Beyond Broken (8 page)

“What promise?” I felt my forehead furrow in confusion.

“Bacon! See you already forgot! I have six days left. You better deliver the goods, sister.” He pushed off from the door and strode toward me.

“We’ll see.”

“Hey, I’m eating everything you and the doctor give me, even if I’m gagging on all the yogurt.”

“It’s what’s best.”

“I know. That’s why I’m doing it. But you said one week and I’d get bacon. I want the damn bacon.” His full lips turned up into a grin, as if trying to soften his words.

“Fine. You’ll get your bacon.” A smile tipped my lips as I thought about how I could give him
bacon;
Turkey bacon, tofurky bacon, tofu bacon… the list went on.

“No.” He stood in front of me and crossed his arms. The action made his biceps bulge and drew my attention.

“No?” I asked, hating that my tone was just a touch breathless.

“I know how that devious mind of yours works.” He reached up and tapped the side of my head; his touch was like an electric current that brought my senses into a heightened awareness. Awareness of him. “Right now you’re planning how you can give me bacon without actually giving me bacon.”

“How could I possibly—” I took a step back, trying to break the spell he was weaving around me — around us.

“Turkey bacon is not bacon, Tofu is not bacon. Shit, tofu is not food.” He rolled his eyes.

I twisted my lips and regarded him.
Am I that transparent?

“Yeah, you are that transparent.”

I gasped, my eyes widening in surprise.

“You think you’ve got me fooled. I know how you work, Miss Sophia Holton…” He lowered his chin slightly while a challenging glint sparked in his gaze.

“Fine. I’ll give you real bacon.” I gave in, hoping he was only referring to my transparency over my silly plan, not my transparency in my regard for him.

“From a pig,” he clarified.

“Okay, bacon from a pig,” I said, shaking my head with a slight smile.

“I like it when you smile. You need to do it more often.” Greyson tilted his head and studied me.

“More often? I do a lot.”

“Not around me.” He continued to gaze at me. “Why?”

“Why, what?” I asked.

“Why don’t you smile for me, smile at me, Sophia? You’re too young to be so serious. You can’t be more than twenty five.”

“Thanks.” I gave him a glare.

“For?” His expression was unrepentant.

He was baiting me.

“You’re not twenty-five, are you? Didn’t think so. You’re twenty-two. Don’t be offended. I’m twenty-eight and totally comfortable with it. I mean, look at me.” He puffed out his chest.

“Yeah…” I rolled my eyes.

“So I need to be funny, and that beautiful face of yours will light up? Okay, you’ve got it.” He strutted away and plopped on the couch.

I followed him and began to take his pulse. Since I forgot my watch I had to turn to watch the secondhand on the clock. “Ouch.” As I turned my neck I winced from a shooting pang reminding me of my injury.

“Are you okay?” Greyson asked immediately, a concerned expression on his face.

“Yeah, I just slept wrong. Nothing to worry about.” I reached up to rub the side of my neck.

“Let me.” Greyson’s hands were on my neck immediately, kneading it and working the tight muscle. At his touch everything else in my body tensed up, then hummed with life.

It took all of my self-control, but I leaned away from the pleasure, the skill of his hands. “Thanks, but that’s alright.”

His expression was curious. “Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, thanks though.” I cleared my throat again and stood, gathering my stuff.

“I’ll be back later to check on you. Maybe later we’ll go for a walk?” I asked lightly.

“That would be great,” he said, but his expression still held curiosity.

As I left and walked down the hall it occurred to me that I had completely forgotten to finish taking his pulse, his blood pressure, everything. The only thing I did remember was the warm sensation of his finger touching my temple, his hands at my neck massaging my flesh. Even now my skin tingled where he’d touched, as if my skin refused to forget, which was exactly what I wished it
would
do. I was falling harder, deeper. It wasn’t all in my head, it was in my heart.

Just another red flag warning me that my attraction was forming too fast. That scared me more than anything. Because Greyson didn’t need me. He needed to survive on his own; he needed to grow into the man he was. I’d be nothing but a crutch, a diversion from the path he needed to take alone. As much as it killed me, knifed me in the heart, I reminded myself that there was no room for me in his life, not if he was to grow beyond what he was now. And that broke my heart further, because who he was now was incredible, the man he could be would be almost perfect.

