Best of Both Rogues (18 page)

Last night he had called out for Charlotte. Losing her had to be one of the most painful moments in his life, and yet he had only spoken of her once in Eve’s presence. He had recited the facts of her accident as if reading an account in the newssheet. Then he had thanked Eve for her expression of sympathy before shrugging off the effect his first love’s death must have had on him.

If his memories of Charlotte were haunting him, she wished he would confide in her. But she didn’t know how to broach the subject without causing him more distress if that wasn’t the source of his pain.

Cupping his face, she leaned close to kiss him softly. She poured tenderness into the kiss, communicating with him in a way words never could. She offered him compassion, healing, or peaceful oblivion if only for a moment. Anything he needed was his.

He moaned against her mouth. “Evie.”

Rolling her beneath him, he took his time undressing her. Their lovemaking was slow and beautiful, made up of lingering caresses and whispered oaths to love one another forever.

Ben was shrugging into his jacket when the doors between his and Eve’s chambers flew open. His wife’s glower didn’t surprise him, but her grumpiness struck him as rather adorable when paired with her mussed hair and drowsy eyes.

“You left my bed again.”

The accusation in her tone didn’t catch him off guard either. In spite of her sweet nature, he had expected her to kick up a fuss.

She yawned, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with her fist while clutching her dressing gown closed. “Why did you sneak off?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” He turned his back to retrieve his watch from a side table so she wouldn’t see the evidence of the blush rushing into his face. Last night, he couldn’t stop Margrave’s words from echoing in his head:
There
are
dangers
lurking
about.

Catastrophic possibilities had plagued him the moment he’d snuffed the candles and her fragile body snuggled against his. Dangers were
everywhere
: the stairway, a kitchen fire, a fall from her horse, ne’er-do-wells on the streets. When he thought of her leaving the protection of his arms, nausea welled up inside him, leaving a sour taste at the back of his tongue. It was insanity. He knew it, but he had been powerless to stop the thoughts that bombarded him in the dark. It was humiliating to admit he’d needed to light a lamp before he could corral his worries.

Tucking his watch into a waistcoat pocket, he faced her again. “I didn’t want to wake you, so I retired to my room.”

“You
should
have woken me.” She came forward to wrap her arms around his waist, laying her head on his shoulder. “I would have sat up with you.”

Ben hugged her close. “But you shouldn’t have to. If you sat up with me every time I can’t sleep, you would never feel rested.”

She pulled back enough to see his face. “Is that how you feel? Never rested?”

“I have learned to adjust.”

“Hmm… I suspect I will adjust too.” Her smile warmed his heart. She would likely be a welcome source of comfort, but he wouldn’t wake her. “What keeps you from being able to sleep?”

He shrugged. This morning his worries seemed silly. “Different things.”

“Very well. What kept you awake
last
night?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure it was nothing.” He smiled gamely, hoping she would not pursue it any further.

“Good Lord!” Her eyes widened in horror. “Do I snore?” This last was whispered as if it would bring shame on her entire family line if it were true.

He chuckled. “No, but you kick.” That was not a lie. Even when asleep, she had boundless energy.

She wrinkled her nose. “Oh, that is not well done of me, is it?”

“You don’t kick hard. Just enough to get my attention.” Smoothing back her riotous hair, he kissed her forehead.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “In the future, I will try to be more aware.”

He eased her from his embrace. “Maybe it would be best if we stayed in separate bedchambers until I am sleeping better. Then I won’t disturb you.”

“I see.” Her tone did not imply consent, but they could talk about it later. She stepped back, looked him over from head to toe, and pursed her lips. “You are already dressed for the day. Am I to assume you have a morning appointment?”

“Perhaps,” he said with a teasing smile. “If you agree to join me for breakfast and a ride through the park.”

Eve’s forehead smoothed out and her mouth turned up at the corners. “That sounds lovely. I will ring for Alice.”

“Very good. Come find me in my study when you are ready to go to the breakfast room.”

When Eve joined him below stairs, she wore a smart yellow walking gown that was overshadowed by her sunny smile. Warmth expanded in his chest when she linked arms with him and chattered all the way to the breakfast room.

As instructed, the footman had placed her close to his end of the table, and the newssheet was waiting beside his plate. Eve snatched it before moving to her seat.

Ben pushed in her chair and leaned over her shoulder. “You stole my paper, dearest.”

She slanted a glance in his direction, her brown eyes big and guileless. “Oh, I did not see your name on it. Would you like to share it?”

