Better Off Dead (23 page)

“Aye, the Oonderground City is jist that, ah city. Everyfin’ you’d expect tae find in ah normal city, ye will find haur.”

“But Dante’s
Inferno
says there are levels of hell!” I continued, perplexed at how this could be.

“Each level is ah destination within th
’ city,” Tallis explained.

I shook my head. “But Dante never described an amusement park!” Then I saw the skyscrapers in the distance. “And he definitely didn’t describe modern buildings!”

Tallis looked like it was taking every last ounce of his self-control to remain patient with me. “Jist as th’ wurld evoolves, sae does th’ Oonderground City.”

“So can we, like, go on some rides, yo?” Bill chimed in.

“And after he had laid his hand on mine with joyful mien, whence I was comforted, he led me in among the secret things.”

—
   
Dante’s
Inferno

THIRTEEN

“So, dude,” Bill started, glancing down at the copy of Dante’s
Inferno
, which he held in his hands open to Canto Three, “it looks like we, uh, missed a few stops along the way.”

“What are you talking about, Bill?” I asked, even though I couldn’t say my attention was wholly focused on him. Instead, I stood gaping at the entryway to the Underground City, gulping despondently. The entry was comprised of an iron and brick gate that towered over us, maybe twenty feet high. The iron, a bluish-grey color, looked incredibly aged and worn, while inside the ironwork were layers of bricks. The bricks also looked ancient, as if they’d vanish into dust if you so much as swiped your finger across their rough surfaces. The remains of long dead and sticky vines clung to the gate and bricks, making the macabre reliefs of animal and human faces appear even more gruesome.

The black clouds overhead were moving on fast-forward, and the light of the moon refracted in rays of jaundiced illumination. Try as I might, I could not tear my repelled fascination from the sculptures that flanked the entry. Crowning the gate was an urn, guarded on either side by two enormous snails. Just beneath the urn was a woman’s expressionless face, positioned so the rays of the moon arced out behind her. Below her was an antique-looking oval window, the color of algae. The ornate iron pattern on the glass resembled a spider’s web, even though a few of the glass panes were broken. On either side of the window were two lion heads, with their mouths wide open in a roar. The largest of the reliefs was that of a man, perhaps in his late fifties. He sported a close-cropped beard, had a furrowed brow and wore a hood that looked like a lion’s mouth mid-roar. I couldn’t tell whether it was meant to appear as if the lion was eating his head, or if the man was simply modeling a lion’s carcass. As I gawked at the morose sculptures, I had the uncanny feeling that the relief of the man was staring right back at me.

“I’m talking about Dante’s directions, yo,” Bill said, snapping my attention back to him. He even stepped in front of me and waved, obviously intent on grabbing my attention. “I’m thinkin’ we mighta taken a wrong turn somewhere.”

“Why?” I asked, now fully focused because his information was alarming.

“’Cause Dante was talking about some place called Limbo and then some other place, which was ’sposed ta come before the Acheron River but …”

“Aye, booth are jist prooducts ah Dante’s imagination,” Tallis interrupted with a frown, shaking his head. He wore an uptight expression and raised one brow, looking completely irritated with Bill. “Ye dinnae need ta consult th’ book as Ah ken thess city as well as Ah ken th’ back ah mah oown hain.”

“Well, if it’s just the same to you, Conan,” Bill spat out, puffing up his chest like a powder pigeon and imitating Tallis in a highfalutin way, “I’d like to see what
Dante
has to say about this place,” he added before facing Tallis with a mirrored expression of annoyance.

“Then doonae boother me wif one mair ah yer bludy questions!” Tallis railed back at him, shaking his head in exasperation.

“Enough!” I shouted, giving both of them warning glances before settling my attention on Bill. “We made it to the Underground, right?”

“Yeah,” Bill admitted, albeit reluctantly.

