Bertie and the Hairdresser Who Ruled the World (35 page)

BOOK: Bertie and the Hairdresser Who Ruled the World
3.4Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

Turning to her wardrobe, she unlocked and swung open the double doors. There were no clothes inside – it was not that kind of wardrobe – but that certainly didn't mean it was empty. A large, black leather papoose hung there, swathed in straps and buckles, zips and poppers. A hooded head emerged from the top, anonymous and blank. Celeste stroked a hide-clad cheek fondly, unbuckled the gag covering its mouth and very tenderly kissed the exposed lips.

‘Time to return to the real world, my gorgeous Kneeling Man,' she murmured.

A tongue licked the lips. ‘Hello, darling,' whispered James unsteadily. He squirmed against his bondage, leather creaking softly. He'd been cocooned for well over a day, having arrived unannounced by taxi the previous afternoon just as Celeste was about to leave for Temple Hall. She'd needed to get him out of the way quick, to keep him safe and concealed from Miller's view, and using the wardrobe had been the obvious answer. The thing was, she hadn't even needed to persuade him inside!

Celeste unbuckled the blindfold. James blinked, squinting in the light, and caught sight of his wife, naked but for the stiletto boots. ‘You look perfect!' he murmured.

‘As do you, my helpless leather slave.' She kissed him again very tenderly and started loosening straps.

‘Now then,' he said as the leather slackened, ‘has anything important happened while I've been meditating?'


Well, maybe not. It seems Bertie has time for one final adventure…


The author, by his own admission, has led an entirely uneventful life. He has assured us that for long periods of time, not a great deal of note happened. This is the natural consequence of being a resident of Gloucester. He has frequently expressed an earnest desire for this situation to continue and this was the case up until the point
Bertie and the Hairdresser Who Ruled the World
was completed.

Inexplicable occurrences began to plague the author shortly after the first draft of the manuscript was electronically transmitted to our office. He noticed an unusual hesitancy in his email, the telephone developed a curious echo and a mysterious vehicle always seemed to be parked in the street close to his house. He became convinced he was under constant surveillance and conveyed his concerns to us on a number of occasions. We, in turn, tried to allay his fears, but to no avail. The author became increasingly agitated and felt that, although the Sisterhood of Helen is an entirely fictitious organization of his own making, this story had somehow touched a nerve.

On the morning of September 5
that year, Mike set off by bicycle intending to visit friends. Neighbours later recalled him talking to a red-haired woman near his house. He has not been seen since. The police have conducted extensive enquiries, but are at a complete loss as to his whereabouts. The case remains open to this day.

A few months later, residents of the Cotswold village of Kineton noticed a cyclist riding through the countryside near their village who, when approached, claimed to be a Polish plumber with no knowledge of English. Unfortunately, the questioner happened to be a former resident of Cracow, who established very quickly the cyclist was as deficient in Polish as he claimed to be in English! The bearded man was reported to be of similar age and build as the author, but despite persistent enquiries by the authorities, his actual identity remains a mystery to this day.

Kineton lies just over a mile from Temple Guiting…

For more adventures featuring


If you're a fan of 
Yes, Minister
House of Cards
, and farcical British humour, then – meet Bertie!

Bertie is a big blue parrot – a Hyacinth Macaw from Brazil. He's also very intelligent, and he loves his owner Celeste.

Celeste, meanwhile, is doing some 
of her own – with James Timbrill, MP – newly appointed to the Cabinet, James is a devoted public servant. He's also a devoted masochist, and in Celeste he thinks he's met his match on the kink front.

But some people aren't so keen on James. Political machinations behind the scenes mean that events are in place that could bring the Government to its knees. With some surprisingly inept criminal masterminds on James's trail, it's up to Bertie to save the day – but will he risk it all for a bowl of nuts?

For more information about
Mike A. Vickers
and other
Accent Press
please visit

Copyright © Mike A. Vickers 2016

ISBN 9781783759552

The moral right of Mike A. Vickers to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner.

All the characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The opinions offered in this book are those solely of the author.

I'm that sort of person…

BOOK: Bertie and the Hairdresser Who Ruled the World
3.4Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

Other books

Come To The War by Lesley Thomas
The Dragon Coin by Aiden James
Before We Go Extinct by Karen Rivers
Money & Murder by David Bishop
End of the Jews by Adam Mansbach