Best Friends Forever (5 page)

C
eline, Kassie, and Lauren walked into the sanctuary of Deliverance Outreach, stepped inside one of the middle rows, and took their seats. They'd arrived just in time, as the eleven o'clock Sunday morning service was about to begin. Normally Celine was totally at peace when she came to church, but today she felt completely out of sorts. This was the reason she'd almost stayed in bed and not gotten up at all, but then Kassie had expressed how much she wanted them to go. Lauren had called to check on her as well and had suggested that church was a good place for her to be. Celine had agreed, but ever since confronting Keith yesterday morning, right after he'd moseyed in just before dawn, she'd been a little down. She'd stayed in bed, sleeping most of the day so she wouldn't have to fixate on her problems. Even when it had come time to pick up Kassie on Saturday evening from Delia's two-day birthday celebration, it had taken everything in Celine to throw on the first pieces of clothing she saw. Celine had never been a depressed kind of person, but for the last twenty-four hours, that was exactly the way she'd felt. And it wasn't getting any better. Maybe if she could make sense of all that was happening, things wouldn't be so bad, but truth was, she couldn't. She had no understanding of why she was enduring so much emotional pain, and she wondered what she'd done to deserve it. She was well aware that everyone reaped what they sowed, but this sure did seem like a lot.

Kassie looked around the sanctuary and then at her mom, smiling. She was such a good child who had an amazing sweet spirit, and she deserved to have her mother here for as long as possible. Celine knew it was selfish to think that way—particularly since she knew only God had the ability to decide how long anyone could be here—but the human side of her wanted to remain with her daughter for as long as possible. Celine wanted to celebrate each of Kassie's birthday milestones—her twelfth, sixteenth, eighteenth, twenty-first, twenty-fifth, thirtieth, fortieth, and fiftieth. She knew forty more years was a lot to ask for, but she couldn't help wanting every last bit of it. She also looked forward to seeing her daughter graduating high school and college and then getting married to a man who would love and cherish her until death. Celine certainly couldn't wait to have grandchildren one day.

She wanted all this and more, except her faith had diminished to an all-time low. There were days when she easily trusted and believed that everything would work out, but then there were days like today when she knew for sure that her marriage would end in divorce and that she had only a matter of months to live. She knew her thinking was irrational, what with her not having a final diagnosis, but for some reason she couldn't control her pessimism. Since discovering the lump in her breast, she'd been terrified and she couldn't get past it.

When the choir finished singing their first selection of the morning, one of Deliverance Outreach's male soloists walked over to the microphone. As soon as he sang the first line of “I Need You Now,” water filled Celine's eyes. Then, when she heard the words “I need you right away,” tears rolled down her face nonstop. Lauren passed her a handkerchief and placed her arm around her. Kassie reached and held her mom's hand. Celine cried because she truly did need God right now. She needed Him to fix things. Make her whole again.

When the soloist finished the song, Pastor Curtis Black walked up the steps and stood at the glass podium. “This is the day the Lord hath made, so let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

“Amen,” the congregation said.

“As always, it's good to be in the house of the Lord. It's great to have yet one more opportunity to worship and praise Him. It's an honor and a blessing to have Him in our lives.”

Amen
s rang throughout the sanctuary.

Pastor Black looked across the sanctuary. “It just feels good to know Him. It feels good to know that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ loved us so much that He was willing to die for us. He was willing to trust and believe His Father no matter what. Of course, we all know that when Jesus went into the Garden of Gethsemane to pray, temptation and fear tried to overtake Him, but in the end, He trusted God. Almost just as quickly as He asked His Father if there was some way that this cup could pass from Him, He prayed a second time, saying that if it wasn't possible, then let Thy will be done. This is the part that still sends chills through me every single time I read Matthew twenty-six. You see, Jesus knew that what He was about to go through was going to be hard and painful. But no matter what, He knew that obeying God's Word meant everything. He believed wholeheartedly in what His Father had promised Him—He believed that all would be well. And it was.”

Celine sniffled and nodded in agreement.

“So today,” Pastor Black said, “I want to speak on the topic Faith, Trust, and Belief.”

Celine pulled out her tablet and opened her Bible app, waiting for Pastor Black to tell them which scriptures he'd be reading. Lauren did the same.

“If you'll turn with me to Psalms ninety-one, two,” he said, allowing a few seconds for everyone to find it. “And it says, ‘I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.' Then, if you'll turn to Psalms fifty-six, three and four. ‘What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.'”

