Being With You (The Redemption Series) (13 page)

Tristan answered with a nod. “Yeah, just hungry. Everything okay with you?”

Peyton laughed and walked out from behind Susy with what smelled like food under the large cover on the tray. “He wants to know if you and I attempted to scratch each other’s eyes out in the hallway,” Peyton said as she turned to Susy with another laugh.

With practiced ease, Peyton set the tray down on a rolling shelf and pushed a few buttons on the side of it until it was the correct height to move over the top of Tristan’s lap. She worked the controls of his bed to raise his head up as she told him, “We’re gonna stick with broth and some softer foods for a few hours to make sure your stuff is working properly before we go ahead with a full-fledged meal.”

Tristan watched as she finished preparing his space so he could comfortably eat. She smiled at him a few times as he looked on, and it was a genuine look that graced her face. Not that he really knew what he expected, but it sure wasn’t this calm banter between the two of them. As if he hadn’t been sticking his dick in Susy, all the while still in love with Peyton, even if they were broken up. Everyone was acting too fucking calm and he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Drop…

Susy sat down on the empty bed in the room, and tears were flowing down her face like rain. Peyton reached over to lay her hand on her shoulder, but she batted it away like a fly. “Don’t. Please, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy right now. I’m a big girl. I knew what I was getting into.”

Tristan tried sitting up in his bed and pushing the tray away so he could reach out to Susy, but Peyton stopped him by holding the table in her hands so he couldn’t move it. “Tristan, you eat. Gabriel and I will leave you two alone to talk. Just press the button if you need something.”

Peyton held out her hand to Gabriel and he looked down at it like it was a snake. He looked up at her face and gave her a grumble. “It was just getting good, Peyton.”

She just laughed and wriggled her fingers until he grabbed a hold. “Come on. I’ll buy ya a cup of coffee while these two talk.”

Neither Tristan nor Susy spoke immediately; they both just stared at the floor for what seemed like hours. Finally, the smell of the food in front of him was too good to ignore any longer and he picked up the spoon and started working on the broth. It was salty as hell, and almost metallic tasting, but it was still the most heavenly thing to hit his mouth in a very long time.

He’d polished off the entire bowl and was getting ready to slurp down the last bit when Susy finally said, “You were hungry.”

Tipping the bowl back against his lips, he drank the last of the liquid and wiped his mouth off with a napkin. “Yeah, I was. I guess almost dying will do that to ya,” he smirked at Susy, but she wasn’t looking at him; her eyes were trained out the window.

“Thank you, Sus, for saving my life. You’re my best friend, you know that?”

Susy was staring out the window, but he knew she heard him because she blinked and a smile spread across her face when she opened her eyes again.

“Yeah, honey. I do. I was just hoping that someday you’d see me as more…”

Tristan let his shoulders slump in defeat. He wanted to tell Susy that he never promised her anything, but it would be a blatant slap across her face, which was something he could never do. She was probably the closest thing he had to family anymore, and there was no way he could explain his feelings without hurting her anymore than he already had. It was obvious now that Susy was looking for more from Tristan than he was able to give, but he didn’t see that in his fucked up need to sabotage his own recovery process.

He’d known all along that he was still completely in love with Peyton, but she wasn’t what he needed in his life right then. What he needed was to put himself back together on his own, without the constant hand-holding; not that Peyton did it on purpose, she was just a natural-born nurturer and it was ingrained inside her soul to care for others. But to be who Tristan ultimately wanted to be, he needed to find a way to do this without her. So that someday he could come back to her a whole man.

It just fucking sucked that he let his dick run the show and Susy was left in the crossfire.

“She’s a really nice person, Tristan. I wanted to hate her, to be mean to her, but I just couldn’t do it. She said that you two were broken up and she wanted nothing but the best for you and was glad I was in your life, but I can see the way you two look at each other. There is more than just love there, and…” she choked on the last words as her lip started to quiver and fresh tears came from her eyes.

“You don’t look at me that way, Tristan. I’m sorry I got in the middle of things. I’m sorry I made things harder for you.”

Tristan held his hand out for Susy to hold onto, but she didn’t budge. “Hey, Sus. Why are you apologizing to me? I’m the fucking prick that slept with you when I knew it would never go any further than just that. You should be beating me with your purse right now, not crying and apologizing to my sorry ass.”

His words just made her cry even harder and she turned toward the window with her back to him as sobs wracked her body. “You mean so much to me, Tristan. You’re the only person in the world that gives a fuck about me, and I hoped that maybe someday you’d love me and I wouldn’t lose you, too.”

Tristan couldn’t stand sitting in this bed any longer. He needed to hold Susy, to make her stop crying…because he was the reason she was broken right now. No matter if he was in a full body cast or completely paralyzed, he would do anything he could to get his arms around her and offer the only comfort he could.

With every ounce of strength he could muster, he pushed against the bed with his fists and lifted himself up enough to swing his legs over the side of the bed. There were tubes and wires hooked up to him everywhere, and he could feel the catheter stuck to his limp dick as he worked himself to the edge anyway. He groaned as he pushed the table away from the bed and inched closer to Susy as she cried. Finally, he got close enough to grab hold of her hand, and he pulled her toward him. She gasped when she saw he’d moved, but didn’t protest and went easily into his arms.

