Bessie (5 page)

“I don’t believe my needs will ever be that great, Mistress.”

“I shall not allow another woman near you.”

“I thought you didn’t want me for yourself.”

“That isn’t what I said.”

“You do want me, then?”

“That isn’t what I said either.”

“Is it me, or are you confusing your own words? What did you say, then?”

“I am serious, Devon.”

“About which? Wanting me? Keeping me for yourself? Not allowing another woman near me?”

“The last.”

He snorted as if in amusement. “If I have need of a woman, they flock to me. Even if I have no need, they do. Always have. I fail to see how being wedded to you will change that. It might even make me more desirable, I think. They might even pity me.”

“I don’t believe I’ve ever been so insulted.”

“Keep standing there and I shall work on it.”

“I’ve had the women banished here, Devon. I can make certain you don’t come near another. You have my word on it.”

“Oh. Go. Find an older gent to satisfy your lusts. And take your threats with you.”

“How old are you, Devon? A score?”

“A score and four. Surprised?”

“No. More baffled. I’ve seen more wits in a youth.”

“Let me see if I am hearing this correctly, Mistress. I am not witless, but I must be a bit stewed, for it is unclear. You say you did not wish to wed with me, but you did, and haven’t shut up about it yet. Now, you claim you do not wish to join me in this bed. But you will not leave, either. I am also to believe you are a beauty, on faith. And finally...you will not allow another woman near me, as if you’ve any power over it. Is this what you said?”

“I am serious, Devon. You should have kept your words of rejection to yourself. What say you now?”

“I am to pleasure you or I live chaste. Is that your intent?”

His lips twisted and he tilted his head from side to side as if considering his options. Bessie had found the door handle and tears flooded her eyes at the success.

“You have to still your tongue, too.”

“Oh. In that event...no. I may be able to embrace complete celibacy, although ’tis your responsibility to keep the women off. But, not be able to tell you exactly what I think of you? Oh, no. We have no bargain.”

He was laughing at her. Everything had gone wrong. Bessie straightened her back. “That’s your answer?”

“I believe I no longer care if you stand there or not. I’ve tired of this game. Sleep well. And alone.”

Bessie had the door opened before he blew out the last candle.

CHAPTER FIVE

“What are you working on?”

Bessie looked up from her side of the coach. It took a moment to clear her eyes. Although it was an impossible task due to the rough ride, she’d been attempting to sew since their last comfort stop. Looking out the window had bored her. It didn’t seem to bother Devon.

Bessie reminded herself it was the little things that amused simple minds, after all. Devon hadn’t done one thing all morning to change her opinion of him, either.

She bent back to her project.

She didn’t want him speaking to her. She’d already decided that she’d just as soon live out her entire lifetime without acknowledging his presence in it. In fact, she’d rather ruin her eyesight than brave another confrontation with him.

“I asked you a question.”

“And I’m giving you my answer.” 

She answered with as light a tone as possible. It had been difficult enough ignoring him each time they’d entered the carriage. Dressed as he was now, in Lord Crump’s cast-offs, Devon was quite a sight. The jacket sleeves were a finger-length shy of his wrists, and she could see where the hose ended on his thighs. She already knew Crump hadn’t the same length of legs as Hildebrand did. The visual proof was rattling her wits and making her tremble.

“As ignoring you didn’t work for me yesterday, let me advise you beforehand that it will be equally unsuccessful for you, should you try it today.”

“I’m surprised you can link that many words together, my lord. Your teachers are to be commended.”

“There were too many to count, I’m afraid.”

“You’ve been formally schooled?”

“I didn’t say that. I said I’ve had many teachers. And many lessons. Usually, in a bedchamber, I must admit.”

“That’s...disgusting.”

“I’m surprised you’d view it so, as desperate as you act.”

“I’m going to pretend that you don’t exist, Lord Hildebrand. May I suggest you do the same?”

“Why should I when faced with such a puzzle?”

“What puzzle?” Bessie asked.

“You. And your desire, of course.”

“My...what?”  The last work was choked. It wasn’t feigned.

“You heard me. Your desire. Let me specify. Your desire
for me
. You went to any length for me. But now...when you have succeeded, you ignore me. That is a distinct puzzle.”

“Of all the utter nonsense.”

“Oh, please. Isn’t it obvious? You wanted me, and you had more power than the rest of the field. You had the queen on your side.”

“What complete and utter nonsense! I can’t begin to comprehend what trail of thought would bring you to such a conclusion.”

