Believing the Dream (47 page)

“Is this what you want to do?”

“You know it is what I believe I am being called to, the mission field, I mean. Originally I had thought more to the Orient than Africa, but I will go wherever the Lord sends me.”

“So . . .” Elizabeth turned her head slightly to the side, studying his face.
What then is wrong? He is just going early
. “I don’t understand. Why is this bothering you so much, unless you no longer want to go.”

“Sometimes things don’t go the way we planned.”

“So?”

He sat straighter in his chair. “Do you remember when you asked me to pretend to be falling in love with you?”

“Of course, and we’ve both been saved a lot of trouble because of our agreement.” She leaned forward and tapped his hand. “Haven’t we?”

“Yes, and we’ve had some good times too. But that is part of the problem.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t hold up to my part of the bargain.”

“Of course you did. Why, we’ve become the best of friends and—”

“That’s the problem.”

“Thornton Wickersham, just speak out what you have to say. This pussyfooting around is not like you.”

He went down on one knee in front of her. “All right. This is as plain as I can make it, but remember, this wasn’t what I planned.”

“I see.”

“Elizabeth, I . . .” He took both of her hands in his. “I have fallen in love with you, and I’m asking you to marry me and come to the mission field by my side.”

Elizabeth would have laughed but for the expression on his face. “In love with me? You think you love me?”

“I don’t think so. I know so. Didn’t you have even a hint?”

She shook her head, disbelief keeping the motion going. “No. I thought one time that if I were ever to think about marriage you would make a fine husband, but you know I don’t believe that is what God is calling me to do. I am to be a doctor, and after my weeks at the hospital, I am more convinced of that than ever.”

“But that doesn’t have to mean you don’t love me. I will go now and come back for you when you have finished medical school, or I shall stay here and finish school myself, and we can go together.”

But, Thornton, I don’t love you, not that way at least
.

“Please, Elizabeth, darling, don’t say no, don’t even think no, just say you will think about this.”

She opened her mouth, then snapped it closed.

“I do love you, and your agreeing to become my wife would make me the happiest man to walk this earth.”

Elizabeth kept her groan to herself with the most diligent of discipline. “Thornton, I . . .”

He laid a finger along her lips. “Please, just prayerfully consider this.” He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. “I think I better be going.”

“I thought you were staying for supper. Cook has prepared extra for you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure of what? That you can eat with us just as you have in the past? Is this, ah, pronouncement of yours to change everything?” She knew she was only making the situation worse. A thought made her stop. “Thornton, did you ask my father for permission to ask me this?”

“A long time ago. When we first began the charade. I knew it would not be proper without it.”

“O-h.” The word became a groan. “I never knew that.” No wonder her mother and father had been so unquestioning when she had gone places with him. They really thought a romance had been in the making.

A charade all right. Only now one of the players had changed the rules. And she was sure she didn’t want to play anymore.

That night in bed, she replayed the scene in the garden. Had there been any thrill when he kissed her hand?

No, none.

Shouldn’t there be if she were in love with him?

“Of course.” She sat up and punched her pillows into a backrest. “At least that’s what all the books say. How would I know?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “The real question is, do I want to go to Africa with Thornton, as Mrs. Thornton Wickersham?” She waited for some answer to strike, then melted into the pillows. “No, the real question is, do I love Thornton Wickersham? Am I in love with him?” She waited again. The no that whispered through the breeze from the window echoed in her heart and head. “Oh yes, I love Thornton Wickersham all right, but only as the brother I never had. Not like a woman who dreams of marriage.” She pulled the pillows out flat and curled onto her side. “I said I was never going to marry, and Lord, it sure seems that way. Now, how do I tell him this? I feel like a creature crawling out of a slimy bog.

“Lord, forgive me for causing hurt to my friend. This isn’t what I wanted to have happen. I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.” She got up and went to stand by the window, lifting her hair off the back of her neck, wishing for a cool breeze. Now, how to tell Thornton?

Over breakfast the next morning Elizabeth tried to explain the situation to her mother. “But I don’t love him.” She’d repeated herself once already, but Annabelle didn’t seem to be hearing.

“Love grows, dear. You will be a lovely bride.”

“Mother, you are not listening to me. I am not marrying Thornton. I do not love him, and besides, I have said all along that I would not be marrying anyone. I am going to be a doctor.”

“I see. Of course, but there is no need to say this right now. Give yourself time to get used to the idea.”

If stamping her foot would get her the attention she needed, she would have, or slamming doors, but instead she just shook her head.

She’d known better than to confide this to her mother, but she needed wise advice, not total lack of comprehension.

“I’m going to the office. I’m sure Father’s accounts are in total disarray by now.”

“No, they aren’t. I’ve taken over that part of the business, and Phillip says I am doing almost as well as you did.” At the shock on her daughter’s face, Annabelle continued. “I think your father offered me the position as a way to get me feeling better, and it worked.”

“Well, I’ll be . . .” Elizabeth shook her head slowly from side to side as if in a state of shock. “After all these years.”

