Becoming Ellen (23 page)

E
llen wasn't sure what woke her up, but she sat up quickly. Distantly, she heard the sound of the door buzzer. She checked the clock. It was almost three. She'd had such a light breakfast, for her, that she felt hungry. Ellen got dressed in sweatpants and a sweater and went down the stairs. As she reached the hallway, she heard a knock at the door.

Ellen hesitated. If it was Rupert, that would be okay, but she wasn't sure she was feeling up to seeing Thelma and Beth. She crept through the dark, windowless hall toward the door to the loft's living area, which was cracked open, but halfway to her vantage point she realized someone else was already there.

It was a man, and she could tell immediately from the silhouette that it was not Justice. Ellen almost cried out, but just then the man moved into the light from the room outside and she saw that it was Detective Barclay. He was so focused on what was going on outside that he hadn't registered her approach at all.

What was going on?
Ellen moved against the wall and waited. In a moment, she heard the door to the landing open and then she heard Rupert's voice, cracking with nervousness, say, “Tony Smith? Come on in.”

There was a general shuffling, and then the unmistakably smarmy voice of Seth's uncle said, “Where is he?”

“He's not here, but I'll take you to him as long as you agree to our deal.” Rupert's voice was squeaking so badly that he sounded like a teenager whose voice was changing.

“Sure, no problem. Like we said on the phone, you tell me where he is and you get the boy once a week for a month, special rate. How did you know, by the way?”

“He told me,” Rupert said, his voice still quavering. “I told him I'd help him, and then I got your flyer. You want to sit down?”

Ellen saw Detective Barclay tense. He pulled something out of his jacket and let it hang in his hand by his side. A gun. Ellen started to back up, and then suddenly the door to Justice's room opened and the hallway was flooded with light as Seth stuck his head out. Barclay spun around and instinctively raised the gun.

Seth registered the gun in the detective's hand and a terrified scream came from his open mouth. Ellen got to him first. She put one hand over his mouth and the other one around his waist, but the boy struggled to get away.

Barclay glanced back over his shoulder, then stepped to one side as the door flew open, concealing him behind it. Ellen had backed into the bedroom, desperately trying to pull Seth with her, but he fought blindly, broke away, and flew across the hall. Ellen fell back and landed hard on the floor of the bedroom. In the doorway stood Seth's uncle. Ellen could see him surveying the boy. He smiled cruelly and advanced on the child. “
There
you are. Did you really think you could hide from me? You'll be sorry you ever ran out on me you ungrateful little—”

He raised his hand to strike the child. Seth whimpered and crouched, covering his head with his hands. Ellen scrambled to get to her feet, but before she could, there was a growl and a blur of fur as Runt passed her and leapt at Smith, locking on to his raised arm. Barclay emerged from behind the door, grabbed the arm from Runt, shouted “Release!” and twisted Smith's arm behind his back. “You're under arrest,” pronounced the detective. Runt backed away, but kept up a constant low growl.

Ellen got to Seth and pulled him against her. It was such a strange thing for her to do that she wondered at her own response, but there was so much from which to shield this boy.

Rupert huffed into the open doorway with Temerity behind him. “Did you get him?” she asked breathlessly.

“Oh yeah.” The detective had snapped closed the cuffs. “With a little help from my canine friend here.”

“Good dog!” Temerity said. Runt whined, his tail wagged once, and then he went back to growling at Smith.

Smith was cursing. “I'll sue you! These people kidnapped my nephew, and I came to get him. How dare you assault me! I'll have that dog put down!”

“You might want to wait till I read you your rights before you say anything else,” Barclay said dryly. “Move,” he ordered, pushing the protesting man in front of him. He turned and, in a much gentler voice, said to Ellen, “You got him?” meaning Seth.

Ellen nodded, and sank to the floor with her arms around the hyperventilating boy. Temerity waited for the uncle and detective to pass her, and then she came to join them. Leaning down over Seth, she said, “Shh, shhh, it's okay. He's never going to hurt you again. I promise you that!”

“I . . . can't . . . What if he . . .” The boy gasped.

