Behind the Palace Walls (22 page)

He understood what she was saying, and yet he knew that it was right. That he wanted to do this for himself as much as for her and their child.

“I’ve had time to consider many things these past few hours,” he told her. “When I thought I might lose you, I realized how closed off I have become, how alone. I thought you and the baby would be enough for me—and you are—but I also realized that you are right. I have hated the Russells for fifteen years, and I believed they hated me. Perhaps they still do. But I’m tired of hating. I have no more use for it.”

He drew in a breath, more certain of this than he’d ever been. “I will see them, Paige, because you have convinced me it is the right thing to do. And I will know, once I’ve done so, that no matter what happens, I made the effort.”

“You really mean it,” she said wonderingly.

“Da, I do.”

“But why do you love me now,” she said, as if she still couldn’t fathom that he could truly be in love with her. “If you are simply trying to keep me happy until the baby comes, I’d rather you didn’t. I don’t want to be lied to.”

Alexei got to his feet. This part was easy, comparatively speaking. “I understand why you are skeptical,” he said. He spread a hand along her jaw, cupped her lovely face as he skimmed his thumb over her cheek, her soft brow. “But, Paige, I have been drawn to you from the first moment I met you. You are unlike anyone I’ve ever known. You are so fierce and strong, yet you don’t seem to always know it. You are uncertain of yourself sometimes, uncertain of your beauty and appeal, and you have the kindest heart of anyone I know. You cry over art, you laugh like an angel, and you’d fight to the death to protect those you love.”

The tears were flowing down her cheeks now, and he wiped them away with his thumbs. “Shh, please don’t cry, Paige. It breaks my heart when you cry.”

“I can’t help it,” she said, shaking her head.

“I love you, Paige, and it terrifies me to say this. Because everyone I’ve ever loved has left me, and I’ve had to carry on without them, missing them, knowing I failed to do all I could for them. I don’t wish to fail you, Paige, or to live without you. I need you too much.”

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. “I love you, Alexei. So much. And I don’t believe we need to be scared of love. We have to take what it gives us and be happy. If we do that, we can’t fail. Just as you didn’t fail Katerina. She knew you loved her, and though I know you wish she had lived, it’s not your fault she didn’t. It really, truly isn’t. I want you to believe that.”

He smiled at her, his heart opening so wide it hurt. The love was overwhelming once he let it in, and the fear faded by degrees until all it could do was sit in a corner and look out at the unfolding scene. Fear would always be there, he knew, but it wasn’t the biggest thing in the room anymore.

“I will try to believe it, lyubimaya moya. For you.”

“No,” she said fiercely. “For you.”

“Yes,” he said. “For me.” Because she was right. Because she knew him so well, and loved him so much, and because he wasn’t afraid to face his fear any longer.

Dallas in winter was far more pleasant than St. Petersburg. The temperatures were mild compared to the subzero temperatures of Russia. And yet Paige missed Russia, too. She missed the huge, elegant Voronov Palace and she missed the winter troika rides. But they would return in the early spring, when snow was still on the ground and the weather was not so severe.

“The baby is asleep,” Emma announced as she returned from the room where she’d taken little Katerina for a nap.

“She’s a good baby,” Paige said. “She hardly fusses at all.”

Emma sat down on the couch beside her. “She is so perfect, Paige. You are very lucky.”

Paige smiled. She was lucky. Lucky to have her wonderful baby and lucky to have a husband she adored. A husband who bought her a house in Dallas and moved them there for the winter because he knew she was homesick.

The house he’d bought for them wasn’t as vast as Paige had feared it might be, because she’d begged him to find something approximating normal. And he had. They’d found a gorgeous classical architecture house in the historic district that she absolutely loved. The trees would be huge and shady in summer and the front porch ran the full length of the home. There was plenty of room for furniture and sitting out in the evenings when the weather warmed a little bit more.

She’d had to explain the Southern tradition of sitting out on the front porch and greeting neighbors to Alexei. He hadn’t exactly understood the necessity, but he’d kissed her and told her that whatever she wanted, he would get for her.

Emma glanced toward the patio. “Are they still out there?”

Paige laughed. “Yes. I believe Chad is explaining how to smoke a whole hog in a pit.” She’d heard them talking when she’d gone into the kitchen to refresh her drink.

Emma rolled her eyes. “They’re supposed to be grilling steaks. How did that happen?”

“I’m not sure, but Chad seems determined to teach Alexei what it means to be a true Texan. Barbecue is high on the list, it would seem.”

In the last eight months, Alexei had made good on his promise to contact Chad and Elena. He and Chad were slowly building a relationship, though it couldn’t be called easy or smooth by any means. Unfortunately Elena was a bitter woman who would probably carry her disapproval of Alexei and his mother to her grave. Alexei did not seem to care, which was a relief to Paige even if it hurt her that the woman couldn’t acknowledge her nephew.

Chad, however, seemed eager to get to know his cousin once he’d gotten over the shock of Alexei actually offering an olive branch. Alexei hadn’t told Chad what his father had done, nor would he. Paige understood, and though she already loved Alexei to distraction, that single act of nobility and selflessness made her so proud to be his wife.

He was a good, good man.

“Chad told me that Alexei offered him a position overseeing the American branch of his operations,” Emma said, twisting a lock of her long hair as she did so.

“I believe the man who’d been in the position retired recently,” Paige replied. “And Chad has the experience.”

“Thank you for talking him into it,” Emma said. “It means a lot to us both.”

“I didn’t talk him into anything, Emma. And Alexei would do nothing to harm his business. If he offered the job to Chad, then he believes Chad is right for the position.”

Emma stretched, grinning. “Whatever. I don’t care so long as it means we can finally be married.”

Just then, the men came back into the house, speaking rapidly in a combination of Russian and English. Chad carried a platter of steaks in one hand and a beer in the other. Alexei was loaded down with grilling implements that he dumped into the sink.

They spent the evening eating, talking and laughing together like a group of old friends. Paige glanced over at Alexei, loving the way he was so animated and open, the way he seemed to truly take pleasure in Chad’s company. It was a far cry from the way the two men had once looked at each other across a table.

Later, while Chad and Emma carried the dishes into the kitchen, Alexei turned to her. His expression changed, became possessive and sensual as his hungry gaze slipped over her. Her insides liquefied, softened. She wanted him as much, if not more, than she ever had. When he looked at her like that, like she was everything in the world to him, she melted.

He leaned toward her, kissed her softly—much more softly than she would have liked when she was absolutely on fire for him.

“Thank you,” he said.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, unwilling to let him go just yet. “For what?”

“For making my life so much more than I ever thought possible.”

Her heart swelled with love and longing. “I’m not done yet,” she murmured. “I have a lot more to show you. Starting as soon as our guests have left.”

His grin was feral, hot and sexy. “I look forward to it,” he growled. “Because I have a few things to show you as well.”

Paige laughed. “Bring it on, big boy.”

Hours later, when Paige lay in bed exhausted and happy, she knew she would never, ever tire of life with this man.

“I love you,” she whispered against his hot, damp skin.

He kissed her shoulder, her throat, her lips. “Ya tebya lyublyu,” he replied. “More than you will ever know.”

And then he showed her again, without words, how much he loved her.

All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all the incidents are pure invention.

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First published in Great Britain 2011
Harlequin Mills & Boon Limited,
Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1SR

© Lynn Raye Harris 2011

ISBN: 978-1-408-92527-0