Better Than Chance (11 page)

“I have to pay for my drink.”

“Don’t worry. I got it.”

I stared after him, intending to ask when he’d managed paying or even starting a tab without me noticing, but he’d already turned away from me and was walking toward the exit. When he’d almost reached the door, he made a sharp left through a set of heavy beaded curtains, turning once to make sure I was close behind. He spared me a pirate’s smile before making his way up the stairs to the club area above. It was a large, open space furnished with black leather contemporary chaise lounges and ottomans. There was a large dance floor in the middle and at least two full bars that I could see. No one, however, was in the cavernous room except us. Peter and me.

“This is what I wanted to show you. Come on.”

I watched him for a moment before I followed as instructed. He looked carefree and excited. This, whatever it was he was showing me with his eyes lit like a child’s on Christmas morning, was the key to who Peter Morgan really was. He walked toward the far end of the expansive area and then stopped abruptly with his arms outstretched, his smile now guarded but not quite hiding his excitement.

“What do you think?”

“About?”

“The club. Do you like it?”

I made a show of checking out my surroundings, but all I was really interested in was the man standing three feet away. What the hell was he trying to tell me?

“Peter? Can I call you Peter? Because Mr. Morgan feels a little funny right now.”

He nodded and chuckled softly.

“Plain speech here, please. What exactly are you showing me? And don’t skimp on details.”

He lowered his arms, nodded silently, and moved across the room to a private seating area with a small chaise, two chairs, and a couple of low mirrored tables. He set his drink aside and sat in one of the chairs.

“Sit.”

He looked at me long and hard for a few minutes. I hated prolonged silences. My impulse was always to fill them in. I was about to do just that, when he sighed and leaned forward with his forearms braced on his knees. I heard the faint sounds of music, something soft like jazz being played in the background. It was all so sophisticated and surreal, like something special was in the air but I had no way to quantify it. I was in the dark. Finally he spoke, his voice low and sexy.

“I own it. This place. Well, the truth is I co-own it, but I wanted to….” He gave a half chuckle as though he were laughing at himself before he turned back to me. “You asked me the other night at the restaurant what I was doing in that alley. I’d been here, checking something with the manager, and I was walking to my car when… you know the rest.”

“O-kay. Um, so what you’re trying to say is…,” I prodded.

Peter chuckled, sat back, and massaged the back of his neck with his right hand. It was a gesture I’d noticed him make last Saturday night. I sensed I was frustrating him and he was struggling for patience.

“Really, Jay? I think I’m being pretty clear here. I’m telling you I am part-owner of a gay club in the—how did you put it?—the gayest of the gay part of town. If you didn’t figure it out when I kissed you, I’m telling you now, in plain words that I’m gay. That’s all.”

I let the words float in the air between us. The music seemed a little louder suddenly, but I couldn’t tell if I was now hypersensitive to my surroundings or if it had been turned up.

“Cool.”

“That’s it?” He chuckled again.

“Well, I have a few questions, I admit. Do you mind?”

“Go right ahead.” He leaned back in his chair, stretching his long legs out straight in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest. His expression was harder to read, but I was used to that now.

“First of all, why are you telling slash showing me? Second, are you out at work and with the general public? And last one… are you sure?”

Peter’s impassive expression gave way to a breathtaking full-stop smile. He shook his head and uncrossed his arms as though disarming himself.

“I’m going to assume you don’t care which order I answer your questions.” He paused politely, so I inclined my head in agreement. “Yes, I’m sure I’m gay.” He smiled again at me. “I can’t think for the life of me why I’d make that up.”

“Maybe you wanted to be as cool as me…,” I offered to lighten the mood. He smiled at my lame joke.

“Maybe so. I am out. My family knows, my good friends know, and in a professional sense, if it makes sense that someone I’m working with knows, then I tell him or her.”

“Why are you telling me?”

“Why? I don’t know. I’m…. you are so… I don’t know how to….” He stood up, his agitation evident in his jerky movement. His usual graceful manner forgotten.

I waited patiently.

