Beyond the Cherry Trees: The Cook Brothers Series (24 page)

It was late afternoon, and despite the fact that I still had several hours of work to finish in the office and then even more to take home, I grabbed my things and left. I needed to talk to her, badly, and I was going to do just that… no matter what it took.

“ARE YOU OK?
You seem off today?” Garrett wiped at his sweaty brow. We’d been practicing a duet all morning, and one of the lifts was still shaky.

“I’m fine,” I sighed before walking over to where I’d left my water bottle. I leaned down and wiped my face with a towel before taking a big drink. I was tired, and after the lack of sleep I’d had the night before, I was honestly surprised that I was even upright. Being tired wasn’t something that was new for me though, this feeling of emptiness was.

After I’d left Tyler’s place, I’d come here. The studio was always a type of sanctuary for me. I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve stared into the mirrors along the wall in front of me, looking for answers. I can lose myself in the music and movement here, and push my body to limits most people don’t have.

I stayed last night until every muscle hurt. My toes were bloody when I removed my shoes, and I’m paying for it today. “You don’t seem fine.” Garrett shook his head as he too took a gulp of water. “I think your mind is elsewhere and that’s why we haven’t nailed this yet. Joe is going to have our heads if you don’t get in the game,” he narrowed his eyes on me as his lips twitched. He was trying to be angry, but I could tell he was holding back a laugh. Garrett and I had been partners for years. He’d followed me here when I left Chicago. I’d worried that it was going to damage his career, but he assured me that he’d survive. Now I was beginning to question my desire to come back. The Tyler I’d left two years ago was buried so far underneath the one I knew now that I was afraid I’d never get him back. I’d seen slivers of him. He’d come out in certain moments, but then his expression would change and he’d disappear again. After yesterday, I knew why.

“Can I ask you something personal?” I turned to face Garrett as I placed my foot on the ballet barre and began stretching. I didn’t want to get stiff, and I couldn’t do this if we were dancing.

“How personal?” Garrett tipped his head to the side. I knew he’d been in a serious relationship for a while but didn’t know how or why it ended.

“If you had a second chance with Stephanie, would you take it?” I waited as I watched his face go from blank to sad.

“That’s never gonna happen,” he murmured as he put the water bottle he was holding down.

“Why?” I released the barre and slowly moved to middle of the dance floor. Garrett saw me get into position and joined me.

“She didn’t understand our relationship. I can’t be with someone that doesn’t trust me,” he sighed as he placed a hand on my waist.

“But it’s not like that with us.” I was confused. I never knew this, and he seemed embarrassed about telling me.

“I know that and you know that, but she never did.” He shook his head as his hands gripped me at the waist. He lifted me, but when I went to extend my leg, we lost our balance causing him to nearly drop me. “Shit!” he hissed as he caught my wrist on my way down. My head came mere inches from the tiled floor.

I swallowed, “I’m sorry I asked.”

“It’s ok, but in the future, let’s not talk about this stuff when we’re rehearsing. I need to concentrate,” he chuckled.

“Deal,” I laughed as he helped me stand up.

“What made you want to know that anyway?” His nose scrunched up.

“Things aren’t going the way I thought they would with Ty. He’s different now, and I’m not sure the people we are now are in love with each other like the people we used to be.” I turned away from him hoping that the tightness in my throat was not going to lead me to crying like it has been since last night. I was not an emotional person. I’ve always kept things inside, but lately, Tyler has been making me crazy. Things that never bothered me in the past do, and I don’t know how to stop them.

“Well, people change when they grow up. You’re both in different places now. Maybe you grew apart as you matured.” He shrugged as he started to walk away. “One thing I know though is you should be talking to him about this, not me.” He started removing his shoes and slipping his sweats on over his tights.

“When did you get so smart?” I rubbed my sweaty forehead as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

“I’ve always been smart,” he teased. “You’ve just never listened to me. Listen,” he reached for his bag and shouldered it before facing me one last time. “I’ve gotta get out of here tonight. I need a break, and we’ve been at this all day. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”

“Yeah, sure,” I mumbled as I began going through the motions of our duet alone.

“You need to rest too, Mia. That foot is going to give out on you again if you push too hard,” he warned.

“Un huh,” I continued to dance, trying to drown out the voices in my head that kept playing over what I’d read at Ty’s the day before. Those documents had been ingrained in my memory and only exhaustion seemed to blur them.

BY THE TIME
I left the studio it was well into the evening. I’d tugged on a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie before packing my things and stepping outside. My apartment wasn’t far from the studio, and now that it was Spring, I spent more time walking. It was a nice cool down, and being out in the fresh air after a long rehearsal was invigorating.

