Behind the Bedroom Wall (14 page)

“I never want to draw again,” Rachel said in a trembling voice.

“Then just come out and sit with me,” Korinna coaxed. “I don't feel very happy and I need someone to keep me company.”

Rachel lifted her tear-stained face. Slowly she crawled over to the opening, and Korinna smiled at her encouragingly.

Korinna pulled away from the back room, leaving space for Rachel to come out. Then she pushed the Schrank back against the wall and focused on the little girl sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of her. She looked so small, so fragile. So innocent.

“Why are you staring at me?” Rachel asked in a small, tremulous voice.

“I was just wondering if you look like Ruth,” Korinna said softly.

“Ruth is dead!” Rachel cried.

Korinna waved her hands through the air. “I know she's dead out here. But in here,” she pointed to Rachel's heart, “she'll live as long as you do. As long as you remember her, and think of her, and love her.”

Rachel eyed her suspiciously. “But I'll never see her again.”

“But in a way you can see her whenever you want. Just close your eyes and think of her, and she'll be there.”

A small hopeful look came over the little girl's face.

“Do you remember what Ruth looked like?” Korinna asked, reaching for some paper and some colored pencils she kept in a drawer in her desk.

Rachel nodded solemnly.

“Then why don't you draw her picture so you'll never forget. Then, in ten years from now, you can look at these pictures and remind yourself what Ruth looked like.”

Rachel hesitantly took the paper and pencils. Then, with increasing determination she started to draw.

Korinna smiled at the girl and lifted one of her schoolbooks from her book bag. She opened the heavy volume and began to read while Rachel drew picture after picture of her sister Ruth.

When Frau Rehme came up with supper for the Krugmanns, Korinna took the pile of drawings from Rachel and began to look through them.

“This is Ruth playing the piano,” Rachel said seriously. “She was the best in the whole world. And this is Ruth at home, lying on her bed. She did that a lot when she wasn't playing the piano.”

One by one, Rachel explained each drawing. Korinna smiled and nodded at the appropriate moments, though the smile felt awkward. The little girl didn't seem to notice.

“You can keep this one with the others I gave you,” Rachel said, handing Korinna a drawing.

“Thank you very much,” Korinna said. “Now I think it's time for you to eat.”

She opened the wardrobe and passed in the food her mother had left for the Krugmann's supper. She left the wardrobe ajar to let fresh air into the closed up space, and she put Rachel's drawing on her desk. It was a drawing of Ruth, holding a bouquet of multicolored flowers, staring out of the paper. Korinna's heart jumped, as it had when she'd been looking through Rachel's many drawings. In this one, as in all the others, Ruth's hair was sunshine yellow, not dark as it should have been. And her eyes were light blue instead of brown. She looked like Korinna, and Korinna realized sadly that Rachel had already forgotten what her older sister had looked like.

Later that night, much later, Korinna heard the soft tread of feet coming up the stairs. And though she had been warned earlier, her heart started to thump anyway. Silently her door swung open and two dark figures entered her room.

“Papa?” she called softly.

“Yes, Korinna, it's me. This is Herr Krugmann,” her father said.

Korinna could see the second man nod to her through the darkness.
“Guten Abend,”
she said.

Her father pulled the wardrobe away from the wall. “Sophie,” he called into the dark hole. “Sophie, wake up.”

“Bernd? What is it? What's happened? Are the Gestapo here?” Her voice, even in a whisper, sounded shrill and full of fear.

“No, Sophie. Don't worry. I have a surprise for you. Look who's here.”

“Who? I can't see. Who is it?” Her voice still sounded nervous.

“Papa?” queried a small voice. “Papa!” Rachel exclaimed.

“Shhhhh,” Korinna's father warned.

“Sol?” Sophie said, sounding incredulous. “Rachel get back here,” she said to her daughter, who had jumped out of the hole and was standing in Korinna's room.

“It's alright,” Herr Rehme said. “She can come out. You can come out, too. Just be quiet.”

Herr Krugmann picked up his daughter and hugged her tight. “My little Rachel, my little Rachel,” he said, emotion strangling his voice and making it sound gruff. Gently he set her back on the floor. By this time Frau Krugmann also stood in Korinna's room, staring up at her husband. Herr Krugmann pulled his wife into his arms. “Oh, Sophie, how I have missed you.”

Korinna looked down at her tightly clasped hands, embarrassed to be witnessing such a scene. She felt like an intruder in her own bedroom. But she couldn't very well slip out of her small room unnoticed with all these people filling it.

She peeked up to see Herr Krugmann pick up Rachel again. The three of them huddled together with their arms around each other.

