Between Darkness and Light (58 page)

This, then, was the true history of his people, the race he wanted to blend back into one caste with males and females living and working as equals.

What mischief could telepathic Warrior females create this time, he wondered darkly? No more than the Warriors of his time had done to them, came the quiet voice of his conscience, forcing him to remember the female given to him as his wife back in his own time.

She'd been feral because of the drugs she'd been constantly fed from the moment of her hatching. There had been no chance for any intelligence to develop or show under those circumstances. He remembered the Emperor's hatchery, where the eggs had to be taken from the females as soon as they'd hardened lest they eat them. Unbidden came the knowledge that the females were acting instinctively to protect their young from the harshness of the regime under which they existed—a regime that drugged them almost into insensibility for what was no more than legalized rape, that destroyed most of the female eggs, that threw male prisoners to them to kill, and treated them with callous indifference the rest of the time. A regime he'd fought not only to protect, but to expand onto other worlds.

He threw his mug across the room, shattering it against the far wall in anger. Would it be wise to awaken the memories of his people to such a past? At least the Primes were mentally further away from it than he was. Stubbing out his cheroot, he lay back in his chair, sickened at the thought of Zayshul, Zhalmo, or Shezhul in one of the harems of his time. Or worse, his daughter Mayza being killed because no female offspring of anyone in the royal family, save those of the Emperor himself, were allowed to live.

Suddenly he needed to see his daughter. Getting to his feet, he headed for the Officers' lounge where the children played during the day. The door slid open, and he entered, looking round the room for Mayza.

There were nine of them, some playing board games, others sitting at the table working with Shishu, his favorite from the Court.

She looked up at the sound of the door.

“Where's Mayza?” he demanded, still looking for the child among the others.

“Beside me,” said Shishu, a puzzled look on her face as she sat back to let him see his daughter. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, striding over to her. Reaching down, he picked Mayza up, pleased as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Nothing's wrong,” he said, letting his chin rest on her head, smelling her scent to reassure himself she was there and was real. “I'm taking her out for a while. We'll be back shortly,” he said.

As he turned away, he saw Shaidan looking up at him and reached down briefly to touch the child's head. “Mayza will be back soon,” he said.

He walked down to the main corridor, then along to the elevator with no real idea of where he was going.

“General,” said M'zynal, as he stopped to wait for the elevator. “Anything wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Just taking Mayza for a walk.”

Once inside, with the doors closed, he pressed the button for the Officers level, knowing he needed to see Zayshul.

 

He found her in the library, reading a printout with Kusac. They looked up as he entered.

“Is something wrong with Mayza?” she asked, instantly on her feet and coming toward him.

“She's fine,” he reassured her, taking her by the arm and drawing her out into the corridor. “You'll excuse me, Captain, but I need to speak to Zayshul.”

“Of course,” said Kusac.

“What is it?” Zayshul asked, looking very worried. “What's happened?”

“When we're in your data room,” he said.

As the door closed, she reached for Mayza, needing to make sure she was all right for herself.

“She's fine,” said Kezule, passing her over and leaning against the edge of her desk. He hesitated. “I reviewed the scan,” he said.

“You did? Did you find what you were looking for?” she asked, setting their daughter on the ground.

“More than,” he said dryly. “I just needed to remind myself what's real.”

Zayshul frowned at him. “You're not making much sense. Kusac and I need to talk to you, too. We found something you won't believe on that file he's been decoding.”

“I found out how my people ended up as a male-only society,” he said. “They tried to erase it from our racial memory, but there was enough still left for me to piece it together.”

“You did? Kusac's found out something about a Queen who founded the Empire.”

“I know. Queen Kszafas. I have memories of her, too.”

“You have? That's great!”

“No, it's not. I wish I'd never known about it,” he said. “When I realize I was part of it, that I helped keep the females drugged and in harems . . .”

“Kezule, you weren't responsible for the society in which you lived, remember that. You were only one person. How could you know what was going on?”

“I was given control over the Royal Hatchery on Shola, Zayshul! I was responsible for three of the Emperor's daughters—one of them my own wife!”

“Did you drug them?” she demanded.

“No, there was a doctor to see to that,” he admitted.

“There you are. And what could you have done even if you had known?”

He sighed. “Nothing, I suppose, but when I think of you, or Mayza, living in those times . . .”

She leaned over to hold him close. “But we don't,” she said quietly. “And you live here and now with us; forget the rest and remember only that.”

“I'm not sure I can,” he admitted, holding her close.

“You told me you had very little to do with any females in your time, either drones or your wife,” she said. “If that's so then you have nothing to be ashamed of. What could you have done had you known? Reduced the females' drugs? They were the Emperor's daughters! You couldn't touch them, unless you wanted to die!”

