Bidding on Brooks: The Winslow Brothers #1 (23 page)

I’m a bad deal.

Because he didn’t want to hurt her. And suddenly it all clicked in her head, and her heart swelled with sympathy and understanding. He’d paid for company, and likely for sex, to avoid making an attachment, to avoid romance or commitment. He’d paid escorts for their time and company in order to keep himself an emotional island.

“Brooks,” she said softly, taking a deep, ragged breath as she recalled the way he’d jumped off the side of the
Zephyr
, into black, churning water, to save her. He loved her. She didn’t doubt it. She couldn’t.

But it hurt terribly to realize that he wasn’t perfect…to see him get knocked off that shiny pedestal she’d kept him on for most of his life. Rich, handsome, Olympic athlete, natural-born sailor Brooks Winslow was just a man. A man who’d made mistakes. She was angry with him for that. She was furious with him for destroying the near-perfect man she thought she’d fallen in love with.

The soft knock on her door, followed by a wiggling of the doorknob, made her sit up in bed, frantically wiping the tears away, even though he couldn’t enter the room. She stared at the door like it was a snake. Though her heart had softened since their fight, she was not ready to see him. Not yet.

“Skye?” he asked softly through the door, knocking again. “Can I come in, Skye? I need to talk to you.”

“Go away.”

“I won’t go away,” he said gently, his voice quietly and patiently resolute. “If you won’t let me in, I’ll just talk to you through the door.”

She was silent and heard him slide down the door and take a seat on the floor. His body blocked the light now, and his voice was lower than it had been before. She sank back down into the bed, but the sheets still smelled of him, and of her, and last night’s lovemaking, and her eyes burned with fresh tears.

“Skye…I thought I was going to die. That’s what I
truly
believed. Which meant I didn’t have the right to love someone or let them fall in love with me. I saw what it did to my mother, my brothers and sister. I didn’t want to do that to someone else. So yes, I paid for companionship, and there were times that companionship led to sex. I’m not proud of it. But I can’t change it. I was lonely, but I didn’t want to raise someone’s expectations. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. That’s the truth. I swear it.”

She’d already figured this out, but it reassured her to hear him articulate it. Taking a deep breath, she clenched her fingers in the sheets of the bed, licking her dry, salty lips. He’d been lonely and made a choice he thought could offer him strings-free companionship now and then. Could she really blame him for that? Hadn’t she stayed in a crappy relationship with Patrick for the exact same reason? She hadn’t wanted to be alone. At least for a little while, it had been better to be with Pat for the wrong reasons than alone for the right ones.

It took her a minute to realize that he hadn’t spoken again and she sat up, her eyes darting to the strip of space under the door where his body still blocked the light, and she sighed with relief.
Keep talking to me, Brooks. Please keep talking. Please be my hero and save us…

“I asked you to do this cruise with me because we were friends. Good friends.” He scoffed quietly. “I didn’t—we’ve agreed I was a jackass, right?—but I didn’t see you like I do now. You were just my sailing friend, Skye, helping me out of a jam, and then…” He paused, and she swung her legs over the side of her bed unconsciously, holding her breath, hanging on his next words. “When you showed up at that auction just in the nick of time, saving me, looking so goddamn beautiful, I… You know what? You were
still
my friend. You were someone I already cared for and trusted. But suddenly, in an instant, you were everything I’d tried so hard to avoid. The wind to my water. The light to my dark. This
beautiful
girl who I already cared for. And then I kissed you…and you were all sweetness and softness. Skye, I swore I’d never use another escort again after that night. I closed my account because I wanted to be a different man, a better man. I couldn’t have you, but it was hell not to think about you. Part of me wished I could go back to being your friend…but I couldn’t. I saw you teaching those little kids how to sail, and
all I could see
…all I wanted
in the entire world
…was you.”

Her feet touched the floor and she stepped soundlessly across the room to the door, lowering herself as silently as she could and kneeling on the hard wood floor, desperately needing to be closer to him.

“And then we started sailing. And I
still
fought it…for me, for you, for Pat…no, fuck Pat. For
you
. I didn’t want to fall in love with you, but I was already a lost cause. I didn’t want
you
to fall in love with
me
. But, you did.
We
did. So fucking fast. Like that lifelong friendship was a fuse just waiting for the match that would turn it into love. Boom.”

She saw fireworks in her head because, yes,
boom!
That’s exactly what it had been like.

“Skye? Are you listening?”

She nodded, swiping away her tears, but stayed silent.

“Yesterday? When I found out about how my father died, my sister said, “You’re going to live a long life. Why not live it with someone you love?” I was holding your hand when she said that, and I squeezed it so tightly, because
you’re
the someone I love, Skye. You’re the
only
person I want to live a long life with, because I see what that life would look like, and I want it so fucking badly, it aches. I want to live on the water, and race with you, and make love to you, and make babies with you, and damn it, Skye, I want a
life
with you. A
whole
life.” He groaned softly, muttering something softly under his breath before continuing. “Yesterday was the best day of my life…but if I lose you, yesterday’s news doesn’t matter because I don’t want to live a long life without you.”

Leaning forward, she rested her forehead on the door as rivulets of tears coursed down her face and silent sobs made her shoulders shake. He wasn’t perfect, but he was hers. And she wanted him.

“Have I lost you? Have I lost you, Skye?”

“No,” she whispered, her voice small and broken.

“What?”

