Benjamin (20 page)

With her throat tight, she stepped into the barn, allowing her eyes to adjust to the shadowed interior.

“Duffy?” Cat stood to the right, scooping a shovelful of manure into a wheelbarrow. She leaned the shovel against the stall wall beside her. “I mean, Grace. Sorry I can’t seem to get that right.” She wore her usual trousers and shirt, the most rebellious female in the Graham family who insisted on dressing as she saw fit. When Grace had first met her, she knew they would be friends. They were very much alike.

“Either is fine. I was going to go for a ride.” She started toward the stall where Swift was held.

“I’m on the shit duty today but if you help me get it finished, we can go for a ride together. Maybe into town to buy you some new clothes.” Cat picked up the shovel again.

Grace glanced down at her once beautiful outfit and made a face. “This is nearly ready for the rag pile, isn’t it?”

“Eva keeps remarking on seeing your bare arms.” Cat laughed. “As if I don’t shock her every day by wearing trousers.”

Grace found herself chuckling, which was a miracle. “I think a ride sounds perfect. Do you have another shovel?”

*

Ben stared up
at the ceiling and counted the marks on the wooden ceiling. He’d thrown a pen knife up there many times over the course of his life. It had become a game to see if he could throw it hard enough to stick. Most times it nicked the wood and then fell back down. There were nearly an equal number of marks in the floor from the same pen knife.

He glanced over at the boy who sat in the corner scribbling furiously onto a slate. The chalk had left a white smear on his hand, wrist, and sleeve. Henry had only left the room for his ablutions and meals during the day. Some nights, he even slept on a cot in the corner. Grace couldn’t convince him to leave Ben’s sight.

Grace.

Ben could kick his own ass for how he’d been behaving. After he’d woken from the post-shooting stupor, he couldn’t make his mouth work. None of the promises he told himself had held true and he didn’t feel worthy of her love. He hadn’t told her he loved her. Worse than that, he’d lashed out at her every damn day, treating her as though she were an unwanted nuisance.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

She’d left the room hours earlier and hadn’t returned. Ben considered asking Henry to go find her so he could apologize and finally tell her what was in his heart. Ben was a coward.

Hannah walked in with a steaming bowl of food. Ben managed not to scowl at her but he was sure he didn’t looking welcoming.

“I can see your mood hasn’t improved, Benjy.” She sat on the chair beside the bed. “Grace left the house so she didn’t smack you with a frying pan.”

Ben inwardly winced but he kept his expression neutral. He was so very good at hiding his emotions, it happened without effort.

“No response, hm?” Hannah held the bowl toward him. “You ready to feed yourself? Grace didn’t tell me anything before she stormed out.”

“I can do it myself.” Ben reached for the bowl and his arms screeched with pain, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t, back down now. He’d been shot in both of them, as well as his chest, shoulder, and thigh. Not being able to even piss made him dependent on his nurse.

“I can see that.” Hannah turned away from him. “Are you hungry, Henry? I’ve got fresh bread and honey that Nicholas harvested.”

Henry shook his head but didn’t speak.

“I’d like some fresh bread and honey.” Ben held the hot bowl and regretted the pride that drove him to act like such an ass.

“You don’t get any until you start acting like an adult.” Hannah got to her feet. “I know you’re hurting, but I also know you’re better than this.”

She left him feeling disappointed and ashamed. Ben had told himself he would leave behind everything he had carried on his back for more than ten years. Yet he didn’t.

Because he was afraid.

A small hand touched his. He was startled to find Henry at the side of the bed. His blonde hair and green eyes reminded Ben of Grace so much, his heart hurt. The boy took the bowl and held it against his small chest then picked up the spoon and held it out.

Ben’s eyes pricked with tears. This small child had shown him what loyalty, kindness, and patience were. He opened his mouth and let Henry feed him.

By the time the bowl was empty, Ben had accepted he was ready to finally put his past behind him. He smiled at Henry.

“Thank you.”

“Mama always fed me when I was sick.” Henry set the bowl on the chair and went back to the cot and his slate.

Ben found himself curious about the child. “What are you drawing?”

“Heroes.”

Now Ben’s curiosity grew stronger. “What heroes?”

Henry turned the slate around. There were two men figures and if Ben was correct, they looked something like two Graham brothers.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I think you’re
my
hero.” Ben pushed his legs off the bed. “And so is your mama. I want to tell you about what she did to rescue you.”

*

Grace returned from
town with new clothes, refreshed and out of breath. Riding Swift again had been wonderful. She’d not let him have his head in the weeks since they’d been at the Circle Eight. He’d been as restless as she.

Before she’d left, Hannah told her to take her time, that she would keep an eye on Henry and Ben. Now Grace had to face the reality of her life. She would have to take her son and move on. There was no other option. Ben didn’t return her affections and he would be back on his feet within days.

