Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family (25 page)

Nicole had searched for hers in mirrors, in her brother, in the world around her—and she’d found it with her family’s help. Nicole’s truth had always been impatient to make itself known. It was, in those first few years of life, unnameable. Kelly, Jonas, and Wayne helped her words find “a local habitation and a name.” There was no confusion anymore when she looked in the mirror. She’d solved her own great riddle and in the process helped her family solve theirs. They’d spun the stories of their lives. And when it was all unspooled it all made sense, and the knots in their hearts were freed.

E
ven in the time it has taken to write this book, the rights of transgender people continue to be recognized. The push for marriage equality in the past few years helped to galvanize the transgender movement, and there is clearly no going back. In a 1966 survey of medical and psychiatric professionals in the United States, an overwhelming majority believed transsexuals were “severely neurotic.” Today, eighteen states and the District of Columbia as well as more than two hundred U.S. cities and counties bar discrimination against transgender people. Worldwide, seven countries legally recognize more than two genders. And in July 2015, the Obama administration moved to lift the restriction from transgender people serving in the military.

How far we have come—though there is a great deal more still to be done—is a testament to the acceptance of young people who are now growing up with marriage equality as the law of the land. How children spontaneously understand fairness and equality and accept differences in others was illustrated in a conversation among three third-grade students at Asa C. Adams Elementary School a few years ago. Lisa Erhardt, who meant so much to the Maines family during Nicole’s odyssey at the school, was giving a lesson about sticking one’s neck out for friends and classmates in bullying situations. At the end of the hour the third-graders were asked to draw a picture based on the lesson. Walking among their desks while they worked, Erhardt overheard several students who had taken a creative approach to the concept of sticking one’s neck out. That night, she wrote to the Maineses.

Hi, Wayne & Kelly—

I just had to share this conversation that happened in one of my third grade classrooms today. It made me smile and when I had a moment, it brought a tear to my eye. I know you have been on this long hard journey, and at times schools have been a pain in your ass. But the struggles are worth it—not just for Nicole, but for the lives she has touched.

B
OY
: “I’m coloring my giraffe both teal and pink because he’s transgender.”

G
IRL
: “What’s that?”

B
OY
: “You know, when a person is a boy, but it really is a girl. You know, it’s having two genders.”

G
IRL
: “Oh, I think frogs can do that, have more than one gender.”

2
ND
B
OY
: “Yeah, you’re right. But how can a person have that?”

B
OY
: “I don’t really know, but we have a girl in our school who is transgender.”

G
IRL
: “Really? What’s her name?”

B
OY
: “Oh, man, I can’t remember! Well, maybe she’s in middle school now.”

G
IRL
: “That’s cool.”

2
ND
B
OY
: “I didn’t know that. How is she a boy and a girl?”

L
ISA
E
RHARDT
: “Well, she has the brain of a girl, and her body is like a boy body. But she lives like a girl, and when she is grown up she will have surgery to change her body to match her brain.”

2
ND
B
OY
: “You mean like plastic surgery?”

L
ISA
E
RHARDT
: “Exactly! Just like plastic surgery.”

B
OY
: “I remember her name. She’s Nicole.”

G
IRL
: “Oh, I know Nicole. She’s cool. I didn’t know she’s transgender.”

B
OY
: “Yeah, but it isn’t a big deal, you know.”

G
IRL
: “Oh, I know. It doesn’t really matter. As long as she’s happy.”