Beside Still Waters (7 page)

"I'm sure Mem was horrified by the horn, but it wasn't that loud. I was at the Ropp's house just down the lane and I didn't hear."

"That's good." Naomi laughed. Her face reddened, making her freckles blend in with the color on her cheeks. "Try to convince your mother of that."

Marianna approached the table covered by a pale yellow tablecloth, placing the jar of flowers in the center. Then she moved to the sack of potatoes on the counter. Her mother had told her this morning she was planning potato soup for supper. Might as well get that started. She placed the sack of potatoes and two knives on the table, inviting Naomi to sit and talk.

Naomi picked up a potato and a knife and began peeling. "I knew he was coming." She peeled slow, wearing a half smile. "He told my cousin to tell me. They share a house, you know."

"I heard it's a small trailer."

Naomi shrugged. "Yes, well, you know what I mean."

"So why did he come?" Marianna turned over the potato in her hand, sliding the knife over the peel. She tried to keep her voice steady, even. She didn't want to prod Naomi too much that she'd stop talking. Yet Marianna also wanted her to get the words out before Mem or the guys came inside. She secretly hoped chores would take longer than usual.

"He came to bring me a letter and," Naomi looked down at her hands, "tell me a few other things."

Marianna cocked an eyebrow. "The letter seems to have made you happy."

"It did. It confirmed what I'd been hoping. There are many things Levi left, but not me." Naomi paused her peeling as if caught up in a memory. Her lips puckered as if remembering a kiss.

"
Ja,
he's told me many times how he cares for you." Marianna placed one peeled potato on the table and picked up a second. "And from that smile does that letter say what I'm hoping it does?"

"I'm not sure what you mean." Naomi resumed peeling again, and her eyes darted to the door and then to Marianna.

Marianna was almost afraid to ask, but the joy on Naomi's face was clear. Marianna knew the only thing that could make Naomi that happy was news that Levi was returning. "Are you going to be together soon?"

Naomi's eyes widened and she leaned forward. "Yes. How did you know?" Her smile reminded Marianna of the look Ellie gave when she'd gotten in the cookie jar. Marianna expected Naomi to stop talking, to try to be evasive, but just as Ellie always confessed to eating the cookies, Naomi continued. "I didn't think anyone would figure it out." Naomi glanced up from under pale lashes.

"We went to school together most of our growing years. You don't hide your feelings. If you're sad, everyone knows. And if you're happy," Marianna shrugged, "it's easy to see."

Naomi placed the knife on the table and touched her fingertips to her face. "I need to do better about that, or everyone will know for sure, and Levi won't like it."

"He doesn't want everyone to know?"

Naomi scoffed. "Of course not. Not yet. Not until it happens."

"But why doesn't he come today? Why does he have to wait?"

Naomi shook her head. "Needs more time. To make more money yet, to support us."

"Money isn't everything." Marianna noticed through the window that her father and Uncle Ike were talking in the yard, just beyond the porch. They were looking at the house, as if sizing it up. She hoped they would stay there a bit. She needed to get the rest of the story.

"I understand why he wants to wait. He told me in the letter that everything costs so much. A house, food. When I leave, I'll need new clothes."

"When you leave?" Marianna's eyes lifted, but the knife continued down the potato. "I thought Levi was returning?" Before she could take in Naomi's words, pain burned her hand, and she glanced down to see that the knife had sliced into her palm.

"Oh no. Oh, ouch!" The potato and the knife clattered to the table. Marianna rose and ran to the sink. Pain throbbed in her palm to the beating of her pained heart. She focused on the ache, on the blood dripping over her hand. She didn't want to think about Naomi's plan. A plan that would slice through the community and sting deep.

Naomi's words called after her. "Did you cut yourself?"

Marianna reached the sink, she turned on the cold water, placing her hand underneath. The cool water flowed clear over her hand, but then turned pink as it splashed into the sink.