I walked to the cafeteria, resigned and able to finally distance myself from my emotions by remembering the truth. I filled my tray and sat by the window again, careful to tilt my chair so I could see out without turning my head.

“May I sit with you? Or are you going to tease me about my food again?” Dr. Solomon grinned and sat down before I even nodded.

“No ice cream? Wait, that’s right. Only on Holy Wednesday.” I smiled.

“Alas, Wednesday it is not. Therefore…” He held up a large plate of salad and hard-boiled eggs.

“Not nearly as appealing as chocolate sauce,” I said as he poured dressing over the top.

He glanced up quickly and coughed. “Uh, no.” He glanced back down, but his ears turned slightly red.

What had I said? It took me a minute before I got it.
Slightly inappropriate,
Sophia!
I felt my own face turn red. At least he knew that I meant it in reference to ice cream.

“How was your morning?” he asked then forked a full bite of salad into his mouth.

“Good. I see I’m scheduled to meet your new patient this afternoon.”

He swallowed his food. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll need your assistance yet, but I’d rather you be familiar with her, rather, for her to be familiar with you just in case.”

“That’s a good idea,” I answered and took another bite.

“Isn’t that beautiful?” He jerked his chin behind me toward end of large picture window.

“Hmm?” I turned my neck and winced at the pain, cursing myself for forgetting, again.

“Sleep wrong?” Dr. Solomon asked, narrowing his eyes at my neck as I rubbed it.

“Yeah, I fell asleep on my book rather than my pillow.” I gave him a wry expression.

“Ahh, yeah I did that a few times in med school.” He pushed his chair back and stood, rubbing his hands together.

“Okay,” He stepped behind me, and his familiar scent of lime surrounded me. “Let me see, turn your head slightly, yeah. There, huh?” He tapped the tight ball of muscle below my right ear.

“Yeah… ouch.”

“You did a good job of it, this has to hurt. Are you on any pain medication?

“A little but…” I trailed off, blushing.

“But?” He began to massage and ease my tightened muscle.

“I don’t really like taking any sort of medication.”

“Ah…” He chucked softly.

“It’s kinda an oxymoron. A nurse who won’t take any sort of medication.”

“Yeah, but I don’t blame you. In the area we work, we see all of the bad side of those drugs; we rarely see the good side. It’s natural to be wary, and honestly…” He pinched the muscle. “I’m the same way. Is that better? I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that as a doctor, I hate seeing someone in pain if I can do something to change it. You know?”

I twisted my neck and noticed immediate relief. “Yeah, thanks.” I blushed, hoping yet more lines had not been crossed. But it was a public place and he
was
a doctor…

“Good. Try sleeping on a pillow, you’ll see overnight results.” He walked around the table and winked.

“I appreciate your professional opinion.” I said wryly.

His eyes twinkled. I took a bite of my own food and glanced around the room. A tingling sensation tickled my neck and I turned a little farther. Evocative gray eyes were watching me. Greyson stood on the edge of the cafeteria, his gaze first fixed on me, then shifting to Dr. Solomon. When his eyes returned to me, an expression of hurt and resolve had taken over the curiosity. I swallowed, unable to glance away. Greyson’s eyes narrowed slightly as he began walking toward the table. I glanced down at my food, then at Dr. Solomon, then back at Greyson. As he got closer I smiled a welcome, all the while wondering what he was doing. His steps were too purposeful, his gaze to intense; he was up to something.

“Hi, Dr. Solomon,
Miss
Holton.” He gave me a warm smile, but his eyes were cool.

“Hi! It’s good to see you up!” Dr. Solomon stood and shook Greyson’s hand, regarding him closely.

“Yeah, I wanted to get some fresh air. Are you ready?” Greyson turned to me, lifting a questioning eyebrow.

Dr. Solomon’s gaze shifted to me, curiosity flashing before it was covered up with a professional expression.

“She promised me a walk. I feel like her poodle or something,” Greyson teased, speaking to Dr. Solomon and earning a laugh. He turned his gaze to me, his eyes compelling.

“Um, sure. I was almost done anyway,” I agreed, not sure of what else to do.