“He won't!” Temerity said. “And you won't have to do anything. I promise you that, too. You don't have to see him, or say anything. Now, come on, let's go in the bedroom and lock the door until they're gone. Good idea?”

Seth scrambled up and shot into Justice's bedroom with Runt at his heels. Temerity went in after them. She found the door, and as she was closing it, she said, “Ellen, let me know when Beth gets here.”

“Okay,” said Ellen. She was trembling so badly that she had to get to her hands and knees and then use the wall to climb back to her feet. “What just happened?” she whispered to herself.

Ellen went to the living room doorway and slipped in behind it. She watched through the crack between the hinges as Detective Barclay finished reading Smith his rights. The man started trying to wheedle his way out of it. Ellen had known he would. The liar. “Why are you arresting me? You should be arresting
that
guy!” He jerked his head at Rupert. “The pervert called me and wanted me to trade favors from my nephew to get him back.”

“Yeah, I know,” Barclay said. “But he called me, too, right after, and invited me to stop by and meet you.” Barclay sat Smith roughly in a chair and went to the table. He picked up Temerity's tiny recorder and pushed play. Ellen couldn't make out exact words all the way across the room, but she did recognize both Smith's voice and Rupert's, exceedingly nervous, in a conversation. And she could also see Smith's face. It had gone pasty white.

“You're going down,” Barclay said simply. He still had his gun in one hand, pointed at the floor. With the other, he pulled out his phone. “Yeah, Barclay here. I need a patrol unit to transfer a suspect.” He gave the address.

Rupert was standing as far in the corner of the kitchen as he could squeeze himself, but there was something about the way he was holding his head, and a light in his eyes, that was different. Ellen watched him and realized what it most likely was.

Probably for the first time in his life, this overweight, ultra-shy, gentle artist had taken on the bully.

And won. Ellen knew how much that must have cost him. Warmth spread across her chest.

The uniforms arrived, and Ellen stayed behind the door, watching. Barclay explained that Temerity was with the child, who was traumatized, and she would come downtown later. He did not mention Ellen's presence. They led Smith away in cuffs, he was not talking now. Rupert went with Barclay to give a statement downtown. When they were gone, the door buzzer rang again.

Ellen looked at it. She waited. It buzzed again. Tentatively, she pressed speak. “Hello?”

“Hi, it's Thelma!” called the jaunty voice. Yes,
jaunty
. Ellen pressed the buzzer key, feeling relieved rather than otherwise. Thelma was here, brave Thelma.

She opened the door to the produce manager and the doctor.

“Where is everybody?” Beth asked.

Ellen cleared her throat. As succinctly as she could force herself to bear, she explained what had happened. Both the women's faces hardened into grim frowns, but in Beth's eyes there were also tears.

“Where is he?” Beth demanded.

“Down the hall, last door on the right,” Ellen told her.

Both women marched off, and in a second, Ellen heard knocking and then Beth's soft voice calling out, “Seth? It's Beth. Everyone is gone, except Ellen. Can I come in?”

A few minutes later, the five of them emerged. First Thelma, leading the way, then Beth, holding on to Seth, who stared wildly around the room before he seemed convinced that no monsters would leap out at him, then Temerity, who walked slowly, head tilted, listening to the pace of the people in front of her, and last, Runt, tripping up the others in his determination to stay by Seth.

“Let's get you on the sofa,” Thelma said, spreading Justice's blanket and fluffing the pillow.

“I'm going to give you something to help you calm down,” Beth told him as she helped him onto the sofa. “Thelma, sweetie, can you get my bag?”

Thelma picked it up from where Beth had dropped it. Ellen, without being asked, went and brought the hat rack from Justice's room. When she got back, she had to nudge Runt from his post beside Seth to set it down.

As Beth was reattaching the IV to the line in Seth's arm, Thelma looked down at the book on the coffee table. “Who's reading
Calvin and Hobbes
?” she asked.

Seth, still shell-shocked and wide-eyed, pointed at his chest.

