Bitter Root (2 page)

I killed
him.
Merley’s ears wouldn’t stop ringing. As she hosed down the back
room, she started shaking so hard the water splashed everywhere.
I killed him.
She
watched the pink tinted waterfall slide from the edge of the hatch to mix with
the salt water below. She filled a bucket with fresh water before climbing down
the ladder to close the water valve.
I’m
a killer
. Back upstairs, she poured more bleach than she needed into
the bucket and began to mop the room.
I’m
a murderer and my papa is proud of me.
She dropped the mop and sat
heavily on the floor, legs dangling above the hatch. She felt cold, but her
skin was clammy. Her head ached, and her stomach felt sick. The edge of her
mouth started to twitch, and she knew tears were coming. She leaned forward as
her stomach rebelled against what had happened and her breakfast hit the
concrete floor.
Now I’ll
have to clean that up too.
She slid to the side and curled into a
ball, giving in to the shock and grief of the situation.

Papa found her in that same spot an hour and a half later. He
made his way up the ladder and swung her legs to the side to close the hatch
door.

“Good job, Merley. I couldn’t be prouder of you, girl. This is
all for you, you know? One day this will all be yours. It’s about time you
became a part of this. You’re almost twelve. That’s old enough. Get me one of
those ice chests from the last delivery. I want to show you our power.”

She pulled herself down to the big dock and brought one of the
small ice chests to Papa. He opened it and pulled out a handful of little
zippered baggies. They had what looked like rock candy inside.

“This is it, baby. The key to the future. People buy this crap
like they would die without it. All we gotta do is pay guys like Ransom to
deliver it along with their shrimp. We box it up in the shrimp and send it on
to the guys who sell it. It’s like money from nothing, baby. It’s all gonna be
yours one day.”

She didn’t want it. She didn’t want one bit of it. The ache in
her gut and the hollow echo of that shot were all she felt. That night, she lay
thinking about what her papa, the man she thought had made life better, was
offering. She thought of Ransom’s eyes, the smell of blood, and the way the
metal was hot in her hand. Her mamma had ignored her during dinner, and Papa
had kept shooting her a knowing smile that made her stomach turn.

The next few weeks were no comfort. Merley had her party, but it
was bittersweet. She didn’t feel like she deserved to be happy. She watched
Ellie and Max Prejean at school. They were so sad all the time, and it was her
fault.

I wish I could
just tell them what happened to their daddy. I wish I didn’t have to feel like
this. And now I have to work at the bait shop every day. Even Sunday. It’s like
J.B. doesn’t want me out of his sight. Why’s he always watching me? What does
he think I’m going to do? He’s made sure I’m stuck here. What else does he want
from me?

Merley hated the new life she was forced to live. J.B. made
things even more horrible. Six months after the shooting, he opened a seafood
processing company next door. Now they could ship more of their little
surprises to even more places. He made other people disappear too. She didn’t
have to pull the trigger, but she had to watch, too many times. She washed away
so much blood she became almost numb to it.

At least I
didn’t know them and I don’t have to look at their kids every day.
It
was small comfort, though, as guilt continued to eat away at her.

The week before her fourteenth birthday, Merley was at the
counter of the bait shop. She had just sold six cases of “special shrimp” to a
man in New Mexico. She was arranging for their shipment when the door banged
open and J.B. rushed at her.

“What are you playing at, girl?”

“I’m not playing at anything,” she said.

“Why’s your teacher saying you need to see a doctor? What’s that
about?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I feel fine.”

“Well, she says we have to take you to a psychologist if you
don’t pep up. That’s not happening. You snap out of this funk you’re in, and I
mean now. No more sulking around. This life gives you everything, and you need
to stop pouting and be thankful.”

“I’m not pouting. Besides, all I ever do is work and go to
school. That and wash up after you beat on people. Why do I have to do all
this? Why can’t I just be a kid?”

“Listen here, I put my trust in you. You’re my daughter and you
do as I say. Just be happy, you hear me? Don’t make me do anything I don’t want
to do.”

“Yes, sir.” Merley seethed inside but held her tongue, knowing he
would only get louder and angrier if she provoked him.

