Best of Both Rogues (5 page)

Ben attempted to maneuver his way into the same carriage with Eve for the ride to the foundling hospital, but Lady Bianca Norwick and her sister-in-law cut him off. Linking arms with Eve, they directed her toward the Norwick carriage. Eve didn’t spare him a backward glance while she chatted with the ladies and climbed inside. Other than the one time he’d caught her ogling him in the drawing room, she had done a convincing job of pretending she was oblivious to him.

He ground his teeth in frustration. He hadn’t expected a
tête-à-tête
with Eve would come easily, but he hadn’t anticipated interference either. Although Ben’s brother
had
mentioned Lady Norwick enjoyed a friendship with Sir Jonathan Hackberry, so it should come as no surprise the lady was guarding Hackberry’s interests.

Ben needed a moment alone with Eve. The charge when they’d locked gazes earlier had all but knocked him on his arse. Attraction did not equal love—Ben was wise enough to know the difference—but Eve had desired and loved him at one time. His drive to learn if that love still existed was as powerful as anything he had ever experienced.

After assisting the three remaining ladies into his carriage, he settled on the seat beside his sister. Lana could always be counted on to be an accomplice, but he was uncertain where his sister-in-law’s loyalties lay. Amelia’s assistance might be needed today, but he didn’t wish to make her uncomfortable by asking her to go against her best friend, Lady Norwick, who had clearly declared herself on Hackberry’s side.

He studied Amelia across the carriage seated next to Lady Phoebe. His sister-in-law regarded him with a pleasant smile in return. She was a strikingly beautiful woman with high cheekbones and dainty features. He understood his brother’s fascination with her. She was also a master at hiding her thoughts. If she was flustered by his unexpected arrival this afternoon, she gave no indication.

Lana remained silent. It figured the moment he desired his sister’s interference she would choose to hold her tongue.

“I hope my presence today hasn’t shocked you, Mrs. Hillary,” he said, mindful to address her formally with Lady Phoebe present.

Amelia shrugged slightly. “There is nothing shocking about the Hillarys’ generosity, sir. Your family has been a foundling hospital benefactor for some time. I must admit I am pleased with your interest in the children themselves. They are dear to my heart.”

The carriage wheel dropped into a hole, knocking Lana against him. His sister’s eyebrows lifted as if to remind him of her warnings earlier that morning. Amelia was not to be trifled with when it came to the orphans, and it felt as if he was treading on unstable ground. Even though his actions were a ploy to secure time alone with Eve, he had to admit he admired Amelia’s devotion to her charity work. Another lady might have lost interest after having her own issue, but not Amelia. His desire to support her efforts was sincere, even if his true aim in accompanying the ladies was less lofty.

“Please do not hesitate to request anything of me on the children’s behalf. I am at your service,” he said.

She sat up straighter, her blue eyes twinkling happily. “How marvelous. The nursery will be pleased to learn they have a volunteer today.”

Ben’s blood froze in his veins. “The nursery?”

Amelia nodded, her smile as enigmatic as always. “The babies are very sweet, and they respond well to being cuddled. I will have a nurse show you the way.”

He looked wildly at his sister for help, but her face was turned toward the window, her shoulders shaking. If he didn’t know better, he might think she was laughing at him.

The carriage arrived at the brick gates of the Woodmore Home for Foundlings before he could formulate an excuse to bow out of nursery duty. He had nothing against infants, but he didn’t know the first thing about entertaining one. As far as he could ascertain, babies held no interests beyond eating, sleeping, and making messes. And they
cried
. What if he made a baby cry and couldn’t convince it to stop? Eve might think him a horrible person if he frightened a baby.

His stomach churned the closer they drew to the massive four-story building, and he broke into a sweat before the carriage rolled to a stop in front of the arched entry. He wiped his brow with his handkerchief, then haltingly climbed from the carriage to gawk at the forbidding structure. “Amelia…”

“It is impressive, isn’t it?” His sister-in-law linked arms with him and whisked him inside while the carriage carrying Eve and her companions was still rolling up the drive. The determined set to Amelia’s jaw convinced him no help would come from her.

