Binarius (12 page)

“
How dare I, you ask? This whole
Kingdom is filled with nothing but liars, and their lies. I am a
prisoner, not a guest. I will not hold my tongue anymore! You wanna
know what I think about your precious, faceless God? He is a demon!
A creature of deceit! Sit there for as long as you like and think
that you are on the right side of things, but you aren’t. You are
expendable and no God will save you. Not after you have lost your
humanity and your values. I hope you all rot!” She flung all of the
dishes that were in her reach across the table, and across the
room.

Dorrin unsheathed his sword and
Bricius rose from his chair, shielding Etheldra. “Etheldra, perhaps
it’s been a long night. Go back to our chambers and I will be with
you shortly.”

“
I don’t need your company. Maybe
I will take one of the younger guards in me…I mean with me. He
would love to see the silk sheets!”

Etheldra spit in his face. She was
oddly relaxed as she leaned her body around him and asked Firinne
if she would join her. Firinne did.

Etheldra slammed the door to her
and Bricius’ chambers. Their room was twice the size of Firinne’s.
The bed frame was wrought-iron, with gold embellishments. The
sheets were indeed, silk. There was a huge sitting area with a
fireplace — big enough for Firinne to stand in, although the
thought made her sick.

“
Well, that was fun, wasn’t it?”
said Etheldra, and then added as she gestured to the room “Admiring
how your uncle is paid for his devotion? Bit sickening really.
Meanwhile, people are suffering all across the lands.”

Firinne nodded. “What
was…that?”

“
What, my performance?”

“
Yes, I mean…do you have a
death-wish?”

“
Oh, they won’t kill me.” She
shooed the suggestion away with her hand.

“
Bricius might not, but Dorrin”
she paused, “he’s got the taste for it.”

“
Well, I won’t have to worry about
that after tonight. I’m done Firinne. I’m leaving. I can’t take
this anymore. I don’t want to be a part of it.”

“
But where will you go”

“
I don’t know. I’ll find
somewhere. Anywhere. I’m so sick of being afraid. I mean…here you
are, off trying to save your whole Queendom on your own. No, fear.
What’s my excuse?”

“
Hang on…I’m terrified Etheldra! I
may walk around here like these people are beneath me and I don’t
need their help, but I am alone in all of this. I don’t know how I
will be able to do any of it on my own.”

“
Of course you don’t! But at least
you’re trying. Sitting around here, traveling with Bricius,
preaching Aldithenih…it’s making me sick.”

“
I can’t say I blame
you.”

“
So will you keep quiet for me
about it all, and could I sleep in your chambers tonight? I promise
I will be out of your way at first light.”

“
Actually, I’m going to be leaving
here at the same time. I didn’t tell anyone because I can’t trust
any of them, but I have somewhere else I have to go…”

“
Oh, that’s perfect! Which way are
you headed?”

“
I’d rather not say…for my sake,
and yours.” Said Firinne.

“
I understand. Let me just pack up
some things, and then we can head to your chambers.”

“
Okay, what if Bricius comes
looking for you?”

“
He won’t. Never does.”

And Firinne thought that this
wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. She thought
that Etheldra had probably been unfaithful to Bricius in the past.
This wasn’t something new in their relationship, it was only that
it was out in the open now. She thought that Etheldra was right, he
wouldn’t come looking for her — for fear of what he might find. It
was odd. Firinne hated this place and what it stood for just as
much as Etheldra did, but she could not condone being unfaithful to
the person she was promised to.

On the other hand, Etheldra was
trapped by the Aldithenih, and the mere suggestion of leaving
Bricius was putting a threat to her own life. So while Firinne was
revolted at the thought of Etheldra’s suggested adultery, she also
admired her for it. Perhaps sometimes — in this new society that is
slowly being dominated by men — the only power a woman truly had
was her sexual identity. Her sexual identity both enslaved her, and
liberated her.

CHAPTER
THIRTEEN

Quiver

It was
still dark as they gathered all of their possessions, and walked
out of the side doors of the castle. Because of how the castle
grounds were built, they had no choice but to risk walking through
the town. Once they had Mabon, they tried to stick to the back
roads of the town. Everything was quiet. Every step they took
seemed louder than it was. They were both on edge. Etheldra was
risking her life, and because Firinne was with her, Firinne could
be condemned to the same fate if they were both caught.

The gates of the town were always
left open, to welcome traders, and they were guarded by one person.
As it happened, the guard had fallen asleep on duty. Etheldra was
quick to remark how lucky they had been that he was sleeping
because she was fully intent on sneaking up behind him and slitting
his throat. She was acting a bit like she was a little kid sneaking
away from home; running away in the middle of the night, but there
was a sadistic twist behind it that Firinne wasn’t sure
of.

They made it to the lowest part of
the valley. From here, even if they were spotted, no one would
recognize them from that distance.

“
Are you sure you want to do
this?” asked Firinne.

“
Yes, I’m quite sure. I will head
east from here to the coast. There are small towns littered about
in that direction. I’m sure I’ll find somewhere.”

“
Okay. Well, I wish that you have
a safe journey. It was nice getting to know you a bit. If the
circumstances were different…well...” Firinne shrugged.

“
I’m quite fond of you as well.
Thanks for inspiring me. Take care of yourself. I hope you can save
Citrine, and of course, your mother.” She squeezed Firinne’s
arm.

Firinne watched Etheldra until she
looked like a smudge of shadow on the horizon; a mistake in an
artists painting. Together, she and Mabon headed for the
forest.

