Been Here All Along (16 page)

He rolls his eyes, finally seeing through me, I think. Thank God, I was starting to think he was a bigger idiot than I ever imagined.

“No, Ruby, everything is fine with Gideon. I was having a little trouble with one of my classes, but we're working it out.”

“Seems like having trouble in school is something you'd talk to your girlfriend about,” I say, my anger rising again.

“I did mention it to you, a couple weeks ago. About having to talk to Ms. Gupta?”

“Oh.”

“I wasn't really ready to talk about the details. I'm still not.”

“Are you failing?” I ask.

“Well, no. I mean … Kind of. I don't really want to talk about it.”

I study him now, trying to figure out what half-truth he just told me. It's there and I'm sure I could pull the rest of it from him, but then the late bell rings.

“Ah, crap,” he says. “I gotta go. See you, Ruby.”

And like that, he's gone. But there's definitely something up with Kyle. Maybe I should make it my mission to find out. Because just think of it, I could have dirt on Kyle and dirt on Gideon and then …

I shake my head at myself.

And then nothing.

Who cares?

Graduation is less than two months away. Why am I even entertaining any thoughts about game playing?

If I hadn't left my phone at home this morning, I would delete Gideon's lists right this second. I make a mental note to do that later after school.

I turn down the next hallway and head off in the direction of my actual boyfriend.

He's not the brightest guy on earth, but he's definitely hot. Except for when he gets excited and spits when he talks. I'm trying to convince myself that it's an endearing quality.

It's not.

 

eighteen

Kyle

I ring Gideon's doorbell at seven on Saturday night.

I had this awful premonition that for the first time in the history of hopping the fence I'd end up ripping my favorite jeans in the process. Hence the front door instead of the back.

The door swings open and Ezra stands there. I'm pretty sure he's trying to be intimidating.

“I'm guessing you're here to see my little brother,” he says. He's doing that thing guys do, where they cross their arms and flex and then use their fists to kind of prop up their biceps and make them look bigger.

“Um, yeah,” I say, standing at my full height, which is a solid four or five inches taller than Ezra. I can be intimidating, too.

“What are your intentions?” he asks.

I raise my eyebrow. “Are you serious?”

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” he asks. And then he bursts out laughing before punching me in the arm. “I'm just playing with you.”

He moves out of the way of the door and heads toward the stairs as Gideon comes racing down them.

“Just make sure you have him back by ten,” Ezra calls from the top of the stairs.

“I'm really sorry about him,” Gideon says, shaking his head.

“No worries,” I say.

“I thought we were going to meet outside.”

“Yeah, well, my mom kept looking at me and I was getting antsy,” I explain.

“Yeah, my mom was doing the same thing until she got on the phone with my aunt Gail. Then it got a little worse, because I had to listen to her talk about me.” He shoots an annoyed look toward the back of the house, where I can hear his mom's muffled voice and laughter.

“My mom offered to let me borrow her car,” Gideon says, holding up a set of keys.

“Awesome. It'll be nice to drive in a car that doesn't smell like old coffee.”

We get into his mom's car and sit for a second.

“Where are we going?” he asks.

“Oh, um … I guess we never did decide that, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Are you hungry?”

“I didn't eat dinner,” he says. “I was kind of nervous and I wasn't sure what we were doing and my mom made meat loaf and I wasn't in the mood.”

I smile at his nervous babble. “I didn't eat either.”

“I feel like we're supposed to do something different than we normally would?” he says, his voice holding a questioning note.

“I don't even know what we usually do, though,” I say.

“Well, the last time we hung out just me and you, we watched Lord of the Rings.”

“Yeah,” I say, wiping my palms on my jeans.

“And you cried,” Gideon says.

“And you tried to kiss me.”

“I mean, I didn't really try. We just had a moment.”

“Sure, sure, whatever you say.”

“This time I'll try harder,” he promises.

“Good, glad we got that out of the way.”

“Where do people even go on dates? I've kind of, you know, never been on one.” He looks so sad to admit it that I want to hug him. At least, that's what the new boyfriend in me wants to do. The longtime best friend kind of wants to tease him. But I hold back that impulse.

“Well, Ruby and I mostly hung out with you guys or babysat her brothers and sister. Or went to school stuff,” I say.

“I guess I don't really know what dating looks like in terms of our friendship?” he says, the worry in his voice getting stronger.

“Listen,” I say, taking his hand. “Just because we didn't come up with some perfect first-date plan together doesn't mean we're a failed couple or anything.”

“So you really do want to do this? With me?”

“Of course,” I say.

He lets out a sigh and nods. “I don't know if this sounds like anything worthwhile, but I saw a flyer earlier saying that they're showing
The Lion King
in the park behind the pool tonight. They were going to show it at the community center, but since it's been so nice lately they made a last-minute change to outside.”

“We could go pick up some food or something,” I say.

“There's a blanket in the trunk.”

“Maybe I should grab some sweatshirts from my car.”

“Why do you have multiple sweatshirts in your car?”

“Because I never bother to bring them inside?”

“So you have multiple dirty sweatshirts in your car?”

“They might be of dubious cleanliness, but I figure if I just get them from my car, then neither of us have to face our mothers again.”

“Fair point,” Gideon says, rubbing his chin. “I would appreciate it if you found me one that doesn't smell too bad.”

After sniffing through a pile of hoodies, I get back into Gideon's car and we set off in the direction of the sandwich place, where we each get an Italian sub, a bag of chips, and a cupcake.

When we get to the park, Gideon pauses by the car with a worried expression.

“What?” I ask.

He swallows heavily and nods toward the field up ahead. “I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when the people out there realize we're together on what's pretty obviously a date.”