Inside the lobby doors, she released his arm. The place was deserted and so quiet, Amelia’s voice startled him. “Everyone must be occupied.”

Which meant no one was available to provide him with an escort. Ben’s shoulders slumped with relief.

“Fortunately, I know the way to the nursery.” She headed for the curved staircase, the heels of her shoes clicking against the bare stone floor. Reaching the stairs, she paused with her hand on the iron balustrade and glanced over her shoulder. “You will want to follow me, Ben.”

There was nothing commanding in her tone. Otherwise he might have protested. Instead, he closed the gap between them as she started up the stairs. The foundling hospital was nothing like he had expected. It was clean and cheerful with buttery yellow walls and amateurish paintings displayed in gilded frames along the upper gallery. A fresh bouquet of colorful flowers sitting on a half-round table greeted them as they reached the top floor.

“It is even better than Jake led me to believe, and he sang your praises. Are you responsible for all of this?” He gestured to the paintings, which he now suspected were the children’s artwork, the large windows allowing sunlight to spill on the warm wood floors, the flowers.

She was blushing but held her head a bit higher. “The Mayfair Ladies’ Charitable Society has taken on Woodmore as our special project. I cannot take all the credit.”

Her modesty was refreshing. Jake had told him Amelia was the driving force behind the renovations long before she garnered the other ladies’ support. He wanted to ask what role Eve played in the project—if she came to the hospital often and how she spent her time there—but they’d arrived at the nursery.

He blinked in surprise at the number of cribs in the room. He counted ten, and most appeared to be occupied. Only two nurses tended the nursery, each working with expert efficiency before moving on to the next fussy baby. The babies’ crying echoed off the walls.

“Babies need to be held too,” Amelia said loud enough to be heard over the commotion.

He nodded, understanding the reason she thought he could do some good here.

She met his eyes and smiled before moving to a crib to lift a baby who was on the verge of screaming. Her tiny arms and legs flailed as her cries rose on a crescendo. Once Amelia had soothed the little one, the racket in the room died down considerably.

“Is Daisy hungry?” she asked someone behind him.

He spun on his heel and discovered a wet nurse sitting in the corner feeding two babies.

“No, ma’am. Mrs. Hudson fed her ten minutes ago.”

He looked around, expecting to find another wet nurse, but she seemed to be the only one there at the moment.

“Perhaps Daisy would like to go for a walk,” Amelia said. “I will take her around with me. This is my brother-in-law, Benjamin Hillary. He is here to offer his assistance.”

“Yes, Mrs. Hillary.”

One of the bedside nurses barely glanced at him before returning her attention to changing the babe in her care into a clean nappy.

Amelia nuzzled Daisy’s damp hair and whispered sweet words to her.

He nodded toward the baby girl. “Looks like crying requires much effort. Daisy has broken a sweat.”

“Yes, I believe that’s the way of it. It is her only way of asking for attention.” She nudged him. “Go on, then. Find a baby to hold and talk to him or her.”

Ben balked. “Talk to one? What do we have in common?”

“You will think of something.” Amelia chuckled as she left him standing in the nursery, frightened out of his wits.

He did nothing at first. Just stood rooted to the floor. But as the women slanted curious glances in his direction, he began to feel silly. He was a man. He had traveled the world—faced dangers on sea and land with equal bravery. A tiny person was no cause for alarm, even if a baby could shatter eardrums and produce enough drool to drown a man.

He ventured farther into the nursery, wandering down the aisle of cribs toward the quieter section of the room. He passed sleeping infants with their bottoms in the air or sucking on their fingers. Sometimes both. All of them boasted rosy, plump cheeks that made them undeniably adorable.