“Right!” I continued, unable to hide my exasperation. “At this point, we have more important things to worry about than that book!” I caught my breath and exhaled deeply before facing Tallis. “Are we going into the city now or what?”

“Aye,” he answered with a stiff jaw as he pushed past me, and approached the immense gate. He paused in front of it and then turned to me. “Afore we enter, ye take yer sword,” he said, unsheathing my sword from the scabbard across his chest and handing it to me.

“Okay,” I started but he interrupted me with just a look. The intensity of his gaze was so riveting, I felt my heartbeat increase and my breath caught in my throat. Any other words I was about to say simply died on my tongue. His eyes were so focused on me, it almost seemed as if he could see right through me.

“Dinnae, fur even ah second, release yer sword,” he said in a steely voice. “Keep it attached tae ye.” He paused for a few seconds, just staring at me in his soul-searching way. “Do ye oonderstand?”

I nodded as the meaning of his words sank in. If I lost my sword, I was as good as dead against whatever awaited us in the Underground City. I could read as much in Tallis’s eyes and that realization, the possibility of losing my life as soon as we stepped behind the double gates, left me completely breathless.

Gripping the sword as tightly as I could, I began to think of it as my only lifeline, the one protection from impending doom, aside from Tallis, himself. How the sword could protect me when I still had no idea how to use it, I didn’t know. But I figured Tallis had more surprises up his sleeve, so his word was good enough for me.

I suddenly felt light-headed, even dizzy, as the gravity of my predicament rained down on me. But fear would do me no good. I had no choice—I had to proceed, and enter the Underground in order to retrieve my first soul. Otherwise, Shade awaited me …

Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.
I spoke Don Miguel Ruiz’s words in my head, closing my eyes tightly in order to concentrate. Whether or not I was unsuccessful in this first mission, I would do my damndest to rescue the soul and to survive. If I failed, it was completely up to fate; but there was no way I would go down without a hard fight.

I opened my eyes and took a deep breath, centering myself. Then I focused on Tallis, who took off his shield, followed by his backpack. Rummaging through his pack, he found what he was looking for, and using both hands, reached into the large sack and pulled out what looked like a human skull, except there were two horns protruding from the top of its head. The horns were incredibly long, maybe two feet and very shiny. Ridges circled the horns from the base, where they blended into the bone of the skull, all the way up to their glossy black tips. The thing was so hideous that my heart began pounding as soon as I saw it.

“What the fucking fuck!!!!” Bill screamed in a high pitch, nearly doubling over on himself to get away from it. He took a breath, his eyes wide as he addressed Tallis, shaking his head. “You just carry around random …” he inspected the skull again, trying to figure out what it was, “goat heads?”

“That is no goat,” I announced, pointing at it with obvious repulsion on my face.

“Aye,” Tallis answered with a slight smile curving his lips.

“So what is it?” I managed, trying my best not to look at it. With the almost obscene way its lower jaw met the upper, it looked like it was smiling at me, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

“Conan is one crazy ass bitch,” Bill muttered beneath his breath, as he shook his head and stepped away from us. He acted like the horned skull was going to come after him or something.

“’Tis prootection,” Tallis answered simply, completely ignoring our outbursts. Instead, he took out a long piece of rope from his backpack. He wound the rope around the skull’s horns, knotting it to ensure a tight fit around each horn. Then he slid his arms through his backpack, and followed with his shield. Looping the rope over his head, he turned and faced me. “Ah need ye tae hauld it against mah back, lass.”

I looked at the dreadful thing again which, even in death, seemed to be amused. That was when I noticed the two long fangs where its canines should have been. The fangs were incredibly sharp at the tips and so long, they reached its lower jaw. “Protection against what?” I asked as I leaned down and, resigning myself to my task, placed both of my hands on either side of the skull and lifted it. The thing had to weigh twenty pounds! Holding it above my head, which was no easy feat, I placed it against the middle of Tallis’s back, doing my best to avert my eyes.

“Lift higher,” Tallis ordered.