“I’m doing this little school kid ‘show and tell’ thing because I’m… I can’t stop thinking about you. I know we work together and this is inappropriate, but I… I think you’re extremely….” He ran his hand through his thick dark hair and rested it on his neck again, finally stopping to look at me. “Pretty. You’re a little wild and reckless too, not to mention completely fucking odd at times, but maybe that’s part of your charm. I find you insanely attractive. I wish I didn’t. I mean… you know what I mean. This can never happen, but… you interest me.”

I didn’t know what to say. I was in shock. I knew before he said the words aloud that he was gay. First of all, that kiss the other night was passionate and real. He didn’t really have to say the words for me to know that he wouldn’t have kissed me like that if he didn’t feel something akin to lust at the very least. So he was gay, or maybe bi. Plus, I have three brothers, all straight, and there is no way in hell any of them would come to a place like this for anything more than a quick drink. The fact he owned it, even partially, spoke volumes. But it was his uncharacteristic show of vulnerability that was my own undoing. He wanted me?

“Interest? As in I’m interesting?”

“Yeah. And sexy as hell.”

His eyes were intense suddenly, and I was grateful for the distance. I wasn’t sure I was prepared for any of this. And frankly, I was still in complete disbelief.

“I’m flattered. I’m also a little confused.” I stood up and paced the small alcove space. “I won’t ask again after this last time, but… are you sure? You must be, but when did you know?” I blurted.

He laughed again, a deep, lovely sound that had me smiling in return. “You want my coming-out story?”

I nodded.

“It’s not particularly exciting. The short story is that I figured it out in college. I’d had a couple of girlfriends in high school, but the truth is that I was probably a late bloomer. I did what I thought was expected of me. I got good grades, I played sports… football, baseball, and I had a girlfriend. And when it didn’t work out, because hey… I was sixteen and not the most attentive boyfriend… I got another. I didn’t know the real reason I wasn’t all that interested in girls when I was a high school kid.”

“I knew.”

“Well, I didn’t allow myself a chance to consider that sex with girls wasn’t as great as all my friends claimed it to be. I remember having sex with this girl once, and she seemed pretty into it, but I was the one shoving my legs back in my jeans wondering what the hell all the fuss was about. It was fine, okay even, but nothing special.”

He paused and reclaimed his seat in the chair, gesturing for me to do the same. Once I was sitting, he pulled the chair close so the arms touched. Peter gave me a slightly lecherous grin before he resumed his story.

“Summer in between high school and college, I went to a training camp for football. I played quarterback at UG for two years. I didn’t actually play much, but… whatever. Anyway, a few of us were invited to a frat party by some of the older guys and… well, it was wild. I’d never seen some of the stuff they had at that party. I decided to stick to beer and just observe. Some nice older boy was of a like mind, and we spent the night talking. And then, I swear I can never figure out how we got there, but… next thing I knew we were in a bedroom making out. We didn’t have sex that night, but eventually we did. I knew from the moment I first kissed a guy that I might need to reevaluate my sexuality. It turned me on a hell of a lot more to kiss him than it did to actually have sex with a girl.”

He laughed humorlessly at his young self, shaking his head as he picked up his drink.

“It wasn’t a done deal then either. I still had a couple girlfriends in college too.”

“So you’re bi?”

“No. I guess I just wanted to be sure. Once I was sure, that was that. I’m gay. Period. I like men. How about you?”

“Me too.” My voice was reverent and low. We both laughed. “Now what?”

“I don’t know, Jay. Look, the truth is… I asked you here because I want you to know why I’ve been….”

“A jerk?” I supplied. He gave me a withering glance, but didn’t deny it.

“I can’t do anything about this….” Again, he pointed between the two of us. “But I didn’t want you to go on thinking I was being unfair, judgmental, or whatever else you accused me of being. Usually I don’t give a shit what people think, but I hated for you to think of all things, that I was homophobic.”

“So, what do we do now? Be friends?”

“I’d like that.”

Damn! I was afraid he’d say that. I was aware of voices in the club just beyond the beaded entrance to our alcove hideaway. Jazz had been replaced with club music, turned up in preparation for the dance crowd that would be climbing the stairs later. The incessant beat pulsed through my veins, making me a little more reckless than usual.

