Being (15 page)

‘Shit,’ I said.

Eddi looked at me. ‘What’s the matter? What’s going on?’

Without taking my eyes off the man in the suit, and keeping my lips as still as I could, I whispered to Eddi, ‘Don’t look round. Pretend you don’t know me.’

‘What?’ she frowned.

The man in the suit was about ten metres away from us now. He looked a bit like Ryan – cold and dark and hard – but he was younger than Ryan. And his eyes weren’t silver, they were green.

‘Just pretend you’ve never met me before,’ I hissed at Eddi. ‘Please… I’ll explain everything later. Trust me.’

Eddi glanced over her shoulder at the man in the suit, then looked back at me again. I wasn’t sure if she understood what I was saying or not, but there wasn’t time to say anything else. The man in the suit was only a few metres away now.

I yanked the pistol from my pocket and grabbed Eddi round the neck.

‘Hey!’ she cried. ‘What are you –?’

I pulled her in front of me, so she was between me and the man in the suit, and I put the gun to her head. She gasped, stiffened. The man in the suit stopped. He was about six paces away from me.

‘All right, Robert,’ he said. ‘Take it easy. Don’t do anything –’

‘Shut up.’

Eddi started struggling, twisting and squirming. I tightened my arm round her neck and she went still.

The man in the suit edged forward, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on me.

‘I’ll shoot her,’ I warned him.

He stopped moving.

‘Get rid of the gun,’ I told him.

‘What gun?’

‘Get rid of it.’

He looked at me for a moment, then reached inside his jacket.

‘Slowly,’ I told him.

He opened his jacket, letting me see the gun in his shoulder holster. He looked at me. I nodded at him. He slowly removed the pistol and held it out to me by the barrel.

‘Throw it,’ I told him. ‘Over there.’

As he lobbed the pistol on to the lawn at the edge of the driveway, I whispered to Eddi, ‘OK?’

She didn’t say anything, but I felt a slight nod of her head. I looked over at the man in the suit again. He’d stepped away from the edge of the driveway and was holding out his hands, palms up, trying to calm everything down.

‘Listen, Robert –’ he started to say.

I told him to shut up, then I glanced quickly around. Most of the people around the hospital had scattered to a safe distance now, but I could see them all watching us – the cigarette smokers, ambulance men, faces in the
hospital windows. Some of them were talking on mobile phones. Calling the police.

I had to go.

I had to go
now.

I looked over at the car park, but I knew it was too far away. I’d never make it all the way back there. Then I heard the sound of a car coming up behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw a pale-blue Corsa creeping along the driveway towards me. The old woman in the driver’s seat was staring at me, a worried look on her face. She was slowing down, not sure what to do.

I wasn’t sure what to do either, but before I had time to think about it, I dragged Eddi into the middle of the driveway and stepped in front of the Corsa, blocking its way. The old woman stopped the car. I pointed the gun at her.

‘Get out!’ I shouted.

She didn’t move, just sat there staring at me.

‘Out!’
I yelled, waving the gun at her.

She started to panic then, fumbling with her safety belt, scrabbling at the door handle…

‘Robert!’
Eddi hissed.

I looked over at the man in the suit and saw him inching towards his gun. ‘Hey!’ I barked at him. He stopped, raised his hands and backed away. I turned back to the car. The old woman had finally got out now. She was shuffling backwards across the lawn, breathing heavily, her ancient face ashen with fear.

And just for a moment, I thought to myself:
You really are the monster now.

I didn’t like it.

But I knew it had to be done.

I pointed the pistol at the man in the suit. ‘Get in the car.’

He looked at me, shaking his head. ‘This is stupid. You’ll never get –’

‘Shut up. Just get in the car. Now!’

He thought about it for a moment, then started moving over to the Corsa.

I watched him, wondering if I was doing the right thing. I didn’t
want
to take him with us, but I knew I couldn’t leave him here. If I left him here, he’d be on the phone to Ryan as soon as we’d gone. Then Ryan would know what I looked like, what I was wearing, who I was with, what kind of car I was in…

The man in the suit had reached the Corsa now.

‘Driver’s seat,’ I told him. ‘Leave the door open.’

