BECCA Season of Willows (13 page)

Her thoughts were broken as River threw a stone in the stream and listened to the plunk of the rock hit the water. He eased down to lay by the grave.

“My friend, I am lonely. I have no good friend now. Harrison is with you. Becca hides from me and her children too. I don’t know why…but I feel it and it hurts my heart. Their grief is deep and they blame me because I couldn’t stop brother wind and your deaths. But I am just a man.
I am so troubled Nola. I made promise to Harrison to love and protect his family when he left and he even asked it in his last words.
But Becca does not want me...I think she is sick of me. I ask myself why wasn’t I the one to die? I have no one who cares for me. I should have died instead of you and Harrison.

My mind tells me to go home to my land and leave them alone. But my heart can not let go.

I have fallen in love with them my friend and I feel like I am splitting in half. The pain sometimes is terrible. To love and yet be in shadows.

Nola? Will you talk to the Great Spirit Father for me? Give me a sign or vision of what to do.
I will listen to you this time Nola. This cannot go on. I cannot take any more pain without wanting to cross over myself.”
Becca stood in the shadows as she felt tears fall down her face. She watched River stand and walk from the grave over the rise to the tipi. His shoulders slumped with his head down looking defeated.
Becca started crying again for the man who had held her up through all of the pain. He kept everyone together and sane. He was the one who sacrificed so that they could heal from all the pain. But his pain is still there. They never thought to comfort him.

Becca moved to the grave of her twin when he was far enough away.
“I heard Nola. It seems you saw more about our River than I did. He never said a word of how he felt about me. I wonder how Harrison knew?
Harrison knew I cared for him. He was my husband. But he also knew I didn’t love him. I wonder if he knew that River loved me? I’m not sure how I feel about that. I don’t know if I can open myself up to love.
I know he is suffering though. He has dark circled under his eyes from lack of sleep. He has lost weight and doesn’t eat much anymore. He stays in his tipi and eats and sleeps…if he eats and sleeps. He talks to no one. Now I know why. The poor man thinks we hate him.”
She sobbed and rung her hands.

“I don’t hate him. I don’t blame him. But there were many times I was angry and he was there to feel my anger. I certainly don’t want him dead. I can see the pain in his eyes when he thinks I’m not looking.

How do I handle this Nola? Maybe you’d best talk to the Great Spirit Father for me too. Give me a sign too while you’re at it.”

She stood there rolling little things around in her mind and shrugged.
“I love you Nola. Good night, dearest. Sleep well.”

Becca walked into her ranch house and locked up. She made it to the bed and fell across it crying. She fell asleep and dreamed.

She knew she was dreaming and she didn’t seem to mind a bit. She had River in her arms and she was crying. He was gasping for breath as he touched her cheek. His chest was bloody. She was yelling at River.
“Don’t leave me now! You have to live River! Come back to me please! Please!”
She got an angry look on her face.
“Don’t you dare sing that damned death song! You stay with me!”
Becca saw herself bend down and kiss him. Becca kissed him like a lover and a light traveled from her mouth to his. Becca was kissing him all over his face as she ran her hands through his hair. River moaned and whispered her name. As he moved he reached to touch her again and she woke to sunshine through the window. It was morning.
 

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

It was a bright clear Saturday morning as River stood in the stables and was brushing down the horses. They had already been fed and watered. River led each one out and started brushing the horse. Mindlessly singing as he brushed.
He had just started one of Nola’s paint ponies when he turned and saw Becca. She must have slept well because her eyes were beginning to sparkle again. River’s heart melted. She was so lovely. He turned away so she couldn’t see how beautiful she was to him.

Becca stood firm.

“Why are you turning away from me?”

River shrugged.

“You have shown me how you feel. It is done…”
River continued to brush the horse and Becca stepped closer.
“So! Once again the great River decides something and it is done!”
River stopped brushing and closed his eyes and lifted his face to the ceiling and sighed.

“First. No. The Great River is NOT great. He is just a man of the same flesh and blood you are. We are just different colors of the same blanket.”

Becca smiled. She liked that. He looked at the brush.

“You say what you felt about me and the children too. After ranch settles down I will leave and go to my lands.”
Becca fisted her hands on her hips.

“So! The great all knowing River is leaving me too huh? Even after his brother makes a final request for him to care for me?”

Becca snorted and tossed her braid over her shoulder.

“Goodness, River! I thought you liked me better than that.”
River turned and stared at her like she had lost what little mind she had left.
“Like you? LIKE YOU? Woman I more than ‘like you’. I lo…”

River looked away.

“It is your broken heart that does not see me.”

Becca crossed her arms.

“Really? Do you want to know what I see right now? Do you?”
River stopped again and shrugged. He looked away waiting for another blow to his heart.
Becca walked up to him and turned him so they were toe to toe. She yanked on his hair to get him to look her in the eye.
“I see a man who wasn’t given the time to grieve for the death of his brother and best friend. Right here is a man who has kept us all going. He coddled us through our grief and let us go on and on about how badly we felt while we ignored him and his grief.

A man who would give his life for us and we have treated him very badly because we were being so thoroughly selfish in our own sadness.”
She growled and made a face of disgust while she hugged herself.

“And now I know he loves me. Yes! You almost said it and stopped. You can’t deny it now!”

River groaned and shook his head.

