BIG: (A Bad Boy Stepbrother Romance) (22 page)

“How do you know?”

Ric rolled his eyes. “Because you’re stunning, he’s not gay, and he’s been whining about how his girlfriend and kid are tying him down.”

“Ryan has a kid?” Annalesa blinked. “In France?”

“Yeah, poor little guy’s not even two yet. Ryan lives with Belle and Yves in Poitiers, but his job keeps bringing him to Paris. Away from them. He needs an apartment. A discreet place to—”

“Fuck around,” she finished for him with a shake of her dark head. She could see where this was going. “God, what a wanker. And you want me to be some sort of... honey trap?”

“No, you can just be you.” Ric got up, smiling slightly. “If he acts like a jerk, you have the perfect opportunity to say all the stuff you never got to say to him. If he tries any more than that, well... I’ll be close by, don’t worry. Then I can do the whole ‘how dare you touch my sister’ thing. Oh, and put the fear of God into him about losing his job, his friends and his status. He clearly doesn’t mind cheating on his girlfriend—but he doesn’t want to lose the perks that come with her.”

“What perks? He’s a lowly junior, and it sounds like he doesn’t really want a family life anyway.”

“She’s an actress. He likes her income—and the red carpet. He’d like them even more if she headed for Hollywood.” Ric took her hand and pulled her against him. “Someone needs to give this guy a wake-up call.”

Annalesa trembled, hating the way she was getting swept away by this conversation. Ric had an answer for everything. Her resistance sagged as he bent down for a kiss before heading toward his packed bags by the door. She blinked, seeing Ryan’s screaming face behind her eyelids, hearing him calling her a dumb cunt. The idea of seeing him again made her go cold to the core.

“I-I don’t know, Ric.” She shivered involuntarily. “What if he’s still violent?”

“I would
never
let anything happen to you.”

“That’s not the point.” She breathed out slowly, determined to speak her mind this time—even if she ended up agreeing to this hare-brained scheme.

“You don’t believe me?” He frowned.

“Of course I believe you.” She sighed. “But... I don’t think you get it. Seeing Ryan again, even for a few hours—that still feels like something that’s going to ‘happen to me.’ I don’t need him to grab me or shove me or call me names for this to feel... well, really scary.”

“I thought you wanted to face your fears?” Ric shrugged on his jacket.

“Okay but...” She bit her lip. “Ric... I don’t think I can do this. Not this one. I never want to see him again.”

“We’ve got unfinished business with him.”

“You
have, you mean,” Annalesa snapped, regretting it the moment Ric’s face hardened. He grabbed his bags but she couldn’t let him leave like that, not after the week they’d had.

She rushed to the door, taking his bags out of his hands and dropping them to the floor. Putting her arms around his neck, she felt his body resist her—it was like trying to hug a tree—but she persisted, and she felt him start to give.

“Ric, I... I’m just scared.” She pressed her cheek against his chest, hearing his heart beating fast. Was he as scared as she was? No—Ric was never scared of anything. “You’re asking too much of me...”

Ric tilted her chin up and his face softened as he looked down at her.

“I won’t force you.” He pressed his lips to hers and she breathed him in, wishing she could rewind and erase the last five minutes. How could he ask this of her? Didn’t he know how it made her feel? “But I need you, Leesa. Like I needed you before. It would mean more to me that you know.”

She’d made a promise, she remembered. She’d made a promise to herself, that she’d do what he asked, so that he would know, at last, that she was on his side.

“I’ll keep you safe.” His arms went around her and he hugged her tight. “I’ll always keep you safe. Trust me.”

“I do.” She nodded as he cupped her face and brushed tears away from her cheeks with his thumbs.

“You don’t have to say yes now.” He kissed her tears this time, before reaching again for his bags. “You just let me know what you decide.”

A couple of days passed without a word from Ric, and the silence was awful.

Annalesa lay on the sofa, staring at her ceiling, knowing she should really make herself some dinner. She hadn’t slept more than five hours or eaten more than a slice of toast since he’d left her apartment.

Sure, it sounded like he’d given her permission to say ‘no’, but she knew what he really wanted. She knew he’d start doubting her all over again if she didn’t get back to him, sooner rather than later, with a ‘yes’. She’d been racking her brain, trying to come up with another way to show her loyalty, but couldn’t think of a thing.

Besides, even if he were to agree to something else—he’d remember her backing out on her promise to do ‘whatever it took’ to earn his trust. She’d be back to square one. The cocoon they were spinning together was getting stronger, but it was still so precious and fragile. How could she bear to lose their closeness? Even these few days without contact—knowing he was withholding himself from her, and not just incommunicado—was unbearable.

Every time she tried to close her eyes or think about something else, her mind would start a new imaginary argument with Ric. She’d lived out hundreds of them in just a couple of days, all with different endings. When that soundtrack wasn’t spinning in her head, she was kept awake by not knowing how to handle his latest request—was she being loyal or weak-willed if she went along with this latest stunt?