It's a valid concern. Neither of us have really ever been
out
in the way that people normally associate with “being out.”

“We can do whatever makes you comfortable,” I say, putting my hand on his arm. “We don't have to be really obvious or anything. We can just be two friends, hanging out on a blanket, sharing a sandwich, and watching
The Lion King
. Two bros on the town.”

He sucks in a huge breath and then blows the air out slowly.

“And we don't have to do this. We could just go home. It doesn't matter.”

He nods.

“But people around here are pretty accepting in general. Remember those two guys who were seniors when we were freshmen? They were out all the time, holding hands, putting their arms around each other. No one said a thing.”

“They did get their gym clothes flushed down the toilet.”

“That's true,” I say. “Some soggy gym clothes are worth it to hang out with you.”

“Kyle, that is a really beautiful and cheesy sentiment,” he says, putting his hand on my shoulder. “But honestly, how can you be so sure about all this?”

“I don't know. I guess I figure one of us has to be. You'll pick up the slack somewhere else in the relationship. Isn't that kind of how it's always been with us?”

He swallows again and then stands up straighter, holding our food in one hand and the sweatshirt I loaned him in the other. I take the sweatshirt from him and bundle it in with the blanket and my jacket before taking his hand.

“Is this okay?” I ask, gesturing to our hands.

“Yeah, I think I need that.”

We take a seat pretty far back from the screen. There are kids running around in front of the screen, back and forth between blankets from one family to another, obviously all playing some kind of game. We watch them while we eat our dinner because the movie doesn't start for another fifteen minutes, but they're just as entertaining.

No one pays any attention to us until one little kid, maybe four or five, runs across our blanket and trips.

Gideon leans forward quickly to help him up. “You okay?” he asks.

The kid looks at Gideon with wide eyes and then runs in the other direction.

“You're welcome!” Gideon calls after him.

I shake my head and try to suppress a laugh.

“Kids today have no manners,” he says, turning to me.

“You're kind of adorable, you know?”

He blushes, so I lean over and kiss his cheek, hoping to make him blush even more.

When the movie starts, all the kids quiet down and give their attention to the animals up on the screen. I ball up the extra blanket I grabbed for us to use as a pillow. I lie back on it and then Gideon lays his head on my chest.

It feels just the way it's supposed to.

An older woman walks past us and says, “Aren't you two just adorable?”

Gideon hides his face in my chest and groans in embarrassment.

“I like this new side of you,” I tell the top of his head. “This cuddly, bashful person who blushes at the drop of a hat.”

“I'm just really happy,” he says, rolling away from me and leaning up on his elbow. “I'm so happy it makes me want to hide, because I don't know what to do with it all. I want to store it up and save it for winter.”

“But winter just ended.”

“Fine, I want to store it up and save it for when I don't feel like it's bursting from every single one of my pores. I didn't know this was possible. To feel this way.”

I lean up on my elbow to face him, smiling.

“What? Are you going to make fun of me?” Gideon asks.

Someone shushes us from a nearby blanket, so I pitch my voice low and whisper in his ear. “I can't make fun of you because I feel the exact same way.”

We settle back down and watch the movie, falling silent for most of it as the story unfolds before us.

“I haven't seen this in a really long time,” Gideon says at one point.

“I know. I feel like I forgot half the plot.”

“And you miss so much when you're a kid. A lot of this went way over my head,” Gideon says.

When the movie is over, we pick up our blankets and stumble to the car, half in a daze. Gideon parks the car in his driveway and then walks me to my door, our hands intertwined.

“So this was a real date?” he asks.

“I would say it was a very successful real date.”

“Good, good. Maybe we should do it again sometime.”

“I think I'm supposed to wait three days before calling you or something, though.”

“Well, that's going to be a problem, because today is Saturday and on Monday I'm going to need a ride to school,” Gideon says with a grin.

“Oh, right, yeah. There goes that idea.”

“You're not cool enough to wait three days anyway. You want everything right away. Instant gratification.”

“That's true,” I admit.

“I really did have fun tonight,” he says.

“Me too. I was kind of worried there for a second in the beginning that you were going to freak out and just want to go home.”

“I'm way cooler than that,” Gideon says. “Or at least now I am.”

“See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

He leans in, kisses my cheek, and then jogs away.

Damn that was perfect.

 

nineteen

Ruby

There are less than two months left until graduation, and I finally have to come to terms with the fact that I might not have enough money to cover all my college costs in the fall. I'd still really like to live on campus. But if I don't get loans, there's no way that's happening with my parents' financial situation. Hopefully it's not too late to apply.

I scan the financial aid bulletin board in the guidance office, trying to figure out what would work for me without actually having to tell anyone what my problem is. I almost roll my eyes at how desperately I'm trying to keep control of my image. But it's just this one thing. I would like to leave high school mostly unscathed, without people feeling sorry for me or realizing just how poor I am.

I finally come to terms with the fact that I'm going to need to actually talk to a guidance counselor when Kyle appears from one of the offices. He's chewing his thumbnail, looking nervous and a little bit twitchy, like he doesn't want anyone to see him. Takes one to know one, I guess.

I try to hide a little, turning toward the ficus plant in the corner of the office. But I guess that little bit of movement is enough to call attention to me.

“Hey, Ruby,” Kyle says.

“Oh, hey,” I say. “What's up with you?”

“Um, well,” he starts, and then glances behind him. “Just needed to have a meeting with people, about stuff.”

“So you really are failing a class,” I say.

“Kind of?” he says, squeezing one eye closed. “I was, but I'm probably not anymore because…”