You’re not
my father. You’re nothing to me but a monster.

“One more thing.”

“Yes, sir?”

“You’re going with me tonight on the boat. I need your help with
something.”

Merley cringed inside. She hated going out on the boat with him.
That usually meant he had someone or something he needed to get rid of and she
had to help. She couldn’t stop a groan from escaping.

“You have something to say?”

“No, sir.” Defeated, she hung her head.

*

She had to get away from here. And fast. The boat trip that night
had been the worst one yet.
What
could a kid that young have done to piss him off?
The boy couldn’t
have been much older than her. She’d helped J.B. lift his stiffening form over
the edge of the cruiser’s gunwale. There wasn’t as much blood as usual, just
some streaks on his face. J.B. was awful sketchy too. He kept glaring out at
the Gulf like someone was watching him.

“Why’d you kill him, Papa?”

“Never you mind why. He’s dead and now he’s gone.”

“But he’s just a kid.”

“Not too young to steal drugs. Just shut up and let me think.”

He was all twitchy, like he was scared or something. What could
scare him? Merley couldn’t help picking up on his tension and started glancing
out to sea too.
What am I
looking for?

“What has you all spooked? You’re scaring me,” she said.

“Nothing has me spooked. Just watch him and make sure he stays
down. I want to make a stop before we head home.”

They’d tied cinder blocks to his ankles and waist, as usual. He
wouldn’t be back. It was weird that J.B. asked her to watch him. Something
about this was off.

“He’s gone, and he’s not coming back up unless the chains rust.
Can we just go home now? I have school tomorrow,” she said.

“We will, after our stop. We’ve got a long ride ahead. Get some
sleep if you want.”

“What? Where are we going?”

“Just out to one of the rigs,” he said.

“Are you crazy? That’ll take forever. I have school, you know.”

“I know. Don’t worry. It’ll only be an hour or so out and back.
It’s a jack-up rig and it’s not that far out. Besides, I told you, go get some
sleep in the cabin. It’s probably better if they don’t see you.”

“If who don’t see me? What’s going on?”

“Dammit, I said go in the cabin and get some sleep. I mean it,”
he said.

Merley slid off the seat and headed to the cabin.

Why’s he
acting so weird? Why’re we going to an oil rig in the middle of the night?
She shucked off her shoes and climbed into the narrow berth. She didn’t plan on
sleeping, but before long, she was out.

The clunking of the boat against something woke her. She slid out
of the bunk and crept up the ladder to see where they were. When her eyes were
level with the deck, she stopped. If J.B. saw her he was sure to lose his
temper. She could hear his voice but couldn’t see him.

“It’s not my fault, Chupa. The idiot took too much of the stuff.
By the time I’d found him he was already gone. You have to explain it to him.
It’s not my fault.”

“Okay, Mr. Nerbass, but you know El Mayo. He’s going to want his
nephew returned to him.”

“It’s too late for that. I had to get rid of him. If anybody saw
him this whole operation could’ve been busted wide open.”

“This isn’t good, señor. He is not going to be happy. Now he can
only rely on your word of what happened. I suggest you go home and wait to hear
from us.”

“Now, that’s not fair. I give you good service. I’m never late,
you always get your cut, I’ve proven my loyalty. My business shouldn’t suffer
because he sent a boy to do a man’s work.”

“Mr. Nerbass, you forget yourself. It is by his grace you
continue to exist. I wouldn’t trifle with that, were I you. I’ll talk to him.
We will see how he responds. If he gives me the go-ahead, I’ll get more product
to you by the weekend. For now, we wait and see.”

Merley slid the hatch door further back, hoping to catch a
glimpse of the man speaking. It was stuck and she had to pull harder than she
expected. When it finally came loose, it banged back into the housing. The
voices above her stilled.

She winced and froze.
Uh oh. Now I’m in for it.

“Who’s there? Nerbass, if you are trying to double-cross us—”

“No double-cross. It’s just my kid. Hold on. Put that thing
away.”

Merely could hear nervousness in his voice.

“Merley, come out on the deck.”

