Between Octobers Bk 1, Savor The Days Series (38 page)

My shaking hands fondled the earring,
slipping my wrist through it, gaping at the chinks in the plated
gold. My fingers traced the lines of worn areas where the coloring
had rubbed away. It was nothing special. Just a cheap piece of
gold-plated metal. And it was ruining everything.

What if everything they said about him was
true?

I threw the jewelry into the floor near the
defining piece of evidence. Gathered my bags and sat in the chair
at his desk. Searching for courage. Whether it was courage to go or
stay, I had no idea.

When the successive beeps sounded from
the lock, I stood, pleading,
God, help me
do this.

As he called my name, his eyes shifted to
the newly made bed before coming to rest on me. He smiled, stepping
closer with open arms.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he pressed his
lips to mine, slipping one hand up my long skirt as he talked,
caressing my thigh. “You didn’t have to clean. I was having it
taken care of.”

“I wish you would’ve.” His eyes widened when
I pulled away.

“What’s happened? Are you ill?” He must’ve
taken in the lingering scent of vomit, too.

“Yes.”

“Here, lie down.” He urged me towards the
bed.

My stomach rolled, again. I shoved him away.
It was too much. How could he? I knew I hadn’t been the ideal wife,
but . . . “Do you love me?”

“With everything I have.” He blinked. Maybe
it was surprise, maybe it wasn’t.

“Look me in the eye and say it.”

Seemingly puzzled, he took me by the
shoulders and studiously looked into my eyes. “Gracie, you know I
love you. Perhaps I’ve not been showing you lately, but I do.” A
smile curled up one corner of his mouth. The expression and words
matched what I thought I saw in his gaze.

“I believe you.” Tears spilled over.

“What’s wrong?” He appeared to genuinely
care that I was upset, but he was also very skilled in make
believe.

“I’m an idiot. And I am
so
out of here.” I turned, removing
his hold with a batted hand and took up my things in a heated
shuffle.

There was a glint of anger as he stepped
between me and the door. Snatching the suitcases from my hands
along with my purse, he tossed them to the ground. “Explain.”

“Explain what?” I gave as much attitude as I
could.

When he said nothing, I shoved past him,
scraping my arm against the zipper of his jacket. It made a painful
red streak. “Ouch! Get out of my way!”

“Talk!” He teetered and stepped over,
blocking my retreat once more.

I wanted to be angry. I needed to be. If I
had to talk I’d just blubber. I folded my arms and stuck out my
chin.

“You’re cross because I missed your calls?
I’m sorry, but you’ll be here now. That won’t happen again.” A huge
grin stretched and lit his face.

Instincts had me wanting to kiss that lovely
smile until it made me forget, but I closed my pathetic eyes—so
very close to being seduced by his charms.

“Your messages said you’ve something to tell
me. What is it?” He waited, scoffing when I didn’t answer. “I don’t
understand you. Have you come all this way to fight with me?”

The question stirred a massive lull of
gloom. A grave sadness that took every ounce of anger.

“Who died?”

I shook my head at the irony. “No one,
Evan.”
Just us
.

“Then explain this madness, because I’m at a
loss!”

His sudden shift to anger stirred mine.
Indignant, I took his hand and led him through the short hall,
stopping in front of the bathroom door.

“Talk,” he snapped.

“Look,” I pointed to the floor, at the
lascivious undoing of my happiness.

His gaze followed my direction and froze.
“Shit.” Wide-eyed, his look met mine. “It’s not what you
think.”

“You were making balloon animals.”

His shoulders slumped. “Don’t be cruel,
Grace. It isn’t mine.”

“It fell from your blankets.” I covered my
trembling mouth as my stomach lurched. I decided then and there
that if I puked, it would be all over him.

He looked to the floor, to me, and back
again. “You don’t believe me.” He pressed his hand against the side
of his head. “You don’t, do you? Oh, fuck. I can’t believe . . .
you don’t?”

I turned away again, swooping up my bags,
but he was on me in a heartbeat, yanking me by the elbow, spinning
me to face him.

“Why are you always running away from me?”
He had both my arms in his grip, shaking with each word.

“I have my reason! All you’ve ever done is
make promises and break them.”