“Don’t play innocent with me, Kitten.” He tweaked her nose, then retrieved the newssheet before sitting in his chair. “What part would you like to read first?”

“The gossip, of course,” she said.

“I thought you abhorred gossipmongers.”

“I do, but I would like to know when they are talking about me so I’m not caught unaware.”

Ben frowned as he opened the newssheet and turned to the gossip pages. He didn’t like the reminder that he had dragged her name through the muck in the past. Other than a tidbit about his and Eve’s marriage the day after their wedding, there had been nothing else printed about them in the gossip rags. He scanned the pages. “Not one mention of you today. I hate to admit it, but I expected more attention for our sudden marriage. I am a little disappointed we are not considered important enough.” He closed the newssheet and returned it to the table with a wink for her.

Eve smiled and unfolded her napkin. “Sebastian said he has a new contact that will keep our names out of the papers. I thought he was trying to make me feel better, but it seems he was telling the truth.”

“Bravo, Lord Thorne.” He nodded to the footman to begin serving them.

“What parts do you like to read?” she asked.

“I follow the arrival and departure of ships. What cargo they are carrying. The captain responsible for seeing it safely into port. The list of passengers.”

She lifted her fork and gingerly poked at the soft-boiled egg in the eggcup. “I was thinking about what you said regarding needing to know our destinations to file the appropriate papers. Does that mean you know Sir Jonathan’s destination?”

Her question slammed into his gut. Her insistent inquiries about the man rubbed him the wrong way. “The ship will deliver her cargo to Morocco, then it is Sir Jonathan’s decision where he travels next.” He shot a glance toward the footman. “You are dismissed, Parker.”

“Yes, sir.” The young man made a hasty exit, perhaps sensing Ben’s mounting aggravation.

Eve, however, seemed oblivious. “But how can he travel without the proper documents?”

“The captain will see to everything.” Tightness spread along his jawline, but it didn’t keep him from voicing his frustrations. “Must you bring up your former betrothed at every opportunity? How would you like me speaking of a past love to you?”

She set her fork on her plate and folded her hands in her lap. “Sir Jonathan was never my love. He was a kind man who wished to marry me, and I agreed because he was pleasant and I want a family someday. But most significantly, I had given up hope of you coming back.
You
were my first choice, and if I’d had any clue you were on a ship headed for England, I wouldn’t have encouraged his attentions. Furthermore, if you want to talk about Charlotte, I will listen with the utmost patience. Your feelings for her have never threatened me.”

He flinched at hearing Charlotte’s name. No one spoke of her to him anymore. Not his family. Not even his closest friend acknowledged her. It was as if everyone thought Ben might crumple into a pathetic heap on the ground if they did, or else they had forgotten she ever lived. It seemed Eve was the only one to believe he had the strength to remember her.

His wife stared back at him, waiting. Her eyes overflowed with compassion.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Thank you, but it was long ago. I would rather not talk about her—Charlotte.” Opening the paper to block his view of Eve’s disappointed face, he tried to lose himself in a familiar routine, but the print jumbled together so he couldn’t make sense of the words.

Her sigh was pregnant with resignation, and his spine began to lose its rigidness. She was abandoning the topic. As he sank against the seat back, she stood. Her fingers curled around the edge of the newssheet and slowly drew it down. The paper rustled as the top half buckled under the pressure of her hand. “Pardon me,” she said ever so politely. “Please forgive my interruption, but I had hoped we might continue our conversation.”

His sigh came out as more of a growl, but she merely batted her lashes and smiled. He folded the newssheet and placed it on the table. “Do you truly want to listen to me speak about another woman? A girl, really. We were both children.”

“Seventeen and fifteen. On the cusp of adulthood, and certainly capable of love.” She lowered to her chair, her gaze searching.

His face heated under her scrutiny. Did she know about his nightmares?

“As you say, a young man can love,” he said, halting to sip his tea and gather his thoughts. “In my youth, love was a quickening of my heart or a rush of joy upon seeing Charlotte’s face. It was thrilling and consuming. It made me believe forever was a real possibility, as if Charlotte and I would stay the same always.”

Eve’s gaze lowered and he could hear her swallow. He shifted toward her, worried he’d said something to hurt her. “I remember,” she murmured. “I thought the same about you and me.”