“That is my favorite!” Thelma exclaimed. “I think I've read every one. Do you mind if I look at this?” Seth shook his head, and Thelma picked it up, sat in the chair nearest him, and thumbed through the pages. She paused at one, read it, and then laughed out loud. Seth's head snapped around to look at her.

“Oh, l love this one. Look.” She slipped onto the sofa next to Seth and held the book for him to read. Seth looked down at it, and then a smile cracked his face, just a small one, but the trance was broken. Beth continued to work, slipping the blood pressure cuff onto Seth's arm, and then filling a syringe with something clear from a small glass vial.

Ellen shuddered at the sight of the needle and turned away, rubbing the tiny scars on her upper arm, which had been itching since the uniforms had arrived.

Temerity stood by, listening to the activity with a contented smile on her face. When things were settled, she called out, “Beth, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Surprised, Beth looked up from where she'd been repacking her kit. She went to join Temerity and Ellen in the kitchen area.

Temerity was holding something. At first Ellen thought it was Barclay's card, but Temerity corrected that misconception.

“Listen,” Temerity said in a low voice so that Seth couldn't hear, although Thelma was laughing with him now, keeping him occupied, while Runt inched his head closer and closer until his curly-haired ears were spread across the boy's chest. “It's only a matter of time until social services shows up. I was hoping you could speak to this woman and help her out. They'll probably need evidence of physical abuse and—”

Beth took the card, which Ellen could now see read
SERENA
HOFFMAN
. “Of course,” Beth agreed. “But social services? Does he not have
anyone
else? No family?”

Temerity sighed. “No. He had a mother, but she relinquished custody, gave it to her brother, that . . . sewer rat who was just arrested. I don't think it's a good idea for Seth to have to testify, so if you could, you know, explain about his injuries, and . . .”

“I can, and I will,” Beth said with steel in her voice. She turned and watched Thelma and the boy. “He really needs a home, doesn't he?”

Temerity smiled, and Ellen felt a light go on in her head.
Bingo.
“Yes, he does,” Temerity told her. “He's a good kid. I've been amazed at how much he wants to work, and make a better life, in spite of all the horrible stuff he's been through. I'd love to see him find a family that would give him that chance.”

Beth was nodding. “Me too,” she whispered. Across the room, Thelma raised her head and smiled at Beth. Ellen thought she had never seen two people who appeared to love and respect each other so much, except for maybe Dory and Andy. It made her feel an ache inside, but it was an ache with a glow of joy in it. She knew she would probably never have that kind of connection, but it was enough to know that some people really did.

There was a sudden disturbance as Runt jumped up, scrambled on the rug, and ran to the door. A second later, Ellen heard the key in the lock. Seth cried out and grabbed on to Thelma, who wrapped her arms around him and began to rock him, whispering, “It's okay, buddy, nobody's going to hurt you. No way.”

The door opened and Justice came in. He looked around, then said, “Oh, hi. Have a quiet afternoon?”

Temerity feigned a yawn and said, “Boring, really.”

But not Seth, he sat bolt upright, so glad to see that it was Justice.

“He came!” he half shouted. “My uncle, he came here and the police, this really cool guy with a leather jacket and a gun, arrested him! And then me and Temerity hid in the bedroom while they took him away, and I hope he never gets out!” There was such intense fury on his face that Justice stopped midway across the room, dumbstruck.

No one spoke for a minute, and then Justice cleared his throat, walked to an armchair, sat down, and sighed. “And I missed it. Well, what a surprise. Tem?”

“Yes, bro?”

“Could you help me out here? I seem to be standing in a thick fog and all you guys are all out in the sun.”

“Well, if you'll let me pour a glass of wine first, I'll be glad to bring you into the light,” Temerity said. “Of course, it's all midnight for me.”

Ellen knew what she meant, but this time it was Temerity who had seen the farthest, and the most clearly.

L
ater, when Seth was sleeping, and Beth and Thelma had left, reluctantly, promising to return and check on the boy the next day, Temerity and Ellen sat down together at the table. Justice had taken Runt out for a “long walk and a big, juicy congratulations steak.”