“I never claimed to be something I’m not.”
He took his hands from my arms and rubbed his forehead. “You’re
leaving me? Over this? It’s not mine!” He turned and kicks at the
desk.

I maneuvered around him while he was
distracted, once more sweeping my bags up to retreat.

“If you’d let me explain, there’d be no
reason to doubt me.”

With a few words he had my complete
attention. I stopped, my hand resting on the doorknob. There was
nothing I wanted more than to believe this was all a huge
misunderstanding.

“It was that guy, Stevie. Remember? I told
you, I got him a job? Well, I was hanging out with him last night.
He came by with these girls and I let him use my room for a few
hours. That’s all, I swear it.”

“Girls,” I emphasized the plural, turning to
face him.

“Yes, but they were both with him. I made it
very clear that I’m married.” He held up his hand, brandishing the
wedding band. “I would never do that to you.” He bent down,
kneeling in front of me.

I ignored the gesture and concentrated on my
line of questioning. “Why didn’t he use his place?”

“Because his girlfriend was there.” His
fists pounded the floor. “I’m a shit for letting him in.”

“How did he ‘come by’ if you were hanging
out with him?”

“We were hanging out earlier; he took off
with the girls. I came back here. Alone. Then he showed up here
with them. I couldn’t get rid of him, so I let him in. It’s the
truth, I promise. You have to believe me.”

His hands gripped the sides of my knees,
clenching the fabric of my skirt. His eyes were wide with a
sincerity I could not find the heart to trust. I swallowed the ire
and asked the really hard questions. Some morbid part of me wanted
to see how far he was willing to take the charade.

“Before you decided to leave, you hung out
for a spell, huh? With single women?” My mind flashed to the day
before he left to start this damned film. “You got mad at me for
talking to Marcus!”

“I’m sorry.”

“You conveniently forget your phone? And
nothing happened. Except that there’s a used condom on the floor of
your room!”

“I know, it looks bad, but I didn’t—”

“You didn’t do anything! You were the
picture of innocence, though the evidence suggests otherwise.” I
shook him off my legs. “If it looks like a duck . . .”

“Gracie, please, I’ve made mistakes, but you
have to trust me.” He grabbed my skirt again, tangling his fists
into the cloth.

“What were you doing while he was using your
room?”

“Sitting in the hall, reading.” His voice
was pleading as he touched his face to my stomach.

“I can’t trust you.”

“You can’t leave me.”

“I can’t stay. And I can’t be with you
anymore.” The words were a painful revelation. His feeble argument
and weak explanation had me furious and disgraced.

“
Don’t say that.” He stretched his
arms around my legs. I struggled to work myself free, but he only
tightened his grip. “I didn’t do anything.” Specks of tears mottled
my skirt.

“Stop.” I tried to wriggle free, but he
tightened his grip. “Let me go.” I felt my balance giving as my
feet were dragged closer together in the pressure of his vise. My
arms flailed. I dropped the one bag I’d managed to hold onto. It
fell behind me with a smack.

“You have to listen to me.”

“Let go!” I screamed.

And he dropped his arms. The sudden lack of
resistance sent me onto the tiled entry. The wheel of my carry-on
rammed into my forehead. My face puckered involuntarily. My hands
flew to my stomach.

Evan reached out, touching my cheek,
pleading with me to stay.

He wasn’t going to let me leave without a
fight and I couldn’t afford it. I had to play it safe. When I was
far enough away from this mess I could tell him, but not now.

“I’m sorry. Please.” He stroked my hair,
touching his lips to my temple. “You can call Stevie and ask him.
He’ll tell you. I won’t hang out with him anymore. You can ask
Sheri. She’ll tell you. I haven’t done anything wrong. Please.”

He leans over me, kissing the top of my
head, “please,” and moving down my cheek. “You can’t go.” He kept
moving until he got to my neck. Three traitorous kisses on my skin
and the goosebumps bloomed without permission.

I pulled away, looking into his panicked
eyes.

“You have to forgive me.” He looks so small
and sad.

“I’m not one to hold a grudge.”

“I need to be with you.”

He took my hands and pulled me with him as
he stood up. Pulling me into his chest, I was cocooned in his
scent. Honey and cigarette smoke. He whispered his affection in my
ear—more goosebumps—telling me how he’d literally ached for me,
lost sleep over us, forgotten how to live unattached, in such a
short time. All along, caressing the length of my sides, and
kissing my neck.

