Beloved (52 page)

“She nearly fell. I caught her, but I don’t know if she fainted, or if she hit her head. It all happened too quickly.” He bent over and shook his head and then ran his hands through his own dripping curls.

“Are you all right?” Robert slipped Christina’s arm under the covers again and began to carefully examine her head.

Richard just stared into the flames.

“Richard?”

“I have to know what that letter was about.”

“You’ll have to ask her,” Robert replied, satisfied that she’d only fainted.

Richard returned to the bedside, looking down with tender concern at the woman he loved. She seemed very pale.

“But will she tell me?”

“That’s certainly up to her.”

“This may have all been for nothing, you know. Stefano may be the man she wants to be with. Not me.” But even as he said it, he wondered if it was true. Christina had said, “I love you,” just before she collapsed, and she had said his name as well, so hadn’t have mistaken him for Stefano.

“Richard, you may be jumping to conclusions.” Robert could tell by the expression on his brother’s face that he wasn’t convinced.

“But she’s never said anything to me about him other than that he was a business associate of Guy’s.”

“And what have you said to her about Arabella?”

“That’s not fair,” Richard said, angrily. “There’s no reason to hurt her any more than she’s already been hurt.”

“She may be trying to protect your feelings. Can’t you see that?”

“Perhaps. But something has been hanging between us since the beginning, and sooner or later she’s going to have to tell me.”

Christina felt as though she were slowly floating up from the bottom of a cold, clear pond. It seemed strange, but at the same time comforting, because it was so peaceful. Then it became steadily warmer and there was a vague sense of light, as though when she finally reached the surface, it would be a bright, sunny day. Gradually she became aware of the sound, a buzzing at first, that very slowly resolved into quietly modulated tones and then into low voices—men’s voices, familiar voices. Confused, Christina struggled to open her eyes.

“No…” she whispered.
Something is wrong!

“Chrissa.” Richard immediately sat down on the bed beside her.

“No!” She gasped for breath, her eyes filling with tears as she realized that she’d failed to put an end to her torment.

“It’s all right,” Richard said, softly touching her cheek. “You’re safe.”

Christina turned her head away and Richard drew his hand back in confusion. He looked up at Robert.

“Go back to your room. Get into some dry clothes. I’ll stay with her.”

Reluctantly, Richard stood up. He looked at Christina, but her face was still turned away from him, her eyes closed.

Robert glanced at the clock. It was nearly eleven.

“I’ll excuse you from offices in the morning, but be there for Prime. Meanwhile, try to get some sleep. I’ll come for you if I need you.”

Richard laid his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Take care of her, Robert. Please.”

When he’d gone, Robert sat down beside Christina. “Are you warm enough, my dear?” he asked gently.

Christina neither moved nor answered him.

Robert stood up. “Perhaps you’d be more comfortable if I found you something to wear.” He went to the big chest of drawers and rummaged around, pulling out a silk nightshirt trimmed with an excess of lace. “You know it’s quite a surprise for an abbot to find a beautiful young woman in his bed,” Robert said with a chuckle. “Though somehow I suspect it’s not the first time.”

Christina slowly turned her head to look at him. Her tear-filled eyes showed a bit of surprise.

“Oh,
my
first time, certainly, but not all of my brothers have been so devoted to the Rule.” He smiled down at her. “Would you like me to help you put this on?”

She extricated one arm from the covers to take the proffered garment. The lace that spilled down the front and circled the cuffs was the finest she’d ever seen.

“I wonder why people give me these things. It’s far too elaborate.” Robert helped her to sit up and slip the nightshirt over her wet head. “Not exactly in keeping with a vow of poverty, is it?”

He was so gentle that Christina found herself not embarrassed in the least. He took part of the bricks from the now warm bed and placed the remaining ones near her feet, which were still icy. Then she let him dry and comb her hair. She dreaded having to make conversation, but Robert said nothing.

When she was settled in bed again, he took her hand. “How can I help you, Christina? It hurts me to see you in such pain.”