I wasn’t really thinking about much as I trudged home. It was a short walk, and the city was buzzing with nightlife. The typical business types were gone for the evening, and the younger crowds, along with the artsy types, were the ones gracing the streets. I’ve spent many evenings and afternoons dancing for these crowds with Garrett. At first, it had been a rush to have them gather around me clapping and murmuring about how fabulous we were. That all changed when Ty showed up though. After that fateful day, I would always look for him in the crowds. I started searching audiences everywhere I went to see if he was watching me. The way he’d rushed off that afternoon told me he still cared, and had given me the courage to search him out.

Now, as I ambled down the sidewalk, pushing my way through the crowds, I suddenly wished to myself that the day had never happened. I’d loved Tyler with all my heart, but when I left New York, I’d put him and everything about being with him behind me. I’d continued through life in a haze as I tried to move on and forget the feelings that he stirred in me. That one moment wrecked everything though, and he knew it. The moment he’d approached me at the charity ball caused everything I’d shoved away to come rushing back.

The carefully tousled hair, the sparkling blue eyes, the dimple in his cheek, it all came rushing to the surface and squeezed my heart, giving me no choice but to give in to it. Now that I had, he’s proven why I should have run in the other direction. His past is slowly killing us. He managed to rip my heart out, and I don’t even know if he knows it yet.

I shook my head in anger and frustration as I continued my walk home. When I reached my building, I paused. Did I really want to go in there and spend another night staring at the ceiling, fighting to hold back the tears? I hadn’t really cried over Tyler yet. I was still pretty numb. The problem was, I didn’t know if I’d be able stop once I started.

I shifted my bag on my shoulder as I pulled the lobby door open and made my way over to the stairs. I usually took the elevator, but today I needed the exhaustion. I dragged myself upward until I reached my floor and then paused with my hand on the hallway doorknob. If I made my way into my place, I was going to be surrounded in silence. I honestly didn’t know if I could handle that, and it scared me. Maybe I should have stayed at the studio until well after midnight like the night before. As I opened the door, I stumbled over the threshold, stubbing my toe, and the pain that shot though my foot reaffirmed why I’d come home instead of punishing myself with more practice. I winced as I jumped a few times and cursed my lack of coordination. When I heard a rustling in the distance, my head snapped up. There, sitting on the ground with his back against my apartment door, was Tyler.

His head lifted as he stared at me blankly. It was obvious he’d been there for some time waiting on me to come home. It was as if he wasn’t sure he was really seeing me. His hair was a mess. His suit wrinkled from the position he’d been sitting in. His eyes were tired and red, and clutched in his right hand was a brown bag in the telltale shape of a liquor bottle. I had no idea how long he’d been there, but he looked terrible.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered as I took a few tentative steps in his direction.

“You won’t answer your phone,” he mumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I need to talk to you. You need to let me explain.”

“You need to leave.” I crossed my arms over my chest trying to protect myself from the pain he was about to inflict. I’d tried since last night to make those images of those documents disappear. They didn’t though. The only thing that happened was now I had images of what I thought he and Christina looked like together stuck in my head. I’m sure my version was way worse than the truth though. The only way a baby could have been created was them being locked in a passionate embrace making love. The thought sickened me, and I shook my head as I nailed my mouth closed. I couldn’t do this. Not right now.

“Please,” he begged as he started to stand. He wobbled slightly, I’m sure from the alcohol, before propping his elbow against the door. “Please, let me explain. It’s not what you think.”

“Not what I think?” I muttered on a disbelieving gasp. My chin lifted in defiance as I aimed my words at him. “You fucked another woman, got her pregnant, and then hid it from me.”

“It’s not like that.” His eyes pleaded and he started to stumble in my direction.

“Really?” I gasped. My anger was coming back to me, and as I thought about Chrissi and how she’d looked standing in the hallway of his building the day before, all the feelings that I’d had since then rushed over me. “How dare you stand there and act like this isn’t a big deal, Ty! That’s a baby you’re brushing off!” I flung my arm out to the side before storming up to him. “You made a baby with HER, and you want to be with me. How am I supposed to feel about this? Tell me! How do I fit in here? You’re going to be tied to her the rest of your life.” The tears I’d been holding back since the day before bubbled to the surface. “I can’t do this with you,” I sobbed. “I can’t.”

“Don’t,” he begged as he reached for me. “This happened before we got back together. Don’t you see? This happened before I even spoke to you again.”

“That doesn’t make any of this ok,” I growled as I stomped my foot. “You lied to me. I asked you point blank if there was anything else you needed to tell me, and you said no.” I jutted my chin out. I was such a mix of emotions right then that I was surprised I hadn’t dropped to the ground under the weight of it all.

“Don’t do this. Please, Mia, I’m begging you. Don’t do this again,” his voice cracked as his eyes pleaded with me. “I can’t take you walking away again.”