“Why else would I be forced to wed you?”

“Because you’ve a wandering eye and the Queen wished you punished! I already spoke of it. Perhaps you should pay better attention.” 

Bessie’s voice was rising, and there wasn’t anything she could do to stop it.

“Her Majesty knew of my wanderings ages ago. She practically caught me with that Hastings wench in my chambers. Then, there was the Lady of Westershire. The Queen definitely knew of her. She even knew about the Lady of Provint...Prover—I forget.”

“Provinger?” 

Bessie’s heart was thudding uncomfortably, her eyes were wide with shock, and her stomach roiled. She couldn’t remember ever feeling such a mix of sensations.

“You remember her, then? Big, blond woman...with two lusty daughters at her side?”

“I don’t wish to hear another word,” she choked out.

“Well, the queen forgave me all of them. So, I ask you again. Why now? And why me? If you had to have another bridegroom to add to your list, why didn’t you choose some older gent?”

“Pardon my ignorance earlier. Disgusting is too kind a word. Allow me a moment to think and I shall improve upon it.”

“Why would you force me to the altar, threaten to starve me of feminine company if I reject you, and then act as if I don’t exist now when you have me all to yourself? I’ve been asking it of myself all day and can only come to one conclusion.”

The carriage swaying made her next three stitches impossibly uneven. Bessie twisted her lips as she considered them, and not what Devon was saying. She had to use every ounce of concentration for it, too.

“I’m not certain I wish to know what your mind is capable of, my lord. Perhaps you’ll take the hint, and allow me some silence?”

“Because you are ignoring me. Every other woman throws herself at me. I think you are trying to stand out.”

Bessie rolled her breath past tight lips. It sounded like the snort of a wild hog to her own ears. “I was afraid you’d not grant me the slightest leeway. Even silence. Very well, Lord Hildebrand. Let me be perfectly clear, and frightfully blunt. I’ve no need of a husband, especially you. I’ve no need of protection or support, especially from you. I’ve no need of a man, least of all you. I’ve no need of you at all, and I’ve no need of further conversation, either. Pray attend to yourself, and grant me some silence.”

“What do you need, then?”

“Right now? My own carriage would be nice.”

“You never stop, do you?”

“Stop what, pray tell?”

“Trying to intrigue me. It started with your threat from last eve. That was calculated to make certain I think of you. What do you call that?”

“I was forcing you to show a bit of honor. Now that I’ve heard of some of your escapades, I realize it was useless.”

“Oh. Stop fooling yourself, Mistress. You want me. You just won’t admit it.”

His voice had lowered as he spoke. Bessie’s trembling worsened. He had too many attributes already, without adding a sultry voice, she told herself.

“I don’t want...anything to do with you, Devon.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“What nonsense! I don’t want you, Devon Hildebrand. After listening to the extent of your conquests, I am quite certain of it.”

“Oh, Mistress...
that
is but a partial list.”

Her heart felt like someone of Crump’s proportions sat on it, and the tears that filled her eyes were angry ones. Bessie blinked rapidly around them. “Make certain to keep my name off of it, then.”

“Why would you say that when you had me dragged to the altar?”

“I keep telling you I had nothing to do with our wedding.”

“Yes. So you say. You know, it is difficult to converse with a shrouded nonentity. Take your veil off. That would help.”

“As we already went through that yesterday, also, I shall beg off an answer. It remains the same.”

“I believe your exact words were that I was not manly enough to remove it. Are you still of the same opinion?”

“Despite your braggart ways today, you’ve done nothing to change it.”

“You saw me naked last night, and would still believe I pad my clothing? Weren’t you paying attention?”

The white gown in her hands visibly shook. Bessie had to force herself to concentrate on the lace edging.

“Can’t you simply gaze at yourself in a mirror, my lord? It would be far less annoying.”

“You’re the one who sentenced me to this, remember? I could be enjoying a romp with any number of willing females while you sew whatever you wish, but is that your intent? No.”

Bessie sighed. Devon was demonstrating his skill at manipulating a conversation to revolve around him and his physical attributes. She couldn’t think of a way to sway it otherwise.                 

“Can we not talk of something else?”

“I’m finding it strange, but the longer I’m denied something, the larger it looms for me. Did you know about that when you made your threat last eve?”

“You’ve a one subject mind, and I’m tiring of it.”