It was time to leave.

She took care of Swift and left the barn with a heavy heart. The paper package crinkled under her arm. She’d never thought the money she’d made gambling and racing horses would serve to help her start a new life. It was strange how such a dark time in her life would lead to the life raft she would need to rebuild.

They would leave tomorrow. There was no need to put it off any longer. Staying here among all the Grahams was impossible. The brothers and sisters all had similar features, even their children had the blue-green eyes. Every time she looked at them, her heart hurt.

She walked into the house and her feet stopped while her brain caught up to what she saw. Ben sat at the table playing checkers with Henry. The normalcy of the scene made her heart stutter. Her husband and son had played checkers every Sunday. It was a tradition that started when Henry was only three and they realized he understood the game.

Her emotions at seeing Ben out of bed with a healthy tinge to his cheeks swung between wonderful and heartbreaking. He was alive and had survived what would have killed most people. Yet she had to move on without him tomorrow. This scene would never happen again.

To her surprise, Ben looked up at her and smiled. “Gracie.”

Her heart did a flip-flop and she clutched the paper package to her chest. “Y-you’re feeling better.” She wasn’t sure what had happened while she’d been gone but he appeared to be a different person.

“Henry fed me stew.”

“All right.” The ground had tilted beneath her. Who was this man that looked like Ben?

“We have a question for you.” Ben murmured to Henry, who then stood and perched beside the man who held her heart.

Grace’s heart pounded for no reason other than seeing these two alive and well, safe and free. She’d lived a thousand lives in the last year but every second was worth it. For them.

“Can it wait? I need to wash up and help Hannah start on supper.” Grace wasn’t sure where the other woman was, but it was late enough in the day there was no doubt she would be in the kitchen soon. What was surprising was no one else was around. There were so many Grahams on the Circle Eight, she couldn’t go two feet without seeing one. Now the great room, as they called the big room they lived in, was empty except for Ben and Henry.

“I think we’d like to ask now.” With a wince, Ben got to his feet and leaned his hand on Henry’s slender shoulder.

Grace stared at their beloved faces, tingles racing down her skin. “What’s happening?”

Ben shook his head and sucked in a lungful of air. “This is harder than I thought, seeing you in that dress, as rough as it is, makes me remember the moment you stepped into it. I think that’s when I fell in love with you.”

A roaring echoed through her ears. Did he say he was in love with her?

“Pardon?”

“No, I need to beg your pardon. I’ve been a ridiculous ass to you, pushing you away and treating you like you were nothing. The truth is you really are everything.” Ben squeezed Henry’s shoulder while Grace tried to remember how to breathe.

“I am?”

“Both of us agree you are the person neither of us can live without,” Ben continued, although his voice had grown huskier. “Since he’s the man of the house, I asked Henry’s permission first. Grace Beckett, will you marry me?”

Was this a dream? Her legs were about to give out. She found the bench and sat before she fell down.

“Gracie?” Ben shuffled over and sat beside her. When he took her hand into his callused ones, her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry for how I behaved. Henry reminded me of a few things and we had a long talk.”

“You love me?” popped out of her mouth.

He smiled with everything including his eyes. “Yep and I’m surely glad you shot my hat off.”

Grace set the package on the table and pressed her shaking hands to the wooden surface. She could hardly believe Ben was the same man she’d left hours ago. Now he was out of bed, smiling, telling her he loved her and asking her to marry him. Could she believe this was true? All her dreams coalesced into this one moment.

“Gracie?” he repeated.

She raised her gaze to his and saw the truth in those blue-green eyes. “I love you, too.”

He blinked and his smile widened. “I’m powerful glad to hear it. I was thinking I’d ruined everything.”

“No, no, you didn’t. I’m just shocked. I was going to leave and go back to rebuild my house. I didn’t think you even liked me.” She managed a small, shaky smile. “I’d be honored to marry you.”

He pulled her into his arms and she let herself let go of her past and her hurts. When Henry snuggled under her arm, Ben pulled him on his lap and her heart became whole.

‡

A
wedding at
the Circle Eight wasn’t anything new. With eight siblings, there had been plenty of celebrating over nuptials. Many years and even more children later, the Grahams once again prepared for a ceremony.

Gray clouds filled the early morning sky as Ben walked toward the barn. His stomach jumped like a herd of frogs. It had been a month since he’d asked Grace to marry him. Some days were better than others, and he’d had more good ones since he had an amazing woman by his side.

He had started riding again a week ago. Today of all days he needed to get a ride in before the rest of the family arrived. The peace of dawn washed over him. He took a deep breath and released it slowly. Today he would marry Grace, and with it become father to Henry.

Being a husband and father was something he hadn’t expected to experience. And in one day, he would have both. It was what he wanted and he damn sure couldn’t wait to have them permanently.