She just didn’t know.

Annalesa got up, deciding to take a shower. The constant tension made her feel as if she’d taken an actual, physical beating, and she couldn’t keep warm.

It took a couple of minutes for the hot water to start defrosting her. She turned her face up into the spray and squeezed some exfoliating gel into her hands. Getting properly clean was like shedding a suffocating skin and her mind drifted to Ryan—the object of Ric’s new stunt.

She’d been here before, years ago, her mind endlessly re-running a million different versions of the fights she’d had with Ryan. It had taken nearly two years for that torture to stop, even with the distraction of University life.

Faced with Ryan again, she probably wouldn’t have a problem telling him what a dick he was—if he chose to behave like a dick. She didn’t care what he thought of her, and had no intention of bringing him back into her life by renting an apartment to him.

Annalesa could defend herself now. What was the worst that could happen, if she did meet him?

But why the hell should you?

She sighed and stifled the indignant voice. The whirlwind of confusion wasn’t going to settle until she’d made a decision one way or the other.

The promise she’d made to herself in London kept coming back to her.

She wanted Ric to know she was on his side. No matter what.

She rinsed off and got dressed, then she picked up the phone.

Ric wasn’t there, so she left a simple message.

“Hi Ric, it’s me. I’ve thought about it... and I’ll do it. But I have a few conditions. Call me back as soon as you get this.”

“You sure you’re all right?” David nudged Annalesa and gave her a reassuring smile. As she looked over, she saw his smile fade to a frown. He put his hand over hers. “You look pale. What’s up?”

Annalesa watched Ryan climb out of his Audi Spyder and lock his car through the pocket of his suit. He glanced between a sheet of paper in his hand and the building numbers along the street, black hair falling into his eyes. He raked it back as he headed for the main entrance to her apartments.

Annalesa’s mouth went dry and she was relieved David would be remaining close-by while she showed Ryan around. It was one of her conditions of being part of Ric’s plan—not being left completely alone with Ryan. Ric would install himself at whatever café she took Ryan to for drinks. She wiped her clammy hands on her jeans, and when that didn’t dry them off, wiped them on her hoodie, too.

That was the other condition—she was covered up. If Ryan was insane enough to think he could make a move on her after all these years, he would do it whatever she wore. There was no damn way she was going to encourage the possibility by dressing as ‘bait’.

“Annalesa, what’s up?” David squeezed her hand.

She decided to be honest. “I have a history with Ryan. We dated when we were teens and I’m... not that ecstatic about seeing him again.”

“Ah.” He winced. “Does your brother not realize how hard this is for you?”

“No.” And that was the truth. She’d done a good job of hiding her nerves earlier, while they were discussing logistics.

“Right.” David took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s just easy for Ric to forget that people half his size—and frankly, that’s most of the planet—are more vulnerable to feeling intimidated than he is. But hey, we don’t have to rent anything to this Ryan-guy, right? We let him look around, then just say we had a better offer.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” Annalesa smiled at him.

They got out of her Sedona—freshly shipped—and met Ryan at the door of the apartment. He shook both their hands pleasantly enough and stood back to let them guide him up the stairs. Annalesa went first—so it was only David’s ass Ryan could goggle at—and was eternally grateful to David for keeping up a stream of chatter.

They went from room to room, David doing most of the talking while they showed Ryan around. Annalesa just had to murmur a few “mm-hms” here and there and try to keep panic from climbing up her throat.

Ryan really did seem to have some form of amnesia.

There was no flicker of emotion or even recognition in his face as he stood in the little living room, glancing appreciatively at the furniture, and at the view from the roof-window. Finally, he smiled down at her, showing even, white teeth. The smile went all the way to his dark blue eyes. Hating herself for it, she had to admit he’d improved with age. Both in looks and manners.

“So you seem to have done pretty well for yourself,” Ryan remarked.

“Thanks.”

“Ric said this little venture was all yours. I’m impressed.”

“Th-thanks,” she said again, confused by his sincerity.

This wasn’t going to plan. She should be gritting her teeth, keeping a firm grip on her can of virtual slime repellant and remaining on fake-smile duty. She hadn’t been prepared for the possibility of ‘nice’. This was just... weird.

She cleared her throat in the quiet. “So... seen everything you want to see?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

She saw him out of the apartment, David close on her heels. She wanted Ryan to walk away just as casually as he’d walked in. That would put an end to things nicely. On the other hand, what if Ric lined up another of their mutual demons for her to face? No, she’d wound herself up for the task of coming face-to-face with Ryan. She’d at least go as far as going for a drink with him, if he asked her to.

“Annalesa, can I say something?” Ryan asked suddenly, turning on the bottom step.

“Uh... sure.”

“Excuse me,” David murmured, moving past them and going out onto the street. But he kept the door slightly open.

“Look, I’ve got to be honest with you.” Ryan flushed. “First, I’m not really interested in the apartment. It was decent of Ric to hook me up with a viewing, but I only said I was interested so I could see you.”