“True.” He let her go with a sigh. “Can you leave what you're doing? I want to spend some time with the two of you.”

“Yes, of course. We could take Mayza up to the pool. She's never been there yet, neither have you.”

“Then let's do that,” he said, picking Mayza up again.

“We'd best tell Kusac and Shishu where we're going,” she said as they left the data room.

That night, still feeling the need for reassurance from his family, Kezule had wanted M'kou to dine with them in their suite. When the meal was over, he asked Zayshul what she planned to do that evening.

“Go to the rec room,” she said. “It's about time I socialized occasionally instead of working in the evenings. And you?”

“I'm going to go over the file that Kusac has been working on. He sent a transcript of what he has so far to my office. I'll be back later tonight,” he added before leaving.

Returning to the lounge after putting Mayza to bed, she found M'kou still there.

“The nurse is here, ” said M'kou, getting up. “She put Shaidan to bed for you. I was about to leave but she asked me to tell you Shaidan wanted to talk to you before you go.”

Zayshul nodded. “Thank you. What are you doing this evening?”

“I'm actually off duty, so I plan to spend my time with Lazaik up in the pool,” he said with a slow grin.

“Enjoy yourselves then,” she said, waiting till he left before heading for Shaidan's room.

By the glow of the night-light, she could see him sitting on his haunches in the center of his bed, tail flicking slowly but rhythmically beside him. He looked up as she came in.

“What's the matter, Shaidan?” she asked, sitting down beside him. “Can't you sleep?”

He leaned against her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You were upset last night.”

Surprised, she hugged him back, pleased to see him show a spontaneous emotion. “No, I wasn't,” she said. “I don't know what gave you that idea.”

“I felt it, late last night. With my father. But you are happier now.”

Her blood ran cold, and automatically, she reached up to his neck to check if he wore his collar. It was there, the metal warm with his body heat.

“I think it's your imagination, Shaidan,” she said quietly. “You're wearing your collar, you can't possibly be picking up anything.”

“I feel your mind sometimes, but only a little.”

“I'm sure you think you do,” she said, with a little laugh. “But you can't possibly.”

He lifted his head to look up at her, amber eyes serious, ears tilted back slightly. “You don't wear a collar. I can hear you best when we touch. Your mind talks like mine, but you don't know it.”

Stunned by his words, she could only stare at him. “What?” she finally managed to ask.

“Your mind is like mine, you can mind-speak.”

“You're saying I'm a telepath?” she asked weakly. “That's impossible.”

“No. The General wears a psi damper now because of you and the other females.”

She unfastened his arms and sat back, studying his face carefully. “Shaidan, are you telling me the truth? Because it's very wrong to lie, especially about something like this.” Even though she knew it was impossible for him to lie with the Directorate programming, she couldn't believe he was telling the truth.

“Vassals are not permitted to lie,” the cub said.

It had to be true, then. “How do you know this?”

“I can tell when they touch me,” he said. “And I've heard their thoughts when I've had my collar off. None of you use it to speak to each other, though.”

“Have you told anyone else about this?”

He shook his head.

“Then keep it to yourself for now. If I asked you, could you write me a list of those who can mind-speak?”

“Yes.”

“Is it only us females? Can any of the males do it?”

He shook his head. “Only females. You use your minds differently, that's why,” he said, sliding up the bed to where the covers were rumpled. He yawned, putting his hand up to try and hide it. “May I sleep now?”

“Yes, of course,” she said, getting up and helping him under the covers.

A thought struck her. “How can you hear your father's mind when he's not touching you?”

Shaidan curled up on his side, snuggling his face into the pillows. “He's my father. We share our blood.”

A strange way to put it, she thought, stroking his head gently.

Blood relatives.
The thought was there, in her mind, just as clear as if she had heard the words spoken.

“Did you say that?” she asked sharply.

Yes,
came the sleepy answer.
It is so much easier than talking.

She could feel herself mentally retreating from Shaidan as she said good night and left his room. Somewhere inside, she knew she was running round and round in circles, screaming in disbelief. What was she going to do? How could she find out if it was true? If? She laughed mockingly to herself. Shaidan had undisputably demonstrated to her that it was true! And for how long had Kezule known? She wished there was someone other than Shaidan she could talk to about this since she certainly couldn't talk to his father. It was cruel enough that Kusac had lost his abilities without making it worse for him by telling him she might well be a telepath herself and could hear his son.

Trying to put her worries out of her mind, she checked with the nurse then headed up to the rec room.

 

In the corner of Shaidan's room, a shadow darker than the rest coalesced into the shape of a black-robed male. He moved to the side of the bed and bent down to stroke the cub's head.

“You did that well, little one,” said Vartra. “Now sleep.”