Celine read this scripture again, even after Pastor Black had moved on to others.
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I
will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
Celine had seen and heard these two verses before, but it wasn't until now that she paid close attention to them. Here she'd been crying, complaining, and feeling down for days when her focus should have been more on God. It was always so easy for folks to claim they trusted and believed in Him—including her—but deep down, they looked for the worst to happen. They allowed fear and doubt to set in, and faith escaped them. Trust and belief became nonexistent. Celine had allowed the same thing to happen to her, but not anymore. And in seconds, she felt her spirit being renewed. God had spoken to her mind and heart, and she'd heard Him. So from this moment on, she was going to depend on God the way she'd been taught by her mom and her maternal grandparents. No matter how tough the road ahead might be, she wouldn't give in to it.

Pastor Black turned his Bible. “And finally, one of the simplest yet most meaningful scriptures of all is Proverbs three and five, which says, ‘Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to your own understanding.'”

Celine reread this scripture as well.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to your own understanding
. She closed her eyes, mentally reciting the words over and over.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to your own understanding. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to your own understanding…

Celine felt tears filling her eyes again, even while closed, but this time she cried with joy. Not because she knew what would happen with her biopsy, but because she felt God's presence and she believed He would handle everything. Cancer or not, she was going to be fine. With God's help she would deal with whatever was coming. With His love, she would prevail in the manner He chose.

C
eline waited for Dr. Jones and his nurse, Tina, to leave the procedure room, and then she got off the table and removed her surgical gown. They'd just completed the biopsy, and thank God they'd only given her local anesthesia, because she'd ended up having to go to the doctor's office alone. It wasn't like she hadn't been able to drive herself there or that she wouldn't be able to drive back home, it was the moral support she'd needed and wanted. It was her husband, who she'd asked to be there for her. But as she should have easily expected, Keith had told her he couldn't reschedule his morning meetings and that he was sorry. He'd even gone as far as saying, “Can't Lauren go with you?” but Celine hadn't bothered responding. She'd not said another word to him from that point on. Then, before he'd left for work, he'd rattled off an uncaring “Good luck with everything,” which had sounded as though he were speaking to someone he barely knew. Celine had actually considered calling Lauren the way Keith had suggested, but she still wasn't ready to discuss the problems they were having. She certainly didn't want to talk about those issues today, not when it had taken every prayer she could muster, trying to prepare for her biopsy appointment. And now that it was over, she had to concentrate on meditating and praying until she received her results.

When Celine was fully dressed, Tina knocked on the door and walked back in, smiling. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“The area where the needle was inserted is still numb, but even when the numbness fades, you shouldn't have much soreness. If you do have some discomfort, taking Tylenol or ibuprofen should help. Then, of course, if you find that you're having severe pain or you see swelling or redness, you should call us right away. And here's some postbiopsy information you can take with you,” Tina said, passing a couple of documents to Celine.

Celine took them but didn't say anything.

“Do you have any questions?” Tina asked.

“No, not really.”

“Well, if you do, just let us know.”

“Thank you, and all I can hope is that we have the results sooner rather than later.”

“I hope so, too. With your having your biopsy this morning, though, there really is a good chance we'll have your results by late tomorrow afternoon. At the latest, on Thursday.”

Celine grabbed her handbag.

Tina opened the door to the examination room. “You take care, and please call us if you need to.”

“I will, and thanks again.”

Celine left Dr. Jones's office and went out to the parking lot. When she sat inside her car, she debated calling her brother. She'd been wanting to call him all along, but for whatever reason, she was still holding out and waiting to see what her final diagnosis was. So she decided to stick to the plan.

She pulled out the postprocedure paperwork and scanned it. She read down the list of dos and don'ts, and she was kind of bummed when she read that she was supposed to take it easy for the rest of the day. She didn't feel sick or tired, and since there was a great chance she'd be having surgery soon, she needed to get as much work done as possible. She had two marketing campaigns to complete, and although this was the final month for both of them, she always liked working and doing all she could for her clients until the very end. She went above and beyond, trying to give them the kind of service they'd paid for and then some.

But in addition to those two clients, Celine had also heard from a top advertising firm in Chicago that she'd been wanting to contract with for a long time. However, now she would have to wait until she heard from Dr. Jones. The last thing she wanted was to have to pass on working with them, but she might not have a choice.

It took Celine about twenty minutes to get home, and now she was turning into her driveway. She pressed the garage door opener, but instead of driving inside, she did something she hadn't done in months. She sat admiring the exterior of their beautifully landscaped tan brick home. Mostly she thought about the day she and Keith had first looked at it and how thrilled they'd been. Kassie had only been four years old, but even she'd been excited when she'd seen it. Celine and Keith had found their dream home, and they couldn't have been happier. But that was then; six years ago, when every aspect of their lives had been full of bliss. Celine hadn't been able to imagine a life better than the one she had with Keith and Kassie. She hadn't counted on all that was happening now with her marriage.