He reached for her hand and she looked up, lacing her fingers with his. “My heart still pounds when I see you, Evie. You thrill me and consume my thoughts, but my love for you is different. At fifteen, I barely knew myself. I couldn’t see that a part of me was missing, much less what I would need to make me feel whole once I became a man. But I found it. I need
you
.”

Fat tears clung to her lashes. She smiled and squeezed his hand. “I need you too.”

“Perhaps you can understand the reason I don’t want to dwell on the past—yours or mine. I finally have you, and I don’t want anything interfering with our life together.”

“Neither do I.” She dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. “Very well. No more talking of Sir Jonathan or Charlotte. Besides, I would rather focus on our future, starting with our honeymoon. Sebastian enjoyed Lisbon. Would that be a good place to start?”

“I think it would be a perfect spot. I’ve always been fond of Toulon, so we should plan a stay there as well. Then we could dock in Naples next.”

“What about Rome? Since we will be in the vicinity…”

Ben happily returned to his breakfast as they exchanged thoughts on their trip. “Most definitely a visit to Rome is in order. It would be a crime to miss out on the history the city has to offer.”

* * *

Eve tried to be a gracious hostess to Ben’s sisters-in-law the next day, but she found her mind wandering as they spoke about a previous voyage they had shared from America. Lisette could boast the most experience onboard ship since her husband was a captain—or Daniel had been before he’d settled into a more domesticated life—and Eve was sure she should take note of the woman’s suggestions, but all she could think on was Ben.

After their candid conversation at breakfast and a lovely turn around the park in the curricle yesterday, she had expected he would wake her if he had another difficult night, but he didn’t. This morning she woke to blinding sunlight streaming through the windows and no husband in her bed.

She’d confronted him on his failure to wake her, and he insisted he did not intend to bother her in the middle of the night. She had never realized how headstrong he could be. Worse than not waking her, he’d brought up sleeping in separate rooms again.

“Sweet Mary,” Lisette said in her thick Creole accent. “What has he done?”

Eve blinked. “Pardon? What has who done?”

Amelia smiled kindly, her most unusual blue eyes sympathetic. “She means Ben, dearest.”

Lisette and Amelia exchanged a knowing glance.

Eve looked from one lady to the other. “What did that look mean? You seem to know something I do not.”

“You seem flustered this afternoon,” Amelia said. “And any time Lisette or I find ourselves in a bewildered state, usually a Hillary man is responsible.”

Eve sat up straight. “Is that true? Do you have trouble understanding Ben’s brothers?”

The ladies laughed.

Amelia winked over the rim of her teacup. “They are a complicated lot, aren’t they?”

“And mulish,” Lisette piped up. “Once Daniel gets an idea in his head, it would be easier to change the position of the North Star than to change his mind.” She grinned. “Of course, he would say I am twice as stubborn, and he might be right.”

It was difficult to believe either lady had trying moments with their husbands. They both seemed very content, and Eve had seen their husbands dote on them. In fact, Jake seemed uncommonly attentive to Amelia any time Eve had been in their presence. Her worries receded a bit.

Perhaps Amelia and Lisette faced similar issues as new brides and had either found ways to adjust or bring their husbands around to their way of thinking. Eve hoped for the latter. Her gaze shot back and forth between her visitors as she debated the wisdom in broaching such a personal topic. She needed to talk with someone, however, and confiding in her brother’s wife would be too mortifying to bear, even if Helena was a dear friend.

Amelia set her cup and saucer on the low table in front of the settee. “You needn’t be afraid to speak freely, Eve.”

Her reassurance didn’t keep Eve’s stomach from churning. Lisette regarded her kindly with her exotic green eyes.

Eve took a cleansing breath then blurted, “Ben thinks we should sleep in separate beds.” She winced. It was twice as embarrassing saying it aloud.

When she glanced up, her companions’ regarded her in stunned silence. Lisette’s jaw had dropped. Fire engulfed her and a light dampness blanketed her body.

“He suffers from insomnia,” Eve said, “and he doesn’t want to disturb me. And I’m certain he has bad dreams. I realize he is trying to be courteous, but I am his
wife
. I want to help him, even though he thinks he doesn’t need it. Have you dealt with anything similar in your marriages?”

Amelia blinked several times then looked toward Lisette with her elegant eyebrows raised in question. Lisette’s head shake was nearly imperceptible.

Splendid. Absolutely wonderful
. Eve was alone in this one. “I am likely making too much of a small matter. Perhaps I should just allow him what he wants. I don’t like quarreling with him.”