“Isn’t that too bad. Unlike you, I am not used to such forced inactivity. I am used to being entertained, not sentenced to the company of an old widow. I’ve little to occupy myself...and all you do is sew.”

“Perhaps you should take it up.”

“Why would I do something so mundane? I’m used to life at court and all of the lovely ladies who make it so enjoyable.”

“Perhaps you should have kept your hands to yourself, in that case.”

“Careful. Your jealousy is showing.”

“Are you capable of speaking about something other than yourself? You are becoming something of a bore I’m afraid.”

Bessie punctuated her words with a vocal yawn. It was for the effect. He wasn’t boring her at all. He was disgusting, shocking and surprising, but he was also devastatingly real, and far too masculine. The longer they spoke, the more he fidgeted too, drawing her attention time and again to him. He’d drummed on his knees, fiddled with the fringe on the seat cushions, and flipped his lace cuffs back and forth as she tried not to watch.

“Take off your veil and I shall show you what I’m capable of.”

“Why can’t you just let me be?”

Bessie was beginning to think she’d been blessed to have wed Stansbury. He may have been ancient, but he’d not stirred her emotions. Devon was upsetting her to the point she couldn’t think.

“Every other woman I have met puts herself out to entertain me. What is so different about you? What don’t you like about me?”

“Too much to mention, I’m afraid.”

“Seriously?”

“Can we not talk of other things? I’ve asked for silence, and you won’t grant it. Well, and good, then. At least talk of something other than yourself. I’m really am growing bored with it.”

“Is that one?”

“One what?”

“Thing you dislike about me?”

“I am not certain I dare answer that.”

“Really? Why?”

He’d stopped checking through the ends of his hair and gave her his full attention. Bessie fought the urge to turn aside.

“Because of what may ensue, of course.”

His eyebrows rose. “Go on. I’m listening.”

“I cannot decide which is the lesser evil. If I answer ‘aye’, will you sentence me to more of the same? Or, if I say I like it, will you hush?”

“Try one and see.”

“Very well. I am tired of hearing you talk of yourself, Devon, truly I am. I rarely looked at you before yesterday. You were the queen’s favorite! She is not kind with her punishments. I’ve experienced them often enough to know. My marriage to you is an excellent example.”

“Marriage to me is punishment? Is that what you say?”

“Oh. I have no doubt. The longer I am in your company, the more certain of it I am of it, too.”

“What did you do to get punished for?”

“I was delivered to her at the age of three. I grew into a woman, and then I won’t stay married off like a good little girl. What else?”

“Careful. You will lose your sewing.”

Devon plucked the article from the floor and held it up. He was looking it over when Bessie snatched it from him.

“It appears to be a trifle small, although you are so shrouded, that is a guess at best.”

“That is a christening gown.”  Her voice was tight. It matched how her chest felt.

“For a babe?”

“Yes.”

“That’s the reason you wed with me? You’re with child? Who is the unlucky fellow?”

“I’ve a light enough opinion of your wits as it is, Devon. You needn’t ask questions a child could answer in order to prove it. I must not have been clear. I’ll explain again, and this time I’ll use much smaller words. I did not have any time to refuse your suit. I was given the length of the walk to the queen’s private chapel to decide whether I would wed with you or not. It was an easy choice.”

“Truly? Why...next you will be telling me you don’t harbor a grand passion for me. And then you will probably expect me to believe it.”

Bess choked. Her first words carried it. “I...agreed to wed with you because I already told you the results of my last conflict with Her Majesty. Unlike you, I am leery of life at her Tower.”

“You were forced? Where are the marks of it, then?”

“It was not that kind of force. I do not get a choice whenever the queen arranges a marriage. Why do you think I avoid court?”

“You avoid it, when everyone else pleads for the chance to be near her?”

“Is it me, or is it dreadfully difficult to get you to understand anything I say? I am not just anybody. I am the queen’s ward. I have been since I was a small child.”

“You truly didn’t wish to be wed to me?”

He leaned forward, looming larger somehow. More masculine. More sense-stirring. The reaction in her breathing and heart beat were palpable. And painful.

“Is it...really so difficult to believe?”

“Why did you threaten me last eve? Why not let me be? I’d have granted you the same.”

“I have been asking myself the same thing all day.”

“And what was the answer?”

“I was stupid. Pure and simple.”

To her surprise, he chuckled. The movement made his too-small tunic shift.
Oh dear. It appeared his face wasn’t the only place he didn’t grow hair.