Tension melted off him with each step. The little ones appeared so peaceful when they slept. Ben couldn’t remember what it was like to sleep soundly without bad dreams or waking in the wee hours for no reason and being unable to fall asleep again. Perhaps the babies’ innocence made them sleep without a care. Whatever it was, he wished he could recapture those moments in his life when he hadn’t a care either.

Reaching the last crib in the row, he encountered two serious brown eyes staring up at him. A hand-lettered sign hung on the wall above the crib.
Boy:
Tobias
.

“What a large name for a tiny boy.”

Tobias didn’t fuss or smile or give any other indication he expected anything from Ben. In truth, the tot’s expression said he didn’t expect anything from anyone, as if he had resigned himself to being forgotten.

A frisson of anger passed through Ben. The babe was too young to have learned such a lesson, and Ben meant to correct it. He leaned slightly over the crib railing, smiled, and wiggled his fingers at him. Tobias simply blinked.

Another
failed
tactic
. Perhaps Ben should follow Amelia’s advice and talk to him. He cleared his throat, trying to think of something relevant. He meant to say something along the lines of “what a strapping lad you are.” Instead squeaky gibberish poured out of him. “Where is the good boy? Where is Tobias? There he is.
There
he is.” The gents at Brooks’s would be mocking him for days if they overheard him.

Tobias, however, was more forgiving of Ben’s silliness. A toothless grin broke across his round face.

Ben’s smile grew. “You like that, do you?” He gibbered more nonsense and made funny faces at him. Tobias’s first giggle startled Ben, and he gasped softly.

“Do that again?”

The baby obliged him. The sound filled him with happiness. Repeating the act elicited more tiny giggles that soon transformed into belly laughs. The more Ben made a fool of himself, the harder Tobias laughed. Ben was laughing too. He forgot his shyness and lifted the baby from the crib to hold him close to his chest.

When he turned, he caught the women smiling at him, their expressions soft. Under normal circumstances, their bearing witness to his childish antics might have embarrassed him, but he found he didn’t care. The only one who mattered was little Tobias, and his heartwarming coos between giggle fits said he was happy.

And at that moment, so was Ben.

He bounced Tobias gently in his arms, singing an old sailors’ song, much to the boy’s pleasure. His eyes twinkled up at him, and it struck Ben that he could be holding his own son like this, looking into rich brown eyes just like Eve’s, if only Ben hadn’t given up. It didn’t matter if he thought he was doing the right thing at the time. He’d made a mistake letting her go, and he wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

Ben sang a little louder, hopping a bit from foot to foot in an old dance he’d learned from the seamen aboard the ship. When he added a small stomp and twirl, he stopped, the words dying on his lips. Eve stood in the doorway, her brown eyes shimmering with tears. The little girl Daisy was asleep in her arms.

Eve brushed away a tear that fell on her cheek and strode into the nursery without looking at Ben. The heavy warmth of the sleeping babe in her arms, and then seeing Ben playing with a little one, ripped off the scab from an old wound. All the pain from two years ago, when she realized her dreams of being his wife and bearing him children were dead, flooded her. She held tightly to Daisy to keep from drowning in emotions she wanted to forget and fought to control the trembling of her body.

With the nurses occupied, Eve searched for the baby’s crib herself, reading each sign posted on the wall above the cribs. She would return the baby as Amelia had requested and hurry back to the parlor where the other ladies were sorting through clothes with the head nurse.

She had been looking forward to helping in the nursery ever since Amelia mentioned it last week. Eve loved babies: their silky tufts of hair, soft cheeks and plump thighs, and the sweet little mewing sounds they made in their sleep. As long as she could remember, she’d wanted to become a mama. She craved motherhood as some ladies craved a cup of chocolate in the morning. In three weeks, she would marry Jonathan, and her baby dreams could finally come true.

She ignored the niggling voice whispering in her ear that she wanted more. More was no longer possible. At one time, she’d thought love was as necessary as food, the air she breathed, or a safe place to lay her head. Love had done nothing but break her heart. She preferred kindness and comfort to sorrow any day.