“You can’t help me. No one can.”

“I know it must seem that way to you now, but there are people here who love you very much. People who love you can always help, if you’ll let them.”

Christina began to cry again. “It would be better if I’d killed myself and gone to Hell for my sins.”

“I’m sure that you’ve committed no sin serious enough to warrant the hell you’re putting yourself through, now.”

“You don’t know.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

Christina shook her head, still crying.

“I’m sure you find it hard to believe just now, but you will feel better if you share this terrible burden. I really want to help you, Christina.” Robert continued to talk to her, to coax her gently in a measured tone until she began to relax. Her eyes closed as he talked and her breathing became more even. Robert knew the ancient technique intended to alleviate physical pain could also ease emotional pain. When her hand went limp in his and her breathing became shallow, he began to question her again.

“Does all this have something to do with someone named Stefano?”

Christina barely nodded her head.

“I want you to tell me about it, to tell me everything. You’re not afraid because you know you’re safe here, safe with me, and you know I want to help you, so now you can tell me about Stefano.”

Christina told him. She told him how Guy had brought Stefano into their home and had insisted that he seduce her. How she’d begun to trust and care for Stefano, and how she’d finally agreed to go away with him. She told him how Stefano had betrayed her and how Guy had made her suffer, how she had tried to save her marriage when she found herself pregnant, and how Guy had beaten her and caused her miscarriage. After she lost the baby she seemed to lose track of her life, but she did tell him about the letter from Stefano.

Robert brought her out of the light trance gently. “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asked softly.

Christina searched his face for some sign of disgust, but saw only kindness and concern.

“You won’t tell Richard, will you?” she asked uncertainly.

“Of course not.” Robert squeezed her hand. “But I think you should.”

“I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?”

Christina just looked at him.
Doesn’t he understand what Richard will think of me if I tell him the truth?

Robert read her thoughts immediately. “You know, I don’t think you give Richard enough credit, Christina. He loves you very much.”

“He loves the girl I used to be.”

“I’m sure that’s true. But he also loves the woman you’ve become, no matter how much you’ve been hurt. Perhaps it’s Richard’s feelings that you need to think of now, and not your own.”

“I am thinking of Richard.”

“You’re thinking of how you would feel if Richard didn’t love you because of what happened. Isn’t that true?”

Christina nodded, her eyes starting to fill with tears again.

“Do you really think he would blame you? He loves you, Christina. He always has. And he’s given up a great deal to be with you now. I think he deserves to hear the truth and I think he deserves to hear it from you.”

“I can’t.”

“Of course you can. And I know you will. But right now, I think you should get some sleep.” Robert gave her hand a squeeze, then brought it to his lips.

Richard wasn’t able to sleep. Every time he started to drift off he would see Christina falling from the top of the tower and as he lunged out to catch her, his body would jerk him awake.

Robert called Richard to him after Terce.

“Ah, Dom Genelli, I just wanted to thank you for helping us find Madame Jonvaux last night,” Robert said for the benefit of Dom Louis, who lingered a moment longer than necessary when he showed Richard into the Abbot’s office.

Richard nodded, but said nothing until Dom Louis left.

“Is she all right?” he said softly as he approached Robert’s desk.

“Yes. She’s fine.”

Richard waited for Robert to go on.

“I want you to stay in the tower with me for a few nights.”

“But…” Richard wanted to talk to Christina. The questions had to be answered and the sooner the better, as far as he was concerned.

Robert held up his hand to silence his brother’s objections. “I know this is difficult for you, but you have to wait until she’s ready. I know she’ll feel more comfortable if she doesn’t have to worry about you being right next door.” The last words were accompanied by a meaningful look.

Richard was not willing at that moment to concern himself with where his brother thought he was sleeping. The most important thing was that he talk to Christina.

“I need to talk to her, Robert. This has to be settled one way or the other.”

“Patience, remember?” Robert smiled. He knew Richard was suffering, but he also knew the secret that had nearly driven Christina to her death. He believed she would tell Richard, but he wanted to give her time to understand why she must.