“Now you must all hide again,” Herr Rehme said. “It will be even more cramped for you, but we'll try to move you on as soon as possible. Your next stop has
opened up and is waiting for you. Now it's just a matter of getting you there safely.”

Herr Krugmann gripped Korinna's father's hand as Rachel and Frau Krugmann crawled through the wall, out of view. “Thank you for everything,” he said, his voice catching in his throat. “I am so thankful for you.”

“We do what we can and wish it were more,” Korinna's father said.

They stood a moment in silence, each one thinking his own thoughts, then Herr Krugmann crouched and crawled behind the wall.

Korinna's father closed the wardrobe and turned to his daughter. “Go to sleep now.” He hugged Korinna, and she wanted to cling to him when he released her, but she didn't. She withdrew into her pillows and watched the dark image of her father leave her room.

She closed her eyes and heard the soft rustling and whispering coming from behind her wardrobe. She realized her father hadn't closed the wardrobe completely against the wall. She waited for the noises to quiet down, but soon realized they wouldn't. The Krugmanns hadn't seen each other for weeks, and for who knows how long before they had come here.

Korinna slipped out of bed and quietly tiptoed out of her room. She stood in the doorway of her parents' bedroom and listened to their even breathing. The floor was cold on her feet. Silently she crawled onto her parents' bed and nestled in the warm and secure valley between her mother and father. And there she finally fell asleep.

The next morning Korinna walked to school alone. Rita hadn't waited for her as she usually did, which was fine with Korinna. She wasn't in the mood for Rita anyway.

She got to school just before the first lesson started, so she slipped into her chair and looked over to Eva. Usually Eva would look back at her and they would smile good morning to each other if they hadn't walked to school together. But this morning Eva didn't even glance in her direction. Korinna shrugged and turned her attention to the teacher.

When school was out at one, she found Eva and Rita and a few other girls huddled outside the big doors. They were all going straight to the meeting instead of home for dinner because they had much to prepare for the Führer's visit. The group broke up as Korinna advanced.

“Hello,” Korinna said.

“
Heil Hitler,
” Rita said.

Eva avoided her glance and kept her eyes on the cement sidewalk.

“Are you going to the
Jungmädel
meeting?” Rita asked.

“I'm wearing my uniform, aren't I?”

“I was just asking,” Rita said. “I thought you'd be too tired or too sick or something.”

Korinna looked at Eva, but Eva was still examining the sidewalk. She held her growing anger in check. “I'm fine. I have been for days now.”

“You've been acting strange, if you ask me,” Rita said.

Korinna felt the blood drain out of her face. Why was Rita acting this way? Why wouldn't Eva look at her? What was going on?

“And you look terrible,” Rita continued. “You have big bags under your eyes. Don't you sleep at night? Or is something keeping you awake?”

“Let's go to the meeting,” Eva said, interrupting. “We don't want to be late.” She started walking away from the two best friends.

Korinna turned from Rita and followed Eva.

Rita quickly caught up and passed Korinna so that she could walk beside Eva. Korinna stared at their backs.

A warm front had moved into the area the night before, and the piles of snow were turning to slush. People walked with their coats unbuttoned and a spring in their steps. Korinna watched Rita's and Eva's opened coats whip behind them in the wind as they walked. She walked stiffly, well aware of the surreptitious glances she was getting from the other girls on their way to the meeting.

A memory came back to Korinna as she walked. She felt as if she were no longer in her body, but watching this scene from a different angle. That's because she
had
viewed this scene from a different angle before, she realized. She remembered the day Anita Scheinmann had been ostracized from her friends for being a Jew. Korinna now remembered that she had been one of the ringleaders to plan Anita's humiliation. And that's how she knew, so positively, that the same thing was now happening to her.

The
Jungmädel
meeting passed much the same way
the walk from school had passed. No one talked directly to her, but everyone watched her.

More than once she almost ran out of the room. But pressing her lips together to keep them from trembling, she had lifted her chin and stayed. Whatever was going on, she reassured herself, would be cleared up, and things would go back to the way they were.

“Rita,” Korinna said, when she found her friend alone in the back of the room. “What's going on? Why are you ignoring me?”

Rita looked around. “Nothing's going on.”

Korinna placed a hand on her best friend's arm. “What do you mean,
nothing?
No one will speak to me, even you, my best friend.” She hated the quaver she heard in her voice.

“I'm not ignoring you, I'm just busy,” Rita said resentfully. “We have a lot to do before the parade, and if you don't care, I do!”

“Of course I ... I ...”

“See? You can't even say it, Korinna Rehme. You don't even care that our beloved Führer is coming to this city!”