BFF Breakup (18 page)

I forced a smile and said, “Practically. I think she plans to go to beauty school and work in a strip mall some day.”

Susanna laughed. “Can you imagine,
her
working on your outer beauty? Look at her!” Brooke had already turned the corner, but we laughed anyway.

The words began falling out of my mouth before I could even stop them. I said, “What do you expect from someone who would kiss Chris Meyers?”

Susanna stopped in the middle of the hall and said, in a very loud voice, “Excuse me?”

I regretted it instantly. She'd never believe me if I said I was lying, so I knew my only hope was to pretend like it wasn't a big deal and hope she didn't tell Natalie and Julia.

“Yeah,” I said. “Pretty gross. But it was last year. Anyway, let's do shopping today. I'll see if my dad can come home early to give me his card.”

“We can go tomorrow after school if you want and just hang out today. You can come to my house or I can come to yours.”

Having someone with me in our house sounded like just what I needed. Plus, her mind seemed to have skipped right over Brooke and Chris. “Yeah, come over today,” I said. Distractions that had absolutely nothing to do with Brooke were a good thing.

In class after lunch, I swear I could feel Brooke's eyes on me. I wanted to turn and look to see if she was staring, but I wouldn't let myself. I pulled up the collar of my shirt to cover the chain, happy she hadn't noticed. As soon as I get home I'll take it off and never put it back on. Through the rest of class I stared straight ahead, focusing on what Mrs. Stratford said. Lewis and Clark would become fascinating to me, no matter what.

Susanna and I had the house to ourselves; when her mom dropped us off, she didn't ask if anyone would be home
and we didn't say otherwise. Her mom was cool, so she probably wouldn't have cared anyway.

We went up to my room and turned on the TV. Susanna lay on my bed and I changed into stretchy pants and a T-shirt. I slipped the treasure box off my neck and into a dish with old junk jewelry in my closet. Time to move on.

For fun we watched the Disney Channel, cutting jokes about the bad acting and lame story lines and saying we couldn't believe we used to like that stuff. We watched three shows in a row.

“Where's your brother?” Susanna asked, a slight smile on her face.

“Who cares,” I said. “Probably off making someone else's life miserable.”

“If he comes home we're totally hanging out with him.”

“Please,” I said. “He barely let Brooke be in his presence and he liked her.” I ignored the pang, remembering Josh's back-handed compliment that, although I only had one friend, at least she was halfway cool.

“So, what? You're saying he wouldn't like me?”

“That's not what I'm saying,” I said, keeping my eyes on the TV.

“He just needs a chance to get to know me, that's all.”

“You're so gross,” I said.

Susanna hopped down from the bed and walked into my closet. “Got any cute stuff I can borrow? Clothes, scarves, accessories?”

“Don't know,” I said. “You can check.”

I felt tired and a bit out of it as another laugh track—heavy show started.

“Hey, mind if I borrow this?” she called.

Without taking my eyes off the TV, I said, “Take whatever you want. I don't care.”

Because I didn't care. Not about much of anything.

Later that night, after Dad told me I could borrow his card to go shopping the next day and after we'd taken Susanna home, Josh came into my room, looking angry and a little bit freaked out.

“Did you hear?” he asked.

“Hear what?” I asked.

He shifted his weight, leaning on the doorframe. Josh and I rarely spoke, especially since he'd been out so much lately, and my heart picked up speed wondering what it could be that would make him come to me in my room.

“About Mom.”

“What about her?” I asked, a sick feeling sinking into my stomach. Visions of Mom hurt raced through my head.

“I don't know if Mom and Dad are going to tell you
this, but I thought you'd want to know. The reason why they split up.” I stared at him, my mouth becoming dry. “Did you know Mom was married before she and Dad met?”

“No—I mean, yes. I remember hearing her mention it once.” It was like this weird, far-off thought almost like a dream, of my mother's former life.

One evening a few years ago, my parents had two other couples over for dinner. I remember peeking into the dining room when they thought I was in bed and seeing picked over food dishes and several empty wine bottles. Dad and the other husbands were out back smoking cigars while Mom and the wives were giggling at the table. Someone said something about being terrible with cars, and Mom said, “Sounds like my ex-husband.”

I asked her about it the next day. She looked surprised, but then said, “Oh, honey. That was a lifetime ago. Long before I met your father.” I mostly forgot about it after that, mainly because it seemed so unreal, a concept my seven-year-old self couldn't grasp.

Josh said to me, “Well, apparently she went back to him. That's why they're splitting up. Because Mom went back to her first husband.”

I let those words wash over me, trying to understand what he was saying, even though he used the simplest
terms. Mom left Dad for her first husband, some guy I'd never met, never seen a picture of, whose name I didn't even know, but who clearly existed and was important enough in my mother's life that she never gave him up.

“Sorry to tell you such terrible news,” Josh said. “I just figured you had a right to know.”

I stared at my brother, his eyebrows pulled together and his jaw set. I wondered how he found out. I didn't ask. I didn't want to know more. I wondered what I was supposed to do with this new information. It's not like I could ask Dad about it. And I doubted this was something even Susanna would understand. I thought of Brooke and her perfect family, and I actually wished I could go to her house for the night and let her mom—her normal, caring, giving mom—fuss over us as we made a mess in the kitchen or watched some reality show she knew all the people's names to.

