Believe (27 page)

He turned and started off.

“Wait!” He stopped. Desperation gripped her. She had to stall him. “I haven’t told you everything yet!”
What? What hadn’t she told him?
“There’s something you have to know.”
What? What did he need to know?
Of course.
She raised her chin. “I haven’t said it. I haven’t told you. I love you, Big Guy, I love you.”

He smiled over his shoulder. “I know.”

“How can you possibly know?”

“You offered your life for me. Besides,” he flashed her his grin, at once sweet and arrogant. “I am a knight.”

Tears welled in her eyes and she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He strode toward the cave. Leave it to him to have the last word with the one thing she couldn’t refute. He was a knight. Her knight. She would love him forever. In her time or his, how could she live without him? How could she let him go?

“No!” she screamed and started toward him. She couldn’t do it. “I’m coming with you!”

A warm breeze drifted past.

He turned back to her. “Tessa!” He shook his head. “Nay, ’tis my life, my choice. I will not condemn you to my fate.”

“You’re not. This is my decision! I want to stay with you.” The breeze stiffened.

Hope washed across his face. “Do you know what you offer?”

She could barely hear him over the wind. “Yes!”

“In truth, are you certain? Once done, there is no turning back.”

“I don’t care. I’d rather spend forever in a cave with you than the rest of my life or a hundred lifetimes or all the time in the world without you.”

“Think, Tessa, of what you’d give up!”

“Think of what I’d have!”

“Come then, my love!” He reached out to her as if to urge her onward or pull her to him.

She struggled to walk toward him but the gale force of the wind kept her back. When had this sprung up?

“It’s his fate, Tessa. Not yours.” Merlin’s voice sounded in her head.

“No!” Galahad was getting farther away. She wasn’t making any progress at all, like some kind of awful dream. “My fate is with him!”

The wind whipped around her, disorienting and familiar. Only it wasn’t wind at all. Nausea swept through her. Galahad’s figure grew smaller in the distance.

She screamed. “No, Merlin, no!”

“It’s what he was always meant to do. The whole point of this lifetime.” Merlin’s voice rang firm.

“I don’t care! I love him! I—” Her voice was lost in the void of the force hurtling her through time and space, stealing her breath and gripping her soul. Galahad and his world faded in the wake of an image that grew ever larger until she screamed and buried her face in her hands.

Abruptly, the tempest around her stilled. She didn’t want to look. She knew what she’d see. Long moments passed and she waited. Maybe Merlin would change his mind? Maybe he’d send her back? Maybe…

At last she drew a steadying breath, dropped her hands and stared. At a scarred, library table and a stack of reference books. And an antique volume, its gilded title gleaming in the harsh light.

My Life and Times

The True Story of Merlin

Wizard Extraordinaire and Counselor to Kings

T
essa struggled to catch her breath. Was she really back? Right where she left? And more importantly—right when she left? Everything from the research volumes to Merlin’s book looked exactly the same. Untouched. Only she had changed.

She sank down in the chair beside the table and stared at the book that had led her though an impossible adventure. She knew without doubt it was just an ordinary book now. Any magic it once possessed was gone. It wouldn’t take her back.

Galahad!

The pain of his loss slammed into her with such force she gasped out loud and braced her hands on the table. How could Merlin have done this to her? She was willing to stay. No. She wanted—needed—to stay with him. Forever if that’s what it took. She’d give up anything to be with him. For him. Hadn’t she already proved it? Instead, she was ripped away. Left empty. Devastated.

Shock and anguish rooted her to the spot. Was she supposed to go home now as if nothing had happened? As if this was just another night in the library? As if
she hadn’t spent weeks on a quest for the Holy Grail with Sir Galahad? Obviously, no time had passed here. Merlin had done just what he’d promised—put her back exactly where he’d found her. She had no way to prove what had happened to her.

If it had really happened to her.

What if it hadn’t? What if she was crazy? What if she’d had some sort of awful breakdown right here in the library and everything she’d been through was a product of her imagination? What if the adventure and the danger and the love all took place only in her mind?

“Excuse me.” A work study student poked her head around a corner of the shelves. “We’re closing in a few minutes.” She smiled. “Nice dress. Costume research, right? Theater department?”

Tessa glanced down. Of course, her dress! Excitement shot through her. The too-yellow, too-low dress Mordred gave her would prove her story! She glanced up at the student and her heart dropped. Dress or no dress, nobody would buy this one. Tessa wouldn’t believe it herself coming from someone else. “Right,” she said with a catch in her voice, “research.”

The girl nodded, warned her of the library closing once again and disappeared. Who would she tell anyway? Angie? Her parents? They’d all think she was nuts. And what would be the point? Nothing was going to ease the overwhelming grief that held her in a viselike grip.

Tessa forced a few calm breaths. She had to pull herself together long enough to get out of here. The fact that she’d returned to the same moment she’d left was too much to take. She had to get to her apartment
before she started screaming hysterically. She reached for the beat-up bookbag that doubled as a purse. A ruby ring sparkled bloodred on her thumb.