The woods were dense with fog, and
the sun was beginning to rise. Even in the cool air, Firinne could
feel the warmth of it on her skin. She was happy to be free of that
prison. She belonged in the woods with nature. It greeted her as a
friend; never judging her, and perhaps that made the woods a better
friend.

She wondered what would happen once
Bricius had realized that he had lost his woman? Would he send
guards after her? Firinne hoped he wouldn’t. Etheldra was not
perfect, but her life had been riddled with strife. She deserved to
be happy. Maybe once Etheldra was free of Bricius, she could
finally start healing some of her broken parts. The thought crossed
her that someone could be your rescuer, and also your prison.
Bricius was not evil, but he laid claim to a treasure that was not
his to own, thereby adding to the cracks of time…Etheldra’s cracks.
In turn, Etheldra also used him as her escape, without reflecting
on possible repercussions.

They were already almost a quarter
of the way through the forest. If they hurried, they could make it
to The Forgotten Meadow in the late afternoon. From there, they
could camp until morning. The next day, getting to the river would
take no time at all. This was the easy part, it was what lay before
the mountains, and the mountains themselves, that made Firinne
uneasy.

The forest was coming alive with
summer. Everywhere she looked, there were new buds of growth. She
could smell their sweetness, and she was happy to have the forest
alive, and at her side for this journey. She wouldn’t have been
able to make it in winter. She took a deep breath. She could almost
feel her Mum in the air.

It was quiet. There was no movement
other than birds flapping within the tree branches. They were
alone, and Firinne was glad for it. The more alone, the safer they
were. Firinne thought to herself that if she stayed in these woods
forever, she would never know that there was a silent war, slowly
growing louder outside of them.

They were both getting tired now.
Because of how quiet the forest was, Firinne was more hopeful than
before, that she would be able to build a fire this evening. As
they walked, she began collecting dry branches. Mabon watched her
like a dog would. She could see the protectiveness in his
eyes.

The air was beginning to cool as
the Sun started moving further down, across the sky. After
collecting a few more branches, Firinne could just make out The
Forgotten Meadow, ahead of them. “Almost there,” she said to Mabon
— even he looked grateful.

The meadow was empty. It was
encased by the dense woods that they had just traveled through.
There were a few boulders lying just at the edge of the meadow.
Firinne walked over and laid the branches she had collected near
them, thinking to herself that it would be the perfect place to
sleep that night — the boulders would shield them from the cold, as
well as block the light from the fire.

“
Wake me in a bit, Mabon. I’m
going to take a quick nap.” The soft, grasses were cool on the back
of her arms as she drifted from consciousness.

She was stuck in another dream that
she couldn’t make sense of. She was looking down on a gray sea. She
was surrounded by huge castles, but there was something in the gray
sea…is that?—

There was a hand on her mouth. Was
this a part of her dream? She couldn’t recall the details of it.
There was warm flesh there, the shape of a hand. No, this wasn’t a
dream. Her eyes shot open. There, only inches from her face, with
his hand pressed firmly over her mouth, was Cyneric.

“
I’m going to pull my hand from
your mouth. Don’t scream.” Firinne nodded, and slowly he pulled his
hand from her mouth.

“
What are you doing here?” She
hissed at him, as she scooted herself back away from him so that
her spine was pressed against the boulder.

“
I needed to find you. I had to
explain.”

“
What’s there to explain? You
ruined my life, now I have to clean it up, and the reason is pretty
obvious.”

“
Fir, I didn’t want to do those
things. I didn’t have a choice.” He avoided her eyes; like a
boy.

“
And I am supposed to believe
that? You can’t always claim to be the victim. At some point, you
have to take responsibility.”

“It wasn’t me!” His voice was
rising now. “You have to know that. C’mon Fir, after
everything
we’ve been
through. You know me better than anyone could come close to knowing
me.”

“
Yes, I thought I knew
you.”

“
You do know me. It was the
Blacken, Fir. It wasn’t me. It controlled me. Triphosa helped it
control me.”

“
If that were true then you
wouldn’t be here telling me it was controlling you. You wouldn’t
know it had.” Her arms were crossed now.

“
I didn’t…not at first. But then
something inside me…I wanted to be with you…I slowly started
realizing what was happening to me. Then, for whatever reason, the
other day it let go of me. As soon as it did, I escaped and
followed you.”

“
And how am I supposed to believe
you?”

“
You shouldn’t believe me, you
should believe yourself. Look into my eyes. If you tell me that I
am lying to you, I will leave, and I will never come
back.”

His eyes were full of moisture. She
hadn’t seen him like this for months, and months. It was as if it
were really him. She wanted it to be him. She wanted this nightmare
to go away. She was instantaneously torn between her intuition and
her longing for him.

“
Fir, I have loved you since we
were teenagers. I would never hurt you. All of this shit that has
happened…it’s completely gutted me. You are the most important
person in my life. You’ve had all of me…always.”

She didn’t know what to say. She
didn’t know what the right move was. If he was telling the truth,
she would lose him if she did not show him empathy. If he was
lying, she was putting herself, and her mission in
danger.

Cyneric inched his way towards her.
Gently, he put his hand under her chin. “Fir, I’m sorry…for
everything. If I had been strong, like you, none of this would have
happened. I know you don’t trust me, you shouldn’t, but at least
let me try to earn the trust back.”

His skin was warm on her. “And how
would you do that?”

“
I’ll help you get Citrine back.
I’ll help you get your Mum back. I’ll do whatever you want me to
do…just…give me a chance.”

“
This is the last one.”

He nodded. “The last
one…”