“Thank you, Dr. Solomon.” I stood and smiled at him.

“Of course, the pleasure is always mine, Nurse Holton. Remember tonight.” He smirked and took a bite of salad, his eyes just barely making eye contact with Greyson as he waved.

We walked away, and Greyson leaned in as I dumped my tray. “Remember tonight?”

Yeah, what was that about?
“Um, last night I slept with my book as a pillow and so, as you know, my neck was messed up.” I glanced to Greyson with an open expression. “Dr. Solomon was reminding me to use a pillow, rather than a book.”

“Oh… strange way to say it,” Greyson mumbled, casting a glance back to Dr. Solomon.

Yeah, it was…

We walked down the hall that led away from his room and toward the courtyard. A few nurses smiled as they passed, all dressed in their khaki skirts or pants with polo shirts discreetly carrying the Willow and Oak label. . The hall was open and bright from the large picture windows allowing in the bright sunshine of the early afternoon.

“Damn, it feels good to be out of that room.” Greyson’s tone was more relaxed than I had heard it. He strode beside me, measuring his steps to keep pace with my own.

At the glass door that opened to the courtyard, he took two quick steps ahead and swung it open for me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

“Of course.”

Outside the sun shone brightly. As I paused to wait for Greyson to catch up, I watched his face. As soon as he stepped from the shadow of the building he halted his steps and closed his eyes, tipping his face to the sun.

“Damn. I missed this.”

“The sunshine?” I questioned, a small smile tipping my lips.

“All of it. You forget.” He breathed deeply and opened his eyes, striding toward me and then waiting for me to catch up with him. “The drugs… you become so consumed by them, by getting your next hit, that you forget about enjoying the smaller things. You know?” He glanced at me and I nodded.

“How so? Tell me about it.” We walked off the patio and onto the lush grass.

“If you’re not high on it, then you’re consumed with worry over when you’ll be able to get your next bump and fear that you won’t get it in time. Everything else is just blocked out completely. When you’re on your hit, then, at least in my case, I worked. I kept myself absorbed in my company and what needed to be done for it to be successful, for me to prove myself.”

“Either way you lived in fear.” I watched him.

His clear gaze clouded over. Finally, he gave a slow nod. “Yeah, actually. You live in fear. And it swallows you whole.”

“But now?” I questioned.

“Now… now I try to live. Survive without the drug. The problem is…” He paused next to a tall oak tree, leaning against the fat trunk.

“Yeah?” I stopped in front of him.

“You forget how,” he whispered, staring at the grass then focusing on me, a tormented expression twisting his features.

“That’s why you’re here. Because that’s the detox for your soul. Your body, it has to rid itself of the poison of the drug, but so does your heart. Greyson, it needs to detox just as desperately.” Everything in me wanted to reach out, to offer a comforting pat on his shoulder, give him hug, but I didn’t. Greyson’s distance from addiction was so narrow that he’d easily and unknowingly attach to whatever created a safe or pleasurable feeling — anything or anyone.

I didn’t want him using me to replace the drugs. Already I was worried that I had given him too many quick answers to his questions. Also, I didn’t want my attraction to be evident, and touching would ignite my own feelings. Ones I didn’t want him knowing or responding to.

“Yeah, you’re right. Don’t get used to hearing that for me though.” He pushed off the tree trunk and started walking again.

I giggled. “I seem to remember hearing those words before… I’m betting I’ll be hearing them again,” I teased with a raised eyebrow.

“Damn, you’re hard on my ego,” he joked, reaching over and pushing me gently.

“No, I’m just keeping you in check,” I shot back. His teasing shove was provoking. All I wanted to do was push back, but I hesitated. Everything I had been doing could be considered flirting and I wanted, needed, to draw the line somewhere. Even if my emotions were less than controlled around Greyson, I still had to draw a line in the sand. It was as if my heart had overruled my head completely. And though I knew the ugly, miserable side of addiction, my heart wasn’t willing to believe that about Greyson. But deep down I knew I was playing with fire.

“What is it with you?” Greyson paused and regarded me closely, his gaze piercing through me till I felt naked, exposed.

“What do you mean?” I asked, and continued to walk, leaving him behind.

“Wait.” He reached out and grasped my hand.