“I know. I should have realized a long time ago that if I can manage the household accounts, I could manage the newspaper’s also, but it wasn’t until you were gone that I . . .” Annabelle shrugged and half smiled. “This will make the last year of college easier for you too.”

“Yes.” Elizabeth reached for the doorknob. “I think I’ll go on over to Dr. Gaskin’s then and pass on some things I learned at the hospital. I’ll be home in time for dinner.”

“Good, dear, and if you see Thornton, invite him to join us.”

Stifling groans was becoming epidemic for her.

“Well, congratulations, missy.” Dr. Gaskin looked up from his notes.

“For what?” Elizabeth stopped in the doorway.

“I hear you and Thornton Wickersham are engaged.”

“Now, where did you hear that?” Biting off words was becoming easier also.

“Ah, oh-oh. And top of the morning to you too. I’m not sure who I heard it from, and I’d not tell you if I could remember. Also, I will make sure the news never passes my lips.”

“Good, because while he has asked me to marry him, I have not given him a final answer.”

“I take it the answer is not one that will make our young man overly delighted.”

“First of all, he is not ‘our young man,’ and secondly, you are right. I’ve always said I would not marry, and just because I’ve been asked, that doesn’t change my assertions. Now can we talk about some things I learned this summer that you might like to use for the good of your patients?”

“Sit yourself down and let’s talk. I have fifteen minutes until they open the doors and the ill and injured flood in.”

Later, when she left the doctor’s office, she started downtown, but after the second congratulations, she turned around and went home instead. How had the word gotten out so quickly, and how was she going to stem the gossip before it got back to Thornton?

She stomped up the front steps to her own home and slammed the door behind her. Her heels made a satisfying click on the hall floor and across the parlor to the office where her mother sat writing a letter.

“Mother, we have to talk.”

“In a minute.”

“Now.”

“Elizabeth Rogers, whatever is the matter? You are being rude, and your face is red as a sunburn.”

“Mother, who have you told about this supposed engagement between Thornton and me?”

“Why, no one.” Annabelle laid her pen down and put the cork in the ink bottle. “I haven’t been out of the house.”

“Then how does half of Northfield, including Dr. Gaskin, know to congratulate me and wish me all God’s blessings?” Elizabeth sucked in a deep breath, running to a stop at the look of total confusion on her mother’s face.

“Would Thornton say anything?” Annabelle shook her head as she spoke. “Of course he wouldn’t.”

“Then who? How?”

The phone jangled in the hallway. Both women turned to stare out the office door.

“The telephone. Your father and I talked about it on the telephone.” Annabelle gave a small shrug and shook her head. “I’m so sorry, dear. I never thought . . .”

Elizabeth blew out her cheeks with a sighing breath. “I need to go talk with Thornton right now.” She turned and left the office, barely acknowledging her mother’s repeated apology. What a fine kettle of fish this had become.
One thing for sure, I am not using the telephone
.

“Elizabeth, your young man called, but I didn’t realize you were to home yet. He said he’d be by in about an hour.” Cook beamed at her. “Such a fine young man.”

Elizabeth clenched her teeth but smiled in spite of it. “Thank you. I’ll answer the door when he rings.”

“Good. I’ve always known you would be a beautiful bride.”

Elizabeth had rearranged the knickknacks in the parlor twice before the doorbell finally rang. She dusted off her hands and didn’t bother to paste a smile on her face when she pulled the door open and stepped outside.

“Let’s go around the house and into the garden.”

“Hello to you too.” He offered his arm, which she ignored and strode on ahead.

“Ah, I take it you are not overly joyous right now.”

“No, I’m not, but most of my concern is for you.” She turned and faced him as soon as they were far enough away from the house to not be overheard. “Thornton, in spite of what you may have heard this morning, I have not told anyone that I am marrying you.” She stopped and looked up into his sparkling eyes. “For the simple reason that I am not marrying you. I thought and prayed much of the night, and while I love you dearly . . .”

His smile started at that, but she raised a hand to stop him. “And I do, but as a brother, not as a husband. I enjoy being with you, you make me laugh, and we have had marvelous times together, but I’m not cut out to be your wife.”

“Many marriages start out with far less than this.”

“I know, but I cannot be married to my brother.”

“I asked that you give the thought some time.”

She shook her head. “No, look what has already happened. I must beg your forgiveness for starting the charade in the beginning.” She lowered her gaze to his third button. “I never meant for anyone to get hurt.”

“There really is no hope?” He clasped both her hands between his.

“No, none.”

“I see.”

She looked up to catch the sheen of tears in his eyes. “I’m so terribly sorry.” Swallowing tears of her own, she sniffed and blinked hard.

“I know. As am I.” He took a deep breath and forced it out. “Then I think I shall write to my friend and tell him I will be coming as soon as things can be arranged. I would be grateful if when you think of me, that you write. I know letters from home are prized in the mission field. After all, you are my best friend.”

“I shall write if you want.”

“Then I shall be on my way. I have much to do.” He tucked her hand in the crook of his arm. “Smile for me. I don’t want to remember you sad.”