"Do you need me to bandage it?" Naomi approached and rested a hand on Marianna's arm.

She nodded and swallowed down the tears. This couldn't be happening. She squeezed her eyes closed. The pain in her hand stung, but it wasn't noticeable compared to the anger that bubbled up inside.

For too long she'd tried to sympathize with Levi. He was alone. He was hungry. He was confused. But how dare he talk Naomi into following. She wasn't strong like he was. She was close to her sisters. She had a dozen nieces and nephews she adored. Didn't he understand what he was asking Naomi to do? Turn her back on that. To walk away. To be looked upon differently. To be talked about, especially if she was leaving to live with him. Even if she someday returned, knowledge of her actions would always trail her. Draped around her shoulders as a cloak of shame.

The anger tightened her shoulders, pinched her gut.

Marianna opened her eyes again and focused on the soft, wispy red curls that framed Naomi's face. She didn't dare look into Naomi's eyes, lest her friend think the anger was directed at her.

"Where are the bandages?" Naomi asked again. Her voice quivered as if she just realized what she'd shared wasn't what Marianna expected or approved of.

"In the cupboard behind the bathroom door. Second shelf." Marianna dared to look at her hand again, seeing it was a deeper wound than she thought, but not deep enough to distract her from the pain piercing her heart.

Naomi hurried to the bathroom. A moment later she returned with a strip of binding material Mem used for tending wounds. In her other hand was a cotton square. Naomi placed the cotton on the wound, adding pressure, and then wound the strip of cloth around Marianna's hand three times, tucking the end within a fold. She didn't speak. Instead she tilted her head to the right and ved her eyebrows, as if asking
Are you all right?

Marianna looked away and curled her bandaged hand to her chest, covering it with her other one. She pulled it tight against her, wishing she could keep pulling, folding the pain inside until it was hidden away deep. Her knees softened, and she looked to the bench at the table, wanting to sit. But her feet were heavy. So heavy she expected them to sink through the floor to the root cellar. She sucked in a shuttering breath, and a small whimper emerged from her lips, surprising her.

"Do you think you need stitches? I can get your dad."

"No, that's not it." Marianna wiped at her eyes with the back of her bandaged hand, feeling the pressure of the world winding around her. What could she say for Naomi to reconsider? Marianna leaned with one hand against the counter and braced herself. It was the same motion she'd seen her mother do in labor pains, but the pain wasn't in her stomach. Her heart hurt. She again covered it with her bandaged hand.

Naomi placed an arm around Marianna's shoulders. "Don't be sad. We won't be far. Levi is finding us a house in town. We'll see you often, and with Levi's new job we'll have a good life. We will."

"What about everyone else?" The words fell from her lips and plopped onto the countertop with a wayward tear. "What will your family think? How will they feel?"

"I'm not the only one. My oldest sister left five years ago. I've had a few cousins—"

"Yes. So you know. You've seen the pain, which makes it all the worse. And you've no doubt heard their cries. Doesn't your aunt still wear black after your cousin's leaving? And didn't you see my mother today?" Marianna lifted her head and met Naomi's gaze. "How did she react when Levi came? Was she smiling? Full of joy?" Marianna stepped back, letting Naomi's hand fall back to her side. "What you choose affects so many. We're a fabric and when one thread unravels—"

"You sound like the bishop." Naomi's sad smile made the tightness in Marianna's chest even worse. No, it wasn't sadness but pity. Naomi stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest, not in defiance, but aloofness.

She still wore the long dress with cape. A white prayer kapp rested snugly on her head, but her face reflected the truth. She'd already left them. A strand of red hair curled against Naomi's cheek, but she paid it no mind.

Naomi jutted out her chin. "We each have a choice. That's what
rumspringa
is all about, correct? A time that allows us to experience life outside the community before deciding. Yet, in truth, there can only be one decision. I can see it in your face that you hate me already. I shouldn't have told you. You enjoy living here. You'll never understand."