In bed that night, I lay with my eyes wide open. My mind didn't know what to focus on, so it raced between thoughts of Mom, some ex-husband, how Dad must feel, why Josh told me, and Brooke. It always went back to Brooke and how she was doing, what she thought of me, and how she would have slept over, even though it was a school night, if we were still friends.

What does it mean when so many things happen at
once that your heart doesn't know what to feel? I started to wonder if I'd become an android. I wished I had. Then I wouldn't have to worry about any of this stuff, and when I couldn't go to sleep, I'd just turn myself off.

Y
OU'RE GOING TO THE DANCE, RIGHT?
”
Corrine asked at lunch on Tuesday.

I hadn't thought much about it. Thinking about the dance reminded me of the last dance I went to, and I didn't want to relive that (even though I already had, in detail, about fifteen million times).

“Are you guys going?”

I decided to buy my lunch that day since they were having hamburgers and fries. I figured, how bad can you mess that up? Turns out pretty badly. I
had to go back for extra ketchup packets to drown out the taste of the hamburger meat.

“Of course,” Lily said. “I love dances. Everyone is looking their best, the guys look cute, there's good music, and if we're lucky, some sort of food. What's not to love?”

Corrine rolled her eyes and said, “Horrible ritual, but I abide by society standards. So yes, I will be there.”

“It's gonna be fun!” Lily said. “Our first big dance. We can't miss it.”

Creating new school dance memories seemed like a good idea, plus staying home alone sounded like a bad idea. “Okay. I'm in.”

“Hooray!” Lily said, and Corrine and I both smiled at her enthusiasm.

I waited for one of them to say we should all get dressed together, or at least ride together, but neither mentioned it. It was still a few days away, though, so I told myself not to obsess over it like I was so good at doing with other things.

“Can I wear jeans?” I asked.

“No!” Lily said, horrified.

“We totally should,” Corrine said.

“No! You guys!” Lily said. “Dresses!”

Corrine and I looked at each other, then started fake vomiting. Just as I put my head between my knees and
convulsed, Susanna appeared behind us. “Hey there, guys!” she said brightly. “Oh my god! Are you okay? Can I get you some water or something?”

My heart raced as she stood before us, practically sticking her chest out for the world to see as she pulled on a long necklace around her neck. She dropped the necklace onto her chest, and I froze when I saw it. There Susanna stood, wearing the necklace I gave Madeline three years ago—the little treasure box I'd gotten in Colorado. I'd always felt like it represented our friendship. That we'd do anything for each other, and that we'd always be friends. My happiness plummeted, and a new rage built up inside me.

“Do you guys have any ketchup?” Susanna asked all innocentlike. “No? Okay, no biggie. Thanks!” She grabbed the treasure box and roughly twisted it before slinging it over her shoulder so that it rested on her back in full view as she walked away.

“What was that all about?” Corrine asked.

I could feel the tears start to well up. I couldn't take my eyes off Susanna as she plopped back down at her table. Madeline didn't react—she didn't look at me or say anything to Susanna. She was stone cold.

“I hate her,” I said. In my mind I meant Madeline, but I also really, really disliked Susanna right then. How could
Madeline like someone who was so petty and mean?

“What's going on?” Corrine asked.

“That necklace she was wearing,” I said. “It's the one I gave to Madeline. It's just . . .” How could I explain how important that necklace was and what it meant? Did it mean nothing to her? Was I stupid because it meant so much to me? “It's just really special, that's all. I can't believe she'd let Susanna wear it.”

Corrine said, “Those girls are so catty.”

“Why would she do that?” Lily said, who sounded on the verge of tears herself.

I shook my head and took a deep breath. No way was I going to cry in the middle of the cafeteria. Corrine and Lily both patted my back.

“Brooke, I'm so sorry,” Lily said.

I almost laughed. “Don't you apologize.”

“Well, I just mean, I feel bad.”

I smiled. “I know. It's okay. And thanks.”

“Let's get out of here,” Corrine said.

“Totally,” I agreed.

We got our stuff and followed Corrine out of the cafeteria, except she headed right for Susanna and Madeline's table. I followed her blindly, frightened and fascinated at what she would do.

She stopped right at their table and said, “Susanna!
Hey!” in the same false tone Susanna had used. “Nice necklace! It complements that zit on your chin.”

I was stunned, speechless, and immobile. Luckily Corrine hooked her arm through mine and pulled me out of the cafeteria. I leaned into her, and she leaned back, almost like we were supporting each other. Or maybe she was solely supporting me.

I
HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON UNTIL
Corrine said what she said to Susanna. I didn't know she was wearing my necklace. I'd never have let her borrow it if she'd asked, but I guess the other day I told her to take whatever she wanted. Seeing it dangling around her neck made me sick to my stomach. It wasn't just a necklace to me, it was our friendship—mine and Brooke's. But now Susanna made it seem cheap and mean.