Before You Go (YA Romance) (25 page)

“I want pictures,” S.K. called, as Hal and
Bree
set off.

“Only if they can’t be used against us in a court of law,”
Halah
called back.

They drove away, aiming for the far-off fence at the front edge of Mitchell property. Hang a left, and they’d be on a gravel road that ran below the massive Front Range, just a tiny ribbon if viewed from the top of the peaks, up by turbines.

Mitchell Turbines.

Mitchell
Windfarm
.

Home.

S.K. was never much for goodbyes, and after all, we didn’t know that’s what this was. That bright gray morning was just an ordinary Saturday, on an ordinary weekend in our junior year at Golden Prep, the only decent private school our side of Denver.

“Have fun with Bambi,” she said, and tossed her black hair, like the glossy, perfect mane annoyed the heck out of her. (For the record, it really did).

“Have fun with Jackie Chan.”

That would be her Tae Kwon Do instructor, a
big,
smiling
hottie
whose actual name was David.

S.K. arched one brow. It jutted up over the frames of her black, square-
ish
glasses.

“Sayonara,” she said.

And that was that.

 

a

 

My plan for the afternoon involved a dart gun, a tracking bracelet, and my beat-up copy of
The Great Gatsby
.

I had a seasonal reading plan I’d stuck with each year since fifth grade:
Walden
in the spring,
Pride & Prejudice
in the summer,
The Great Gatsby
each fall, and
Wuthering Heights
every winter (my dad's dad, Gus Mitchell, had been a tenth-grade English teacher). I liked to imagine the rock-strewn, fir-dotted fields that rolled out toward the mountain range as my moors. In the privacy of my favorite woodsy spot, I savored my cold-weather reading with a gusto that would humiliate me in the halls of Golden Prep.

With
Gatsby
in my pack and the dart gun in my gloved fist, I drifted through the fields, watching fir needles tremble, tracking birds as they rose and fell, formed flocks and scattered. They’d be leaving in the next month, before it got too cold for anything sans fur.

I wondered if my herd of mule deer would already be there: by the creek that threaded through the northeast edge of our land. I hoped not. If they were waiting, I couldn’t sneak up on them. Encroaching winter made it especially important that I tag the last of the year’s fawns—
now
. When the snow came, their grazing patterns changed. The creek would ice over and the herd would scatter, seeking out the
Bancrofts
’ hot springs or one of the freeze-proof waterfalls just north of our property, on the land owned by Mr.
Suxley
.

As I walked, arms stuck in the pockets of my dad’s old hunting coat, I thought back over the night. I was a cataloguer, but like too many other times lately, I felt like I didn’t have enough to file. I seemed to be moving at a different pace from all my friends.
Halah
—
Halah
with her unabashed love of Martin Lawrence movies and her closet full of oversized softball t-shirts—had shot off, three light years ahead of me. She had a senior boyfriend on the wrestling team, and
she
didn’t have a curfew.

Bree
was just…
Bree
. I didn’t even have a scale for how she and I compared. While I thought about everything ad
nauseum
,
Bree
never seemed to think about anything that wasn't practical. The week before, she’d spent half of lunch on her phone trying to find the area's best dry-cleaner.

And then there was S.K. Sara Kate, my best friend.
My other half.
My favorite person on the planet—other than my Dad, who wasn’t on the planet anymore.
S.K. who’d gone with (guess who?)
Ami to
ComicCon
the weekend of my birthday.
Who’d recently decided she needed more time by herself. “I’m getting too stressed out by all this
stuff
.”
Stuff being me.
The quad.
Our fun.
  

Lately, the thing I liked best about this deer gig was how
somewhere
else
it made me
feel
. With the sky over my head and the grass crunching under my boots, I could be anywhere. Add a book to the equation, and I wasn’t Milo Mitchell, girl pianist, airheaded over-thinker, tenth-grade chemistry straggler, secret wallflower, lover of anime. I was Catherine. Well… maybe someone slightly less insane.
Daisy Buchanan?
Okay, someone moderately less shallow.
Haruhi
Suzumiya
.

 
Made-up (and insane!) though they were
,
those people knew what they were about. Knew what they wanted. Whereas me… I got my kicks tagging mule deer.