“Susy, I will always be your best friend. You won’t ever lose me, no matter what happens.” He squeezed her tight and then used his hands to pull her face away from where she’d buried it in his chest. He gave her a chaste kiss on the lips and she clenched her eyes tight, tears leaking out of the seams.

“I do love Peyton, but I can’t be with her right now. I gotta fix myself before I can be who
she
needs me to be and who
I
need to be. Starting today…I’m gonna do everything I can to get my shit together and I’m hoping you’ll still hang out with me and live with me, as just friends, of course. I gotta keep my dick in my pants now…he just causes trouble for me anyway.” He laughed, but it was pained, and Susy didn’t smile at his joke. Instead, she buried her face in his chest and he could hear and feel her gasping for air as she cried.

Tristan didn’t know what else to do; he’d fucked things up so badly now with Susy that she’d ended up being another casualty of his fucked mentality. It sucked, but he meant it when he said he was going to finally get his shit together; too many people were getting hurt because of him. With every ounce of truth in his words, he held Susy tight and rocked her in his arms as he told her, “Sweetheart, as long as you want me, I’ll be the fucking best friend a girl could ever ask for.”

He added as a whisper when she stilled in his arms and snuggled in close, “I’m gonna beat this fucking disease…I won’t let it rule my life anymore.”

“W
ell, Tristan, you seem to be in better spirits this afternoon,” Dr. Sheridan said after he entered the room. Susy and Gabriel had gone to work and Peyton hadn’t been in since the morning. She was still listed as his nurse on the white board at the foot of his bed, but others had been in and gone instead. Tristan was listening to music on his phone and reading through the multiple get-well wishes posted on his social media page. Susy must have plastered his issues all over, because he was getting messages from everyone he knew, and a lot of people he didn’t even know. It was hilarious what some people would say to someone they’d never even met, and the concern they express like the world was coming to an end. It was sadistic, but it made him laugh.

“Yeah, I feel better now that I’m not so groggy. My head still throbs on occasion, but it’s not horrible like before.”

Dr. Sheridan nodded in approval. “That’s good. I do have some questions for you, if you’re up to it.”

It was Tristan’s turn to nod. “Fire away, doc.”

“Great,” he settled onto the edge of the empty bed next to Tristan and started tapping on the device he’d brought with him again. “We gathered your medical records and see that you were taking mood stabilizing drugs for bipolar disorder. Have you been seeing a new therapist or doctor other than the ones that initially treated you this past fall?”

Tristan sighed. “No. But before you lecture me, I know how stupid that was. I made a decision today to get my ass back on the right track and I plan on getting a second opinion about my treatment options and medications.”

Dr. Sheridan looked up and set the notepad down on the bed. He crossed his ankles and leaned back, giving Tristan his full attention. “A second opinion is always a good idea. Do you have any specific concerns or issues that prevented you from maintaining the regime your last team set up?”

Tristan nodded vigorously. “Quite frankly, they didn’t fucking work, doc. I was having panic attacks at night from some messed up nightmares and that was even when I was taking all the meds my last doctor prescribed. He just kept upping the doses…”

He hesitated before he continued. He wasn’t sure Dr. Sheridan was going to like what he said next, but he steeled himself and looked directly at the man before saying, “I felt like I was being drugged up more than anything, and I stopped going to see him and my therapist. The only reason I kept taking the drugs was my boss kept on me about them, and I honestly didn’t want to see how fucked up I would’ve been if I didn’t have the meds keeping me somewhat stable…”

Dr. Sheridan listened and watched Tristan closely, never making a single movement until he stopped talking. He bobbed his head a few times and then stared at his e-device for a bit before tapping the screen again. Then he was reading something, nodding again as he did so.

Looking at him with an honest smile, not a fake, cheesy,
I’m better than you smile
, Dr. Sheridan told him, “The medications you were taking are not something to be trifled with, Tristan. We didn’t give you the particular drug you were taking because of your kidney issues, and it isn’t something that is particularly
kind
to those organs.” He used air quotes as he spoke, and it made Tristan smile.

The smile soon fell away when Dr. Sheridan continued. “Your head throbbing could be from not taking the medication for almost two days,” he moved his hand from side to side as he thought and then started again. “Yeah…that does fit. But, I don’t think it is wise to completely switch you to a different medication and go cold turkey on your last one. I think it would be best to have you get started immediately on that second opinion, Tristan. I can recommend someone local I trust, if you’d like.”

“Yeah, that would be great, Doc. I’d like to see what other options there are for me. Maybe someone that isn’t so drug happy?” Tristan asked with a smile.

Dr. Sheridan laughed, but added with a serious tone, “I understand, Tristan. But you know that your condition isn’t something that can be easily treated with just therapy alone? Medication is an integral part of your recovery, as well.”

Tristan gave a weak smile, but agreed. “I know. I’m going into this with an open mind. I just want someone that will consider other alternatives as well.”

“That’s all I ask, Tristan. I will have someone meet with you tomorrow morning. In the meantime, we will go ahead and give you an abbreviated dose of your last medication to keep your body from going into a form of withdrawal. I think the benefits outweigh the risks at the dosage I will prescribe for today, until you and your new psychiatrist decide what you’re going to do for the future.”