He got into the driver’s seat.

‘Open the rear door.’

He leaned over, unlocked the rear door and pushed it open. I moved towards it, dragging Eddi with me, keeping the gun to her head.

She was really playing the part now – lips quivering, eyes wide open, scared to death. I bundled her into the back of the car, threw my bag in, got in after her and slammed the door shut.

‘Get going,’ I told the man in the suit. ‘Turn the car round and get us out of here.’

He glanced at me in the rear-view mirror. ‘Let the girl go, Robert,’ he started to say. ‘You don’t need –’

‘Just shut up and drive.’

∗

As he turned the car round and drove back along the hospital driveway, I found myself thinking of Kamal. I remembered sitting in his white Fiesta, driving along this driveway, not knowing where to go or what to do…

Nothing had changed. The hospital grounds, the rolling lawns, the bushes and shrubs… all of it veiled behind a silver-black mist of rain. The gun in my lap. The sound of the engine, the sound of the rain on the roof of the car.

It was all the same.

Except Kamal wasn’t here any more.

He was dead.

And I was a thousand years older.

‘Which way?’ the man in the suit asked me.

I looked at the clock on the dashboard. It was eight fifteen in the morning.

Different time.

Different people.

Kamal was dead.

They’d killed him.

‘Which way, Robert?’

The man in the suit was looking at me in the rear-view mirror. I looked back at him, wondering if he’d killed Kamal. His eyes looked perfectly capable.

‘Turn left,’ I told him.

He turned left out of the hospital gates, and for the next ten minutes I just concentrated on telling him where to go.

Right at the roundabout.

Left at the junction.

Straight on.

Left again.

Right, left, right…

At one point I heard the sound of police sirens in the distance, but they were a long way off and they were moving away from us. The man in the suit heard them too, but he didn’t say anything. I guessed he was thinking, trying to work out what to do.

Just like me.

I looked out of the window. We were approaching a junction at the end of a long straight road. There was a woodland park to our left, houses to the right. I didn’t know exactly where we were, but I knew enough to know where to go.

‘Turn left at the junction,’ I said.

The man in the suit slowed the car, checked for traffic, then pulled out to the left. We were moving away from Stoneham now. Heading into the countryside.

I wanted to look at Eddi, to let her know that everything was going to be all right. But I couldn’t. I just had to sit there, cradling the pistol in my hand, trying to work out what to do.

I wondered briefly if it was all worth it. All this running around, all this hiding, all this lying… what was the point? Why not just give up? I asked myself. Give up. Give in. Just give the pistol to the man in the suit and tell him to do what he wants.

Why not?

I looked up and saw the man in the suit watching me in the rear-view mirror. His face was anonymous. Nothing. Forgettable. Just a face.

‘What’s your name?’ I asked him.

‘My name?’

‘Yeah, your name.’

‘Paul Morris,’ he said.

‘Morris? You’re Morris?’

He nodded.

I said, ‘You were there when it happened, weren’t you?’

‘Sorry?’

‘You were there, at the hospital on Monday. With Ryan and Hayes.’

He didn’t answer me, but he didn’t have to. I knew he’d been there. I remembered Hayes talking to Professor Casing.
Tell Ryan that Morris is with Peter Young,
she’d said.
Tell him it’s under control.

I stared at Morris’s eyes in the mirror. He’d been with Pete. He’d talked to him. And I knew now that I had to talk to Morris. On his own. I had to ask him some questions.

I looked out of the window again.

‘Turn right,’ I told him.

He turned right and we headed off down a narrow country lane. The rain was still falling, silver and black, and the clouds were getting darker all the time. In the stormy half-light, the country lane was quiet and empty. Farmland stretched out on either side of us – barren fields, ragged hedges, miles of nothingness – and up ahead, in the distance, the dark skies glowed dully in the light of a hidden sun.

‘Pull in over there,’ I told Morris.

He slowed the car and pulled up beside a rickety wooden gate at the side of the lane. On the other side of the gate, a muddy track led across to a derelict barn – rusty girders, walls of corrugated iron, gaping holes in the roof. I couldn’t
see any other buildings. No farmhouses, no animal sheds, no lights, no nothing. It was just a derelict barn, alone in a derelict yard.