She pulled herself up the rest of the ladder and stood in the
open. J.B. and the other man were standing on top of the cabin. The oil rig
loomed above them, its lights illuminating the boat. She looked at the man who
had been speaking. His face was in shadow, but she could see he was a big man.
Tall and broad, with dark skin, like chicory coffee with milk. She clearly saw
the gun he was holding. She hoped he would stay up there.

“Come on up here, girl. I want to see you,” he said.

Dread tightened her stomach, but she did as she was told. The man
gripped her face in his massive hand and turned it this way and that. It wasn’t
painful, just awkward and uncomfortable. He stared at her for what seemed like
forever. She stuck out her chest and stared back.

“This man your daddy?”

“No, sir. He’s my stepfather. My daddy is dead.” She tilted her
face up defiantly.
Take
that, J.B.

The man laughed a huge bear of a laugh that startled her. Light
glinted off his front tooth. It was golden, creepy. His breath washed over her,
acrid and bitter.
God,
get me out of here, please.

“Is that so? How he died? Mr. Nerbass have a talk with him?”

“Now just a minute—” J.B. said.

“Quiet. I’m talking to this girl, not you. So, how did he die,
your father?”

“He died in a shrimping accident a long time ago. He didn’t even
know J.B.”

“Is that right? Okay, little girl. Is there anybody else down
there with you?”

“No, sir.”

“Can I believe you? I’m not sure I can believe your stepfather.”

“Go look for your ownself. There’s nobody here but me and him.”

He looked at her for a long time. She refused to let her eyes
drop, vowing not to show her fear. Apparently, her stubbornness impressed him, because
he smiled and seemed to relax.

“Okay, I’m going to believe you, little one. Your daddy here,
he’s lucky he’s got such a strong child. If you ever want to come to work for
me, I’ve got a place for you, you hear? Remember my name, Juan Rodriguez. That’s
me. If you ever get into trouble, use my name.”

Merley nodded, though she knew using his name was the last thing
she’d ever want to do. He signaled to her to go back below decks, and before
long, she heard the motor kick to life. She nestled under the thin blanket and
tried to get back to sleep, but the whole experience of the night weighed on
her.

J.B. is a
bad man. What he does is wrong, and I’m just as wrong by staying here and not
saying anything. And those people, the ones he killed and the ones he beat
beyond recognition? What about them? What about their families? If I stay here
much longer I’m going to die, I know it. I can feel life ebbing out of me a
little bit each day. If he doesn’t just haul off and kill me, I’ll waste down
to nothing soon. A soul isn’t meant to live like this. Please help me, God. If
you can hear me, please help me get away from this place.

Sleep over took her, finally, and she slept fitfully, wrestling
with bloated, water-soaked bodies she had helped send to the deep. When J.B.
shook her awake, she could see the sky was already lightening toward sunrise.

“Listen up, you ever contradict me again and I’ll tan your hide.
Get on up to the house and see about breakfast. You got school in an hour, so
get.”

“I’m getting. Give me a minute, will ya? Besides, you’re not my
father and you need to stop saying that. My father was a good man who never
hurt nobody. I ain’t no part of you.”

The suddenness of his movement caught her off guard, and before
she knew it she was slammed into the bulkhead, her face flaming from the sting
of his slap.

“Don’t talk that way. You’re every bit of me. I made your life
what it is. You respect me, girl, or you’ll pay.”

“I am paying! This life is hell. God don’t want me to be helping
you with your drugs or with your beating and killing. I’m not meant to be
here.”

“Well, how about if I fix that for you? How about if I take you
right out of it? Your mamma don’t care at all for you. I could drop you in the
swamp tomorrow and nobody’d cry a tear. Hear me? Shut this complaining off now,
or I might just do it.”

“I hate you. I hate everything about you.”

Another slap, this one much harder, left her head spinning. She
wanted to keep fighting with him, to prove that she was stronger, but she gave
in. It was too hard. She squeezed past him and raced up to the house. Heck if
he’d get any more help from her, that was for sure. He might be able to make
her keep quiet about his business, but she didn’t have to work for him. She’d
run away. That’s what she’d do.