“How can I wait?” Richard asked, frustrated by the doubts that filled his mind. “I need to know.”

“Richard, I know.”

“You know? She told you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, for heaven’s sake, tell me!”

Robert motioned for him to keep his voice down. “I can’t tell you. Christina will have to tell you herself, and I believe she will. But forcing her to see you before she’s ready might well drive her to the same desperation she felt last night. Surely you don’t want that?”

“Of course not.” Richard began to pace back and forth in front of the desk.

“Richard, she’s very frightened.”

“Of what?” he asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Of losing you.”

“That’s not possible.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“What I believe isn’t important. Christina is afraid of losing you and until she can overcome that fear, she won’t be able to tell you what she has to tell you.”

Richard knew there was no use pushing his brother. He resigned himself to waiting, at least for the time being.

“I’m sorry, but I’m going.” Stefano’s tone left no doubt of his intentions.

“How can you abandon me like this?” Sabine asked, her pretty face stained with tears and mirroring her disbelief.

“Sabine, I’m not abandoning you. I’m simply going to Italy. We were going to go there together, as I recall.”

“And we will, I promise. We will. You just have to give me more time.”

“I have given you a great deal of time already and we are no closer to leaving than we were when we arrived here.” Stefano touched her cheek tenderly and smiled. “To tell you the truth, I’m tired of waiting. There’s something that I need to take care of in Venice.”

He pulled on his gloves, and regarded his image in the tall mirror. He cut quite a handsome figure in his expensive new clothes. He wanted to look his best when he saw Christina and Guy again.

“You are, of course, welcome to contact me if you find yourself free to travel in the future.” I might as well keep my options open, he thought. It was difficult to tell from Guy’s letter what kind of reception he could expect in Venice.

“Stefano, please don’t go!” Sabine threw herself at him, clinging to his heavy overcoat. What would she do without him? He was everything she had dreamed of in a lover and she couldn’t bear to lose him. The thought of having to begin again the search for a man who could satisfy her made her frantic. Why did Stefano insist on making a shambles of her comfortably arranged life?

Stefano kissed her lightly on the forehead as he loosened her fingers from the front of his clothes.

“Sabine, my dear, this just isn’t like you. You mustn’t carry on so. If you’re so sure you’re going to miss me, maybe that will encourage you to settle your domestic difficulties and join me. Venice is quite lovely, you know, even in the winter.” He pushed her away from him and reached down and picked up his bags. “I really do hope we’ll meet again.”

Before she could say anything else, he was gone.

Well, that went better than expected, Stefano thought as he boarded the ship that would take him to Genoa. He was sure that Sabine would miss him and therefore might be willing to take him back if the need arose. But the truth was that Guy’s letter had arrived at a most opportune moment. More and more Stefano had found himself thinking of Christina, imagining that it was her lovely young body that trembled beneath his fingers rather than Sabine’s. He’d become consumed with thoughts of Christina and obsessed with the idea of seeing his child—
his son
.

Now, as he stood on the deck, watching the sailors untie the heavy ropes that bound the ship to the dock, he began to understand why he’d felt such a sense of disappointment when Guy’s letter arrived. It was what he wanted, of course, but he realized that it was Christina he’d hoped to hear from first. It was Christina’s invitation to return that he wanted. He didn’t care to find himself unwelcome in the home of the woman he now believed he loved.

Well, I’ll know soon enough.

Christina sat in front of the fire in her dressing gown. She’d slept most of the day and had then been too distracted to dress. She was dreading the confrontation with Richard that was sure to come when he arrived with her supper. When the knock came, she froze, unable to answer. The knock was repeated, louder this time.
Dear God, I can’t do it. I can’t.

“Madame, it’s me, Denis. Are you all right?”

Christina stood up, her heart still pounding. “Yes, Denis. Come in.”

Denis flashed a self-conscious smile as he set the tray down on her table. “My Lord Abbot asked me to bring your supper tonight.”