“I will be with you always.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. How could she have doubted even for a minute?

He was real.

And he loved her and she loved him. And that was real.

Slowly she got to her feet and picked up Merlin’s book. She paged through it with trembling hands until she reached an illustration of a knight kneeling in prayer before an altar. A ring glittered on his little finger. His ring. Her ring. She gazed at his well-loved profile and wished just once more to see the deep blue of his eyes lit with annoyance or laughter or love. She tried to swallow past the hard lump in her throat and slowly closed the book.

It was over. The adventure of a lifetime, a love for eternity—gone. As if it had never existed. As if it was simply a story in a children’s book. A fairy tale. In this world, in her world, whatever the Big Guy might have been in real life didn’t matter. He was Galahad. A Knight of the Round Table.

A legend.

And all she had left of him was an ugly yellow dress, a ruby ring and a heart shattered into a million pieces.

And nothing had ever been so real.

“Okay, I’m here.” Tessa and Angie stood in the long line of holiday travelers waiting to check in. “Happy?”

Angie smiled sweetly. “Ecstatic.”

“You can leave now, you know.”

“No way.” Angie shook her head. “Not until I see you walk through security on your way to that plane.”

“Whatever.” Tessa sighed, slipping back into the listlessness that had been her faithful companion for the last few weeks and toying absently with the ring she wore on a chain around her neck.

Angie narrowed her eyes. “What’s that?”

“What? This?” Tessa glanced down. “It’s a ring.”

Angie crossed her arms over her chest. “I know it’s a ring. Where’d you get it?”

Usually the ring was concealed by her clothes to avoid questions just like this. Today, in the frenzy of last-minute packing, she’d forgotten to hide it. Not that much of anything really mattered anymore. “It was a gift from a friend.”

“What friend?”

“Somebody I knew a long time ago.”

“Who?”

“A knight in shining armor,” she snapped. “Are you happy now?”

“Knock it off, St. James. Why are you so touchy about a gift from an old friend?” Angie raised a brow. “Unless this friend is back in your life?”

“No,” Tessa said softly, “he’s not. I haven’t seen him for…years.”

“It’s pretty. A ruby, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Tessa stepped closer and held the ring, still on its chain, up for her friend’s inspection. Angie took it and studied it for a moment.

“Very nice. Can I get a closer look?” She grinned. “Try it on?”

“No!” Without thinking, Tessa jerked back. The
chain snapped and the ring flew in a short arc and hit the floor. “No!” Tessa’s heart stopped. She pushed aside another passenger and lunged for the ring, snatching it a split second before a foot would have crushed it into the floor. She scrambled back to her feet and slipped the ring onto her thumb, the only place it would fit. She turned back toward the line, barely glancing at a series of international travel posters.

“Tessa, I’m sorry about your ring. I—”

Tessa swiveled sharply and stared.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Angie’s concerned voice, the sound of chattering travelers, the ever-present Christmas music and all the noises of the busy airport faded into the background. Tessa couldn’t tear her gaze away from the poster. It was a scenic shot of rural Britain, the Britain she remembered. But it was the text that caught her attention and tugged at her heart.

Britain. The land of Arthur…where the legend continues.

“Oh, my God.” Tessa gasped.

“Tessa?” Angie’s voice rose in alarm.

“I hadn’t even thought of that! I am such an idiot.”

“I won’t argue with you on that one,” Angie said slowly. “But in which way of many do you mean?”

“I mean…” Hope surged through her blood and her spirit soared. She picked up her bag and left the line. “I’m not going to Greece.”

“Of course you’re going to Greece.” Angie hurried after her. “You’ve always wanted to go to Greece.”

“Not anymore.” Tessa studied the departure boards, found the flight she wanted, marched to the ticket counter and took her place in line. “I don’t know how
much it’s going to cost to trade in this ticket but I don’t care if I have to max out every credit card I’ve got.” She handed Angie her tickets and pawed through the items in her oversized purse in a desperate search for her wallet. Her fingers lingered over the spine of Merlin’s book, always with her these days. She stared. Did the title glow a little brighter? Was there a tingle in her hand when she touched it?

“What are you talking about?”

She pulled out her wallet and waved it triumphantly. “I’m going to England!”

“England?” Angie’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

“Because.” She met her friend’s puzzled gaze and grinned. “Maybe, just maybe, he’s still there.”

“He who?” Angie’s eyes widened. “The guy who gave you the ring? The knight in shining armor?”

“Oh, he’s a knight all right but he doesn’t wear armor. I think he’s too early for that. Although I was really never certain. I hate the Middle Ages, you know.” She laughed with a giddy exuberance. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before. This might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done but if there’s any chance, one slim possibility of finding him, I have to take it.”

“Tessa.” Angie choose her words carefully. “You said you haven’t seen this guy for years.”

She giggled. “Centuries.”

“Then you have no idea if he’s still interested in you.”

“He will be.”