Suddenly he pulled away, looking studiously
around the room. “I’m going to quit. I’ll give them their money
back. Nothing is worth all of this. I’m going home to be with you
and the kids. Right now. If you don’t want to be here, we’ll
leave—it doesn’t matter. I’ll do anything you want. We have to be
together.” The words continued to flow as he set my bags near the
door and grabbed his own, rambling.

I knew what he was doing, trying to keep
talking so he didn’t have to hear what he hoped I wouldn’t say, and
it hurt to watch.

“I’ve wasted all this time pushing you away
when I wanted opposite.” He looked to me, brow furrowed. “There’s
no reason to do anything if we aren’t together. I’m sorry. You have
to forgive me. Gracie, you’re like air to me. I can’t breathe
without you.”

The words hinted at his proposal. The
romantic sentiment was poignant and sad, breaking a place deeper
inside my heart. I touched his face. He dropped his half-empty
duffel bag and set his arms around me, cradling me as I fought with
the pain I had to deliver. When he opened his mouth, I pressed his
lips with my fingers. I didn’t want him to talk. I just wanted to
hold him.

He hooked my neck in his grip and kissed me.
Long and good. My hormones acted of their own accord,
short-circuiting my brain. My hands found their way into his hair
as my will melted.

“Everything will be okay.”

I prayed he was right. As I was about to
give in, to give him the benefit of the doubt, he said the words
that reminded me why I couldn’t.

“Gracie, my only love.”

I stiffened. Another second elapsed before
the obvious occurred to me.

“Why are you apologizing?” My fury erupted
with a surprising ferocity. “If you’re not guilty, why are you
sorry?”

The picture in my head came in crystal
clear. Me, the fool, playing right into his talented, deceitful
hands. “It was the one thing you had to do. Keep your damned pants
up and you couldn’t!”

I shoved him away. When he tried to grab me
again, I hit him with my purse. “I’m not calling your friends,
Evan. You need to own your mistakes.”

“I didn’t do anything! Dammit! Why can’t you
believe me?”

“Then you did a great job making yourself
look guilty.” I pointed at the mess on the floor. “And considering
everything that’s happened over the last few weeks, I’m going to go
with what I see instead of what you say.”

“I’ve made mistakes, but I’d never toss you
away like you do me. You can’t end us this way—over nothing.” His
eyes glistened. He closed them and wiped the moisture with his
thumb.

“When you’re done here, you can come back
and get your things. I’m taking the kids to my brother’s over
spring break. You’ll have two weeks to go through the house. Take
whatever you want.”

“I bought it for you.” His voice cracked as
he stared with wide eyes, hands out.

“Don’t look at me like that. This is hard
enough as it is.”

“I should make it easy for you to leave me?”
He scoffed.

“If you ever really loved me, Evan, you
would.”

He backed up to the bed and sat down. His
eyes tightened. “Grace, I’ve put up with this shit long enough.
Don’t think I’ll chase you this time, or that you can simply come
back.”

I clutched the pain in my chest and turned
the knob.

“I mean it,” he enforced as I opened the
door. “I’ll not tolerate this.”

From the mouth of the hallway, I looked back
into the room, at his hard expression and the evidence on the
floor. “You surrendered your right to decide what I do. I hope she
was worth it.”

The door shut. Each step towards the
elevator was a labor, driving a stake into my beating heart.

My love was a lie.

I’d planned from the beginning to take
things slowly, not only because I was a wreck, but also as a means
of protection against the potential for duplicity. I gave him the
out on the first day and he didn’t take it. He said he wouldn’t
hurt me. He pursued me and I let him.

Mistake after pitiful mistake. Like a junkie
that needed his fix. I freed myself to take as much of him as I
could. I left every ounce of independence behind. I gave in without
any struggle at all!

There was never any doubting his sincerity
when he told me he wanted to be with me, but he was always with me
and I guess I couldn’t tell how much he meant what he said—I simply
trusted his word. My first instinct had always been to trust. To
see the best in people. To turn the other cheek. Now look where my
preferred ignorance got me. Lily warned me and I ignored her.