Finding Daisy’s crib, she gently laid her on the stark white bedding. The baby rolled over with an audible huff and puckered her mouth several times as if she were still nursing, but she didn’t wake. Once Eve was satisfied Daisy was settled, she turned on her heel to make her escape, but a burst of frustration surged through her. Why should
she
be the one to leave the nursery? Ben wasn’t even supposed to be here today—just as he wasn’t supposed to be at Lord and Lady Eldridge’s ball last night.

She marched back down the aisle of cribs, each step fueling her anger. Ben was still talking to the baby, lifting him overhead and babbling nonsense. With hands on her hips, she opened her mouth to take Ben to task when the baby tossed up his accounts, splattering the lower half of Ben’s face, cravat, and coat.

He groaned.

“Oh dear,” she muttered and rushed forward to take the baby. Ben handed him over with a grimace before retrieving a handkerchief from an inside pocket of his coat and wiping the mess from his face.

The baby watched with round eyes and chewed uncertainly on his fingers as if trying to anticipate Ben’s reaction. Even Eve was holding her breath, fearful of an angry outburst. Not that Ben had ever shown a temper in her presence, but her father never would have remained calm in similar circumstances. Of course he never would have been in a similar situation, because he’d possessed the good sense not to hold a baby above him.

No.
That wouldn’t have been the reason. Papa had never shown interest in children, not even his own. Her heart softened toward Ben, just a tiny amount, but enough to make her want to come to his aid.

“I will take the baby back to his crib, then I will find water and a cloth.”

He stopped her with a touch to the elbow. “No, let Toby Boy stay.” When he reached for the baby, Toby flashed a gaping smile and giggled low in his throat. Ben took care to hold him in his left arm to avoid the wet spot on his fine coat. “I will, however, accept your kind offer, Miss Thorne.”

She shook her head, smiling in spite of herself. “Why were you holding him overhead? Don’t you know a jostled baby is probably going to erupt like Mount Vesuvius?”

“I do now.” His crooked grin stole her breath. Why must he show good humor at a time like this? It only made him more appealing.

She turned away before he noticed the flush that must be stealing into her cheeks. “Find a place to sit and I will be back in a moment.”

One of the nurses directed her to a back room where she found a small pitcher of water, a basin, and extra cloths. With the supplies in hand, she returned to tend to Ben, but he and the baby were no longer in the nursery. She wandered into the empty corridor, wondering where the two could have gotten off to in the short time she had been gone.

A baby’s squeal echoed from the end of the passage and around the corner. Moving more slowly than normal so she wouldn’t spill, she headed toward the sound, a smile tugging at her lips. When Ben had arrived at Amelia’s town house earlier, Eve had believed his interest in the orphans was a trick to get close to her. Now she felt a little foolish for doubting his sincerity. And more than a touch arrogant for thinking she mattered enough that he would go to such trouble to see her.

When she rounded the corner, she could see Ben had located a wooden bench in front of a large window at the end of another corridor. He wasn’t sitting, but rather pointing out things to Toby beyond the window and talking to him as if he were an adult and could understand him.

She cleared her throat to get his attention, not wanting to startle him. Ben had another smile for her. “You left the nursery,” she said as her knees knocked together.

“You told me to find a place to sit.”

“I meant in the nursery.” Where there were others and she wouldn’t be forced to be alone with him.

He shrugged and lowered to the bench, sitting the baby on his knee. “Thank you for coming to my rescue.”

She rolled her eyes as she placed the basin and pitcher on the bench beside him. “This is hardly a life-threatening event.” Maintaining an air of efficiency, she poured water into the basin, wet the cloth and wrung out the excess water, then held it out to him. Ben’s eyebrows lifted.

“My hands are not free, Miss Thorne. Will you do the honors?”

Her eyes narrowed when he offered her another charming smile. She might have fallen for his handsome looks once, but she was a lot wiser now.
I
am
. Despite her claim, she moved to stand between his thighs and touched the cloth to his cheek. Surely her heart was pounding loud enough for him to hear.