“What made you think of calling the uncle?” Ellen asked Temerity.

“The flyer. It was fate, really. I didn't want to put Seth through dealing with that horrible man, and I didn't know who or where he was, so our hands were tied, and then the man himself went and gave us his home phone number. Rupert really wanted to help, but I thought he was going to have a heart attack before the call was over.” She smiled affectionately. “I was really proud of him.”

“It was a good idea,” Ellen said.

Temerity said, “But I didn't expect Seth to wake up and come out.” She grimaced. “Though, in a way, maybe it was for the best. He saw what happened, instead of us just telling him, so he can trust it more.”

“Where were you hiding?” Ellen asked.

Temerity giggled. “Under the counter. I needed to be able to hear the exchange so I could be an
eye
witness!” She threw her head back to laugh with delight, but muted the volume because Seth was still on the sofa.

“So. Anything more happen with the jerko from worko?” she asked.

Ellen explained about Eric being fired and the attack on Rosa's nephew. She told Temerity that the drugs, which she now suspected were possibly the same stuff that Detective Barclay was searching for, were still hidden in the ceiling tile of the men's bathroom.

Temerity listened with her head slowly moving from side to side, as though every sentence was displacing what was in there and sloshing her brain around. When Ellen finished, she said, “So, he'll probably try to go back and get them.” She clicked her teeth together twice. “I wish we knew
when
.”

Ellen said, “I was worried about Rosa, but she has Saturday nights off, too, so that's good.”

“Really?” Temerity perked up. “Would this Eric jerk know that?”

Ellen shrugged. “Sure, I mean, the work assignment list is posted, and he's one of the managers, or was . . . So, yes, he would.”

“And it sounds like he's obsessed with revenge as well as his ‘gourmet foods.'” Temerity scoffed. “Well, best you can do is keep an eye on Rosa, I suppose. If Eric does come, is there anybody to confront him?”

“There's two new security guards. I don't think they like him very much,” Ellen said, remembering the offensive hand gesture Eric had given them on his parting.

“That'll do. Is there any way to make sure one of them is close to where he hid the drugs, so that they're likely to spot him?”

“One of them will be stationed on the dock. They always are for the night shift. They have a booth that's pretty close to the restrooms. And they have walkie-talkie thingies, so they can call each other.”

“So all you would need to do is make some noise, you know, knock over some boxes or something, if he comes,” Temerity said. “Like you did before, with the car alarm. I wish Rosa knew you were looking out for her.”

“I . . . uh, actually talked to her, once,” Ellen said.

Temerity slid her hand across the table to find Ellen's. She patted it. “You're coming along quite nicely,” she said. “Practically an extrovert.”

They both sat for a minute. Ellen was fighting the guilt demon. If only she could speak up, Rosa wouldn't be in jeopardy and Eric might already be in jail. What if he hurt her or someone else? She felt the thrum of her accelerated heartbeat in her jaw and cheeks, which she kept puffing out to try to ease the tension there. Then she said, “There's something else.”

Temerity turned attentively toward her. Ellen said, “When I saw Lydia, she told me that her mom had woken up. They're going to see her tomorrow. I didn't want to say anything in front of Justice, you know, until we talked about it.”

“Really?” Temerity looked excited. “That's great news. I mean, hopefully she'll recover now.”

Ellen wasn't so sure. She'd seen the unnatural angle of Maddy's neck in the bus, and the breathing tubes at the hospital. Sometimes not being able to see protected Temerity as well as hobbled her. “Maybe,” was all she said.

“We need to go see her!” Temerity said.

“I'm not sure we can get in.” Ellen explained about how she'd been lucky the last time, sneaking in with the linen delivery.

Temerity considered this. “I'll just bet,” she said thoughtfully, “that they come every day. I mean, it's a big place, right?” Ellen agreed that it was. “Okay, so they have tons of dirty sheets and scrubs and stuff, every day. We might get lucky again.”

Ellen was twitching already. It was one thing for her to move around unseen, but another to trespass into a restricted facility for a second time, with Temerity in tow. But Temerity had her heart set, Ellen could see, and once that huge heart was pulsing forward, there was little or no way to stop it.