“No,” she said, her resolve to stay angry at him weakening by the second. She felt such a profound tenderness for him in knowing that he’d tried so desperately not to fall in love with her, but lost the battle so soundly. So had she. She flattened her palm against the door, imagining he was doing the same. “No, you haven’t lost me.”

“Skye?” he asked, his voice pleading. “Please open the door. Please let me talk to you face to face.”

“No,” she said quickly, wiping her tears away. His words were beautiful, and yes, she understood why he’d used escorts and would eventually forgive him for it. But it didn’t fix everything. She was still deeply humiliated by what had been written about her, and at least some of it she laid at his feet.

“Why?”

“Because the whole world thinks I’m a whore, Brooks. Because I know you’re the same man you were this morning, but you’re different too. And I want to trust you, but I—”

“You
can
,” he said softly. “I’m the
exact
same man I was last night, this morning, two hours ago. I made some bad choices out of fear and loneliness, and I can’t go back and change them, but they’re in the past, Skye. I can promise you that.”

She believed him. She hoped she wasn’t a fool, but she believed him.

“And I can’t do anything about you being mad at me or at
Celeb!
, but you are
not
a whore and I’m going to make sure the world knows it.” He paused again, and she leaned her ear against the door. “Are you going to let me in?”

“Not yet,” she said, even though her curiosity was piqued. Was he going to sue
Celeb!
? Go beat up Guy Hunter? How exactly was he going to repair her crippled reputation?

“Fine. Then I’ll do this here.”

Do what?

“This morning, you said you never wanted to be like your mother. And this evening, after you talked to your dad, you said that I was someone who takes what he wants and leaves.” Thinking of how he’d let her skipper his boat, how he’d saved her life, how he’d loved her so tenderly, her words from this afternoon—spoken out of hurt and anger—seemed petty and wrong, and she winced, almost interrupting him, but he continued before she had a chance. “But you’re nothing like your mother. And I’m not going anywhere without you. And if you’d just…Skye, can you
please
open the door?”

***

The sudden click of the lock surprised him and he backed up, shifting to one knee to look up at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her cheeks were puffy. The last thing Brooks had ever wanted to do was hurt Skye or make her sad, and it twisted his heart to know that he’d inadvertently accomplished both.

“You’re
nothing
like your mother,” he repeated, holding up the small, black velvet box in his hand. “And I’m not going
anywhere
without you.”

Her shoulders gave her away. Her face was trying very hard to stay cautious and unforgiving, but her shoulders trembled and she wet her lips, flicking her eyes to the diamond engagement ring, and Brooks had some satisfaction in watching them widen.

She took a deep breath and cut her eyes back to Brooks. “What’s that?”

“You’ve never seen one of these before?”

Her lips trembled, but she battled like crazy to keep herself from smiling. “What makes you think I’d marry the man of my nightmares?”

He reached for her hand, a tremor of relief racing through his body when she curled her fingers around his instead of pulling away.

“I’m the same man I was yesterday.”

She raised her chin and shook her head. “Nope. Yesterday you were the man of my dreams. You were perfect.”

“Skip?” he said, still holding her hand, still holding the ring box open. “I was never perfect.”

“To me you were.”

“And now I’m not.”

She flinched just slightly, and he had his answer. It hurt him to know that he’d taken such a fall in her estimation. It made him certain that kneeling here on the floor before her was foolishness.

But she still held onto his hand, and her face softened as the seconds ticked by, and like Preston had said…Brooks had nothing left to lose.

“I’m not perfect, and frankly, I don’t want to be the man of your dreams. The only man I really want to be…is your husband.”

Her fingers tightened around his hand as she sucked in a little breath and held it, fat tears slipping over the rims of her eyes.

“Skye Sorenson, I love you like crazy. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, and you’re the woman I’m still going to love on the day I die…many, many, many years from now.”

Tears slicked down her face, and her tongue darted out to lick them away.

“I told you once that I was a bad deal, but you told me you loved me anyway.” He took a deep breath, locking his green eyes on her blue. “Please say you’ll be my wife,” he murmured, doubt coursing through him. She was sweet and she was forgiving, but this was a bold move, and he knew it…and he hoped and prayed with everything he was and everything he would ever be, that Skye Sorenson would take another risk on him, and bid on Brooks Winslow once again.

She finally let out the breath she’d been holding and dropped his eyes, so she could look at the ring.

“Promise to always let me Skipper?” she asked, sitting down on his bent knee and perching there.

A slow smile started to spread across his face. “Always.”

“And I always get the forward cabin,” she said.

“Mm-hm,” he murmured, grinning up at her, his face just inches from hers. “But I’m going to share it with you.”

“And you’re going to sell the Passport,” she said, arching an eyebrow as she referred to the yacht he’d used to meet women now and then.

“We can burn it if you want, baby.”

She was losing her struggle to stay mad at him. He could see it and it made his heart so goddamn hopeful, if she didn’t say yes—

“I’m still going to wear overalls sometimes.”

“That’s fine,” he said, “because I’m going to take them off of you at the end of every day.”

“I like working at the marina.”

“Luckily, I
do
have a thing for sailing, even though I often come in third.”

“If I ever fall in black water again, don’t risk your own—”

“I’m coming in after you, skip. Every time. No argument.”

She stared at him for a long time, her blue eyes so soft and focused he didn’t know how much longer he could bear it.

“I love you, Brooks,” she finally said, wetting her lips and laughing so softly, he only knew it was a laugh because it matched the stunning smile spreading out across her face.