Pretending he didn’t send her mind and body into a spin, she dragged the cloth down to his chin and quickly scrubbed his lips, nose, and jaw.

He winced. “Not so rough.”

She pursed her lips. Perhaps she was being less careful than she might be with someone else, but he needed to be convinced she felt nothing for him. Or she needed to convince herself.

The baby arched his back and craned his neck toward the window. “You want to see outside, don’t you, Toby Boy?” Ben tucked him over his shoulder, eliciting more happy coos from Toby.

Eve returned her attention to wetting the cloth and wringing out the water. “I never realized you had a fondness for children.”

“Is that true? I thought we had discussed having several.” If his voice held even a hint of teasing, she would have marched away, but he seemed genuinely surprised by her assumption.

“
I
discussed wanting several.” She still wouldn’t look at him while she set to work on the stain on his cravat, scrubbing it even harder than she had his face. “I have always loved children. When I was a girl, I dreamed of having a big family. I love my brother dearly and I would never trade him for a dozen siblings, but I always wondered what it would be like to have more than one.”

“Noisy and annoying.”

She wrinkled her nose.

“But also reassuring,” he said, his voice taking on a softer tone. “Imagine if you had four siblings just like your brother, always ready to tell you what to do or defend you.”

She hazarded a glance at his face, and the sincerity she saw in his smoky blue eyes chipped at the wall between them a little more. This was a bad development. The wall was in place for a reason.

A strand of hair slipped from her coiffure as she returned to vigorously scrubbing his clothing. He reached to tuck it behind her ear. She jumped, shocked by the intimacy of his touch. His hand fell to his lap, and she took a step back for fear she wouldn’t have it in her to discourage him if he touched her again.

“I wanted everything you wanted, Evie. I still do. A large family of our own. A home in the country… I want
you
.”

Her heart leaped into her throat and she wasn’t sure she could speak. She shook her head.

“Yes.” His voice sounded hoarse. “I came back for you.”

Who did he think he was to waltz back into her life—after she had given up on him ever returning—and claim he had come back for her? She dropped the cloth in the bowl, splattering water on the bench and floor. “You are two years too late, Ben.”

He captured her hand before she could leave. “I came back for you the day of our wedding. I tried to see you at your brother’s town house.” His eyes had darkened, and she didn’t know how to read his expression. “I encountered your brother on the street before I could reach you.”

Eve’s breath caught. Sebastian had seen Ben? Her brother had led her to believe Ben had run without looking back. “No, Bastian would have told me if he had spoken with you. You are lying.”

Ben’s jaw muscles twitched, a red flush invading his face. “Ask him yourself, Eve. Your brother refused to allow me to speak with you, even though I told him I was desperate to marry you. We still could have sent for the vicar. Thorne swore I would never see you again, then he called me out. And I wanted to meet him on that field. Nothing was going to keep me from you, especially not your damned brother.”

Now she was certain he lied. She jerked her hand free. “There
was
no duel.”

“No, there wasn’t.” He met her gaze, his unwavering, pleading with her to believe him. “I realized no matter what happened, I would lose you. Either I would die or I would kill the brother you love.”

The gravity of such a loss slammed into her. Nausea welled up inside her, leaving a sickening taste in her mouth.

He reached for her again, but she backed away.

“I chose the least destructive path, Evie. At least I thought the damage would be minimal compared to the loss of life. I never anticipated you would be treated as you have been, and I am wracked with guilt.”

His admission rang with truth, but she didn’t want to believe him. If she had misjudged him… Her hand covered her mouth as her vision blurred.
Good
God.
If she had misjudged him, she had given up too soon.

And now it truly was too late, for she had given her word to marry Jonathan. She could never inflict pain on him—or anyone—like she had experienced. Even if she wanted, she couldn’t go back.

“Ben.” Her voice broke on a soft cry. “I am betrothed,” she choked out before spinning around and running from
him
this time.