To change the subject, Ellen asked, “Do you think Justice will really move out?”

Temerity pursed her lips and sighed. “No,” she said. “I mean, he does own this place with me, after all. I think it's more likely that he'd move Amanda in here. For a while anyway.”

“Then why didn't you ask him that?”

“Because then he won't think it was his idea,” she said.

“Oh,” Ellen said, and wondered what that meant.

Seth was feeling well enough to sit at the table for dinner, which Justice fixed when he got back from walking Runt. They ate pasta, and after much prodding, Ellen told the story of the attack on the bus, explaining that was how she had first “met” the detective. Seth listened, rapt, and then exclaimed, “He's so cool.”

Ellen smiled crookedly, and surprised herself by saying, “Yes, he is.”

“And now,” Justice said, as he pushed his plate back, “tonight's movie presentation will begin in just a few minutes. Tem, you get the dishes, Ellen, you man the microwave popcorn, and Seth, come with me.”

The movie was an old one, black-and-white. It opened with ships at sea, with the tall masts and billowing white sails. Ellen remembered Seth saying he liked the painting of the tall ships at the library, and knew that was why Justice had rented it. The hues, Ellen decided, all of them silver and gray and rich blacks, made the picture seem much more magical than full color. And this was the kind of story she liked best, filled with action and good deeds and people who did the right thing, because to do otherwise would have made life not worth living. There were storms and battles with pirates and a pretty heroine who could use a sword. Ellen sat near Temerity and whispered the action bits.

Seth fell asleep before the ship sailed off over the horizon, and Justice carried him to bed, with Temerity and Runt trailing behind to tuck him in. Ellen went up to her own cozy room and tried to go to sleep, but images of the ocean, silver and vast, filled with promise and adventure, floated in her mind's eye, and she kept wanting to know what was over that sterling line of the horizon.

The next morning, she and Temerity were in front of the long-term care facility before eight a.m. Ellen had been able to sleep a few hours, which, in addition to the five she'd gotten the day before, seemed to be sufficient. The morning was bitterly cold, and the air stung her nostrils. Ellen didn't have much hope that the linen truck would come this early.

But as it turned out, they didn't need it. Monday, it appeared, was visiting day, and though there was certainly not a stream of people, the occasional individual or family was arriving or leaving. Temerity and Ellen were able to trail in behind a man who stopped to hold the door open for Temerity. He went to the tiny office to sign in, but Ellen turned aside and directed Temerity down the hall to the stairwell. They made their way to the second floor, and went down the temporarily deserted hallway until Ellen found Maddy's room and listened at the door. There was nothing but the quiet hiss of the machines. They went in.

At first Ellen could see no difference from the last time she had been there. Maddy lay in the bed, her eyes closed and lifeless, and then Ellen realized that the artificial lung machine was gone, and Maddy's chest rose and fell, almost imperceptibly, but on its own.

Temerity felt her way along the bed until she had oriented herself, and then she leaned down and whispered, “Maddy?”

Nothing. She tried it again. “Maddy? Can you hear me?”

The eyelids fluttered, opened a fraction, and closed again. Ellen whispered, “Her eyelids moved.”

Temerity smiled and, extending a hand, she found first an arm, then a shoulder, and finally, the woman's cheek. She stroked it gently. “Maddy? Can you hear me?” she said again.

The lids fluttered again, and then opened halfway. The pupils swiveled from side to side, unfocused, slid over Ellen without seeing, then, finally, they settled on Temerity, and the brow tightened. There was an audible rush of air as she opened her mouth, then a single word came out. “Thirsty,” she rasped.

Ellen searched around. On the tiny table next to the bed was a plastic pitcher and a Styrofoam cup with a straw. She took hold of it and gave it to Temerity, who explored it, and then held it to Maddy's mouth. The woman sipped, then ran her tongue around her lips.

“Who . . . are you?” she whispered. There was barely any sound.