“Oh!” The exclamation popped out of her. So no problems telling Ryan she wouldn’t rent him the apartment. That was good. But she really didn’t like the idea of Ryan seeking her out.

“The second thing I need to be honest about... I remember what I was like, and I’m not proud. Okay? I was an ass.” He looked down at his feet. “Worse than an ass. And I’m sorry.”

She joined him in staring at the floor as the conversation went even further off-script.

“I gotta say, when Ric friended me on that chat-group, I remembered what happened at that football game and felt like the biggest jerk. He was just sticking up for his sister—and you needed it. Because of me.”

She didn’t say anything, just looked at him.

“But Ric—man, he’s done so great. He’s put it all behind him. All that stuff with the cops. It could have gone really bad for him.” Ryan cleared his throat. “I know it looks creepy, but I wanted to find you and just... say ‘sorry.’”

Just?
Somehow she doubted that. And so far, Ryan’s need to be honest hadn’t extended to sharing the fact that he had a girlfriend—and a baby.

“Well...” She cleared her throat. “Thank you. Why the change?”

“Uh... let’s just say I’ve had my own taste of what it’s like to be...”

“Bullied?”

“Yeah.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Kind of woke me up to myself a little.”

“A little self-reflection never hurt anyone.”

“You’re looking great, by the way.” He met her eyes and gave her a tired smile.

“Oh, come on!” She laughed as she looked down at her sweats and hoodie.

“No, I mean... healthy. Happy.”

Annalesa remembered David loyally lurking on the other side of the door and led Ryan out onto the street to let her friend off guard-dog duty. He smiled as they emerged, shook hands with Ryan, and gave her a steady look.

“Are you going to be okay from here?”

“Yes. Thanks so much, David.”

“Text me if you need a ride anywhere later.” David did a fantastic job of not making that sound like ‘let me know if you need a bodyguard’, and she silently applauded him for it. He made a fantastic friend and agent—so much tact.

As David headed back to his own apartment on foot, she was left alone with her ex on the sidewalk, really not knowing what to do with this new, far-from-scary man in Ryan’s body.

“Ric tells me you have a little boy?” She gave Ryan a little smile, deciding to test his honesty-level a little.

“Little boy, lot of noise. Especially at night.” Ryan indicated the bags under his eyes. “Hey look... how about a drink? Just for some adult company? I’m pretty much expecting you to tell me where to get off, but don’t-ask-don’t-get and all that...”

“Okay.
One
drink.” She was relieved that he’d been the one to make the suggestion. She’d take Ryan for drinks as planned and give him half an hour to show more of his “new personality.” If he genuinely seemed different, she’d text Ric and demand a discreet change-of-plan conference.

“I know a good place.” She pointed up the street.

“Great.” He grinned, showing those perfect teeth again, and fell into step with her.

Ryan squinted a little as they were shown to a table in the middle of café Fils de Guerbois. The café’s chandeliers and many candles formed a crucial part of the French Victoriana décor, and while beautiful, it was a place Annalesa tended to avoid if she’d had one too many Amarettos the night before.

As she took a seat, she saw Ric being shown to a table in the far corner. He sat with his back to the wall so he could keep an eye on them. She didn’t know whether she was glad he was there or not. On the one hand, it was good to know she had protection at all times. On the other hand, she was unlikely to need it in the café, and she wasn’t sure how natural she could act with him scrutinizing their every move.

“Boy, it’s well-lit in here!” Ryan laughed nervously as he sat.

“All part of its charm.” Yes, well-lit—and busy. She whisked one of the drinks menus off the table. “Are you driving?”

“I’ll get Dominic to fetch my car. He’s my PA.”

“Poor guy.” Annalesa chuckled. “Doesn’t he deserve an evening off?”

“He works from two ’til ten. Suits us both—I have a lot of contact with the New York office and they don’t start working ’til three CET.” He glanced down at the menu. “Hell, I don’t recognize a single one of these beers.”

“You could take a risk?”

“I’m one of those semi-xenophobic ex-pats.” He gave a sheepish shrug. “Tend to stick to what I know, and if people speak English, thank God. I can figure stuff out in written French, but when it comes to conversation—can’t do it.”

“Do you still like white beer? Or something more peaty with a whiskey after taste?”

“Peaty’s good. I like whiskey.”

“How about a whiskey, then?”

“A little too heavy. I’ll need my brain to work later. Say, why don’t you order? I’ll take a risk so long as it’s just beer.”

Annalesa fought the urge to roll her eyes. “No problem.”

She was quietly gratified to see his brows raise at her fluent French, and hoped he hadn’t been bullshitting about not understanding the spoken language as she ordered herself a Clausthaler Classic, which was alcohol-free, but Ryan a 7.5% proof Adelscott. If he turned out to still be a schmuck, it would be helpful to impede his hand-eye coordination. The drinks arrived and they clinked glasses.

“So, Ric mentioned that you were hoping to move back to the States with your family?”