I pointed myself left, toward the mountains, and picked up my pace for the last mile to the pine grove. There was a bluff oak right at the entrance, beside a big pancake-looking boulder, that, next to the skinny evergreens, resembled a pom-pom in mid-cheer.

Growing up, this had been my dad's favorite spot. He and mom had come to Colorado to build the turbines—Mitchell Wind Turbines, his own patented design—but his real passion was outdoors stuff. As a little girl, I’d gone tromping through the fields and scaling cliffs with him. He’d taken me to Yellowstone and Grand Teton, Death Valley and Yosemite, but he’d really loved to take me to the bluff oak.

“It’s an anomaly,” I could hear him say.
“Supposed to be down South.
Not out here with all the firs.”

And yet, it was.

I walked under its limbs and stared down at the etched stone marker:

Faulkner
Dursey
Mitchell
1964-2010

And then, under that, in tiny, sharp-edged caps:

IN WILDERNESS, THE PRESERVATION OF THE WORLD

 

           
I didn’t like the marker, though I knew my dad had chosen it. In his absence, I’d grown irritated with the message.
Preservation.
What a stupid concept. My father wasn’t preserved under the headstone. He was gone, and he was becoming more and more gone all the time. So was everything.

Still, I’d come. Since that awful day almost two years ago, I’d visited the marker and the bluff oak often. Actually, I’d treated this place like Mecca until two months before.

It had been the first Saturday after school had started. S.K. had spent the night, but left early the next morning for her first date with Ami.
Halah
was at a cheer retreat, and
Bree
was…somewhere. I don’t remember.

I’d left at the same time as S.K., and by the time I got to the pancake boulder I was falling asleep on my feet. I took a nap—the boulder was that flat—but maybe an hour later, I was jerked awake.

I felt like someone was over me—I felt breath on the back of my neck. I rolled right, off the rock, and jumped to my feet, ready to bolt. But no one was there.

I ducked a second later, because I felt it again, and then I yelped.
A needle prick, but inside my
brain
.
It was invasive, intentional.
Prodding.

I felt like I was naked in front of the whole school.

I left immediately, and spent the walk home freaking the f out. But I found my way back the next day. And felt the same thing. It wasn’t as sudden, or as potent, but the feeling, like I was being
measured
, was still there.

As it was Wednesday, when I went back after half a week.

That’s when I decided I needed to find another way to feel close to Dad. So I called the Department of Conservation and Wildlife, posing as my mother, and got permission to continue his mule deer tracking project.

I had all his old folders, stuffed with diagrams and data, so it hadn't been hard to figure out who was who among the herd. After that, it was just a matter of coming out on Saturdays and tagging them.

It was easy to shoot the sedative gun, bring the deer down, and snap a bracelet over their hard, dark hooves. I spent my weeknights, after studying, watching the gob of blinking lights move across my laptop screen. I knew where they slept and where they roamed. I knew where they went midday: the creek.

I made my way over to it now, ducking under broom-like spreads of fir needles, weaving through sap-dotted pine trunks, crunching over fallen leaves from the seasonal trees that blazed orange, yellow, and red between the firs.

I heard the creek before I saw it, a gentle tinkling like a bowl of glass marbles pouring out. The smell of dirt and pine filled my nose and throat. The cold air whipped my cheeks. The sunlight swirled in spirals over the leaf-strewn bank. I thought about
Gatsby
and felt a dorky burst of excitement. I was right at the start of Chapter 9—the last chapter. I’d gone through the book too fast.

Reading the end made me feel either bursting full or empty. I walked faster, hoping this would be a day that I could enjoy the story without letting it gnaw at me. Otherwise it was going to be a long afternoon.

My tree house hung above a bend in the creek. Dad and I selected the strongest tree for its base: a horse-chestnut on the other side. To get to it—if I didn't want to wade through chilly, waist-deep water—I had to climb a spiral staircase around a buckeye tree and sway across the rope-and-board bridge we made the summer after second grade.

The wooden stair rails were cold, even
through
my gloves. I paused at the top and surveyed the scene below. It looked like a high-
def
screensaver, birds shifting on branches, leaves tilting almost mechanically in a tranquil breeze.
 