“My name is Temerity,” Temerity said softly. “I'm here with my friend Ellen, who helped Lydia on the bus when it crashed. We've been keeping an eye on her, she's doing great.”

Maddy's face contracted. “What's going . . . to . . . happen to . . . her?” she croaked. “Am I . . . going to die?”

“Someday, yes,” Temerity said lightly. “But not today, and Lydia is coming to see you.”

Maddy's eyes opened fully for the first time at that.

“Has anyone told you where she is?” Temerity asked.

Maddy frowned and then said, “No.” Ellen got the impression she had wanted to shake her head but had not been able to do it.

“She's with a wonderful family, they are taking great care of her. But she misses you.” Temerity stopped stroking for a moment when a tear touched her finger, then she wiped it away and went on. “She'll be glad you're okay.”

“I'm not . . . though,” Maddy said. “What will . . . happen to her?”

“That's up to you,” Temerity told her. “The reason we came is to tell you that Lydia is doing as well as you could hope. If you get better, she'll be waiting for you, but just in case you don't, well, then you have to do something now, while you can.”

Maddy's eyes, though still slightly unfocused, were more alert. She tracked Temerity as best she could without being able to turn her head.

“You need to assign someone to be Lydia's legal guardian. That way they can make decisions for her, and if anything happens to you, they'll be there for her.”

“She's all . . . I have,” Maddy struggled to say, tears streaming from her eyes.

Ellen felt a surge of something going through her, firming her spine and building pressure in her chest. Suddenly she burst out, “And you'll still have her.” Maddy's eyes found and fixed on Ellen now. Ellen went on. “She loves you. I know because she told me. She will want to be with you whenever she can, but she needs someone to take care of her now, and it can't be you. Not for a while anyway.” Even without the ability to move anything but her face, Ellen could see that Maddy was feeling the weight of what she had said. “Listen to me,” Ellen said, amazing herself at her own forcefulness, “because I don't know much, but I know about this. I think that you are a good mom, and you wouldn't want Lydia to never be sure where she'll be tomorrow, or who will be there for her while you have to stay here.” Ellen crossed her fingers tightly and remembered that day, so long ago, when she had been led away by a woman in a uniform into a life without constancy or love. “You don't have to let her go, but you have to let someone else take care of her. That's what I think, anyway.”

Maddy wheezed slowly. “I . . . understand.”

Spent, Ellen backed away and stood by the door to listen for anyone who might be coming. Temerity took over. “You have been very brave,” Temerity told her. “And Lydia has a real friend, a guardian angel in Ellen. I want you to know that, and not be afraid. The people Lydia are staying with are a really good family. Ellen went to make sure, without them knowing it. She thinks you can trust them to do the right thing. And believe me, you can trust
her
to know what the alternative is.”

Ellen heard voices outside in the hallway. “Temerity,” she hissed in warning. She opened the door a crack and peeked out. The Rushes and Serena Hoffman were coming down the hall with a man in a white jacket. Lydia was in Mr. Rush's arms. Ellen closed the door and looked desperately around the tiny room. The curtain hiding the other bed was pulled closed. “Come on!” She grabbed her friend's arm and pulled her behind it just as the door opened.

“Mama?” Ellen heard Lydia say fearfully.

“Lydia . . . My baby!” Maddy said, and there was both sorrow and ecstasy in the three words.

“Can she give her mom a kiss?” Mrs. Rush asked.

“I think that would be fine,” came the unfamiliar voice of the doctor. “Ms. Carson, how are you feeling?” the doctor asked after a moment.

“Hazy,” Maddy said. “Thank you for . . . bringing Lydia . . . to see me.”

“I knew you would wake up, Mama,” Lydia said. “Now you can come home with us. It's warm there!”

“It might be a little while before your mom can go home, sweetie,” came Mrs. Rush's voice.

“Listen . . . to me,” Maddy forced out in her breathy exhale. There were excruciating pauses as she struggled to fill her lungs with enough air to speak. “I want you . . . to take Lydia . . . for now. If . . . anything happens . . . to me . . . then you can . . . I want . . . legal . . . understand?”