Betting Hearts (20 page)

“Was it good? Sel’s been holding out on me the last few days. He thinks I might have the baby just to get back to it.”

Now Cass laughed. “He can’t be serious.”

Alice grinned, a good and dirty one, too. “I think he’s worn out and he won’t admit it. Sex is supposed to help bring on labor but this kid won’t budge for anything.” She tapped her belly. “I can’t tell you how much I miss being flexible.”

“Too much info, Al.”

“Then fill me in on your info. When did you and Burke finally—”

“This morning, okay? Keep your voice down.” Cass sighed.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
“It was…amazing.” She laughed, a shaky, embarrassed sound that didn’t begin to express either feeling to its fullness. “I didn’t know sex could be so…so…”

“Sounds positive. Good for you guys. I’m happy for you. You finally got it together.” Alice actually did look pleased for her. Was this how women with sisters felt? Did they share these intimate kinds of discussions? Even the bad parts?

“Hate to rain on your parade, but I don’t think ‘together’ is the word I’d use.” Even Luke occasionally slapped her rump and told her he was leaving to take a shower. Burke slunk off like a thief in the night.

“Thus the sighing.”

“Thus the sighing,” Cass agreed. They walked into the bathroom, Alice heading for a stall while Cass stared at herself in the mirror. No wonder Alice knew what was going on. Burke might as well have spelled his name on her neck. A dark hickey peeked from the curve of her neck, disappearing into the neckline of her shirt.

Alice finished her business, washing her hands wearily. “What are you worrying about? Feelings of inadequacy? Pressure to commit? Think you made a mistake?”

Cass laughed, shaking her head. “Believe me, Burke has nothing to feel inadequate about. I never got a chance to pressure him to commit.” Her tongue caught for a second at the final question.

“Mistake, then?”

Cass could only stare at her own reflection. Was that the same face she’d seen in the mirror at Burke’s? The confidence wasn’t there now. All she could see were doubts. Worse, they weren’t hers. “Not on my part, no.”

“You think he thinks he made a mistake.” Alice didn’t need to couch it in a question.

“I know he does.”

“Men are stupid sometimes,” Alice wiped her face with a wet paper towel. “They invent stuff to worry about, swear to God. Sel goes on and on about how Reva’s going to eat his acrylics. Not if he keeps them out of her reach or tells her no, she won’t. Not if he pulls the steps to the attic up when he’s not in there, all of which he does, mind you. But still, he’s obsessed with the notion that she’ll get herself into some kind of trouble he won’t be able to get her out of. Maybe Burke thinks you’re getting into something you shouldn’t be.”

“Do you think I am?”

“You’re a grown woman, Cass. What does your heart tell you?”

Not much. She shrugged. Alice gestured for the door and they went back to walking. Only this time, Cass couldn’t remain quiet.

“It’s not like he has some sort of horrible past or mystery secret scarring him for life. Believe me, if Burke had a secret, I’d have figured it out by now. I mean, the Pope takes change better than he does. Never been able to figure out why. Maybe he has it in his head he’s old or something. Set in his ways. He has hated this make over. I can’t tell you how much.”

“I can guess,” Alice laughed. “I’d bet he likes knowing exactly what he’s getting every day. Surprises are the worst thing you can do to anal-retentive types. My father’s the same way. Marrying an artist went over like a lead balloon.”

“Firefighting probably didn’t sound real hot with him either.”

Alice shook her head. “He’s happy I retired. Says he spends less time in therapy these days. I imagine he’ll be right back over there after handling Reva for a week.” The long awaited birth of the baby would also mark Reva’s first vacation with her grandparents. Another reason Alice was racking up frequent walker miles.

“He thinks he’s incapable of love.” Cass’s spirits drooped a little further. “He says it’s not in him to give.”

“Is that what you want from him? Love?”

Was it?
She frowned, walking out of the store and into the throng of mall walkers on the second floor of North County Mall, Alice at her side, silent. She was supposed to find something suitable for Luke’s wedding on Saturday. Two days left on this stupid bet and she barely cared about it now. Her eye twitched. Okay, she still cared
some
. But she cared more about making things right with Burke. Getting him to smile at her. Having the feeling she had in his arms, in his bed. The sense she’d found exactly where she belonged. Where she always belonged.

She stopped walking, her heart doing the oddest little flutter.

“Yes. I want him to love me.”

Alice made a noise of a approval. “Any idea why?”

Part of Cass wanted to shrug the question off. The rest immediately answered.
Because
I love him. I’m in love with my best friend.

What was so clear that morning had a surreal sound to it now. He’d probably explain the feeling as euphoria from the sex. Burke could logically explain anything. But he couldn’t explain away this…feeling. This joy. The same topsy-turvy sensation she had when he taught her to swim—floating free without anything to support her and yet, completely in control. Would Burke smile at her with pride and triumph when she told him about this, the way he had when she proved she could swim on her own?

Mr. I-can-commit-to-a-beer-but-not-to-a-six-pack?

Not freaking likely.

Cass rubbed her face with her hand. “He’s right. I really do like to make things difficult for myself.” Why couldn’t she fall in love with some guy desperate to find the right woman, the way Hayne was? It would be easier to fall back in puppy love with Luke and cry at his wedding, but no, she had to go and lose her soul to the one man in town who thought growing old alone wasn’t a choice, but a religion.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“Are you my conscience or my friend?”

“We could trade and you could have the baby while I go track down my buddy for some wild and woolly sex,” Alice reminded. “Having been through labor, I’d recommend sticking with what you’ve got.”

Rather than stand there and actually think about an answer, Cass went back to walking.