“I know the answer I think, but tell me… why can’t we do anything about this?” I leaned over the armrest of his chair, inviting him to meet me the rest of the way.

“Why do you think? As much as I’d like nothing better than to get this out of our systems, it would be stupid. It wouldn’t end well. It never does anyway, but….” His tone was resolved but still a little wistful.

I took my chances and leaned farther over, completely invading his space. His mouth was set, his eyes were hard. I could see him pulling up his defenses. And then he licked his lower lip. I don’t know that he was conscious that he’d done it, but I pounced. I moved in closer still, close enough to feel his warm breath on my lips. With a confidence I wasn’t aware I possessed, I licked a slow line over his bottom lip, retracing where his tongue had just been. I felt him shift before he pulled me from my chair and I found myself perched on his hard thighs. I curled my long legs around his and settled my ass into the crevice between his thighs, wiggling my backside seductively. I could feel the outline of his hardened shaft against my upper thigh. Peter gasped and wrapped his arms around me. His hold was intoxicating. He was big and powerfully built. The fact that he wanted me this much was its own aphrodisiac. I didn’t know how far he’d let me go, but I needed to find out.

I twisted my body so that we were chest to chest and nuzzled my nose and chin under his jaw, licking at his manly, stubbled strong jawline. I kissed his chin and his cheeks before he captured my mouth with his in a frustrated growl as he used his strength to bring us closer. He crushed his mouth hard against my own and thrust his tongue inside, devouring me with his passion. He bit at my lips and sent kisses all over my neck and jaw before repeating his assault on my mouth. It was frenetic and unbelievably hot.

I heard someone call out his name, brush the beads aside, and then scurry away muttering apologies in their wake. The spell was broken. Peter pulled back slightly, staring directly into my eyes.

“You have to go?”

He nodded slowly, and kissed my lips again. I stood carefully and adjusted my incredibly hard dick. My tight jeans weren’t making this easy. Peter sat back in the leather chair, looking sinfully devilish as he seemingly observed my every movement.

“Do you want to stay here tonight? Dance? Or we can go grab something to eat. Your call.”

“Peter.” I paused, looking skyward for a moment, hoping for some guidance. “No offense, but why? I like you. In fact, since my tongue was just down your throat I feel obliged to tell the truth and admit a couple of things.”

He cocked his head, waiting for me to continue.

“I had a crazy crush on you when we first started that project a few months ago. But then I kind of hated you. I obviously have since amended the way I feel about you, but I think you’re right. We can’t do anything about it. My problem is that… I can’t be a friend who goes out for a bite to eat every once in a while.”

Peter unfolded his long legs and stood, taking my hand in his. It was a sweet gesture, a friendly gesture. But he was right, this couldn’t happen, and I would never figure out how to be just friends with someone I wanted the way I wanted Peter Morgan.

“Want to try?”

The volume went up to a deafening pitch, startling us both. I took it as a sign that it was time to make my exit. I kissed his lips chastely and moved away from him, slipping my hand from his.

“I can’t. I’m not good at doing things halfway. It won’t work. Thank you, Peter.”

“For what?”

“For showing and telling.” I made a sweeping motion with my hands. “Your club is cool. I’ll come by with my friends some time.” I sighed and looked at him one last time. “See you at the office.”

Peter’s mask was in place. His expression was once again unreadable. I took in his tall, handsome features one last time. I’d unbuttoned the first few buttons on his shirt and his lips were swollen from our make-out session. He looked wanton and sexier than anyone should be allowed. I had to go before I did anything stupid. I tried for a smile, but I was sure it looked as wilted as I felt. I passed my hand through the heavy beads partitioning the alcove from the main dance area, leaving my boss and almost-lover behind.

“A
CCORDING
TO
the research compiled by… Jay? Jay? Are you listening?”

Rebecca’s voice broke through my inner revelry. Her reading glasses were perched at the end of her wide nose as she peered over her lenses at me with a concerned frown. She had been in my office for the better part of an hour, going over pertinent details for the presentation I was about to give to my current project lead. It was basically a review of information I’d gathered thus far, but it was a huge peeve of mine when people read entirely off of cue cards rather than taking the time to really understand the information at hand. My mind had drifted, though.