rico’s pocket buzzed, which was awesome because that meant it was a text, and he didn’t have to answer that. The truth was, he was coming to treasure these sparring matches with Finn. He was bright, funny, and endlessly entertaining—and extremely protective of Adam. Rico had never actually had a
friend
who was gay, and it was apparent Finn knew all about being someone’s gay friend, because he was awesome at it. Rico really hoped Finn didn’t get tired of him—not so early in his relationship, anyway. Rico might need help for a little while longer.

“It’s Derek,” he said. “He wants to meet up at Candy Heaven. I guess he wanted to introduce everyone to Adam.”

“Oh God,” Finn muttered. “Get your ass in gear, Rico! This is an emergency!”

Rico nodded, taking the clothes Finn tossed at him and getting dressed in record speed. “Okay, I need to get my hair and my breath—”

“Yeah, wait—I’ll be right there with gel. I bought some new product for Adam, but I want you to try it out.”

“Adam wears product?” Rico asked dubiously. Because that ranked right up there with
Adam wears nylons and a corset?

“Well, not yet! Now go!”

Rico paused to fasten his cargo shorts and then asked, a little hesitantly, “I, uhm, don’t really drive you bugshit, right? ’Cause you’re sort of my best platonic friend outside of work
ever
.”

Finn gaped at him, big blue eyes wide as an angel’s. He closed his mouth after a moment and grinned. “That’s awesome,” he said, nodding. “’Cause, you know, friends from school don’t always stick, but you’re sort of stuck with family for life. So that works for us. Now hurry—Adam’s going to seriously plotz in his shorts if suddenly Derek’s whole family shows up and we’re not there.”

They were too late.

By the time Finn and Rico found parking and hopped out of the car, Adam was pinned behind the counter, surrounded by Derek’s well-meaning parents, a pretty woman who looked a lot like Derek, and a massive six-five plus man-mountain with black hair and a sweet smile.

“Who is
that
?” Finn asked, a little bit of awe in his voice.

“Hale and Renee,” Rico replied, awed too. “Hale is Derek’s friend from college.”

“Jesus, he’s all muscle!”

Rico would have made a crack about Finn only having eyes for Adam, but it was the truth. This guy studied to be an
actuary
? No wonder he felt more comfortable in a hardware store. That body would have been wasted behind a desk.

Derek’s little marshmallow-cheeked mother was busy talking to Adam, and Rico had a whole other thing to worry about.

“So, Adam! My husband and I really loved seeing you play softball last month. Did you not play professionally because you were gay?”

They actually watched Adam’s eyes grow larger and his mouth fall open. “Uh, no, uh, school, uh, Army, oh….”

“Mom,” Derek said good-naturedly, coming up behind Rico and touching his shoulder in passing. “What did I say about waiting until I got here?”

“But Derek, we already
sort
of know each other! Besides, Adam’s happy to meet us, aren’t you, Adam?”

“I know
I’m
thrilled,” Darrin said, walking from the back offices and meeting Adam’s eyes. Everybody turned to look at Darrin, who was wearing another androgynous peasant blouse over his blue jeans today and whose shoulder-length shag was pulled up in a clip at his nape. Adam practically slumped against the back wall. “To what do we owe the, uhm, pleasure?”

Derek looked at him sheepishly. “Sorry, Darrin. I told my family to meet me
out in front
of the store—I didn’t think they’d swarm all over Adam.”

Darrin arched a sculpted eyebrow. “Well, as fun as it is to swarm over Adam, we should probably try to avoid making him piddle like a schnauzer in the corner. Adam, how about you show Derek’s parents where their favorite candy is, and I’ll help everybody else.”

“’Kay, boss,” Adam said weakly. He moved from behind the counter and caught Rico’s eye, mouthing, “You so fuckin’ owe me.”

Rico nodded, covering his mouth so Adam couldn’t see him smile, and then turned to where Renee was complimenting Darrin on his earrings and asking for the artisan who designed them. Okay, good. One in-law down, the other to go.

“He’s lucky,” Hale told him, swallowing Rico’s hand in his massive paw and shaking delicately, like he was picking up a porcelain doll. “Kevin and Dillon wanted to come too, but Derek told them to back off, he didn’t want to scare you. He didn’t even mention making your cousin piss himself.”

“He was just overwhelmed,” Finn snapped.

Rico put a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe go run interference?” he said quietly. “You know, translate nice parents to Adam? He doesn’t speak that language.”

Finn shook his head. “Everybody wants to know Adam better. Nobody wants to know that he likes to be left alone.” But he trotted down toward the fudge cooler and started asking Sylvie and Edgar what they were planning to eat that night and whether they were going out for ice cream.

“Nice to meet you,” Hale said, grinning. God, he even had a leviathan grin! “Derek has told us a
lot
about you.”

“Well, I’d say the same, but apparently he forgot to mention you were as big as a bus.”

Hale’s laugh was as big as the man. Renee left off her chatter with Darrin to look at him in puzzlement. “But why
wouldn’t
he tell Rico how big you are?” she asked. “Isn’t that, like, the first thing people notice? Because that’s what
I
noticed—honey, you’re like Andre the Giant, but cuter. You know, like in
Princess Bride
?”

Rico blinked hard, but his eyes were still drying out because he couldn’t seem to stop staring. “Derek has
definitely
told me about
you
,” he said, smiling widely so she wouldn’t suspect exactly what he’d been saying.

“He thinks I’m an airhead,” she said flatly, eyeing her brother with dislike.

“Oh, honey, you know he just gets impatient when you don’t get his jokes.” Hale draped his arm over his wife’s thin shoulders, dwarfing her tiny body, before winking at Rico.

“But they’re not
funny
!” she protested.

He squeezed her shoulder. “It’s a sibling thing,” Hale reassured her. “I know I’ve got a brother at home that I cannot
stand
,
but my parents tell me that it’s entirely hormonal.”

Rico infused all of the sincerity he could muster into his smile. “Well, I’m sure that’s Derek’s problem, because you are definitely charming.”

She narrowed her eyes. “As opposed to what?”

Hale patted her arm. “The opposite of charming, sweetheart. Let’s go see what your parents are getting!”

Rico watched them go with mixed feelings of relief and distress. “Wasn’t the whole point to get people
away
from Adam?”

“And possibly out of my store,” Darrin said behind them, sounding only a little annoyed. “Not that I mind customers
or
sales, but I’m expecting my newest employee to wander in, and these things are always tricky when they haven’t met you yet.”

Rico gaped at him. “Please tell me it’s some sort of exchange program?” he begged, because otherwise that sounded… well, a little weird.

“And please tell
me
why you two aren’t moved in together and setting off car alarms with your loud annoying monkey sex every night!” Darrin demanded.

Rico took two flailing steps back. “You know, that’s a little personal—”

“You don’t like it? Then resolve your love life and get out of my Pixy Stix powder. It’s
irritating
how long you two are taking. I would
like
to focus on the poor feral little kitten who’s going to walk through my door, but now I’ve got two metrosexuals who apparently can’t find commitment with two hands and a backhoe!”