“What if he’s married?”

“He won’t be.”

“Gay?”

Tessa laughed and leaned toward her friend confidentially. “You know, they did call him the virgin knight but it was all a crock. So his sexual orientation is one thing I’m not worried about.”

“How can you be so sure about this guy?” Angie’s voice rose in frustration.

“Well, there was this wonderful, romantic, star-filled night—”

“No.” Angie clenched her teeth. “I don’t mean that. I mean how can you be so sure about his feelings?”

Tessa stared at her friend for a long moment. “It’s Christmastime, Angie, and now, more than any other time of year, you gotta believe. In miracles and legends and magic and love.”

“This isn’t like you, Tessa.” Angie shook her head. “You’ve been acting really weird lately. What’s going on?”

“Trust, my friend, it all comes down to trust.”

“I will love you always, my Lady Tessa.”

“And faith.” Tessa smiled. “And love.”

“Arthur was here. Arthur was there. Right.” Tessa glared out the car window. “Arthur couldn’t have possibly been everywhere he was supposed to be.”

Tessa had studied all the tourist maps and guides, especially those concentrating on the Arthurian legends. Nearly a week of meandering through the countryside in Southern Britain brought her no closer to finding Galahad than when she started. Still, it was New Year’s Eve and she was surprised she wasn’t a bit depressed at not having found him yet but rather was optimistic that the new year would bring success. It seemed like a good sign. She smiled to herself.
Sure, crazy people were probably always seeing signs. Besides, she had months until she had to go home and no intention of giving up until she’d driven every road and checked out every
Arthur Slept Here
tourist trap.

She leafed through a guidebook with one hand and steered with the other. No problem. This road looked like a little-used country lane. Tessa glanced up and slammed on the brakes. The car skidded on the slightly icy road. The small herd of sheep milling across the road barely even noted her presence. Little used except for sheep anyway.

“Stupid sheep,” she muttered and put the car in park. She might as well relax. This would take a few minutes. Tessa reached down to grab her purse. Merlin’s book stared up at her, open on the floor. It must have fallen out of her bag. She picked it up and started to put it on the seat but an odd illustration caught her eye.

Her heart thudded with excitement. She hadn’t seen this before and she knew this book backward and forward. This was a map. A real map. The kind of map you’d find in an atlas.

“…with drawings of tiny little knights on horseback pointing the way to the Grail…”

“Well, Mr. Wizard.” She stared at the map for a long minute and grinned. She was on the right track. “Welcome to my quest.”

She drove on for another hour or two until the sun hung low in the sky. Damn. She was going to have to quit for the night soon. She hated to stop now that she knew she had Merlin on her side but it wouldn’t do her any good to search at night.

She spotted a billboard up ahead. Great. Maybe that
would tell her how far to the next inn. She slowed and read the giant advertisement.

THIS WAY TO THE GRAIL.
TURN KING’S AVENUE THEN AHEAD TWO BLOCKS.
CLEAN TOILETS AVAILABLE
.

She rammed her foot on the brakes. The whine of screaming tires filled the air. The car skidded, turned a complete circle and shuddered to a stop, sliding just off the shoulder of the road. Tessa pushed open the door, climbed out of the car and ran back to the billboard. Or where the billboard had been.

“Merlin,” she yelled. “Stop playing games! I know you’re having a lot of fun but the joke’s over! I don’t need another damn riddle! I need a little help!”

Only the sounds of twilight answered.

She stomped back to her car and tripped over an old wooden sign, apparently knocked down by her car. She pulled the sign upright, brushed off bits of weed and grass and read:

ARTHUR’S OAK

She snorted in disgust. Right. Arthur had almost as many oaks in Britain as he did castles, birthplaces and burial sites. Where was this stupid tree?

She narrowed her eyes, pulled her coat tighter around her and scanned the scenery. A huge, ancient oak dominated a small field. The tree was maybe fifty yards from the road. It looked old enough to have been around in Arthur’s time. One of the guidebooks noted some types of oaks in Britain lived for a thousand
years or more. She had to admit it was an impressive tree.

“’Tis a young oak.”

No. Impossible. She started toward it.

“It served my friends and myself well.”

Her stomach clenched. Centuries ago, his oak was in the middle of a vast meadow, not a little field. On one side was a wild forest, not houses and a few overly civilized trees. On the other, the castle, where a slight rise stood now.

“We thought it grew here for us alone.”

She reached the tree and stretched out her hand to touch it. It was massive and strong and real. Maybe she was a complete fool. But maybe…if one believed hard enough…

She turned away from what was left of the woods she remembered and walked toward a castle that still lived only in her mind. The sun drifted lower in the sky. The hazy light of dusk stretched cold across the brown grass and cast the atmosphere of a dream on the landscape. The air shimmered and waved and grew solid and hard.

She stared straight ahead at a rock formation and the mouth of a cave big enough for a man.

Her breath caught and her knees weakened with the terror of a modern female who couldn’t believe such things and the joy of a woman in love who did.