"You're not leaving for anything other than my brother. You know if he came back you'd stay."

"Of course. But to me that is enough. He is enough." Naomi's eyebrows pointed down, into a red arrow and her nose scrunched up. "But think about it, Mari. Is my choice any worse than yours to stay—acting the part of a pure and perfect girl because of a man? I saw you and Aaron Zook talking the other day. I know your plans."

"I have no plans other than to serve God and family." Marianna looked to her hand again. Disturbing thoughts filled her mind.
What if Aaron wanted to leave?
She wouldn't go, but it would hurt, and she would question her life in ways she never had before.

She shook her head as if chasing away those thoughts. Aaron wasn't leaving. She didn't have to consider that.

Marianna saw movement through the window. Her brothers ran toward the house with a line of three fish dangling between them.

"I know the way." She jutted out her chin as she spoke, but inside a coolness filled her chest, pushing out the words—words she knew she had to speak. "And I don't need to wander. I've tried to be understanding of my brother, tried to allow him the space he desired to make his decision, but I'm sad for you. Sad you don't see how the life Levi's living is drawing him away from everything good. Sad to think you'd find anything in the world that can come close to replacing all you'll lose." Marianna cocked her chin, feeling much, much older than her nineteen years . . .

When had that happened?

The front door swung open, and though Marianna could see that Naomi wanted to respond, she pressed her lips into a thin line and glanced over her shoulder at the boys, offering a forced smile. Mem and Ellie followed right behind.

"Naomi, you staying for dinner?" Mem strode up and checked the bread dough. "Almost done rising, I'm sure the kids would love your help rolling the dinner rolls."

"I can help." Marianna went to Ellie, extending her arms to her little sister, thankful for the distraction. "Let's get you washed up."

"Mari, what happened?" Her mother grabbed her bandaged hand. The faintest tinge of red was seeping through the bandage. "Did you cut yourself?"

"It's nothing, my knife slipped while I was peeling potatoes."

"You need to be more careful, but maybe that goes to show you you should start spending more time in the kitchen and less tending to babies and animals. A good husband is to expect good food."

Naomi cleared her throat, and Marianna looked to her out of the corner of her eyes. Naomi was frozen in place and her eyes sent a silent plea.

"Yes, Mem." Marianna lowered her hands. "You're right. I'll finish the potatoes and then help the kids with the rolls. But first I'll walk Naomi to the door. The sun is already beginning to set, and we'd hate to have her walking home in the dark."

They walked to the door and Naomi paused on the porch.

"I won't say anything," Marianna whispered, "but only because I hope you'll reconsider."

Naomi nodded and moved to the steps. "Yes, of course."

Yet even as she strode away Marianna knew it was just words. Naomi's mind was set. The community was on the verge of yet another heartbreak.

CHAPTER SIX

The slightest breeze blew through the open kitchen window, ruffling the pages of the scenic calendar hanging on the wall. Her mother stirred the potato soup on the stovetop, and then sat down on the table bench with a heavy sigh. She looked tired tonight. Dark circles ringed her eyes. Levi's visit had taken its toll.

"Just break off a little piece of dough and roll it in the palms of your hands like this," Marianna explained to Ellie and Josiah, trying to keep her tone light. Trying to brighten the mood of her siblings. Charlie and David had set up checkers in the living room, which was connected to the kitchen, but they sat silently, not starting the game.

All the younger ones loved Levi, missed him. Twelve-year-old David understood the rules of the church and knew what Levi's leaving meant. But at eight and five, Charlie and Josiah hadn't fully grasped their brother's actions, and Ellie no doubt wondered what all the fuss was about.

"Like dis?" Ellie rolled the dough with her chubby hand.

"Yes, then we're going to line them up all in a row." Marianna placed a lump of warm dough on the cookie sheet. With a wide grin, Ellie plopped her dough next to Marianna's.