“This is as high as I can reach,” I snapped as I continued to wrestle with the burdensome weight of the relic. Tallis didn’t respond as he pulled the rope tauter, which helped me secure the skull in place. With one more tug on the rope, he managed to move it up another four or five inches. Not wanting to look at it any longer, I turned around and walked in front of Tallis, watching him tie the rope into a tight knot around his waist.

“You didn’t answer my question. What is that thing?” I demanded.

“Ah Grenelly demoon’s skooll,” he answered. At my confused expression, he continued. “They ur notorioosly foul-tempered an’ difficult tae kill.”

“But you obviously killed this one?”
I had to shake my head, envisioning Tallis in combat with such a horrible-looking thing. Seeing how scary its skull was, I couldn’t begin to imagine what it must’ve looked like in the flesh. And, furthermore, I hoped I’d never find out.

“Aye.”

“So why the hell are you wearin’ it like it’s a freakin’ Gucci jacket, yo?” Bill demanded from ten feet away.

When Tallis answered, he faced me. “’Tis mah proof that Ah am nae soomeone tae coonfront,” he said simply, taking a few steps toward the gates as an indication that the conversation was over. For my part, I neither needed nor wanted to know anymore. As long as I didn’t have to walk behind Tallis and deal with the demon skull smiling at me, I’d be okay.

When Tallis was a mere few feet from the gate, he fished inside his sporran and produced what looked like a skeleton key that spanned the length of his entire hand.

“Do you have one of those?” I whispered to Bill, worried about how we’d make our way back into this hideous place when Tallis was no longer escorting us.

“A freakin’ goat demon skull?” Bill asked, spearing me with an expression of disbelief that told me my question was pretty stupid.

“No!” I snapped in response. “A key to the gate!” Then I pointed at Tallis who was busily ramming the key into the lock while twisting and turning it left, then right.

“Oh,” Bill said distractedly as he watched Tallis wrestling with the lock. Facing me, he shook his head. “Skeletor failed to include a key in our goody bag. Guess we just gotta ring the doorbell.” Then he shrugged with a wide grin, like he thought the whole thing was just a big joke.

“Not funny,” I said, exhaling a pent-up breath of anxiety, and wondering how in the world I could get a key from Jason since he was next to impossible to contact.

One step at a time, Lily Harper
, I reminded myself.
Finish this mission first before you start worrying about the next one.

Satisfied with my point, I set aside my worry. My attention returned to Tallis as he pulled the key from the lock and pushed the gate open. It groaned, sounding cranky at being pushed open, but opened all the same. I felt an icy jolt of unease as I realized what this meant—I was about to enter the Underground City, a place where I could very well die.

“Angel, ye will walk behin’ th’ lass at aw times,” Tallis barked at Bill.

“Dude, didn’t your mom teach you to say ‘please’?” Bill responded, frowning at me as he shook his head. “Manners are a lost art form, I swear.”

All I could do was raise my eyebrows at him because I wasn’t in the mood to point out that he, the pot, was absolutely calling Tallis, the kettle, black.

“An’ dinnae break fermation,” Tallis continued, spearing Bill with his narrowed gaze before his eyes settled on me. “Besom, ye will be mah shadow, dae ye oonderstand?” He took a few steps closer to me until I could feel his breath against my forehead. Consequently, his close proximity forced me to swallow down a big lump. I wondered if Tallis insisted on intruding on my personal space because he knew it made me uncomfortable, or if the ancient Druids didn’t believe in keeping their distance.

“Y … yes,” I stammered as I looked up at him.

His eyes were hard, and his lips just as unforgiving. “Ah want ye one step behin’ me ’tall times.”

I nodded, swallowing down the lump of angst that was occupying my throat. Tallis looked at Bill, extending his hand as he backed up a few steps and I was able to breathe again. “Gimmeh th’ map.”

“What map?” Bill asked.

“He means your phone,” I translated.