It wasn’t ideal, but it would have to do.

‘Open the gate,’ I told Morris.

I wound down the window and kept the gun on him as he got out of the car and walked over to the gate. The air smelled cold and shitty.

‘Are you all right?’ I whispered to Eddi.

‘What the hell are you
doing?’
she hissed back. ‘Who’s that guy? What does he want? What
is
all this?’

‘I’ll tell you later. I promise. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and everything will be all right.’

Morris had opened the gate now. I leaned out of the window and told him to get back in the car. As he got back in, I told him to drive over to the barn. He drove.

The rain was getting heavier now. The wheels of the car slipped and slid in the mud.

‘Stop here,’ I said.

Morris stopped the car beside the barn.

‘Turn off the engine.’

He turned off the engine.

‘Give me the keys.’

He passed me the car keys.

‘And your phone.’

He reached into his pocket and passed me his mobile. I check it was switched off, then put it in my pocket and turned to Eddi.

‘Have you got a phone?’ I asked her.

She nodded her head.

‘Give it to me.’

She took a mobile out of her pocket and handed it over. I put it in my pocket and glanced at Morris.

‘Stay there,’ I told him.

I opened the door, stepped out into the rain, then leaned back into the car.

‘Get out,’ I told Eddi.

She stared at me.

‘Please,’ I said. ‘Just get out of the car. I’m not going to hurt you.’

She looked at Morris, her eyes pleading for help, but he didn’t want to know. He didn’t care about her. He
looked
like he did – the caring face, the caring eyes – but it was all just a show. All he cared about was me.

‘It’s all right, Miss,’ he said calmly to Eddi. ‘Just do as he says. You’ll be all right.’

I stepped away from the door, giving her room to get out. She clambered cautiously from the car. I stepped further back. She was shivering – cold and wet – and she looked tired and scared. I nodded my head at the barn behind her.

‘Wait in there,’ I said.

She looked over her shoulder, then turned back.

‘Why?’ she muttered. ‘Why do you want me to go in there? What are you going to do?’

I glanced inside the car at Morris. He was watching us, listening to us.

‘I’m not going to do anything,’ I told Eddi. ‘I promise. I just want you to go inside the barn and stay there. Nothing’s going to happen.’ I looked at her, not sure if she was still just playing along or if she was genuinely frightened. ‘Listen,’ I said, ‘I’m sorry. This is just… it’s
not…’ I shook my head. It was too hard. I didn’t know what I was trying to say. ‘I’m sorry. Please, just get in the barn and stay there.’

She gazed at me for a moment or two, then turned round and walked over to the barn. It didn’t have a door, just a hole in the wall. I waited until she’d disappeared through the hole, then I turned back to the car. Morris was staring at me through the rain.

Staring at the beast.

I opened the car door and got in the back.

Morris didn’t react when I leaned forward and pressed the gun to the back of his head. He didn’t move, didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink. He just sat there, perfectly still, watching me silently in the rear-view mirror. His eyes were cool and steady.

‘What happened to Kamal?’ I asked him.

He smiled at me. ‘Who?’

I rapped the gun barrel against his head. Not too hard, but hard enough to hurt him.

‘Shit!’ he said, jerking forward. ‘What the fu-?’

‘Shut up.’

He glared at me. His eyes weren’t cool and steady any more.

‘Sit up straight,’ I told him.

He rubbed the back of his head, glared at me again, then slowly sat up straight.

I rested the pistol against his neck. ‘What happened to Kamal?’

‘He died.’

‘I know that. How did it happen?’

‘Road accident.’

‘Don’t lie to me.’

‘I’m not. It was an accident.’ Morris looked at me. ‘He was driving too fast, simple as that.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

He shrugged.

‘I think you killed him,’ I said.

‘You can think what you like.’

‘You killed him because he knew too much. You don’t want anyone to know the truth about me, do you?’

Morris said nothing, just stared at me.

‘What have you done with Bridget and Pete?’ I asked him.

He shrugged again. ‘We haven’t done anything with them. As far as I know, they’re still at home, waiting for you to get in touch. They’re worried about you, Robert. We all are.’