Celine went inside the house, and while she knew she wasn't supposed to be working, she grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and headed down the hallway to her office. She sat down and scrolled through her email. She opened and answered only those messages that were important, and eventually she reviewed her to-do list.

But then she thought she heard someone coming inside the house, which didn't make sense because it wasn't quite noon yet. She also rarely forgot to set the alarm system, even in the middle of the day, but she had this time. She was sure she'd locked the door leading from the kitchen to the garage, though.

“Keith?” she yelled out, hoping it was him.

“Yeah, it's me,” he said.

Celine scrunched her forehead, wondering why he was home so early.

Keith stood in front of her doorway for a moment but then walked in and sat on the small sofa.

“What's wrong?” she asked.

“How did your appointment go?”

“Well, if you'd gone with me, I'm sure it could've been better.”

“Celine, please. I mean, it wasn't like they were putting you under. You were more than able to drive to and from there with no problem.”

“That's beside the point, Keith. I still needed you to be there.”

“Look,” he said, “I don't want to argue. The reason I came home was so we could talk.”

“About what?”

“Us, and the fact that I just can't do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Live here. Stay in an unhappy marriage.”

Celine stared at him like he was an alien. There was no way she'd heard him correctly.

“So you don't have anything to say?” he asked.

“Please tell me you're not serious.”

“I'm very serious. I'm sorry, but we can't go on like this.”

Celine relaxed further in her chair, folding her arms and shaking her head. “I don't believe you. You're actually going to leave me for some skank you're sleeping with? You're going to leave your daughter because of some whore?”

“I told you before,” he said. “I've been unhappy for more than a year, and you never even noticed. You were too busy working and doing whatever else you wanted.”

“But I didn't know. And while you may have complained a couple of times, it wasn't like you ever sat me down for a real conversation. You never told me how you really felt. You just went out and found someone.”

“We've gone over all this before. It's not about someone else. It's about you and me. I wish things were different, but this is what it's come to.”

“No, this is what you've
decided
for both of us.”

“My feelings aren't the same, and I can't keep pretending.”

“Really?” she said, raising her eyebrows. “So are you saying you don't love me?”

“I don't know.”

“How could you not know?”

“I just don't. I mean, I guess a part of me will always love you because we have a child together, but it's not the same.”

“Do you love her?”

Keith gazed at her, not saying anything.

“Do you?”

Keith paused and then said, “I don't know.”

Celine didn't know which felt worse: the knife he'd used to stab her in the back or the dagger he was pounding straight through her heart. It just didn't seem real. And how could it, when she honestly hadn't seen this coming? Was this the new norm? Husbands going months and months being unhappy and not communicating their true feelings to their wives? Did sex with some trick automatically trump twelve years of marriage? Could a man actually stop loving his wife and then start loving some desperate tramp who couldn't find her own man? Celine would never have believed it before now, but clearly the answer was yes.

“So you're in love with someone else? How long have you been seeing her, Keith?”

“I really don't want to talk about that. It's not going to help or change anything.”

“What about my test results? What if I have cancer?”

Keith scooted to the edge of the sofa. “I'm sorry about the timing, but I just can't put my life on hold any longer. I'm moving out by the end of the week.”

“Do you even hear what you're saying? You're going to leave your own wife to fend for herself? What about in sickness and in health, Keith? Have you forgotten about that?”

“Like I said, I'm sorry.”

“Sorry isn't going to cut it!” she shouted.

Keith got to his feet and turned to walk out of Celine's office. “I'm sorry, but my mind is made up.”

“I hate you,” she said, picking up her stapler and throwing it at him as hard as she could.

It struck the center of his back. “Ouch! Are you crazy?”

“No, you're the one who's gone insane.”

Keith shook his head at her and walked away.

Celine rushed behind him, shoving him.

He turned toward her. “You'd better stop while you're ahead.”

“And if I don't?”

“Just keep it up, and you'll see.”

“Are you threatening me?” she said, moving closer to him.

“I'm giving you fair warning. I know you're hurt, and you just came from the doctor, but if you put your hands on me again…”

“You're not going to do a thing to me, Keith. And if you do, you'll regret it from now on.”

“Whatever,” he said, and went upstairs.

Celine didn't know whether to cry, curse, or scream. She was full of emotions, and she couldn't think straight. On the one hand, she wanted to hurt Keith physically, and on the other, she wanted to beg him not to leave her. She felt like a complete fool. Keith and his whore had messed around for a while, and the joke was on Celine—except Celine wasn't laughing. She felt like committing murder, and the only thing that stopped her was Kassie. It wasn't fair for Kassie to lose both her mother and father—one to prison and one to death—so Celine took a few deep breaths and calmed herself down. She was still hurt, but she had to pull herself together before her daughter got home. She had to be strong, even when she wasn't.