With that thought—myself a pixilated winter girl moving slowly through a data forest—I slid my palms over the ropes and crossed the sanded cedar planks. The tree house was at the other side; it was a thatch-roofed dome attached to the chestnut’s trunk by beams that angled peaceably through its branches.

I pushed inside, surprised, as always, by how pretty it was here. The walls were warm cedar, and my Dad had built a bench that wrapped around the circular room. We used to get new cushions every year, but the green and red plaid we’d put out two Christmases ago would probably stay until the years ate through them. I had no plans to replace them.

I found my binoculars in the box where I’d left them, along with a blanket, a tin tub of almonds, and a little pile of air-activated hand-warmers.

I sat my pack down, grabbed the binoculars, and shed my gloves. Much as I wanted to stay warm, I couldn’t fire the darts with padded fingers.

I gave myself a few minutes inside the house, designed with small gaps in the floor in the floor for circulation, but no windows (to hold heat in). Then I stepped back onto the bridge and sat with my back against the door. My gaze roved the forest, picking out stray branches, odd-shaped stumps—anything that remotely resembled deer.
Too early.
I’d spotted them this morning near Mr.
Suxley’s
woods, where they sometimes bedded down. It would take a little while for things to happen.

 

I read.
Nick
Carraway
, meeting up with Tom downtown.
Leaving the West Egg.
I sipped warm water from a metal thermos and tried not to think about my hunger, which couldn’t be satiated in nose-range of the deer. The sun climbed higher, raining a kaleidoscope of golden light over Dad’s bulky suede jacket and my
camo
pants. As I read, my hair sparkled in my periphery, a blanket of glossy brown, with red highlights glinting in the sun. I blew into my balled-up hands.
Applied a scentless beeswax
chapstick
.

I couldn’t warm up. I cursed myself, Klingon swear words S.K. and I had looked up in sixth grade. Tracking deer was a terrible idea. I could be playing paintball.

I flipped to my favorite scene.

“Gatsby believed in that green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther… And one fine morning—
So
we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the—”

I heard a loud crunch, and my eyes leapt from the page.
Blitzen
! The herd’s largest male had a star-shaped scar across his shoulder and a weathered-looking coat that made him look grandfatherly. He stood by a holly bush ten or fifteen yards away, sniffing the air, his nostrils snorting out puffs of steam. Right behind him was Madonna, the alpha female, and then Brutus, a younger male who sometimes challenged
Blitzen
. Soon they were all there, including little
Ashlyn
, one of the youngest fawns: my target.

Crap!

I should’ve been crouching, but I hadn’t expected them until closer to four. Since there was no way I could sight
Ashlyn
—or any of them—from my spot flat on my butt, I stood slowly and ducked through the bridge’s two rail-ropes, rising into a sort of squirrel-eating-nut position, with my arms up near my face and my feet positioned on the edge of the cedar planks. A lesser
woodswoman
might have fallen, or scared the deer, but I’d been doing this for years.

My fingers folded, steady, around the handle of the gun. I leaned my head down, peering through the sight. A breeze rocked the bridge; the rope above my head brushed against the top of my hair. My body felt pinched. Stiff. And then, finally, I had her.
Ashlyn
side-stepped, her small flank bumping into teenage Aiden’s long, strong throat.
Aiden strode forward, and there!

In the moment that the dart shot out, I felt a rush of pure elation. As it sailed toward little
Ashlyn
, I watched the frozen herd, processing the milliseconds till the dart would hit,
Ashlyn
would fall, the rest would bolt.

But that’s not how it happened.

As my breath puffed out, creating a pale cloud that lent the scene a gauzy haze, I felt a bite of what can only be described as shock. My limbs and torso locked; my lungs went still. There was a flash of golden light, like a solar flare, except for one second it was all there was, all there ever would be.

Then it receded, twisting the trees’ shadows, mangling the forest floor. The creek spilled forth on fast forward. My blood boomed like a gunshot in my ears.

I searched for
Ashlyn’s
body, but she wasn’t there. A boy was.

 

 

Help Ella James plot her next book – a
shapeshifter
romance – at ellajamesbooks.blogspot.com