“Yes River! But what you didn’t know is I did care for Harrison but I did not ‘love’ him and he didn’t ‘love’ me. We never talked and had so little time together. The children and the ranch were more important than our feelings for each other.
We did not have a deep connection together…there was no time.”
Becca grabbed River’s sleeve and turned him to her again as she looked deep into his eyes.

“I’ve spent more time with you than I ever did with Harrison. I’ve talked to you more about how I feel than I ever did with Harrison. And whether you want to believe it or not, I feel more for you as a man than I did for Harrison. I never had the time with Harrison. He was just too busy with his ranch. But you always make time for me…for us.”

Becca grabbed his shirt at his chest.
“YOU RIVER! You are the one who saved us in spite of our bitchin’ about it! YOU are the one who comforted us. And YOU are the one we blamed because we knew you cared and wouldn’t scratch back. You have carried your guilt long enough River! It is time we make peace with each other and live together happily.”

He looked into her beautiful sky eyes and saw…love. Was it love?

“My Becca…”

River’s control broke at that moment and he pulled her to him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Becca pulled him to her lips and she kissed him. River hesitated for a second and then pulled her closer giving her all the hidden passion he possessed for her.
His lips were a fire blazing through her and she melted in his arms. They kissed and their tongues danced together. They touched and the fire moved through their blood to that secret place in their souls.

Becca clutched and raked her fingers across his broad back and ran her hands through his hair. She could feel his arousal which was even larger than Harrison’s. She wanted him. She needed him and he wanted her.
River’s hands were magic as they ran over her body. Her breast felt heavy and her nipples tightened wanting his touch.

River snuggled her neck and groaned at her scent.
“Becca. You have always been a flame within me since I first held you with my eyes. I could not put it out. Even though I knew you were Harrison’s woman.”
Becca laid her head on his chest hugging him to her.
“I was never really ‘his woman’. I was his wife. When we married we both said we didn’t love each other but we married for the children. Maybe in time we could have…but I doubt it.
We just never had the time and there was too much to do. You are the one to holds my heart, River.”
They kissed again as he lifted her into the vacant stall. Against the stall they kissed again tasting, feeling and loving. River held her up around his waist and she wrapped her legs around him.

“Say stop now, Becca. I will…but only if you say.”

Becca looked deep in his blue eyes and kissed him again deeply.
“River…”

He moved his loincloth to the side and shoved to meet her at the entrance to her core. He looked deep in her eyes as he entered her. They continued to lock eyes as blistering passion echoed through them. Their kisses and moans were only for each other and as Becca fell over passion’s cliff into River’s love she heard him growl and felt his final thrust into her as he filled her with his seed and filled her heart with his love as well. Becca’s release slammed into her and she felt the earth rumble beneath her and she cried out his name.
They were silent holding each other as they calmed themselves. Becca brushed his cheek with her soft fingers.
“I love you. Thank you for all you are.”
River kissed her again and she kissed him back.

Becca smoothed down her dress and she kissed him again.

“I will expect you at the dinner table tonight.”

River smiled and nodded.
Becca had the silliest notion but she followed it. She unbuttoned his shirt where his heart was and kissed his chest. River looked touched by this and smiled.
“My Becca.”
Becca smiled back and touch his cheek.
“My River.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

River stepped up to the porch dressed in his white shirt and jeans. He did wear his moccasins and left his hair loose. As he stepped inside he saw all of them waiting for him. He looked at Mac who was the first to sob. The boy ran to River and hugged him around the waist.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry River! I didn’t mean it! I was mean to you and I felt like dirt! But I just hurt so bad that my Pa was gone!” 

River kneeled and looked at the boy.

“Mac? We have always been good friends. You lost your Pa and I lost my best friend and Auntie Nola is gone. It is understood. You are still grieving.”
Mac hugged him around the neck as Mazie ran to him and slipped into his arms.
“Ah little one. Mazie. All will be fine, do not cry.”

He bent and kissed her little cheek.

He rose looking at Becca giving her a cocky smile.
“Let’s eat. I’m very hungry for Becca’s cooking again.”
 

Becca grinned and rose to kiss his lips softly before going to pour his coffee.

Mac watched very interested. River watched him. Mac turned and looked at River.
“Are you and Mama goin’ to get married now?”
River looked at Becca who just came into the dining area. Becca jumped into the conversation with all her nervous energy.
“River and I have been just talking about it. But I think that River and I would both feel better knowing you two agree with that. You know Mac…I didn’t have time to really get to know your Pa. I knew you better than I knew your Pa. He was a wonderful man but River knew him much better and a lot longer. Your Pa and I agreed to stay married and raise you two as a family. But we never had time to really learn to love each other. We were too busy.

As I told River today, I have spent more time with River then I ever spent with your dear Pa. Things just to took hold with getting’ things done and before we knew it, he was gone. We hardly spent any time together.” 

Mac nodded while he played with his fork.
“Yeah, I know. But yah still made him smile again. And baked for him.”  
Becca smiled too remembering Harrison’s love of baked sweets.
“That’s right. But you know your Pa always had a plan. And you heard his plan the day the lawyer was here. I guess it’s up to us as a family to decide what’s right for us.”
Mac looked at River and then Becca.
“When you say a family Mama, does that mean River too?”
Becca tried not to grin but couldn’t contain a grin to save herself.
“Yes. That means River too. If he and I marry, he will be head of the house.”

Mac nodded and looked around the table.