Alice followed with an evil snicker. “Since you are in the midst of a romantic crisis, could I recommend approaching the problem like a girl?”

Cass choked. “I don’t think so.”

Her friend frowned, disappointed. “Why not?”

“Because a a
girl
would probably imagine herself getting married to Prince Charming in a big fluffy dress, moving into his house and popping out some mini-replicas of himself at top speed.” At Alice’s raised eyebrows, Cass added, “No offense.”

“None taken.” Though the tone was dry.

“I got the poofy wedding dress once. Remember? Prince Charming turned out to be an ass. Burke wouldn’t let me put a knickknack in his house and you know it. I don’t care how cute your kids are, Hayne and my dad are children enough for me, thank you very much.”

”If that’s out, what are you going to do?”

The question wouldn’t leave her alone. What happens now? Would they go places together? Out to movies or dine-in restaurants? What about Friday poker? Would everyone know they were a couple?
Were
they a couple?

What would happen to their relationship apart from adding sex? Would they still share dinner and complaints about their respective days? Before or after falling into bed? When she was satisfied, would she come home to her father’s house to sleep in her bed by herself? For the rest of her life?

God, no.

As if she weren’t pitied enough. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life following Burke around, a convenient lover and town joke. Not again.

Would she move in with him? Spend night after night watching him sleep, wondering when he would grow tired of her too? She’d done it with Luke, especially in their last months together. But this relationship was different. With Burke, everything was uncertain. He was her constant. The one she could always go to. The one who made her sure about herself and her dreams. Even in this idiot bet, he’d supported her. But Burke had never been her lover. He’d never been a boyfriend. In that respect, the only thing she could count on from him was heartache, like every other woman he’d ever dated. The ones dumb enough to love him, anyway.

“What is it about men that turns normally intelligent women into complete idiots?” she asked, not expecting an answer.

“My money is on their tight asses.”

Cass smiled, despite the urge to groan. “How can you be cheerful when you’re ready to pop?”

“You’ve never seen Sel in a pair of tight jeans. A sight like that makes a woman cheerful twenty-four/seven.”

“Pregnant, too.”

“Why do you think I keep him under wraps?” Alice reached over to pat Cass’s shoulder. “You can’t get what you want from him if you don’t ask for it, Cass.”

“He’ll turn me down.” Flat. Fear made her eyes sting. All the questions she’d asked herself were just details. Tiny ones. While she had no intention of ever allowing herself to be made into a joke again, the idea of losing Burke broke her heart all by itself.

Alice nudged her hip with her belly, an accident as she tried to move in close. “When has that ever stopped you before?”

Cass stared at her. One way or another, she had to make a choice. Could she live with only friendship? Or was the love she felt for him—from him—worth fighting for?

How could Burke
not
be worth fighting for?

“Was it this hard for you and Sel?”

Alice winked. “Ruin my hard won image as a romantic sage? I think not.”

“Is that a yes?”

“No, it’s a ‘we-had-it-worse’.”

“You two are happy now. Kinda grossly happy.”

“Exactly.” Alice winked again.

“You know I have no idea what that wink means.”

Alice laughed. “Don’t worry, you will.”

If only Cass could make herself feel as confident. Only one thing was sure. By the time she saw Burke again, she’d better be.

Burke sat at his desk, ignoring the television above his head. Oprah again. ‘Fael was munching away on something that smelled good. He’d look, but the poor bastard would offer him some and Burke would have to utter something. He hadn’t said a single word all day. It was safer that way.

The guys ribbed him, asking who he’d been out catting all night with, but they got the gist of his mood when he kicked closed his office door on the whistles and rude comments. The last thing he needed was to have them knowing he’d been with his best friend.

Of course, no one would believe him.

They hadn’t seen Cass lately. They liked her—she was the only person in town as dirty-minded as they were—she was a friend. She was also a great bet. He hadn’t yet mentioned to her about the pool he’d discovered his own guys were running. They’d made use of a new penboard and an old metal easel he used to use for specials. Categories ranged from whether she’d attend at all and if she’d be crying to how many punches she’d throw and whether or not she’d get into a catfight with Sally. Odds didn’t exist on her success; probably because they were all comfortable with how they thought of her. Weren’t they in for a surprise?

Burke sure had gotten one. She wasn’t his Little Miss Mud Pie anymore. He closed his eyes, belly tightening because one thought—one damn thought of her—and he relived the feel of being inside her, holding her while she undulated beneath him, around him, above—

“You okay,
jefe?
”

Burke looked up, shocked to see ‘Fael’s concerned face. Damn, he was eating another one of those massive sandwiches. Why hadn’t Burke stopped for a lunch of his own?

“You broke your pen.” Rafael pointed to the fist Burke made on his desk. The fist now marbled with dark blue ink.

Burke swore, looking around for a rag.

“What’d she do this time?”

“Who?” Finally he found one, next to the lamp. He’d have to tell the guys not to put greasy rags near the electronics…again. He tossed the pen remnant into the trashcan beneath his desk. It missed. Swearing again, he reached for the plastic tube but couldn’t grab it. Worse, it was spilling ink on his tile. Giving up, he shoved back his chair and climbed under the desk before it became an even bigger mess.

“
Como qué
who? Who else? CB. She’s the only one who gets you this fired up. Remember that time she found your girlfriend’s thong and—”

The loud clang of his head hitting the bottom of the metal desk drawer was probably all that saved ‘Fael’s ears from being singed right off by Burke’s blue streak of swearing.

“
¡Hijole chingado!
Must be bad. What’d she do now? Light your kitchen on fire?”

“Shouldn’t you be watching TV or something?” Burke dug himself out of the hollow under his desk, refusing to rub his stinging head.